“Are you okay?” Her manager finally voiced out his concern after he put down her luggage in her living room. “You can always tell me Victoria.” He added with a sad smile.

Is she really okay?

Even she herself isn’t sure about what she feels. She knows she could trust her manager, heck her members even more, she tells them everything except when she’s feeling like this. Feeling so scared, so alone, so tired and weary that she just wants to give up but she always tells herself to be strong and push through everything. That mentality always works but this time everything’s just in another whole new level.

So she lied.

“Ofcourse!” She says with faux cheerfulness before turning away from her manager before he could get a glimpse of her expression. “I just look really weary from the flight.” She adds while keeping her head down, rummaging through her bags just so she wouldn’t look at him.

“Uh-huh. Okay.” Short replies. She knows he’s not going to pry for more answers. They know each other too well by now to read the signs when the other isn’t comfortable or not ready to expound.

She finally stands up to face him, feeling the uneasiness of the situation radiating from her manager. She’s well aware that her manager just wants to comfort her, he only has good intentions. Now she’s feeling sorry for doing this to him.

“Anyway, here’s your schedule for the rest of the week.” He murmurs stiffly as he pulls out a wad of papers from his bag. “And here…” He pulls out a small paper bag. “Soojung-ah baked these for you.” He passes it to her.

“Ah, cookies!” That made her smile. “I’ll be sure to call her later. Thank you oppa.” She adds with as much enthusiasm as she can squeeze out. Tears were threatening to fall and her nose suddenly feeling so stuffy she couldn’t hold out a sniff.

“Come here.” He said quietly as he opens his arms out for her, she went willingly. More tears started to gather that her vision became so blurry. “I know it has been tough on you guys. It’s been the toughest on you these past few months. Then this is happening. You always act so tough, but we know that’s all just an act.” He starts to her hair and that made the dam break. Tears start to run down her cheeks and into his shirt.

She had to be a rock for herself but most importantly for her members. They never asked Sulli to leave but they understood why she had to leave. She understood Sulli more than any of them. It was unexpected and it gave them all a surprise. But they all tried to cope in their own way after the news. Her members were so vulnerable that she knew she couldn’t break down. She talked to each one of them and comforted them when they needed her that she forgot about herself.

When she finally wiped away every single tear they shed she found that she felt so empty. And so she busied herself with every project she could get her hands on. She was flying back and forth between China and South Korea to film her dramas and movies. She was travelling abroad for magazine shoots and variety show. But now with their impending comeback, the album production, recording of their tracks, filming and shooting the teasers and music videos and practicing every moment she could while also filming Ice Fantasy in China when she could fly out was finally taking its toll. She feels like she’s slowly cracking on the outside.

“We can act strong for you too.” She found herself smile at what her manager said despite her tears still trickling down. “Just remember that. We’ll catch you this time.” He holds her in the shoulders in arms length as he begins to wipe away her salty tears.

“You guys better keep that promise.” She laughs, his words setting her at ease. “You better have dozen rolls of tissue prepared.” She quips as he pulls her into another bear hug. No words were needed between them.

Not more than five minutes after she let her manager out the door, her phone starts to beep indicating a barrage of messages. She moves to the sofa with her phone in hand as she opens the application and see messages from her members in their chatroom.

Amber: VIC-UNNI! I LOVE YOU!!! MANY MANY TIMES OVER!!!!!!!

Luna: Vic-omma, me too!!! I love you!

Soojung: Did you get my cookies? I made them extra special for you.

Soojung: Unni, I Love You. You know that right?

Amber: Yah! Soojung-ah! This is no time to talk about your cookies!!!

Amber: Annnnd why didn’t puppy Luna and I get some???

Luna: Soojung-ah, you didn’t give some to Amber-unni?ㅋㅋㅋ

Soojung: There wasn’t enough for all of you. Jess ate half the cookies I made too. Blame her.

Amber: YAH!!! MAKE ME COOKIES!!! I’m angry at you Jung Soojung!

Luna: You two are at it again ㅋㅋㅋ You guys aren’t helping Vic-unni.

Soojung: I’ll tell my sister you want your cookies back Amber.

Amber: Woah. Hold on! Neverminddddddddddddd!

Amber: Vic-unni… I love you! Soojungie started it!!!

Soojung: Stupid

Soojung: You know you can cry when you’re with us right? Manager-oppa told us what happened.

Luna: Unni, we’ll always be here when you need us okay?

Amber: You better shed a tear when I see you tomorrow Vic-unni or else I’ll annoy you the whole day!

Amber: Unni~~~ where are you? I miss you~

Soojung: Yah!

Luna: AMBER-UNNI!!!

Amber: Joking

Victoria: I love you guys too! And I’m thankful that you guys are there… always

Victoria: I’m okay now. Manager-oppa dried me up. I have no more tears to shed for now

Luna: Unni

Soojung: I wish I was there…

Victoria: My eyes are so puffy though

Amber: I asked manager oppa if you can to the office late. He said that you can come in anytime you want.

Victoria: Thank you but I it’s better if I sweat it out early tomorrow.

Luna: There will be fans outside the office unni. They’ll see your state.

Soojung: She’s right. Better go there later.

Soojung: You want us to come over now?

Victoria: Oh right. Okay then.

Amber: Good then! It’s settled! DON’T COME EARLY! SLEEP LATE! REPEAT!

Victoria: No, I’m good. He’s coming over later.

Victoria: I’ll just see you tomorrow in practice.

Soojung: Ohhhhh. I don’t have oppa’s number.

Luna: Say hi for us unni. And give us a shoutout when he’s gone then we’ll call you.

Soojung: Call us okay?

Amber: CALL US! CALL US! CALL US! I’M ANNOYING YOU BUT YOU LOVE ME

Victoria: Okay, okay, okay! ㅋㅋㅋ I better clean up a bit here.

Victoria: I’ll bring you guys the snacks I brought from Chna. I’ll see you tomorrow!

Victoria: ❤❤❤

Soojung: Later unni~~~ ❤ you too~~~ byong! 

Luna: Call when you need us~ Love you unni!

Amber: Vic-unni, this kid loves you toooooooooo ㅋㅋㅋ

She missed her members even if it was just a few days since was last with them. Thinking about how they’re willing to come and comfort her warms her heart. They were like kids who bicker most days but they come together whenever anyone of them needs help. They are her family in Korea and she’s thankful to them even if she doesn’t show them how much every time.

With her energy in full again after their encouraging words she gets up from the sofa she so badly wants to lay down on to clean up before he comes. She starts hauling her luggage into her walk-in closet, opting to take care of it later. Moving into the kitchen to grab a cloth, she starts to dust off her furniture when there was a sudden buzz from the door.

“You’re back.” She hears him say after she opens the door for him. He’s dressed casually but even then he still looks like a celebrity with this confident aura surrounding him. He looks fresh from the shower, his hair still looking a bit damp. Then she noticed its length and that reminded her of what will happen tomorrow.

“You’re staring.” He raises a brow in question towards her. “Is it okay?” He runs a hand over his short hair, waiting for her to reply.

She wasn’t ready for this. Seeing his new haircut rattled her a bit. She thought she still had time before he came over. She was planning on taking a long bath to wash off her weariness from the flight and after find a way to get rid of the puffiness around her eyes but he’s here, now. She isn’t ready to spend an evening with him before he goes to training. She isn’t expecting to say goodbye this early on.

“Can I come in? I know I’m early but… I really missed you Tori.” She’s staring blankly at him when his words hit her. When she finally looks up at him, she felt butterflies in her stomach. His eyes were twinkling and full of love only for her.

“I missed you so much.” She jumps into his open arms, suddenly enveloped in his warmth. Her eyes is again b with tears. His scent surrounding her, all spicy and earthy masculinity. She could feel him chuckling at her sudden enthusiasm.

“I think you broke a rib there Tori.” He teases her as she feels him bury his head more towards her neck, breathing her in. “You always smell so good. I missed this.” He murmured into her hair.

“You want me to give you a bottle of my shampoo and perfume?” She teases back as she holds on to him more. Clutching his shirt tighter from behind.

“Oh yes! Please do. I’ll use it every day even if they tease me about it.” He replies as he pulls her away to look at her face more closely. “But this… this is what I miss the most.” He says while slowly caressing her cheek as she shivered at his touch.

His lips are like feather’s touch at first but then grew more desperate and rough. Their hearts longing poured into that kiss. His kisses became bolder, his hands gripping her more tightly, moving roughly all over her that she didn’t notice him moving them inside her unit and kicking the door to a close. Just when she felt her back hit the sofa did she realize that he has her pinned down under him. She felt so warm all over that she could feel his hands caressing her everywhere. That’s when a foreign sound had him raise his head.

“C’mon. I brought Thai take-out for you.” He says as he straightens himself, offering a hand down to her. “You must be famished. Let’s get you taken care of first.” He pulls her up next to him and never letting go of her hand, they head towards her kitchen.

“What’s this? You don’t expect to feed the two of us with that right.” She asks when she saw that he only had a single serving of pad thai and papaya salad with him as she settled on the chair he offered her. Her hand still enveloped in his. He didn’t letting go as he sat beside her.

“I already ate at our house. I told you I’m eating with my family today right?” He says as he lets go of her hand just so he can arrange the utensils and food infront of her before grabbing it again. “C’mon, open up. Ahhhh…” He says as he picked up the chopstick and offers a bite towards her.

“Oppa, I can feed myself you know.” She mutters, feeling foolish, as she tried to pull her hand away from his. “This is silly.” She pulls harder but to no avail.

“I won’t get to feed my girlfriend for a while, so just amuse me.” He tightens his grip on her hand.

“Fine, fine. Do whatever you want.” She concedes, feeling a tinge of sadness creep back.

“Good. Now, Ahhhhhh…” He offers it to her again playfully as she accepts.

“Who made you cry?” He suddenly asks her when they were drying up the last of the dishes. “You think I wouldn’t notice?” She sneaked a glance at him only to be hit by his eyes full of concern and also a tinge of anger.

“It’s nothing. I couldn’t sleep last night. They were already puffy this morning.” She blurts out. She knew exactly what he was asking but maybe if she kept on denying that he’s going away then maybe he really won’t. If they don’t talk about what’s going to happen tomorrow then maybe they can avoid it altogether. But she knew it was only a matter of time before they hash it all out. “That’s also why I was wearing my sunglass on the airport.”

That wasn’t all a lie. She did cry last night too. But not like how she broke down on her manager. She didn’t think it would be that noticeable. If only she had a time to fix herself up before he arrived.

“Really? Amazing how it didn’t go away even a day after huh.” He knew her too well to know when she’s avoiding a question. “Were you crying before I got here?” He prods.

“Fine! I was. It was silly really. I guess I had this coming.” She says thinking that answering more honestly would make this easier. “It was nothing. My manager just said all the right words to get me crying. He just hugged and comforted me that I just can’t stop tears from falling. It’s embarrassing. Now that I think about it, he must have been uncomfortable. Maybe I just needed a good cry? I’m okay now.” She started talking so fast that she didn’t notice him stiffen beside her. But when she finally looks up to him to try and gauge his reaction she was burned.

“Your manager? That same guy?” He said it so quietly that she wasn’t sure if she heard him right. “He hugged you?” He spit the question out as she involuntarily took a step back. She may have made a mistake in mentioning her manager with a history between the three of them.

“It wasn’t like that. He was just comforting me. You know how close I am to my whole team.” She says trying to keep a cool head between the two of them. Donghae’s a level-headed guy. He’s funny that he makes her laugh all the time. He’s very sweet and considerate of her. But he’s very annoying when he’s jealous.

“I should have reported him to the company last time! You know how I feel about him!” He says angrily.

“I have tried to understand your feelings towards him but he is my manager, I’m going to keep on seeing him.” She tries to reason with him. “How many times do I have to tell you that what happened last time was a misunderstanding?”

“What was he saying to you anyway that got you to cry?” He said every word full of sarcasm. “Maybe I should get him to teach me some moves if they got you crying in his shoulders.” That did it.

“What was I talking to him about? I told him nothing!” She starts to shout, feeling all these built up tension in her life crack and finally break through her surface. “Nothing! I told him nothing of how I am feeling right now.” Tears were running down her face as she swipes at them angrily. That got him to shut up as he tried to take a step towards her only to stop when she placed a hand in front of him. “I told him nothing of how I am feeling these past few months. How I just want to breakdown. How I am just so tired. I told him nothing because I wanted to tell you first!” She is shaking from her anger but she wasn’t done yet.

“I wanted to tell you first but we were just both so busy. I can’t talk with you about this on a phone. I wanted to talk to you about what happened with my group because know you’d understand. I wanted to cry in front of you. You always said you wanted to see me cry at least once. I was ready to do that in front of you. I wanted you to comfort me. And my manager! That guy you’re so jealous of, he was just there at the right moment. He was comforting me because he knows you’re enlisting tomorrow and he knows… Somehow he knows that being away from you that long would be the last drop of water till it everything spills over, you jerk.” She finish saying, all her energy seem to have depleted coz she just felt bone tired.

“One last thing,” Wrapping her arms around herself because of how cold she felt, she whispers. “My manager is engaged to a really lovely woman. They’ve been dating for three years before their engagement.” She says as she walks away from him and head towards the bathroom.

I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.

She knows she turned the water temperature to its warmest but even that she couldn’t feel. She felt so empty inside. So numb. She thought that after getting it all out she’d feel better but she’s feeling even worse now.

He’s still going away.

She thought of all the celebrity couples who broke up just because the guy enlisted. Would we end up like that?

xxx

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