Chapter 7 - Foolish Love

I want to go home. I want to go home. I want to go home. I kept writing these words over and over as tears poured from my eyes. I didn't ask for much in life. A job that allowed me the artistic freedom I yearned for. I didn't want money or fame. I just wanted to be a songwriter and producer. Was that too much to ask for? I ripped the piece of paper out of my notebook, crumpled it up and threw it on the floor. All I did was spill some wine. Was that some sort of crime?

Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the boys and their managers headed back to the vans. I grabbed the crumpled paper and stuffed it in my purse. I wiped my eyes and cheeks and sniffled a few times before taking down my hair and putting on sunglasses. I laid the notebook on my lap and tried to look as convincing as possible that nothing was wrong.

The door slid open and I pulled my legs as close to the seat as I could to allow TOP, Daesung and G Dragon into the car. I kept my head down to avoid giving away my misery. For the most part, TOP and Daesung ignored me. G Dragon sat down in the seat next to me. I could feel him staring at me. Once the van started rolling, G Dragon requested music and the manager in the passenger seat obliged. Quietly G Dragon leaned over towards me.

"Are you okay?"

"Of course!" I tried to relay a convincing smile. I failed horribly.

"You don't look okay. There's usually only one reason why people hide their eyes when they're out of the sun. To hide their weaknesses." I kept my head down, wishing the burning tears in my eyes would disappear. "It's okay," he put his hand on my arm, "Whatever it is, you'll be okay." He gave me a small pat, "And if you need someone to talk to, I'm always here." I placed my hand over his to show a sign of gratefulness. It was all I could offer without crying further. He was so kind to me. The complete opposite of TOP. Perhaps I would take him up on his offer to talk. I had to find out the reason why TOP was treating me this way. G Dragon removed his hand from my arm and I turned towards the window, focusing on the music and taking steady breaths to calm myself.

When we arrived at the YG office, I headed straight for the bathroom to freshen my makeup. It was of no use. My eyes were still puffy. I found my way to the cafeteria and grabbed some lunch. I didn't want to converse with anyone or have them see me. I took my food outside and sat on a bench. I picked at my rice and played with my soup. I really wasn't hungry but I knew I needed to eat.

G Dragon found me and sat beside me on the bench. "So, what has you so down, Ha Na?"

"It's nothing, really." I lifted my spoon out of the soup and slowly tipped the contents back into the bowl.

"TOP giving you a hard time?" Did he really need to ask?

"Maybe a little."

G Dragon was careful with his question, "Is he the reason why you're crying?"

"A bit, yeah." I pushed the tray aside, "Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"Why is he like that? Why is he so normal around everyone else and the opposite with me?" My frustration began to come out in my tone.

"Hmm." G Dragon took a minute to think about it. "TOP has always been a bit of a loner. And as you already know, he's not a fan of change. There are few people he trusts. His manager was one of them."

"Well, it's not like I've given him any reason not to trust me. He hasn't even given me a chance. This is the second day I've worked with him, but it's felt like an eternity." I sighed.

G Dragon was quiet for a moment. He seemed to pick his next words wisely. "His trust was betrayed recently."

"Pardon?" I looked at him with wonder.

He took a deep breath. "Not too long ago he was dating a girl. She wasn't a celebrity or anything like that. He met her in Osaka after a concert. They hit it off great and they were together for about a year until..." his voice trailed off.

"Until?" I prodded.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Man, I'm not even sure if this is my story to share, Ha Na."

"I know, but I need some insight!" There was desperation in my voice.

"I guess they had some sort of fight. No one is sure and he doesn't really offer any details. The fight was bad enough that his girlfriend went to the tabloids with a bunch of nasty rumors about him." He shrugged.

I placed my finger on my chin, "I think I remember reading about that. They really made him seem like a total weirdo in those articles. He didn't like to be touched, he made outlandish requests of her, he held parties at his condo that were salacious and a few more things I can't recall."

"She gave them incriminating photos, too." He stared at the ground. "The photos were technically innocent, but the tabloids put a spin on it that made it seem suspicious."

Another pause and then I said quietly, "I never believed any of that. It didn't make any sense."

"Well, the CEO paid her off to make her shut up and go away. She doesn't live in Seoul anymore, but she is living well somewhere in Korea." G Dragon had ended the tale of TOP's reason for theatrics.

"I see. What a ." I looked up at the sky."

"That's pretty much why TOP is so guarded. He has been ever since that happened. His mood is fragile at best. He's insulated himself with a few people he trusts, but outside of that he doesn't really leave the house unless it's for work. I'm guessing he's acting like this to keep you at arms length."

I gave a half hearted laugh, "He's doing that part very well. I wish I wasn't his manager, even though its temporary."

He placed his fingers on my chin and turned my head to face his, "You're doing well and I'm sure he'll come around." I felt butterflies in my stomach at his touch.

"I don't know..."

G Dragon stood up and patted my head. "You're a good person, Ha Na. I can tell that. Eventually he will see that, too."

"Thanks for the talk, GD. It really helped." I smiled.

"Please call me Ji Yong or oppa from now on. I feel protective of you, Ha Na." My heart began to race. "It's starting to feel like you're a little sister to me." And my heart began to break. That was the last thing I wanted to hear on top of everything else. My love for G Dragon would be one-sided. I chided myself internally for falling so fast. Everything was going wrong.

"I have more schedules and you have to take TOP to his next schedule. Hang in there, Ha Na." I watched him walk away and I lowered my head. I'm not sure how long I stared at the ground. The past two days had been an emotional roller coaster and I wanted off. I took a deep breath and took my tray back into the cafeteria. I barely ate anything. I dragged my feet as I walked to the garage. There was TOP leaning against a car, pointing at his wrist watch. I wasn't really late at all, but I guess he needed something else to harangue me about.

"Let's go." I said without any emotion in my voice. "I have the address for the commercial shoot. You'll be there on time." I climbed into the driver's seat and waited for him to get in the car. I put my sunglasses on to conceal any remaining traces of my sadness. We drove in silence for awhile.

Finally he spoke, "I saw you talking to G Dragon earlier." He didn't ask a question, so I didn't feel compelled to respond. After a minute, he spoke again. "Be careful."

I took the bait. "Careful of what?" I continued to stare forward at the road and maintain a steady demeanor.

"Girls fall for him easily. They misunderstand his intentions. They think his kindness is interest, but it's not."

"Thanks for the heads up, but we're just friends. I can look out for myself so just worry about you." Out of the corner of my eye, I thought for a second I saw a look of disappointment on his face. If anyone was sending mixed signals, it was him. I stepped on the gas and neither of us spoke for the remainder of the drive.