She took a glance at the clock hanging near the door. 2:17 am, it’s not like she would be sleeping anyway. She was furious, at first when she had accepted to live with him she was ecstatic, she had already imagined how she would prepare his breakfast on the morning, and give him his lunch, before heading together to their job. They would fight over the last slice of cake but finally make up quickly and share it together. How he would dry her hair with a towel and they would spend rainy weekend in front of the fireplace with a hot chocolate. They would sleep until eleven on Sunday morning and spend the day cuddling. What she didn’t know, was that his job as a surgeon was actually more important than anything, even more than her. Sadness would fill her heart every time she would think about it. Even more important than their anniversary, two years, it has been two years. And she has spent it alone in their flat preparing everything, but he didn’t come. He even didn’t bother to call. She loved him so much, she actually could die for him, but it wasn’t the life she wanted. She wouldn’t ask him to make a choice, she was not that selfish. However, she couldn’t stay in this flat any longer; it was too scary and painful. She’d had always this fear of being on her own, since young, her mother would let her always alone because of her work, and now it was the exactly same with her boyfriend. She needed some time to think over so she took some clothes and other things she would need. But before heading to her friend house, she took a last glance at this place full of memories, her stare stopped at a frame. It was a photo of them, they were at the park, smiling and laughing, and they were happy back then, where did it go, their happiness? Without noticing tears were flowing from her eyes leaving stains on her face. At this very moment, she heard the familiar sound of the key opening their front door; she was glued to the ground holding the frame in one hand, and her big bag in the other one. When their eyes met, he was startled to see her awake at this time, but his smile turn into a frown when he saw her tears and bag. She was petrified, she was not prepared for this, she wanted to leave quietly without a scene.

“What is this Jieun?” he asked, taking off his coat and putting it on the sofa near him.

“Just some necessary things, I’m going to stay at Sungyeol house for a bit” She saw him flinched when she said the boy name. He was rubbing his eyes and temple, as if he was suppressing a huge headache.

“Sungyeol”   The tone he used to speak about her friend frightened her. She had always known how much he was disagreeing with their friendship, but he had always been with her, he was always willing to comfort her when she had a fight with Woohyun. She didn’t know what to say, every time they would talk about him, they would end up in a fight.

“ Don’t you see his doing ? He is tearing us apart, since you’re friend with this guy, we’re always fighting”. The sadness was replaced by anger, how could he say that when he was the one forgetting everything.

“Cut it now Nam Woohyun. Just shut it, you’re the bad one in this story. I don’t even know why I’m still here.”

“And can I ask the reason why you are going to stay at Sungyeol house instead of your house, where you live with your boyfriend.” She wanted to cry so badly, she wanted to hug him, but she knew that in the end, she would get hurt much more. She just inhales some air and start making her way toward the front door. He quickly managed to grab her wrist before she reached the doorknob. At this sudden contact, she felt her body tensed up. His touch was much worse than his sweet talking. He forced her to look into his eyes; she could see a lot of emotions, hurt, exhaustion, anger, and question.

“At least, explain me why you want to leave me.” She looked up surprised and she could see how much he was hurt. She was too.

“I can’t stand it, I just can’t stand being alone in this place, especially when it’s our anniversary. You don’t know how it’s painful to come back home just being greeted by nothing, just thin air. I am ing exhausted to wait for you to finally realised that you will not come. Every morning I’d wake up in a cold empty bed without a trace of you, I don’t even know if you come back home sometimes. You never call nor answer you phone. I am just staying here for nothing, I could die in this freaking place you’d not even know it. Do you even remember the last time we ate together or even the last time you slept here. I can’t take it any further. I don’t even know where our relationship is going right now, and I don’t think we can call it a relationship, because you need to be two people trying their best to make it work, not just one trying her off and the other one doing all. ” She slowly looks at his expression, and how it changed. She saw the guilt all over his handsome features. He took few steps away from her, and drags his body toward the sofa, as if he was drunk, he let himself sit on it. He looked at her until tears blurred his vision. He took his head with his hand hiding his face and she heard sobbing sounds. She was totally shocked; it was the first time she was seeing him cry. Carefully, she made her way toward the sofa and kneeled down in front of him. Slowly, she took his hand away from his face, her hand made their way to his cheeks, wiping his tears away.

“I am so sorry... I-I- was just focusing on the job because I thought you would be happy to have good living standards and... Also, I am a bad boyfriend, so bad. I made you suffer so much, how could I forget our anniversary? How could I even forget that you hated being alone too much? I am so bad.” He started to hit himself out of frustration. Without notice her tears start to fall as well.

“Please, don’t hurt yourself, Woohyun-ah please, stop it” She loved him so much it pains her.

“Don’t leave me, I can’t live without you Jieun please”. She flinched, she would always anyway. She was still looking at his eyes and he was pleading her to stay. She didn’t know what to do, she was stuck not knowing what to do. Her love for him was so infinite, but she didn’t know if she would have the strength to fight the loneliness.  He was waiting for her answer, his tears leaving still some stains on his skin. Slowly he held his hand toward her cheek, caressing it slightly, he saw her close her eyes. Then he leaned toward her until their foreheads collide lightly. Please, please don’t leave, it was only a whisper.

“I can’t mianhae oppa”. He looked at her totally devastated, tears falling freely now, she also was crying but if she’d stay it would be not good for the both of them.

“Mianhae oppa, I need to do it for us. Maybe we’re not meant to be together at all but always remember I love you deeply and infinitely and I will never forget you. I never lied to you about my feeling. I hope you will find someone who will love you deeply and understand you. Someone who will love you and your job as much as you do. I hope you will be happy and you will forgive me for doing this.”

She tried to contain her sobs, she needed to do that. He pulled her roughly into a kiss. The last one. After a while she pushed him lightly but firmly. She made her way to the exit, not forgetting to put her spare key on the counter and left their apartment. “You’re already forgiven idiot”.

When the door was finally closed behind her, she let herself fall on the ground crying soundly and nothing seemed to make her stop. She pulled her phone out of her bag and dialled a number. “Sungyeol can you pick me up, I don’t think I can drive right now”. She ended the call and made her way toward the street trying to suppress every trace of her tears.

Woohyun was staring at the white ceiling, nothing was heard. He took the small velvet box out of his pocket. Life can be really unfair sometimes. He let out a small chuckle which finally turns out as a sob. He was feeling miserable and everything was his fault. He just wanted to die now, to disappear from this planet. His only happiness was her and couldn’t even keep her next to him.