After School

Because of You

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I still can’t get over you
I never forget…
Boy I never forget, boy

Can’t remember how many years it has been since we broke up
But I cry every time when I think about you
Why I’m so eager to see you today?
The sound of rain droplets leaves my heart shaken up.

I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?

I tried to be your only girl
And did you ever understood my heart?
Now it became the compass
Of broken love
Tears are flowing down
And soaks the dry lips
Oh what should I do,
Now I can’t erase you out of my mind

I cried a lot because of you (I cried every night)
I laughed a lot because of you (Because of you)
I believed in the love because of you
I’ve lost everything because of you
I’m speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heart
Stomped on my dignity
Torn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

It also rained on that day
You’ve stared at me wordlessly
You’ve stared at nothing else but me
Those trembling gazes,
And the awkwardly forced smile
Speaks of our separation.

I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?
I regret giving you my love
I regret getting attached to you
I regret holding you back
Why do I have to face the pain alone?

You’ve told me to leave
And the moment leave
You treat me as if I’m insane
It’s just too hard (boy slow down)
Then I cry silently and wordlessly
Cause I want to stay next to u
My luv is true, wanna go back 2 when I was with u

I cried a lot because of you (I cried every night)
I laughed a lot because of you (Because of you)
I believed in the love because of you
I’ve lost everything because of you
I’m speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heart
Stomped on my dignity
Torn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

I miss u… I need u…
Even in my dreams I’m wit u..
I miss u… I need u…
Rewind back the time
I wanna kiss u again ma boy…
My heart aches
It’s too much to bear
And where are you? (I cried a lot)
Can’t live without you
Please come back to me
And stay with me

I cried a lot because of you
I laughed a lot because of you (I laughed a lot)
I believed in the love because of you
I’ve lost everything because of you (Because of you)
I’m speechless, suffocating and lonely
The world without you has
Chewed out my heart
Stomped on my dignity
Torn apart my heart
So why did you leave me behind?

--

Everything, is still clear to me. I can still remember everything that he said that night. I can still remember how it felt after hearing his words. The stabbing sensation in my heart almost killed me, eating me alive day after day. But even after a long time, and despite what he did to me,

I STILL LOVE HIM.

--

I stared blankly outside, watching how the rain dampens the view outside as I sat on the windowsill. The sky was with me, feeling every inch of sadness and pain in me as every raindrop fell heavily on the ground. The ticking of the clock was somehow music to my ears; trying to distract me, holding the tears in place at the corner of my eyes to stop them from rolling down my cheek. I just can’t help it; the pain I felt is still fresh.

Two years had passed, but I was still stuck in the same depressing situation after he left me. I tried every way possible to end my life in the past years, but all of my efforts were useless.

I tried to live a very normal life after the break-up. I go to work, do my job, then go home. Sure, it was a bit normal. But every night, I wet my pillow with never ending tears.

I slowly wrote his name using my finger on the moist glass on my window.

Jaehyun

As I finished the last of the last letter, I broke down. Never ending tears rolled down my cheeks, blurring my vision. I hugged my knees, as I started to feel the stabbing sensation in my heart kill me little by little inside for the thousandth time.

The ringing of my phone pulled me out of my thoughts. I picked it up from the ground, and was surprised to see who the caller is. My lips slowly curved into a small smile.

Jaehyun calling..

--

“Nana, please believe me,” Kahi said, as she followed me.

“No, Kahi. Jaehyun would never ever do that to me. Please, don’t try to destroy our relationship.”

She held my shoulders, and faced me. “Nana, believe me. I would not lie to you! I saw him with UEE. He’s flirting with her!”

“Really?” I said in a sarcastic tone. “Do you really think I would believe you?”

“I’m telling the truth, Nana. Please, believe me.”

“I would never believe you, Kahi. After all, you still like Jaehyun, right? And you’re just jealous that I got him. So please, stop it!” I shouted, and left her.

But the view that welcomed me tore my heart into fine pieces..

“I told you already, but you won’t believe me.” Kahi said, and left me alone.

--

“Jaehyun, I’m ready!” I said, as I happily skipped down the stairs.

Jaehyun and I have a date today, and I am very excited. I wore my best dress, and did everything just to look pretty.

“Jaehyun~ do I look pretty?” I asked, as I sat beside him.

“No.” he said coldly, without looking at me. His eyes were still glued to the magazine he was reading.

“W-what?”

“No.” He eyed me from head to toe. “You got fatter. What did you eat? And you’re make-up is too thick. You look like a clown. Your hair is too long. And that dress does not fit you. What do you think shall I say?”

I nodded, as I bit my lip to stop my tears from falling. I was hurt with his comments. “I’ll just change. Wait for me.”

He held my hand to stop me from leaving. “No, don’t. You would take longer than a century. Let’s go.”

--

“Nana. I don’t think I still love you.” He said, and sighed as we talked on the phone.

My heart was torn into pieces. “W-what?”

“I don’t think I still love you.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. “J-jaehyun.. Are you joking? Please.. Don’t do this to me.. I love you so much.. I won’t be able to live without you..”

“Nana, I’m sorry. I’ll try to think about it.”

He hung up on me.

I was hurt; hearing the person you love the most say that he doesn’t love you anymore. What did I do? What happened to the old Jaehyun that I met and loved? What did I do wrong for him to lose interest in me? What did I do?

I’m willing to stay by his side even though he doesn’t love me..

--

The day that I feared came.

We were standing face to face under the rain. I was silent, as tears endlessly flowed down my cheeks.

“J-jaehyun.. P-please..” I said, as I slowly walked towards him. “D-don’t leave me..”

“Nana, don’t do this to yourself. Don’t do this to me.” he said in a sharp tone.

I kneeled in front of him, as I held his hands. I cried harder. “Please.. Stay with me.. Don’t break up with me! Date other girls! Just please.. Don’t break up with me!”

“I don’t love you, Nana! Don’t you get it? Please!” he tried his very best to remove my grip on his hand. “Please, let me go!”

He finally succeeded in removing the strong grip of my hands in his, and walked away.

Before he vanished from my sight, he faced me. “I’m sorry.”

--

I can’t live without him. Jaehyun is my life. He is the man I want to marry.

I already imagined what my future would be with him.

We will have three kids, two girls and one boy. We would buy a house in Jeju Island, and raise our children well. I would serve him breakfast every morning, prepare his suit, and help him tie his necktie. He would kiss my forehead before he leave for work, and I would wave at him happily as I watch him leave as I stand by the window.

It was almost perfect, but all of it, were shattered. All of my dreams were gone with the wind.

The pain won’t go away. It kills me little by little inside. My eyes are now sore from all the crying that I did, and I am very miserable.

Why does this need to happen? I want him back.

--

“Jaehyun, I cooked your favorite dish,” I said, as I welcomed Jaehyun in his apartment. I handed him his slippers, and smiled warmly, trying to hide the pain I was feeling.

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a sharp tone.

“Let’s eat dinner,” I said, trying to stop the tears from falling.

“But I broke up with you. There’s nothing between the two of us now.”

“I still love you, Jaehyun. Please. Let’s get back together. I’m willing to do anything you want.” I said, and kneeled on the floor as I started to cry.

He held my shoulders. “Stand up. Please. Leave.”

“No, Jaehyun. I won’t. Please..”

“I said, LEAVE!” he shouted.

“J-jaehyun..”

He pulled me towards the door. “Are you crazy?! I told you I don’t love you anymore! I already ended our relationship! What are you still doing here, huh?! You’re irritating me, Nana! Just please, disappear! Don’t ever bother me again!”

“Y-you’re hurting me, Jaehyun..” I managed to say in between sobs. He was holding my wrist tightly.

“Leave! Leave me alone!” he opened the door, and pushed me out.

“J-jaehyun.. Please! Don’t do this to me!” I tried to hug him, but he pushed me away, hard enough for me to fall on the floor.

“Don’t ever come here again. UNDERSTAND?”

“Is there any problem, Jae?” I looked beside me, and the girl named UEE was looking at us.

Jaehyun walked towards her, and kissed her on the lips. “Nothing, baby. This crazy girl kept on saying that I am his boyfriend.” He pulled her inside, and slammed the door hard.

--

“Nana! Open the door!”

I quickly held the blade and attempted to cut my wrist. I want to end my life. Life without Jaehyun isn’t what I want.

“Open the door Nana!” Kahi continuously knocked on the door.

Just when I was about to cut my wrist, the door suddenly opened.

“Nana!” Kahi ran towards me, and quickly got the blade from my hand.

“No! Give that to me!”

“Don’t do this to yourself! Please! Don’t kill yourself!” Kahi hugged me tight, as she rubbed my hair. “Don’t torture yourself just because Jaehyun left you,”

“Life without him is pure nonsense, Kahi! I’d rather die!”

“Love yourself first before you start to love someone else, Nana. Don’t do this to yourself. He isn’t worth it.”

--

“Nana,” he gently said, as I answered the phone.

“J-jaehyun?”

“Yes, it’s me.”

“W-why?”

“Are you crying?”

I didn’t answer. Instead, I cried harder.

“Hey, don’t cry. Please.”

“W-what do you want?”

“Let’s talk.”

“A-about what?”

“About us. I love you, Nana.”

Reality hit me real hard. He still loves me? Is he crazy? After everything that he did to me?

Before, I wanted to have him back. I still love him. I thought I can’t live without him.

But if I come to think of it, I was better off without him.

I just realized everything in an instant. I don’t deserve someone like him.

I laughed sarcastically. “You’re crazy. Don’t ever call me again, bastard.”

“B-but, Nan—“

“After everything that you’ve done to me? Do you expect me to come back to you? You must be crazy. I almost killed myself because of you! I swallowed my pride for you! I forgot about myself because of you! I lost two years of my life because of you!”

“I’m sorr—“

“Your ‘sorry’ wouldn’t bring back everything. Just please, Jaehyun. Don’t ever call me again.”

And I hung up on him.

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YO! YO! WASSUP!

My very first songfic. I finshed it within 15 hours! Yay! :DD

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PPYONG~

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