Requiem

          He was a beautiful boy, smiling through the frozen moment framed atop of his casket; huddles of weeping figures in front of the white casket as it lowers down the fresh plot of land. There was another boy, tinted shades laid on his nose, face unreadable and stoic, hands squeezed against each other, questions spinning in his head against the waves of emotions clustered in one place. His younger sister was crying, tears quietly pouring in her eyes swiftly as if catching up to one another, her bony hands pushing them to the sides, she wasn't supposed to be crying, she thought. There's nothing worth crying, it has been four long, agonizing months of hoping, and now she is here, finding disclosure, she thought.

            It took hours of standing before the clusters of people left his burial, but there he was, standing quietly in front of Mino’s grave, his hands clutched over a piece of envelope with his name written on it.

“I never got to read it for you, but here, here are the words I never said, but I wish I did.” Taehyun whispered, ripping the envelope open.

Dear Mino,

                 The first time you met me, you told me that you believe that the world is flat, at first, I thought that you were being ridiculous, or maybe, you were trying to stand out, but I never knew that it would be those exact words that will hold the two of us together. Two pieces of shattered hearts and two mouths aching for the same mistake and two souls running out of words to say. You have that odd way of smiling, from the way your cheeks turn up or how your eyes widen, it had always perplexed me; on how something so simple could tear me in half, and oh God, how should I start writing these words? How could I write these three words I have been dying to tell you? For ’s sake, Mino, I miss you so ing much. My world is in bits and pieces and your name is still the first thing I utter in my lips. Mino, wherever you are, or wherever you will be, I would always want to see you. Not just your physical embodiment, but I want to see you. I want to see the crack in your smile or small flaws in the back of your hand. I want to see your thoughts once again and tiptoe around feelings we hid for so long. Oh God. I miss you so ing much. I want to drown myself with your words and warmth and oh , I just miss you so so so so much I couldn’t even breathe.

               I never knew I could love someone as beautiful and as wonderful as you. I never thought that I could love someone with this level of commitment and devotion, I never knew that love can be as strong as this, and I am so thankful for your existence and your edges that cut a little bit too deep and most of all, I am so thankful for pushing me towards the edge of the world and god ing damn it, we’re flying a million miles down but the galaxies in our hearts will stay as beautiful as ever.

               I’ve never learned the art of missing someone. I’ve never had someone I cared enough about to miss. But you’re a very good teacher, and I’ve learned a lot from your absence. I missed you more than words and pictures can describe. But I'll try. Oh, how will I start this? My skin feels very warm, not burning up, just warm and tingling in some places. I can hear my heart as if I laid my ear directly on it while beats into the symphony of anxiety and pain . Everything feels so sensitive but numb and parts of my body I didn’t know were injured are throbbing. My chest feels like it’s pinching together and my breath is shallow. I don’t know if is the alcohol I drank earlier or the realization that we’re losing each other. Ah, Mino. I don’t know.

              I can’t believe how much I love you. If I would count it down it wouldn’t even stop. I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you so ing much. I’ll love you until I lose all of my chances. From the tips of your fingers down to every nook and cranny of your beautiful mind, I will always love you. From your flaws to your every perfection, I can’t believe that someone like you, someone that fell from the sky would even love me back. It feels a bit pathetic to be writing such letter, but what can I do? What can I do when my lungs scream for your name all over again and my body aches for your usual warmth? What would I do if my mind is running around your existence? What would I do, Mino?

           I am so sorry, Mino. I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry I am so sorry because I never knew enough. I have failed you. I have failed you so many times and I am so sorry for hurting you. I have failed the both of us and I can’t help but whisper sorry lies and stain your pillow with my tears every night. I am so sorry. I have never meant to be such a pain, oh God, what have I become? What have we become? I am so sorry that I miss you so ing much. I am so sorry for being selfish. I am so sorry I have loved you more than I will ever love myself. I hope you remember that you are not obliged to stay. Not if it’s hurting you. Not if it’s bringing you more pain than happiness.

           I would want to end your pain as much as I want to see your arms open up for me again. But my selfishness and greed won over everything else, and I have prolonged what was inevitable for the both of us, and I am so sorry for dragging out th