Luhan stood outside the huge white building, both of his hands held by his parents on each side. The building stood high. But his pride might measure just as high as the said building. As he stared at it, he tried with all his might to control his wobbling legs. This is it – after all of the persuading that his parents had done, he had finally agreed to do this.

He didn’t want to but, he needed to.

He closed his eyes, inhaling and exhaling deeply for five times. After settling his nerves down, he tugged at his parents’ hands and together, they entered the premises of the white building that might change his whole being and transform him into a new Luhan – a new Luhan who is much, much better for everyone and even himself.

He looked around the environment he is in. There were so many people around him. They may look normal in a person’s view but, they’re not. He believes, and yes it’s a fact, that all of these people aren’t the ‘normal people’, free from the misfortunes people here including him had experienced. They either have disorders or signs of having disorders that needed to be treated for the disorder to not be acute.  

Just like him.

He hated places with many people because of countless reasons. The most prominent reason is that people around him tend to get hurt because of him. What’s worse? He’s not aware he’s hurting them. It’s like he’s been bewitched to hurt them. Seeing them cry or feeling a punch square in the face were the only potions to make him realize he was cursed. And that’s when he stops. Because that’s the only time his surroundings start making sense again. Though, in his thoughts, it was them who started first. It wasn’t his fault; he wasn’t the one who started it. But still, he ends up being the one punished, accused of verbal assault – of bullying. He doesn’t know why but, he only said words that surely deserved those persons. They hurt him, he hurts them too. It’s a never-ending cycle. Except that for each repetition of the cycle, it gets worse.  

Having a narcissistic personality disorder is hard. It seriously is.

But this place is exceptional. People here are different, just like him. The moment he saw all of these people, how many they were, a part of him, though just a little part of him, was reassured. Just a little bit, because at least here, he won’t feel different because he’s not the only one – the only one who’s struggling with the cruel life. It made him feel as if he belonged here, and that he can start a new life starting from here.

When he entered, the first thing he noticed was the soft music playing as the background. The corners of his lips tug up a little higher as a huge wave of calmness crashed in his body and mind. He recognized the instrumental piano as one of Yiruma’s piece, Moonlight. He had always loved music. No matter how cliché it sounds, music helps him escape the reality and set his mind free for a fleeting moment.      

His mother told him to go sit on one of the vacant seats and wait. Beside him, a man sat, smiling at him. He rarely saw anyone smile this brightly at him – except for a few because his looks are just too damn handsome – and that made him raise a brow because smiles like this is unusual. As far as Luhan can remember, he doesn’t know anyone or at least, he doesn’t remember ever encountering this guy. Curly, light brown locks that made him look like an adorable poodle, big ears Luhan wondered if he’s related to Dobby, height so tall even when sitting that he looked as if he was an embodiment of a full grown tree with his curly hair adding up to prove the statement, and his eye was twitching as he smiled like he hadn’t smile for a long, long period of time. They continued staring at each other until the tall man cleared his throat and offered his hand for a handshake.

“Hi! I’m Chanyeol! Full name’s Park Chanyeol. I’m thirteen years old but all of them said that I’m seventeen already. I wonder why... People outside this whole place told me to stop dreaming and some of them even shout very, very bad words to me.  I did nothing bad to them but they hurt me that’s why I stay here now. This place promised to protect me from all the bad guys outside. They said that someday, I’ll get better that people won’t hurt me anymore though in all honesty, I don’t know why I need to be better because I swear I’m fine. What’s your name?” Chanyeol giggled childishly before asking for his name, a stray light of hope and happiness evident in his eyes.

Luhan hesitated for a moment before shaking the stranger – no, Chanyeol’s hand. He was scared to talk but he might as well try because what if Chanyeol is the only person who’ll be willing to be a friend of someone like him? Even if Chanyeol is a bit freaky, it doesn’t matter. All of them are. He considered himself as one of them now.  

With a shaky voice, he replied. “I… I’m Luhan. Xi Luhan. I’m eighteen but,” he paused and steadied his voice with confidence, “I don’t look like an eighteen year old because I have a baby face, right? I was even called the prince in my school. I mean, I even look younger than you and I’m better-looking than you. Don’t you agree? I don’t have gigantic ears nor do I have twitchy eyes.” He ended with a boisterous laugh that made a few patients look at him.

Chanyeol was silent and Luhan grew agitated by the silence. Did he say something wrong? He messed up once again, didn’t he? Luhan bowed his head down and shut his eyes tightly and waited for the payback, verbal and/or physical. Because that’s how things like this ended up, always. Whether it was his fault – not like he’d admit it was his – or it wasn’t his fault.

But the attack he was waiting for didn’t come. It never came. Rather, he heard a hysterical laughter and a hand clasping his shoulders. He was shook a little bit violently as Chanyeol’s body shook violently too, only that it was laughter that caused it. Luhan was beyond confused. He never made a person laugh, as in never, even his parents. Why was Chanyeol laughing? Was it that funny he had to clutch his stomach? He just insulted him yet he was laughing. He wasn’t even degrading himself. People weren’t looking at them – they were staring, from the commotion created between him and Chanyeol. Different faces were filled with different expressions. Some were confused, some were platonic-looking, some were smiling and some were annoyed.

A part of Luhan felt warmth, another part of him felt smug, and another part of him felt irritated because Chanyeol haven’t yet agreed with him.

“Can you stop laughing? It’s attracting so many unwanted attentions. I mean, I love attentions but not in this way. Why are you even laughing? Is the truth funny? Or are you implying that it’s a joke?” All the tiny, teeny, weeny warmth he felt vanished and was replaced by nothing but irritation. 

Chanyeol tried to stop laughing by putting his hand over his mouth to muffle the sounds. After a few snorts here and there, he finally calmed down and stopped laughing. He let out a breathy sigh of satisfaction before smiling brightly at Luhan again.

“No, no! You are really, really good-looking! It’s just that your laugh is contagious. Actually, I laugh a lot. I love laughing especially when I’m the reason why other people laugh. Not all people like me, I know, I’m not that oblivious and I’ve been told, so whenever a moment like this comes, I laugh because I’m happy and it’s genuine.” Chanyeol’s grin got wider.

Luhan doesn’t like Chanyeol’s laughing face or smiling face. He looks creepy, no kidding. His eye twitches too much it’s annoying to look at.

But, what Chanyeol said was kind of heartbreaking. It is, because not all people like Luhan too. Heck, he bets his soul that nobody had ever liked him, except, maybe, his parents and his friends when he was five to seven years old. He felt a little bit of sting in his heart but of course, he won’t admit that, though he knows. He will never. He needs to learn how to live by his self because he’s pretty sure that this thing he’s about to do, this treatment he was forced upon, will never work for him. It had been so many years.

Maybe it’s a little bit too late.

But even after all of these words, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t get lonely. He gets lonely. He admitted that long ago when he saw two persons, best friends most probably, happily chatting with each other and laughing like it’s their last chance to laugh. They look so comfortable with each other; like they won’t care about the world as long as they have each other. They weren’t a couple, he’s sure because he can clearly hear their conversation. One of them was talking about a seriously hot guy who just passed by (but to Luhan, the guy looked like a fish, no offense).  

Luhan thinks, when can he ever talk about something like that with someone?

He doesn’t need a huge group of friends, one is enough. As long as one is honest, trustworthy and can understand his whole being.  

But there’s no human like that, right?

Therefore, he concludes that he’ll be forever alone.

Hoo-effing-ray.

But Chanyeol’s here. And he’s talking to him. Chanyeol’s smiling, laughing, even when he wasn’t supposed to.

He looked around and saw that his parents were nowhere to be seen. Such a long conversation they’re having, no? He mentally sighed. There was no choice but to talk to this giant grinning like he won the lottery; if he goes out and wander on his own, his parents might come back without him there. Luhan thought of the possible questions he can ask to start a conversation.

Hey, why do you have big ears?

Was that offending?

Hey, were you conceived from a tree?

Err… nope. 

Hey, why do you always grin? It’s creepy and your eye twitches too much. It’s annoying to look at.

Too mean? Sigh.

Luhan looked around his surroundings once more and thought carefully. There’s no way he’s letting go of someone like Chanyeol, his only potential friend.

Pffft.

‘Letting go.’

So much drama.

But his life is full of drama, though.

Ah! He got it. The right question! Finally!

“Hey, Chanyeol.”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you in this kind of institution?”

“Huh?”

“I mean, why do you stay here? Got a severe memory loss or gap or whatever synonyms or what?” Luhan tried to guess. Amnesia was the first to pop out of his mind.

For a few seconds, Chanyeol’s smile faltered and a sad smile replaced the once joyful smile. It was clearly seen in his eyes that he’s feeling pain. “I… wish I had amnesia instead but forgetting nice people, nice places and nice experiences wasn’t exactly what I wanted so I prefer this.”  

“What do you mean?”

“I h-”

“Luhan, it’s time to go.”

Chanyeol didn’t had enough time to voice out his reason why he’s actually there right beside Luhan and not studying like every normal kid out there because Luhan was abruptly pulled by his mom to stand up and was dragged into a hallway. Luhan turned his head to look back at Chanyeol who only grinned at him and waved while shouting good bye Luhan! Let’s meet again! Maybe next time!

However, a good few seconds before he looked away from Chanyeol and stop his neck from the craned position, he saw Chanyeol’s grin get wider and wave get faster and only did he notice that Chanyeol wasn’t looking at him anymore.

 

“Baekkie!”

 

He looked to his front but there were only nurses and doctors running from his opposite direction. He guessed that Baekkie might be a doctor or a nurse. Then he had the urge to look back at Chanyeol and see who this Baekkie is.

 

So he did.

 

Chanyeol was talking livelier with hand motions, even, and his smile was brighter.

 

Luhan became confused.

 

Because there was no one beside Chanyeol yet Chanyeol was facing his right side where Luhan was seated earlier and was talking as if there’s a person beside him.

 

And then suddenly the doctors and nurses were grabbing Chanyeol by the arm and pulling him to a different hallway than Luhan and then Chanyeol was thrashing around and his yells were the last thing Luhan heard before the sight completely disappeared as he walked farther.

 

 

“Baekkie! No, let me go! Baekkie’s right there waiting for me!”

 

 

“No! Please, please, let me go this instant. Please don’t hurt me. Can’t you see Baekhyun? He’s right there and crying and he’s left alone because you all decided to take me away from him!”