Chill

Inspired by Oh Yehet and my kakao conversation.

Nothing has been the same for Suho since Kris left the group. Since he left him.

Most people outside of the group thought their affection for each other, only was for the fans,  fan service. But Suho’s feelings were 110% real for the tall man, with him they were like a family. Kris was the dad, Suho was the mom and the other 10 boys were their kids. Their children, that they helped raise together. Even their fans knew about their situation but nothing was ever confirmed by Suho or Kris.

Kris has tried, many times, to apologize to Suho for leaving him but Suho doesn’t want to hear it. He left him and that’s all that matters to Suho. Kris didn’t want to leave Suho and their kids but he had no choice. SM treated him and his Chinese kids like and Kris tried his best to protect them and by his best, he left the group because he got an offer from SM that he couldn’t say no to. In exchange of him leaving the group, his kids will get better treatment but he couldn’t tell anyone why he left.

Not even Suho.

The members were devastated the next day when they saw the news. That their dad had left, without any explanation or showing some kind of emotions that indicated his plan. Tao, being closes to their dad took it the hardest… or so they all thought. Suho had to show a strong front to his kids and fans but when he was alone all he did was cry. Did I do something wrong? Was I not good enough? Did he find someone else? Did he get tired of me and the kids? All these questions floated around in his brain.

The kids noticed a difference in their mom’s behavior, Suho started to practice harder, eat less, talk in a monotone and stopped smiling. The only times he smiled were towards the fans or his precious kids. But everyone knew it was fake.

Suho became very chill ever since Kris left. He never wants to do anything anymore. The kids on the other hand, moved on as kids do. They all did their thing during the night time and tried to keep their relationships hidden during the daytime. Everyone saw it, it was so obvious. Kai and Kyungsoo, Baekhyun and Chanyeol, Xiumin and Chen, Sehun and Luhan, they all were dating one another. Tao and Lay are single but still getting dickle.

Suho is getting frustrated by this, he’s a man with needs and he can’t satisfy them enough. He know that only Kris can help him but as stubborn as Suho is, he won’t forgive Kris.

“Yah, eomma. You need to go out there and get some” the youngest whined at his all too chill mom. Suho shook his head and gave Sehun a smile, “What are you saying? I am getting some.” “Yeah right” Sehun pouted, knowing that nothing he said could get Suho to change his mind. He stood up and left the room to get ready for their night out. Of course none of them needs to get dickle because they got each other but that didn’t stop them.

Suho on the other hand, only had himself.

“Just forgive Kris already!” The maknae of the EXO-M unit yelled as he entered the door to Suho’s room. Voices following behind Tao yelled for him to stop. “Forgive him and stop being so damn chill about this situation. It’s your fault that he can’t come back. You made him leave!” He yelled at his mom. They had been drinking to prepare for the club and no one had thought about Tao getting angry and yelling. If they had known they wouldn’t had let him drink before leaving home.

“It’s all your fault!” Tao yelled even louder, causing everyone to quiet down. Suho wasn’t surprised at all by his son’s behavior. He also thought it was his own fault. He agreed and took everything Tao threw at him. He knew that Tao was upset and that he had been holding all of this inside of him for too long.

“I know” Suho whispered. “It’s my fault. I know that” He stood up and left the room to go on a walk to clear his head.

All the things Tao threw at him, he already knew. He had heard it all before from himself. “!” He yelled and kicked a bin. He first now realized that he had walked as far as to the park. “Why am I so ing stubborn?!” “Because you’re Suho” an all too familiar voice said. Suho shivered noticeably by the voice and refused to look up, afraid he will lose all his chill and we can’t have that. He was the one who still had his chill. He needed to keep his eomma chill.

“Please look at me” The voice pleaded. Suho furiously shook his head in protest. “Please” The voice got closer and he put his hand on Suho’s chin, forcing him to face him. “Let me go” Suho angrily whispered and slapped away Kris’ hand.  “Don’t you ever touch me again” Suho spat out, feeling his chill leave his mind. He took a deep breathe to recollect his chill. He can’t lose it.

“Suho. I’m sorry. I had to-“ “Stop it. I don’t want to hear it” Suho tried to say as calm as he could. He turned his feet and started walking toward the dorms. “Suho listen to me” Kris pleaded. He kept walking, ignoring the tall mans pleas.

“Stop!” Kris yelled furiously, losing his temper as he pulled Suho by his wrist. “I left so I could save Tao, Lay and Luhan.” He yelled, trying to get Suho’s attention. He know very well that he wasn’t supposed to tell anyone the reason but he can’t lose Suho, not like this, not when he hadn’t explained. “What?”

“I had to leave in order to get SM to treat them as well as they treat native Koreans.” Kris let out in a breath, slowly losing his grip around Suho’s wrist but not letting go of it. He missed this, he missed Suho.

The way he smelled

Walked

Talked

Acted around him.

He knew he had hurt them all by leaving so suddenly. He knew that Suho would blame himself for not being able to make the dad of the group stay.

They had loved each other.

Kris still loves Suho but after this he’s not sure of Suho’s feelings. It was understandable though. He had hurt him deeply.

“You could have told me. We could have figured it out together. you Kris. you Wu Yifan” Suho yelled as he hit Kris’ chest. Kris did nothing to stop him. He deserved it. If this made the love of his life happy, he’d take it all. All the punches and hurtful words. He could, no he had to take it.

“We needed you and you left us. I needed you.” Suho started. Kris stood still, waiting for him to continue. Meanwhile he explored the details of Suho’s face. The face he loved was now full of big pores, wrinkles and dark circles. It was obvious that Suho had stopped caring about his appearance. He used to be so careful not to get pimples and have his pores showing. No one was allowed to touch his face, except for Kris during certain occasions.

“Tao needs you. He took this the hardest. Your son and best friend needs you Kris. You need to tell them the truth” Suho finished. Kris knew this was where Suho was going, he knew it very well. Even in this situation, Suho thought of his sons. “What do you need?” Kris asked, surprising Suho with his question.

“What?” Suho let out as he took a step back, tearing his hand out of Kris’. “What do you need Suho? Because I won’t tell the members anything until you tell me what you want.” Kris confessed. “I need to know what you want. Because I need you right now, I will always need you.” Suho was visibly surprised and scared by Kris’ sudden confession. He didn’t know how to react at all. Of course Suho had thought about what he wanted but he had never said it out loud because his sons comes first to him. His sons needs is his first priority, if his sons weren’t satisfied, Suho wasn’t either until they were.

“What do you need?” Kris yelled and shook Suho. They stared into each other’s eyes, Kris were trying to find his answer in Suho’s eyes but couldn’t find anything yet.

“You” Suho let out to his surprise. He put his hands over his mouth and pulled away from Kris, getting ready to run away. His confession made his heart beat faster and he was sure he was going to die if he didn’t get away from Kris right now.

He didn’t hear footsteps behind him as he ran to the dorms.

He knew Kris wouldn’t follow him because it wasn’t his style to run or get sweaty.

Suho pulled open the door with all his might and slammed it before running into his room. No one else was home so it was okay for him to show them that he had lost all of his chill for a second. He went into to his bathroom and did his business, thanks to a certain someone he had to release and get back his chill somehow.

He didn’t find it surprising how he moaned Kris’ name. It had always been his name and no one elses. Always.

He cleaned up and went straight to bed, not bothering to remove his make up or the wax in his hair. He hadn’t bothered doing any of that since Kris left. The make up artists always scolded him when he came due to work. He didn’t care though but he always apologized and told them with a smile that he will do better next time. Of course that never happened.

He woke up to a loud knocking on the front door the next day, he groaned before standing up and walking towards the door. Since he was the eomma, he knew everyone else in the dorm counted on him to open the door. He never once complained.

As soon as he locked up, the door flew open and in came Kris. “What are you doing here?” Suho asked with a tired tone, wanting Kris to know that he had woken him up. “Go get the others. I need to talk to them.” Kris demanded before stepping inside and taking his regular place in the couch. Suho noticed that Kris had the same clothes he had on last night, did he not go home after that meeting?

He shrugged off his concerns and walked to wake up the others.

“Wake up, we have a guest. You need to come down.” Suho yelled in the hallways, he heard all of them groan in response, they probably had a hangover from last night’s partying.

He walked into the living room once again and sat down in his spot right beside Kris. It was a habit none of them had gotten rid of. He could see his sons’ eyes widen at the sight of Kris. Tao blinked multiple times, to make sure it wasn’t a dream.

“Yah, long time no see” Kris spat out nervously. He had missed his boys so much and now for the first time in months he’s seeing them in person and not just on the tv screen. “What are you doing here?” Kai gritted his teeth. They all were still deeply hurt because of Kris’ sudden disappearance.

“I’m here to tell you why I left” Kris whispered as he glanced over to Suho who didn’t return his glance. Suho kept remembering their meeting last night. “What do you need Suho? Because I won’t tell the members anything until you tell me what you want.” That sentence kept repeating in his mind, Kris had been honest about telling their sons’ why he left if Suho confessed.

Suho had been so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t realize that Kris had been telling them all why he left and were now arguing with Tao, Luhan and Lay. “We can take care of ourselves. You didn’t have to do this because of us.” Lay choked out, it was clear that he was touched yet offended by Kris’ decision. “I know you can but I couldn’t keep watching you all get hurt and not get the treatment you deserved.” Kris confessed and his head was now hanging, he was staring at his hands, scared to look at his sons.

“I’ve missed you so much” Kris cried out and quickly wiped away the tears that were now streaming down his face. Suho looked at his sons faces and knew that he and Kris had raised them right.

They all had tears in their eyes and were whispering sorry’s to Kris, “Sorry for hating you” “Sorry for not understanding” “Sorry for not seeing that you were hurting” The sorry’s kept coming from all of their sons’ mouths. Suho couldn’t get himself to say anything. He had been so sure that it was all his fault. That Kris had found someone better than him. That he had done something to scare him off.

This is what he had been telling himself for months, what he had believed.

Suho stood up and abruptly left his sons and the love of his life in the living room. He didn’t want to cry infront of his kids. He had to be strong for their sake.

He grabbed his pillow and screamed into it before bursting out in tears. Why was SM so horrible? Why did they treat his sons’ like crap? Why hadn’t Suho noticed? What kind of mother doesn’t notice when his sons are hurting and sad?

“Stop blaming yourself. The guys did a pretty good job at hiding it.” Kris said comforting as he entered Suho’s room, not forgetting to close the door before sitting down on the bed and patting Suho’s back. Kris could always read Suho’s mind and that fascinated him.

“I’m a terrible mother. I don’t deserve them” Suho cried, those words broke Kris’ heart little by little. “Stop that, You are a great mother. You do deserve them. We raised them together, remember?” Kris whispered and pulled Suho in for a hug. The smaller man didn’t do anything to protest. He didn’t want to, he had missed this. The embrace of the one he loved so dearly.

“I missed you” Suho blurted out all of a sudden, causing Kris to freeze. Suho felt how Kris’ body tensed up and quickly started to apologize for the sudden confession. “Honestly I’m s-“ Suho was interrupted by a pair of lips that was now on his lips.

Confused by the situation, Suho didn’t know what do to. He felt how Kris started to move his lips against Suho’s and he lost all control. He kissed back like there was no tomorrow. They had been apart for so long.

Kris put his hands behind Suho’s neck and pushed him down on the bed, not once leaving his lips. Kris needed this. He knew that Suho also needed it as badly as he did. None of them had gotten dickle in months and even if they did, no one would be able to satisfy them as they satisfied each other.

Suho’s hand roamed over Kris’ body, trying to Kris’ shirt to get a better look at his hubby’s well-toned stomach. Kris helped Suho, longing for Suho’s hands on his chest. Every time Suho touched his skin with his bare hands, a spark went through Kris’ body, getting him more aroused than no one else ever could.

“” Kris let out as Suho’s hands ended up on his . Kris took this opportunity to turn them around so Suho was on top of him. “I love you” Kris confessed as Suho left sloppy kissed over his neck. Suho didn’t know how to respond, so he kept leaving a kiss trail from Kris’ neck to his lower stomach. He decided that he couldn’t leave Kris hanging so he looked up at the tall man’s face and stared into his eyes. “I love you too.” Causing Kris to smile and never stopping as he pulled Suho in for another kiss. “I need a release” Kris moaned out as Suho’s hands went over his growing bulge. “I know, me too.” Suho confessed, sending his love a smile. A real one this time. Kris noticed that it was finally a real smile on Suho’s face and got down to business.