She often used terms of endearment. When she was on the phone, when she was interacting with her clients, when she was talking to her friends, the neighbors. But there was a certain term of endearment that she only used with one person, that person was her best friend. The only person that she trusted, the only person that she told her secrets to, and the only person to know her true feelings.

She would call people honey or sweetie and flash them a sweet, gentle smile in all situations, pleasant or not. That was how she went about her life and how she dealt with people, since she was not a people person.

She actually hated being around people. She would rather be at home alone in her bed, cuddling in the sheets or cuddling with her love. Quiet mornings, romantic evenings spent doing simples things like cooking and eating breakfast together or talking a stroll around the neighborhood to enjoy the warmth of the sun and admire how beautiful the flowers looked. Or just quietly enjoying each other’s warmth and company. She was a simple girl in a complex world. She just wanted to enjoy all the little things in life whenever she could.

Whenever she had time, she would say to her best friend, “Love, we should go on a drive tonight.” And that night they drove aimlessly around the city or to a destination of their choice, hand in hand they would share different stories or memories of the past while listening to music.

Whenever her best friend called, she would always answer with, “Hi Love” and ended with, “Bye Love.”

It was the way that she said the word “love.” It was gentle and soft, it held so much affection, and it showed how much she adored her friend. Almost to the point where if you didn’t know, you would have thought that they were in love with each other. And in a sense they were, but it was not in a romantic way. Her best friend was married and had a child, to which she was the god mother. As for her, she did not believe in love and a relationship and marriage was the last thing she wanted. She said she wanted to be selfish and that she did not want to be disappointed anymore. She said she had too many issues to be able to be in a healthy relationship.

As I watched them from the sideline, I was envious of her best friend. I wanted to be the person that she called love. I wanted her to look at me with those soft eyes and gentle smiles. I wanted to be the one to hold her small hands tightly in mine as we spent time together. I want to be the one cuddling in bed with her early in the morning and late in the evenings, feeling her bare skin on mine, her soft lips kissing mine. I wanted to be the one she told her secrets to and the one she shared her feelings with, because she trusted me.

But all I could do was watch her from afar. I would gaze at her soft features from the back of the elevator as she quietly talked to her best friend. I wished that it was me whom she was talking to. I had to look down and conceal my smile whenever I saw her smile or laugh. That image would stay in my mind to get me through the days.

Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to give her a back hug and smell the perfume on her skin. Sometimes I would dream about these things and think about it all day, wishing that it would come true. I often daydream about what it would be like to be with her. To feel what it’s like to be the one to make her laugh or smile. To hear her call me love. But all I can do is look from afar and daydream, because she doesn’t know that I exist and this foolish crush of mine exists. So I continue to look on with a foolish heart, wishing that I could be her love.