5,000 words

When my cats aren’t happy, I’m not happy. Not because I care about their mood but because I know they’re just sitting there thinking up ways to get even.” - Percy Bysshe Shelley

Minseok hates cats. It's a fact of life and nothing personal to the feline race, even if the cats he's encountered seem to take it personally. How they even know such a thing is beyond Minseok's comprehension, but it's also beyond his pay grade to think about. He just avoids the things on principle. It may have something to do with being vaguely allergic to cat dandruff, it may also have something to do with his grandma's gray nightmare of a beast which hissed at him once and then sliced open his face when he was three years old. Maybe he was four, he can't quite remember. It's not like he keeps count. Minseok doesn't keep grudges... without good reason to. These days, the things mostly terrify him in an Is-it-going-to-mar-me-with-its-claws-again kind of way.

The fact that his neighbor's cat isn't gray is probably a factor in that animal's continuing lifespan. It's fluffy, and orange. Violently orange, so he supposes it's a tabby of sorts. He's probably heard his neighbor calling out fluffy cliche words of endearment each evening when he comes home - Minseok doesn't pay attention - but he never caught the creature's name. He just calls it cat. Cat!! with all the necessary gruffness and rage is sufficient enough for when he catches the thing lounging across his third-floor window flower bed. He's on his third batch of petunias because Cat!! seems to really love them. He loves eating them, and then laying on the wreckage. And it's the second time this week alone that he catches him.

Minseok hates cats. But not like... to death. He also doesn't know his neighbor that well, but he has a feeling he's about to get to know him really really well, when he yells at Cat!! so loudly that Cat!! is actually startled into falling off the flower bed, landing in a clover patch three floors below.

Minseok curses, for once at himself and not because of the animal specifically. The cat doesn't look like it's moving too fast, he observes while leaning out of his window, and that sends him into a panic because if he's accidentally killed his neighbor's cat, he's actually going to feel a little bit guilty. The animal meows pitifully from the clover, and Minseok curses again, deciding he's going to feel really really guilty. He doesn't even put on his shoes when he races out the front door and dashes down the stairs, ignoring the tingling relief in his brain that reminds him his neighbor doesn't come home for several hours yet, and maybe... he'll never find out! Except the creature is still mewling, and Minseok doesn't even think. He scoops it into his arms as delicately as he can, deposits it in the backseat of his car which is mercifully close by - so are the sandals he finds on the floorboard and drives - not to bury to the body! - but to the nearest animal emergency center.

At least it's going to be alright. Minseok observes it an hour later, sleeping restfully in a cardboard box on the floor by his desk, cat hair shedding all over the towel he loaned it. In one hand, he stares at the hourly care-instructions the vet gave to him, an alternately sullen and expressive man by the name of Heechul who looked at Minseok like he'd purposefully tried to murder Cat!!

On the other hand, Minseok chews the tips of his fingertips, nervous and annoyed and still quite a bit guilty, but he's positive Cat!! will be alright in a couple of days, and maybe his neighbor will never actually know. Cats occasionally take off on their own for several days at a time. If Cat!! doesn't come home tonight, it won't be the end of the world when he comes home a few days down the road. If he nurses him well.

He goes to sleep that night, wishing he could just take back half of the day's events so that he's not in this predicament. Cat!! is bundled up well, and so is Minseok in his own bed, but he really wishes he'd gotten up to close the window because when he hears his neighbor's strangled cries, searching for his pet, the guilt settles in even deeper.

"Xiumin!!"

"Xiu-xiu, where are you baby!?"

"Dinner time! Xiu-xiu!!?"

"Xiu-xiu????"

I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Minseok pants into his pillowcase. I hate cats but I swear I'll get your precious Xiu-xiu back to you as soon as possible!

Poor neighbor guy. Sehun. Minseok thinks that's his name. Poor Sehun. Poor Cat!! Poor Minseok...

When he awakes the next morning, it's with a newfound purpose in life. He's going to get over his hatred for fluffy animals and nurse that damned tabby back to life and then possibly destroy his petunias forever so that Cat!! doesn't have any reason to come visiting again.

His bed feels extra cozy though. It's a weekend and therefore Minseok has no real need to wake up, except that he's hungry and he bets the animal is too. Plus, there's a truly delicious aroma wafting through the open window which inspires him to move. He'll check on the cat later. Food comes first. He yawns and stretches, feeling a few cricks in his back and body that probably weren't there before. Then he goes to hop off the bed... and falls flat on his face. 

His furry little face- 

No matter though. Sometimes he does that, puts a leg out wrong and then slips and it's just part of the wake-up process. Besides, he's hungry and something smells good. Something wafting through the open window and it makes his nose twitch in anticipation. Something on his face tickles him, like a hair, possibly a cat hair because he does vaguely remembering taking in a cat yesterday-

Food is more important though. He's famished! Almost like he didn't eat dinner the day before, or lunch. Maybe not even breakfast. Which is such a bizarre thing because Minseok knows he's eaten. Why then does his stomach feel funny?

He scrambles onto the open window ledge, stomach definitely talking before his brain, making the decisions. His feet almost slip- why does he feel so uncoordinated all of a sudden?! 

The light from outside the window is almost blinding, his eyes definitely unused to taking in the sunshine, but the smell of breakfast is too alluring for him to let that bother him. The jump between his window and his neighbor's balcony (he was always jealous that Sehun had a patio and he did not) is not that far. He makes the landing easily. Relatively, easily, since his legs still don't work as well as they should, but he's safe and that's all that matters. That and food. The sliding door is open half a foot. Large enough for whiskers, so he slips in past the dangling blinds with a little clacking noise and there... almost in spotlight, is the bowl of food. Delicious, aromatic, mushy food. Not even the dry stuff, but canned salmon mash and his taste buds are practically salivating!

"Xiu-xiu!"

Was that his neighbor's voice? Minseok can't tell. He's too busy satisfying his stomach and getting weird mushy stuff on his nose to bother searching for the origin of the words from somewhere above.

"Xiu-xiu, you're back!" Somebody chuckles. "I knew it. I knew you'd smell the canned food. Little brat!" Lovingly, this time. Indulgently. Kind of like the food in Minseok's belly because finally, he doesn't feel like he's going to starve to death!

And then somebody's hands are around his belly. 

Minseok freezes, stunned for a second into submission as he watches his food bowl get farther and farther away from him, so that he doesn't know what's going on. His body feels squeezed and very, very weird. Twisting and rotating as he's manhandled by a person he's sure has never touched him before! And that's when that somebody - Sehun - turns him around in his arms and Minseok gets a close-up shot of his neighbor's giant face! Right in his line of vision...

He growls, because...

"Xiu-xiu! Kitty! What's the matter, baby?!" And Sehun is hauling him closer to his disgusting, wet mouth and... kissing him on the nose.

Minseok hisses. Loudly. Wildly. His body contorting, because what the ! Why is Sehun, his strange neighbor kissing him, and why is he calling him a cat, and why does his mouth suddenly taste like disgusting throw up- what in all the food bowls in all the world did Minseok, just, eat?!

He hits the ground in a thump of hisses and howls, immediately pounces away, misjudges the angle of the chair legs suddenly blocking his path - when did chairs become so large and Minseok so tiny?! - doubles over on his own body and pounds in the opposite direction as fast as his four paws can go - what, what?! - skidding across the tile so badly that the feel of carpet beneath his toes - no, paws! - feels like heaven. For about half a second, and then his nails begin to catch in the fibers so that he freaks out once more and jumps straight into the air. He lands on a bed with a headboard attached, and that's when he finally sees himself. His whole body comes to a halt, back arched, fur sticking straight out in every direction, four legs stiff from the exercise, eyes opened in fright and teeth bared. 

At the head of the bed, in the mirror that stretches the width of the mattress, he sees himself. He sees a cat. Angry and furling, hissing at himself, bright orange fur and a human ten times his size rushing behind in alarm...

"Xiu-xiu, what's the matter?!" Sehun cries out, arms open wide.

What's the matter? What's the matter? Minseok thinks harshly!

He's a cat! He woke up and suddenly he's a cat! Not just a cat, but Cat!! Sehun's horrid, pitiful animal Cat!! who just the day before Minseok sort of accidentally knocked off the third floor window ledge and almost killed it, and now it's his punishment to take care of the wretched animal so his neighbor doesn't take revenge in a similar fashion, but instead it seems the World has played a joke on Minseok. The sickest joke known to mankind and a zillion species besides!

Minseok's a cat! Sehun's cat!

And Minseok. hates. cats!

Which means, he's basically terrified of himself.

He doesn't know how exactly he makes it back to his apartment, but the underside of his bed is definitely a safe place to be for a newly-transformed cat. It's dark, enclosed, nothing but dust bunnies and a holey striped sock that actually belongs to Luhan from one of the last nights his best friend slept over in a football-induced stupor. Minseok swears that sock hates him now though. Lonely, pathetic, thing, just sitting there staring at him. He swats at it, just to make sure it's good and dead and can't possibly harm him. 

His apartment is empty except for him. Empty, and now very large... There's also no sight of Cat!! in the box Minseok left him in. No surprise there, because he's become the cat. He wonders if there's a really confused Minseok running around in the world, but guesses not. He hopes not. After all, now that he's had five hours to curl up in one spot he's thinking relatively clearly. He still has his own thoughts, he still remembers his actual life. He remembers being Minseok. It's just that now, Minseok is a different species. He's a cat. His neighbor's lost cat. 

Something on the other side of his door makes him pause, footsteps walking down the hall, and Minseok cringes, hoping it's not Sehun again. The human has already come back twice now. Once after Minseok first made his exit, and again an hour after that. Minseok wishes he'd had a different escape route, because Sehun is absolutely certain his precious Xiu-xiu fled through the open window of Minseok's apartment.

"Mister? Hello, is somebody home?" Sehun had asked through the door, knocking. "I'm your neighbor, Sehun! Are you home? I think... I think my cat's hiding out in your apartment!? Hello? Anybody home? Hey, mister?" followed by more knocks. 

Mister, mister, what's all this about a mister? Doesn't he know Minseok's name at least? Minseok knows his! He doesn't remember how or why, and they've probably never really spoken to each other, but Minseok feels better about life because of that. Or rather, he does when Sehun isn't pressing wet kisses to his nose while calling him Xiu-xiu, baby. Ewww. 

Minseok hisses again. Just thinking about it. 

Unfortunately, after the twelfth hour of crouch-hiding under his bed, Minseok is hungry again. And in the apartment next door Sehun, his evil neighbor is cracking open another can of cat food. What a little Satan he is. Minseok dozes for another hour before finally creeping out of his safe place, sniffing eagerly. He doesn't want to give in. He refuses to! But, he's hungry and now that he's cat-sized and without hands, there's basically nothing in his apartment that he can eat by himself. Maybe if he waits for nighttime, Sehun will fall asleep with the door open and he can steal in, eat his dinner, and then steal out.

No such luck. 

Sehun is there to greet him with more baby-talk exclamations, but this time he doesn't try to pick Minseok up while he laps at his food bowl and water. Minseok growls at the refrigerator when the ice machine drops another load, knowing perfectly well what it is, but he no longer trusts it not to explode when he's not looking. He growls at Sehun once too when the tall human drops into a crouch beside him, just to make sure those long, delicate fingers don't come anywhere near him. Minseok might be slightly attuned now to eating fish mush for dinner, but he's definitely not letting another man put a hand on him. Yet. He sniffs the air, because it doesn't smell like Sehun has had a bath yet, and who knows where the boy's been all day when he wasn't banging on his neighbor's door crying for his precious, lost pet.

Hmph, humans are pathetic. This human is anyways. Even Minseok is sure he's never acted quite as needy as Sehun is acting now, wanting his cat. Cat!! How revolting.

Minseok eats his dinner, side-eyeing Sehun the whole time, and when he's done he allows Sehun to pet him once just because he was nice and didn't disturb him for five minutes combined. It's weird, how his body reacts, back arching into it naturally. It feels... good? But enough of that. He loudly warns the human that he's done for now, please stop petting me, and then realizes he's got another problem. He has to pee, and he's pretty sure he'll fall into any toilet he perches on. 

Litter boxes should definitely be renamed 'humiliating boxes.' Minseok contemplates life while staring at the wall, his front paws propped up on the side of the container while he daintily does his business. And why Sehun thinks he has to stare at him the whole time is just... degrading. If Minseok wasn't already bright orange and also a cat, he thinks he'd be blushing scarlet right now, from mortification.

Before Sehun has time to corner him again though for bedtime, Minseok darts out through the open balcony door and slips back through his own open window. And this time, Sehun won't be able to complain he saw him entering his 'neighbor's' apartment. When he wakes up again the next morning, he's human again, wearing the same clothes as before he transformed - really, how dramatic a word is that - and there's no sign of Cat!! so maybe the animal divinely healed itself over the course of Minseok's body usage and is happily purring back over with its owner. Minseok no longer cares. He has work to do, and phone calls to make assuring his friends he's not actually dead. He'd chock it all up to a bizarre weird dream, except that by all accounts he truly lost an entire day on the calendar to his little cat romping venture, but thinking about it too clearly makes his head hurt. And Minseok doesn't like it when his head hurts.

He runs into Sehun halfway through the week. His neighbor is shorter than Minseok remembers, although he still has quite a few inches on him. The last time they met though... Minseok almost wants to hiss, even though he's fully human... he thinks.

His neighbor appears to have lost his key somewhere in the midst of his pockets, fumbling apologetically with loose change and crumpled movie tickets that pour out of his jeans pockets.

"....Hey!" Sehun says, smiling, when he realizes Minseok is glaring him down, judging. 

"Hey," Minseok says back. He pulls out his own keyring, steadfastly jamming the key into his doorknob and missing the hole spectacularly. He may or may not be distracted by Sehun's fingers and the way they had wrapped around his furry tummy or petted his back. Disgusting.

"Long day, yeah?"  Sehun grins conversationally. 

"Uhh, yeah." Small talk. Yuck. "You... did you lose your key or something?" Minseok cracks open his own door finally, but he feels just a bit bad that Sehun is still locked out of his. Not that Minseok has a master plan to fix this. 

"No, it's somewhere here." Sehun overturns a third pocket, including a wad of rolled up gum. "I'm just a bit worried because I remembered I left my patio door open this morning, and I hope Xiu-xiu didn't run off again!"

Right, Xiu-xiu. Minseok can't help wondering where the thing might have run off to with the door open. He knows he's definitely kept his window shut since the, incident, but his petunias... 

"Xiu-xiu's my cat," Sehun adds with a little laugh.

"I... kn- I mean, I figured that. Orange tabby, right?" 

"Yeah! Isn't he fluffy!? I love that thing. Uggh. What a cuddle monster."

Sehun unearths his key from a fourth back pocket right in time to miss Minseok's grimace of horror and disgust - cuddle monster?! Him?! - before Minseok remembers that he is no longer Cat!!

"Heh heh... yeah. It's, cute. Found your key then? Well, goodnight." 

Xiu-xiu is right where Minseok feared he'd be: squashing the fourth set of flowers he's planted this spring. Carefully this time, he opens his window and shoos the thing away with a few choice words, but when he wakes up the next morning, he's once again a cat, cursing the world and fate or whoever is up there playing with his species string, because it seems now that even harboring bad thoughts about the feline race turns him into one. What a joy this world has become...

At least Day 2 of cat life isn't quite as scary as the first. He has to paw pitifully at Sehun's glass door for the human to let him in, ignoring Sehun's expressions of wonder ("Xiu-xiu? How'd you even get out this time?! You sly creature, you! Come here, baby kitty!"). Can food tastes better, and the litter box isn't quite such an Ordeal. Minseok shirks off Sehun's touches, but he feigns defeat a couple times and lets his ears be pet and his chin scratched, because damn does that feel great!

Then Sehun shuts the patio door on him and goes to work. Oops.

It's a nightmare situation, being trapped in a stranger's apartment, and still a cat. He's too small and uncoordinated to play with the door locks. He couldn't get himself back to his own apartment even if he accomplished the first bit. His phone is next door; he can hear it ringing through the walls. (And there's a scary thought because if he can hear that, what else might Sehun have heard before now? Perhaps he's just more sensitive though with his cat ears and hearing?) He ends up bundled up on top of Sehun's unmade bed because underneath it was scarier - not one, but two pairs of dirty boxers - until evening strikes and Sehun comes home. He hates being happy, but there it is. He's been home all day by himself and craving attention. It could be worse. He could have taken his anger out on goldfish instead of a cat and glup-glup-glupped himself to death. 

Being carried around between two strong arms while getting his ears scratched isn't such a bad thing after all, Minseok decides. The small talk, however, is. 

"Xiu-xiu, how's my baby? Oh, you cute kitty. Who's a cute kitty?! You're a cute kitty!"

It's a bit disconcerting, realizing that Sehun is an actual adult and Minseok is an adult-in-disguise getting talked down like a fluffy, little baby. He decides to reassert his independence as soon as Sehun drops him down on the countertop, mewling as ugly as he can make his purr box sound and attempting to swipe at Sehun with his claws every time the human comes too near. Cat!!'s owner (because he's certainly not Minseok's owner) just thinks that makes him even cuter to stare and coo at, and Minseok admits defeat. At least Sehun doesn't also have a dog. Minseok can only imagine...

He wakes up somewhere in the early morning hours, hot and sweaty, disoriented. It takes a few seconds to piece together what is even happening, because he swears he fell asleep as Xiu-Xiu on a chair under the tablecloth of Sehun's kitchen table, and now he's stretched out on the bed smelling Sehun's sweaty armpits, and also--Minseok gasps--very human. 

He tenses up, giving himself ten seconds to panic and determine that his neighbor is still comfortably asleep. Then he eases himself out of the bed, slipping off the mattress to crouch out of his sight in case he should wake up. The crawl from bed to living area to front door is way more awkward than the last time Minseok remembers being on his hands and knees, but he makes it. 

He doesn't breathe evenly again until he's once more upright standing on two feet and clutching at the pajamas he put on one night ago. He's shivering visibly because he's pretty sure just used up his second cat-human life. 

The night clerk at the welcome desk on the first floor is not all happy to have to help Minseok fetch another key for his apartment. 

"I'm sorry... I went to dump a bag of trash down the chute and forgot to take my key with me," he apologizes profusely. His pin-striped pajamas are wrinkled and make him look like a little old man, but hooray to being human once more! He hopes that's the last time he ever wakes up in the middle of the night in a stranger's arms. Not that he finds Sehun unattractive in daytime hours, when he's safely away from him by at least six feet, but... what if Sehun had woken up first!

It happens again several days later, of course.

Minseok invites Luhan over for a guys night where they watch several of the earlier recorded soccer matches of the day. His friend's a total slob, using his apartment like it's his own, leaving trash all over the tables and floors so that Minseok can't help but to compare him to Sehun next door. Weird cooing faces aside, at least Sehun's kitchen is pretty much spotless. Minseok knows because he had plenty of time to inspect it when he was locked up indoors. 

Speaking of the man, they hear him come home around eight o'clock, stomping down the corridor outside and making all kinds of noise when he drops what sounds like grocery bags on the floor. Half an hour later, there's a knock on his door and Minseok dutifully kicks Luhan off the couch to go make himself useful and see who's there.

"Uhhm, hi! I'm... Sehun!" Minseok hears a few seconds later. He groans and rolls his eyes, already putting down his feet to get up and see what his neighbor wants.

"I'm Luhan. Minseok's friend? Have we met?"

Sehun laughs, sounding all embarrassed and cute. "Don't think so. Actually, is he home? I wanted to ask..."

Minseok intercepts them right then. "Hi. Yeah? What's up?"

If Luhan notices his blush, then it's because Minseok is blushing for all the wrong reasons, and only he knows why. He won't even invite Sehun into the apartment, that's how nervous the thought of his neighbor makes him. Since Minseok returned to being human, he resolutely tries not to think about Sehun. He tries even harder not to think about Cat!! for fear of the consequences of one, misguided ill-intended thought. 

Unfortunately, Cat!! is exactly the reason that Sehun is over.

"Uhm, I wanted to know if you'd let me... fetch Xiu-Xiu? He's sleeping on your--" Sehun gulps--"window flowers, and won't come home."

Minseok smiles and smiles and smiles. "Sssuure... uh, window's that way."

He loves cats. Cats are the best. Xiu-Xiu is the cutest thing in the world, so sweet and fluffy, and it's just wonderful how much he appreciates Minseok's flowers. Xiu-xiu loves petunias, what good taste he has! And he has the best owner and a fabulous life, and did Minseok mention yet to the heavens how MUCH HE LOVES CATS???!!!

"Why are you smiling like you need to take a ?" Luhan interrupts, and Minseok wants to beat him over the head and cry, "Shhhhhhhhh," just to silence the slightly more evil thoughts that are now protruding from his mind. Instead, he just sighs.

"Xiu-xiu! Aww, there you are baby. Come to daddy, okay?" 

Sehun is leaning over the open window now and Minseok sighs, louder. For days he hasn't even looked outside his window, for fear of what he might find there. Probably all dead flowers. 

"Oh wow, he really did a number on your flowers," Sehun confirms a few seconds later, standing up again with the gorgeous, fluffy, lovable creature all tucked up in his arms. "Sorry, that's probably my fault. I keep telling him he's not supposed to go outside or disturb the neighbors, but he's such an escape artist!" he adds, fondly petting the underside of Xiu-Xiu's neck. 

Minseok begins to sweat, catching sight of the animal. The all too knowing animal. He swears it's staring right at him, proud and condescending, content in its mastery of life and manipulation. 

"He's... he's a pretty impressive cat. Yyyeahh."

"I'll pay you back for the flowers," Sehun says from the doorway.

Minseok tries to refuse, but Sehun is way too insistent, and by the time he's begged a third and fourth time to follow him to his apartment and let him give Minseok some cash for the nursery, Luhan is already jumped to Sehun's aid, egging on Minseok as well. 

"Shhh, go with him," Luhan delivers a whack to Minseok's rear end which he absolutely doesn't appreciate. "I think he likes you! Go, it won't hurt!"

Minseok's not so sure about that, but he goes, promising to be back asap or else. 

Sehun's apartment looks just like it did the last time Minseok saw it. He pretends to be intrigued by everything though, feigning being ignorant of the inside completely. Cat!! sits innocuously on the arm of the sofa, watching Minseok everywhere he goes. 

"You can pet him. He doesn't mind," says Sehun from the dining table where he's rifling through his wallet for stray cash.

"That's... okay."

Sehun smirks. "Don't like cats?"

Minseok balks. "What?? Noo, I don't... mind cats at all. They can be... sweet!"

Cat!! smirks at him. He just knows it does.

His whole body is nervous, a cold sweat breaking out on his face and neck, and while Sehun tries to keep up up an array of small talk, Minseok doesn't even hear. He's too busy finding something else in the room to spot so that he doesn't get torn into looking back at the sweet and adorable animal that's absolutely not taunting him.

"Hmm?" he says when he realizes Sehun is waiting for him to speak, closer now with a couple 10s in his hand. 

"I said, sorry about the litter box. I haven't cleaned it since this morning and Xiu-Xiu's kind of messy about it."

That's when Minseok realizes what he's been staring at, blindly, for the last few seconds. The stinky, messy litter box with the thousands of scattered granules thatCat!! apparently kicked up out of the box. A few turds stand up partially exposed and one giant clump of pee along one side, and Minseok can't help himself from wincing and thinking, Ewwwww. He wasn't nearly so messy when he used the litter box!

Then he chokes, realizing what thoughts he just had. He glances at Cat!! immediately and spots the thing smirking even more, its paw all sweet and innocent, but Minseok catches the thing's gaze. 'Caught!' Cat!! seems to say, and Minseok knows he is doomed.

"Something wrong?" Sehun asks concernedly.

"Huh? Oh. No, nothing at all!"

He accepts the 10 dollar bills for repotting his petunias, races back to his apartment, and kicks Luhan out as soon as he conveniently can because he just knows, he knows, he's going to turn tonight, again. He leaves his window open just slightly, puts on his most modest pair of pajamas--just in case--and settles down to sleep. Tomorrow's Sunday so at the very least he won't miss another day of work. 

"Xiu-xiu, wow, you really know how to get out of locked windows and doors!" Sehun tells him the very next morning, when he comes crawling home to Sehun's patio door, hungry and mewling, and  it. At least the can food tastes good and his litter box is clean.