Leeteuk POV

 

it has been a month since Hyuk and Hae have been in the army, I still haven't told Jin that they have left. I don't really know how and I don't want her to worry about it.

"You guys don't have to come with me, I will just pay a quick visit." I am going to Jin today...Well again, I have been as much as possible by her side. I promised Hyuk to take care of her and I will do my absolute best.

"I will come with you." Kyu has also been visiting her many time, he probably knows best how she is feeling right now. Siwon also stands up and is not going to leave. I guess we will just go all, I look at Ryeowook and he is already busy putting his shoes on.

 

The paparazzi has become less in front of the hospital, there are still a lot here, but in comparison with before the number of people has decreased a lot. They are still asking a lot of questions and taking a lot of pictures, I should make a statement to ask them to leave us and especially her alone. I should do that.

We are sitting all next to her and she is a sleep, she still sleeps a lot. But her body also needs it, the doctor comes and we all stand up. I look at her mom and she is looking full hope at the doctor.

 

"I have good news, she has made incredible improvement and is allowed to go home. She will still need to come in every week for a checkup and some therapy. "

 

I am so happy to hear this, she has really improved a lot and now knowing that she can go home really confirms that she is getting better. We are all celebrating, but her mother looks worried.

"Does she needs to stay in Seoul?"

"That would me more convenient, she is also not in the state to travel a lot, her body won't be able to handle that just yet. But we all agreed that it would be good for her to go home and start to do some more therapy, but we do agree that she should stay close to the hospital and in Seoul. "

Wait...Her family lives in Busan....That won't work, so she should stay somewhere else, Now I understand why her mother was looking so worried

 

"Is it possible to relay her leave from the hospital, we live in Busan so we have to find a home in Seoul first. "

 "She could life with me" I say it before thinking twice about it, I can feel everyone looking at me. "I life in Seoul and there is enough room for her. "

"Jungsoo, " Her mom is starting to object, but I quickly interrupt

"She is like family and I really want to take care of her. It won't be any problem for me to take her in and besides...I promised someone that I would take care of her." Thinking of Hyuk it makes me more sure of my decision, if he was her he would have taken her in, well they already lived together, but still.

"Okay, then. If you agree ma'am of course." Her mom nods and gives me a hug. She is smiling and keeps on whispering thank you.

"Is there anything that I should prepare for?"

"Well she will probably sleep most of the time, but it would be wise to set fast sleeping times. That way she will be able to go back to her old ways easier. She will also have to be brought to the hospital once a week for a checkup and once a week for therapy. Further just let her do what she can, try not to do everything for her. Let her try to do it on her own, but you can help her of course. "

"Okay, when will she leave the hospital?"

"We still want to keep her here for a little bit longer to make sure that everything is stable, but she can move in with you from the 20th. "

"Okay, Should I just pick her up here?"

"Yes that is okay."

"Hyung are you sure that you want to do this?" Ryewook is the only one that has enough courage to ask me that.

"yes I am one hundred percent sure about this. Do you guys want to help me pick out some girls things and ready her room?"

"Sure we will help you~"

"Siwon are you coming? " We all said our goodbyes and are now going, but Siwon is still lingering beside her bed.

"You guys go, I will go and help you later hyung.. I...I will have to leave soon, so I would like to spend today with her before I say goodbye."

 

"Okay, Siwon I will see you later" I give him a hug and we all leave.. I understand why he wants to be alone with her. It won't be long until he enlists.... I am glad that he still has the chance to spend some time with her, to say farewell for now.

 

Siwon POV

 

It is so kind of Leeteuk to take Jin in.. Hyuk will really appreciate that. It really hurt him when he had to leave, when all of this happen. This is hurting all of us.

"Oppa?" I am interrupted in my thoughts by Jin, seems like she isn't completely awake yet. She keeps turning and holds her hand out. "Oppa...Hyukjae oppa~ " Hyukjae? Wait! Does she remember him?

"Oppa...Don't go..."  I feel the tears welling up in my eyes, I look at her. She looks hurt and a tear escapes of her eye.. She is still holding her hand up, I grab it and hold it tight.. I might not be Hyukjae, but I will comfort her as much as I can.

"Siwon oppa?" I wake up and Jin is awake I let go of her hand and rub my eyes. How long did I sleep here?

"Jin...How are you feeling? "

"I am good, it is nice to see you again oppa" she smiles at me and her eyes twinkle a little bit again.  Every single day she seems more and more like how she was before the accident. She is starting to look more like herself.

"Ooh… Oppa why are you tearing up?" She takes my hand and her eyes look concerned. Aaish.. Leeteuk warned me, I should be careful with my emotions around her, we are indeed all just to emotional right now and she really needs to focus on her and she shouldn't worry about us...

"I...We are just really happy that you are doing so well. " She smiles at me, I wish that I could tell her that I am leaving for the army... I don't know when I will have time to visit again, so this feels like saying goodbye. I can't imagine how Hyuk must have felt...

"Jin, I will come by as soon as I can. You go back to sleep, you look tired." We talked for a really long time and I can see that she is tired. I just wished that we could stay like this for a bit longer...I don't want to say farewell yet.

"You promise that you will come by?"

"I promise." I squish her hand

"Tell Donghae that he also promised...." I smile at her and press a kiss on her forehead, I wish we could just tell her....

 

"Siwon, how was it? Did you guys have fun?" We are all gathered in Teuk place and they are all helping moving some of her stuff into his guestroom.

"It was nice, but also a bit sad." We sit down in the ...room

"It is hard to say goodbye to her, without really saying goodbye. You know that Donghae also promised that he would come by soon. "

"Yes, I know...Donghae had it really though, he was crying all night long..." This time Teuk hyung isn't exenterating...

"You know what I was thinking about when I was with her in the hospital.." They all look up to me, but I think that they also have thought about it.

"I found it really hard to say goodbye to her, to leave her. Can you imagine what Hyuk must have been going through, how he is feeling. We at least get to say goodbye to her, she recognizes us. but...Hyuk didn't even had the time to promise her anything, to..." I stop talking... I can't imagine how though it must be on him.. "he must be going through a really tough time, more than we can possibly imagine."

"You are right, we can't imagine what he must be going through, we all know how devastated he was. I have never see him cry so much... But the best what we can do for him, is letting him know how she is doing and taking care of her. "  We all agree with Teuk hyung, that is really all that we can do for him. It but at least it is something.

"What also reminds me, we all want that she remembers Hyuk.. But... Don't talk to her about him, don't tell her anything about them being together or being in a relationship."

What? .... I can see that everyone is looking at him in disbelieve, shouldn't we be helping her remember him? Do we want to leave them both heartbroken forever?

 

 

 

Leeteuk POV

 

I can see that everyone is looking at me as if I told them that water is burning.

 

"She should remember on her own and the doctor also said that it won't be good for her to force her to remember, her body will let her remember when she is ready for it. " I pause.." Besides...It is what Hyuk wants...This is one thing that we can do for him and also for her..."

 

*                                                       *

The past days I have been busy, I have been preparing for Jin to come and flying around the globe... I makes me happy to know that she will be home, well at least out of the hospital soon. We are all really happy with the recovery that she is making, it is just like with Kyu a true miracle.

"Do you think she will like this?" Kyu and Heechul are helping me preparing the last things for her arrival. They have gotten a lot closer lately,  Kyu visited her a lot. He came after concerts and if he couldn't come he was facetiming with her. Heechul was also by her side as much as he could, I suppose he tries to take care of her as much as he can for  Hyuk. He was devastated when he left and since she is the only part of Hyuk that we have with us. He takes good care after her, I am not sure if that is the reason, but it is nice to see that they all care deeply for her and that we are one big family.

"Heechul, she will love it." he is holding up a pink monkey and a moon pillow. They remind me of Hyukjae...

"It is weird isn't it, saying goodbye to all our dongsaengs..." we are sitting on the couch and Kyu is making us some tea

"It really is....Especially in this sort time span...First Hyuk, Donghae and now Siwon..." I agree with Heechul, it is hard to say goodbye to them again for two years long...

"Hyuk is doing really well in the army, Donghae also."

"I know..." I am so proud of them, really proud. "You know every day I have the urge to tell Jin how Hyukjae is doing in the army and every day I have to swallow the words back... She would have been so proud of him..."

"She would have been proud..."Kyu hands us our cup of tea. I bought a lot of tea flavors for Jin, it will be healthy for her. "But she would also have worried a lot. She would have been worried if he had it cold, if he would get along with everyone, if he isn't getting hurt."

"Kyu is right...Teuk, it is right to keep it from her for now..."

"I know...But it still feels wrong. "

"It is wrong... It is wrong how their love is just being ripped apart like nothing.." Heechul gets a sad look in his eyes. "but all we can do is wait for it to come back, because it is still their.. We just have to wait."

"We should also think like this, it might be hard for us, but imagine how hard it is for Hyukjae. " Kyu is right. I feel bad for him... Missing her... Ooh...

"You know that he writes letters to her."

"Huh?  What do you mean?" Kyu and Heechul are both surprised.

"He writes them addressed to her, but sends them to me." It broke my heart when I noticed that he also wrote a letter to her..

"Why?"

"So when she does remember, she can read it. How his day has been, what difficulties he has had. It is already a pile." He has been writing a letter to her every day, it is so romantic, but in this case sad...  I look at their face they also look sad, it is just another reminder how Hyuk is feeling...

 

*                                                                                                                                                   *

 

“Hyung before I go, there is something I should tell you something.” Siwon is leaving today, but he pulls me to the side, he must have something important to tell me.

“I know the doctor says that she doesn’t remember Hyuk and that we shouldn’t push her, but I believe that she does remember him”

“What do you mean Siwon?”

“Hyung, when I was in the hospital with her. She was dreaming and she was dreaming about Hyuk. She was saying his name and asked him not to go.”

“She was?”

“Yes she was even crying, but when she woke up she couldn’t remember where she was dreaming about. But somewhere, in her heart, she still remembers Hyuk.”

 

*                                                                                                                      *

We send Siwon away and it was hard, hard for all of us. I am finally back home and making the latest preparations for Jin’s arrival. I hope she will like her room, we all helped to decorate it.  I hope she will feel at home her, I can’t wait for her to be here. I am happy that she is doing well, I just hope that I can take care of her enough.

“Hyung don’t worry too much. “

“Thank you Kyuhyun, do you think she will like it here?”

“Of course she will, I decorated her room”

“Heechul…We did.” We all smile at his weird posture he is doing, I am so grateful to all of them for helping me arrange everything.

 

We are all a bit nervous and I am close to freaking out. I am going to the hospital in half an hour….What I am supposed to do until then?  I am nervous, I hope that she will like it, more than that that she will like the idea of staying with me…

I grab my phone and look at her instagram, the messages are full of support for her recovery, all of us got them as well. Messages saying that they are here to support us and her. I am happy that Elf accepted her so well. They really root for her and Hyuk, even on her instagram whenever she posted something about them or us, she never got hate.

I googled her name and a million articles popped up, a lot of her accident. I can’t look at the photo’s… Beside the horrible photos and articles about her accident I also find a lot on her and Hyuk. There are so many pictures of them together, even pictures that weren’t taken on an event… That is why Elf knew or suspected them to be dating… I click on a picture, this is them standing by the Han-river at sundown. They look in love… I hope that that will soon be what we all will be seeing again…

I arrived at the hospital and I see that security is already set up, there are still reports outside and more coming. I am glad that they closed the street down, so no reports can really see her from up close. I should hurry, I quickly walk inside and to the elevator. 

“Jungsoo, nice to see you again.” I smile at her mother and quickly give her a hug.

“Where is she?” She isn’t in her room and they are also not around.. She is okay right?

“They are taking her for a last check up and then she is ready to go. I packed these bags from their home.” I see 2 bags filled with clothes. It must have been hard for her to visit their place, so many memories…

“Do you want to come with us? “  We are still waiting for Yin to come back from her checkup, it is taking long, I hope that everything is all right.

“I would love to, but I have to go back home.” She doesn’t look to happy with the thought of leaving her daughter, but I understand.. I nod at her and take her hand, I can’t imagine how hard this must have been on her. Even if Yin isn’t her biological daughter, she is still her daughter.

“Are you sure that it won’t be too much trouble for you?”

“Not at all, I have prepared everything for her and I am looking forward to it.” I smile and she smiles back.

“Thank you, for what you have been saying to the media.”

“no problem at all, we are family after all.” I smile at her mother, I asked the media to give her and her family space and let them heal this in a private and secure way. It was just getting to crazy with media, they were practically camping outside and bothering everyone. Even Hyuk didn’t get to chance to breath, they even had to ask on every broadcast not to ask about her and her situation since it was a private matter and still something that turned Hyuk into an emotional mess.

 

“Hey sleepy heads wake up” I open my eyes and Jin is standing there. She is wearing a big sweater and is of the looks of it ready to go.

“Are you ready to go?” she nods and her mother is already tearing up.

“Ooh sweaty, come here. We will call every day, morning afternoon at night. Text me, okay?” She hugs Jin and when they break apart her mother won’t let go of her hand.

“Mum, Jungsoo will take good care of me. I will talk to you every day and you can come by every single day. Mom don’t worry too much, go home I will be fine okay?”

Jin lets carefully go of her mother’s hand and I grab her bags and give her my arm to hold on to, she still isn’t strong enough to walk alone and especially not this long.  Her mother gives her one last hug before the elevator doors close and we are off home.

“How are you feeling?”

“I am good, Jungsoo. Well I feel better, but it still hurts a little.” I can see at her that she is in more pain that she is letting on, that is something that we all admired about her, she is so strong.

“We arranged that the security was doubled and all the paparazzi’s and everyone else isn’t aloud near the entrance, so we will be able to get in the car safe and sound. “

“Thank you oppa, you have done so much for me.”

“You are my little sister, so of course.” I smile at her and she chuckles. I am glad to see her dimple again, in the past days she hasn’t really smiled much at all, well she was also a sleep most of the time, but still.

We step out of the elevator and someone takes over the bags and helps us going to the door. There are still a lot of people here and I can see that some are starting to recognize us. We hurry and I am glad that the car is ready to go. I walk to the car, open the door, but when I look at Jin I can see that she is frozen and looks at me with full fear. I totally forgot. She must be scared to ride in a car again, maybe we can get something else? I start to look around for something else, but I can’t find anything else and I hear some paparazzi coming.

“It is okay Jungsoo” Jin must have heard it as well and while balding her fists tight she steps in the car, she is truly brave. I quickly get in the car and start to drive of, I can see that Jin is tensed up and I hold her hand.

“Thank you.” She smiles at me and I hold her hand as tight as I can.

We got through the bunch of media without any problem, here and there, there were some that tried to look inside the car, I am so glad that my glasses are black and you can’t see through them. A lot of them also shouted questions, but I tried to go past them as quick as I could.

*                                                                                                                                                                  *

“Are you okay?” I am still holding Yin hands and she is holding on tight. I park the car and look over to her, she is sweating and looks frightened. Her eyes are closed and she is biting on her lip. She looks really scared, I let go of her hand and quickly get out of the car, I open her door and lower down to sit next to her.

"Hey.." I hold her hand and twist her face to face me. "Everything is okay, you are okay." her eyes are still shut and is holding my hand with one hand and with the other my arm. I look at her hands, they are fist and she is really holding on tight.

"Yaejin... Open your eyes." I speak softly to her and go with my hand over her cheek. She opens her eyes and looks scared into my eyes.  I smile at her and help her to get out of the car, I want to let go of her to grab her bags, but she quickly grabs my arm again and pulls me close.

"Don't let go... Please...." She is still trembling, I hate to see her like this. I nod and holding on to my arm I grab her bags and we walk to the elevator. We step in the elevator and I can see that she is tired and is using all her strength to keep on standing straight. I set down her bags and let her go for a little while and she almost immediately falls down. I get a hold of her just in time and wrap my arms around her. I notice that at first she is tensed up but relaxes and is grateful that I am supporting her to stand on her two feet. 

We are standing in silence in the elevator and I can see that she is falling asleep, her eyes close and then shoot open again. I pull her a little closer and she is now leaning more into me. I hate to see her this way, in pain, hurt, scared. 

Some other people also get on the elevator and I quickly remove my head of her shoulder and Jin also noticed that someone got on the elevator and we move apart even though we did nothing wrong, we have to be careful in the end we are still idols and people like to talk. 

It is a group of girls and Jin moves to the side and I can see that she is so tired and is hardly holding herself up. I look at the girls and they are just giggling and I don't see a phone. I take her hands and put it on my arm. She looks up to me and smiles gratefully. 

We get off the elevator and the girls now seem to recognize us, I tried to hide in my face in my sweater and she did the same, but I guess we failed. I lead Jin quickly out of their sight and greet them. 

 

"I am sorry, I think they didn't recognized you."

"Oohh... Do I look so terrible that you don't want anyone to see me?" She pouts at me and pretends to look hurt, I laugh at her cuteness 

"No no no, I don't mean that. I just want you.."

"I know, thank you." She smiles and I am glad that she understands that I want to keep her safe. 

 

I open the door and I help her to the couch. I go back to the hallway to get her bags and when I come back, she is already fast asleep. I smile, she looks peaceful a sleep. I put her bags in her room and grab a blanket and put it over. I hear my stomach growl and I am quite hungry. I know that Jin hasn't eaten much in the hospital they even had to give it her through a tube. I do understand why, they food in the hospital in uneatable. 

I walk to my fridge and it is close to empty. Not really anything to cook with and I am also not the best cook. Should I call Ryeowook? I know that they all wanted to come over. I could ask them to bring some food. I should, I grab my phone and text all of them. I also send them a picture of Jin lying on the couch. She looks so cute.

The boys are all enthusiastic about it and I am glad that they are coming. They said that they would be here in one to two hours. I should clean up, make the table ready, set everything up. I look at Jin and she is fast asleep, I should move her to her bedroom she will be more comfortable in a bed.

I carefully lift her up and move to her room, I open the door. I walk into her room and to her bed. I put her down and cover her, she snuggles deeper into the covers and holds my hand. She smiles and I am happy to see her smile. We all have been waiting for her smile. I try to leave, but she holds my hand tight.  

"Hyuk... Don't go..." she starts to mumble and I freeze by hearing those words... Just like Siwon said, she starts to mumble about Hyuk and a tear rolls over her cheek. I am sad to see her way, she keeps saying this over and over. I hold her tighter and give her a kiss on her cheek.

"He won't go... " 

 

I am setting up everything for everyone, but I keep thinking about what happened earlier. I am so deep in my thoughts that the sound of my ringtone scares me out of it. I grab my phone and it is Ryeowook calling.

"Hyung, we are all standing in front of your door, are you at home?"

"Yes, I am at home. Why? wait I will open the door." I hang up and open the door and they are all standing there. I smile at them and they all walk in, they all brought something.

"Why didn't you open the door?"

"I ... I am sorry, I didn't hear it."  they put down what they have bought and are looking around

"Where is our sister? Where is Yaejin?" Heechul is looking around everywhere even behind pillow, that silly guy.

"She is sleeping, we can wake her up when dinner is ready."

We are all busy preparing dinner, when Heechul comes back giggling. We all look at him and he smirks at us.

"I went to see Yaejin, she is still sleeping. Don't worry Jungsoo, I didn't wake her up. " I was about the scold him, I guess that he saw it coming.

"Did she say anything to you?" 

"No she was sleeping why?" 

"Ahh.. Okay." They are still waiting for my answer, but luckily the are back focusing on the food. We are done preparing and the only thing left is to wake Jin up. 
 

"You know what we should do, we should all go to her room and cuddle her awake." Heechul is so excited about his own idea that it is hard to say no to him.  I laugh and follow the rest that are all sneaking into her room.  We are all standing around her and she is peacefully asleep, before waking her up I quickly take some pictures of her, she looks so cute. she is holding a stuffed toy and it looks so cute.

"Jinnie~" Heechul hugs her and she wakes up, she looks confused and it is so cute. We are all laughing and Kangin is filming it. 

 

"I missed this." I stand next to Kangin and he puts his phone away. 

"What hyung?"

"This, having her around. Too bad that Hyuk isn't here to hold her."

"Soon hyung, we just have to give it time. Even though forgotten, some loves don't vanish." 

 

I suppose that Kangin is right about that, I look at them and I can see Jins bright smile again. They all get of her and I stop taking pictures of them. 

"Ahh... I have missed you guys." She smiles at everyone and looks like she is going to cry every single second. I know how much she hates crying and even more when everyone can see it.

"Okay, guys time to go. Jin we have prepared dinner so we will give you some time to freshen up." I get everyone to leave and Kyuhyun is the last to leave. I look back at her and she smiles at me and mouths thank you. I smile at her and close the door. 

"We should give Jin a lot of food, she should eat a lot."

"Why heechul? You know Jin she has never been a big eater." I love the fact that they are worried about her, but still knowing her she propably won't eat a lot. I should find something to that. 

"She is so thin. I know, I know she has always been thin, but now. It is like she has now has lost her curves and all the meat that she had on her body. I just want her to be healthy again and soon."

"I know, don't worry I will feed her well" he is right even when I hold her, I could feel her bones, she has gotten so skinny.

 

Jin POV

 

I look around and I think that Jungsoo carried me in to here. I remember falling asleep on the couch and I thought I imagined someone carrying, but I suppose that was Jungsoo. I look around and this room is nice, my room is nice. Jungsoo must have worked hard to prepare everything. I grab a sweater and chance out of the one I am wearing now, this sweater is big luckily. 

I am standing in front of the mirror and I look so skinny. You can see my bones clearly now, I quickly but on my sweater. I look in the mirror again, it hides how skinny I am, but still you can see that I am really skinny. but this sweater, I didn't buy it. It also looks like it is from a boy, maybe I forgot? I try to remember how I got this sweater, but my head starts to hurt so I stop remembering. 

 

"Mmm did you guys prepare all of this? It smells delicious!" I walk towards the guys and they all stand up, I can see that they are still worried if I can walk and if I will fall down, but I have worked hard and I am doing better.

"We did, come sit." Kyu walks over to me and sits me down between him and Jungsoo. I smile at them and we all start to eat, it is really nice to eat something nice again. 

"Here also eat this" Jungsoo gives me some meat to eat and I look at him. He is making sure that I am eating enough isn't he? 

"Jungsoo..." He just nods at me and looks worried at me.

"Please just eat his piece of meat as last thing, okay?" He is really worried, I nod at him and eat the piece of meat quickly. I feel like my stomach is going to explode, but I don't want Jungsoo to worry more. 

 

*                                                                                                *

 

"Aren't you doing too much? You are working again and everything. You should take it slow."

"Jungsoo, It has been a month that we have been living together, more than 3 months ago was the accident. I am doing okay, I am not doing too much."

"You are, just... don't overdo it okay? I don't want you to get hurt again, okay?"

I walk up to him and give him a hug, he wraps his arms around me and holds me close. 

"I know that you are trying to take care of me, thank you.." 

 

"I am sorry that I have been away so much."

"Aahh Oppa, I was also most of the time away. I was either working out, at therapy or I was working. " We are lying on the couch and I am leaning with my head on his legs. We have become even closer over the past months, he has been here all the time for me.

"It is nice to be with you now. How is work going? "

"Aah... It is going okay, I haven't been on any broadcast and I am planning on keeping it that way. I am  just filming  a drama, it is a lot of work because it is the lead, but I really like it.

"Aah I am glad to hear that everything is going okay. Have they all been nice to you?"

"Yes, they were all happy to see me, a bit worried, but happy." They were all surprised to see me come back to work this fast, I was just lucky that I didn't break any legs or anything. Everything is still blue and badly bruised but that is it. They were more surprised to see how thin I have become, Jungsoo still tries to feed me to much food as he can. 

"I am glad to hear that." We are both almost drifting into sleep when my phone goes, it is Heechul calling and I put him on speaker.

 

"Heechul oppa~" 

​"Jinnie, how are you?"

"I am good, how are you? "

"I am fine, what are you doing now?"

"I am lying on the couch with Jungsoo, just talking. And you? "

"I am done filming weekly idol, do you want to know how the guest is?"

"Of course, we are really curious." Jungsoo takes over the phone to hold it up and I smile gracefully to him.

"With bts" I freeze up, bts... Jungkook. "There is someone that wants to talk to you, Jungkook" I don't know how to react. I am still in silence and when I look at Jungsoo I can see that he is holding back his anger.

"I don't... I don't want to talk to him." I can hear that the noises in the background die down, he must have had the phone on speaker.

"Yaejin..."

"Heechul. I don't want to talk to him and I also don't know why he would want to talk to me."

"Yaejin..." I clamp onto Jungsoo's arm, Jungkoook. I haven't heard his voice for so long. "Yaejin..."

"Jungkook, what do you want." I can hear the gasp from the other line. 

"I... I am sorry... I am"

"You are sorry, where for? huh?" I don't know what else to say and Jungsoo falls in for me. I look up to him and he is angry. 

"Leeteuk hyung." Jungkook sounds surprised and starts to stutter.

"Are you sorry for the fact that you never called her to ask how she is doing, that you never texted her, that you never visited her again?!" 

"yes... I am sorry for that, I am sorry that I didn't check up on her, I am sorry that I left her all alone. I didn't know how to be by her side, I didn't know."

I feel tears welling up, I can't listen to him anymore.

"Jungkook-ssi I do not need your apologies and you didn't leave me alone. Jungsoo oppa has been by my side since day one, so has Heechul and the rest of them. Jungsoo has taken me in, he has help me to stand up, protected me, he took care of me. I don't need you to be next to me, I don't need you anymore."

"Yaejin..."

"I needed you...I needed my friend to support me, to help me, but you left. I now know that I don't need you, I have realized who my real friends are, who my real family is. Don't call me again, don't come looking for me. I have moved on, so should you."

"Yae" 

I hang up the phone and sit up. I can't hold my tears in anymore, I have been fighting them for the past months, I am sick of crying. Why did he call? He left me all alone in the time that I needed him the most. 

"Jin, come here." Jungsoo opens his arms and I hug him tightly. I bury my face in his chest and he holds me close while I am crying my heart out.

 

"Why did you cry, because of Jungkook?" 

"No...Partly..."

"Then why? Did something happen on work, on the streets?" Jungsoo looks worried and holds my hands.

"I don't know... I... It is like I lost something more than I can remember and hearing the words Yae... Someone else used to call me that, right?" 
I can see that Jungsoo is looking uncomfortable, he knows more.

"You remember?"

"I don't... When I try my head starts to hurt." 

"Take your time to remember, it will come back."

 

"Jungsoo when are you going to visit Donghae?" I feel really guilty now know that he and Siwon left for the army, they felt like they had to hide it from me. I am happy knowing that they care for me, I will come and visit them as much as I can. 

"Ehm... I don't know yet, do you want to go and visit him?"

"Yes, I would like to do that. He doesn’t know yet that I know that he has enlisted and since he is in Seoul I thought I would visit him. I also wrote a letter for Siwon." 

"You are free the day after tomorrow aren't you? You could go then, I can drop you off."

"I would like that, I am going to bed I am really tired and tomorrow is another long day. Thank you again for everything."

"Sleep well Jinnie~" Jungsoo gives a hug and I walk to my room. 

 

I plop down onto my bed and stare at the ceiling, I never expected him to call. I thought that he was done with me, he never visited me even once, never called, he just up and left.
He sounded so sad when I told him that I don't wanted  to talk to him, maybe I should have given him a chance to talk...But on the other hand he could have contacted me in the past months easily. 

I grab my phone and look at my schedule for tomorrow, I have to film one scene and I am happy to see that they have called in a break from filming of Remember. I am happy that they have been considering to my condition. I also look at the schedule for the day after and yes i am free in the afternoon then I have enough time to visit Donghae, I can't wait. 

I go through my photos and I look at the pictures that Jungsoo took the first day I came here, they are all hugging me and we all look so cute. I browse further through my photo's and I see a map that is named with a heart. I don't remember anything about this, I click on it, but I need a password to open it. I try a few times, but nothing. mm... I should ask Jungsoo about this tomorrow, I go to my instagram and look at the comments, they are all so sweet.

They are all wishing me well and hoping to see me soon again. I haven't uploaded anything in the last 3 months.... I pick the photo of me and the boys all hugging on the first day and upload it, I also write a little text to thank everyone for helping and praying for me.  In no time the first comments come and yes, one of the first is Jungsoo. He posted a heart and also a picture of us two, saying Ily. I giggle.

"Jungsoo~ Love you too~" I hear him laugh and I close my eyes. Gosh... I am lucky to have such close friends and family.

 

"Yae Saranghae~Saranghae. Where are you going? Yae?! Listen to me. Yae~ Jinnie~ You and me for ever." 

I wake up and turn the lights on, I am sweating and my head hurts so badly.  What was I dreaming?  A familiar voice, some silhouette... I try to remember more, but I can't get a face with the voice.... This is weird, he felt familiar, it felt... Like someone I loved deeply. I don't know.... I give up to remember and just stare back at the ceiling, maybe it was Jungkook? It didn't sound like him...uhgg..I can't remember. 

I know that the doctor told me about my memory loss and that it will come back, I just hope rather soon then later, I hate the fact that I don't remember certain things and more then that. I have this feeling that I can't remember something that is really important to me, or is it someone? 

 

"Goodmorning~"  I am in the kitchen and Jungsoo walks in, he is completely dressed and ready to walk out.. The past weeks that we have lived together have been a lot of fun, he has taken such good care of me. I don't know how I am ever going to repay him....

"I made some breakfast." I hand him a plate and he thanks me, I go back into my fridge. I still laugh at this sight, he has his own fridge and also bought one for me. Since in his is nothing but drinks, I really don't know how he survived before I lived here.

"This is great, you are getting better and better."

"I am glad that you like it"

"So what are you going to do today? "

" first I have to go to the hospital, then rehearsal and luckily they pros point filming so I don't have to go to set and I will be home early." 

"Filming of Remember?" 

"Yes, so we will start later this week I believe so going back to work." I can see that he is looking worried again.

"What does the doctor think of this?"

"I am going to ask him today, but he has been saying that I have made a miraculous improvement."

"Yes you really have, but you have been working for it day and night. You should take it slow though. We will see what the doctor says."

"Yes we will. What are you going to do today?"

"Filming.." He is talking with his mouth full and I try not to laugh, he looks like a hamster. I take a picture of him and he starts to pose. 

"Silly." He smirks and we both laugh.

"Jungsoo I am going, see you tonight." I grab my bag and give him a hug before going. He waves and I leave quickly.

 

Jungsoo POV

Jin leaves and I quickly grab my bags, I feel bad for lying to Jin, but how am I supposed to tell her that I am going to see Hyuk today? Aii... Now I forgot to tell her that I won't be home for dinner, well I should call her later then. 

Someone wakes me up, we arrived at the base where Hyuk is stationed. I rub my eyes and get out of the car. I am waiting for Hyukjae and I see him coming up, I wave at him and give him a big hug. Oohh I have missed this kid so much. 

We catch up and before we head back home we take some pictures but we quickly leave to get back home.

"Are you excited to go home for a few days?"

"Yes I am." I look at Hyuk he looks good, lost a lot of weight, but he looks good. Seems like time had given him some time to heal. 

"How...Ehm.. How is she?" He looks afraid to hear my answer, which is understandable, it is amazing that she is doing nice, but when she is doing great without you is also a bit hurtful.

"She is improving, she is doing way too much, working, dancing, rehearsing. But she is getting back on her feet."

"I am happy to hear that." He smiles, but he is also sad. "Does she remember anything yet?"

"Aahh..." I don't want to give him false hope and telling to truth is also hurtful. "She sometimes says things unknowingly, but when I ask any further he doesn't know why she said it. More than that she does really try to remember, but she... She get really bad headaches, her head starts to hurt when she tries." 

"Ooh.." Hyuk looks sad , but tries to smile "Well atleast we know that she knows somewhere deep down."

He starts to stare out of the window and looks at the moon. This reminds me of them as well, they always stared at the moon together. Should I show him some photos of her, or would that be too painful? 

"Hyuk, do you miss her? " 

"I do Hyung.... I miss her a lot. Do you know that fans also tell me about her and how they will look after her, pray for her, how much they love us together."

"I.. I take everyday pictures of her, I wanted to print them and send them to you, but I don't know if you want that, maybe it is a bit too painful." I say it carefully, but his light up a little. Just by the thought of seeing her.

"I have them on my phone, do you want to see them?" He nods and I hand him my phone and he carefully clicks on the map with her name.

 

I look at him, he smiles at some of her silly pictures, but soon looks sad at seeing the picture of her asleep with a stuffed toy in her hands.

"Does she sleep with this every day?" He points to the stuffed bear and I nod

"She does, she refuses to let go of it, why?"

"I... I gave it to her on.." He stops talking by a call that is coming in, it is from Yaejin. He freezes and I take the phone I answer and he is still in the same position.

"Jungsoo oppa, why didn't you answer any of my calls? Where are you?"

"Aah... I look at my phone and I see her missed calls.  '" Jin I am sorry, I am still busy. I am sorry that I didn't let you know that I wasn't coming home for dinner." Hyuk looks surprised at me, Aii I forgot to tell him that Jin moved in with me.

"Aah arasso, I will see you then when you come home. "  I hang up and look back at Hyuk.

"She was allowed to go home, but her parents live in Busan so... She had to stay in Seoul, so I offered her to move in with me and now we live together." I look at him, will he be angry? But he looks grateful

"Hyung thank you for taking so good care of her, it really means a lot to me. Knowing that when I am not able to take of her, you are." He smiles at me and we continue to talk and before we know it we are back in Seoul

 

"Hyung, can you send these photos of Yae to me? " I nod and we say goodbye. I see him walking home and I feel bad for him. I am happy that he is doing great, but now being so close to her, but so far away... I will take good care of her for him. 

I open my door and I enter quietly and when I close the door I almost walk up to someone, I almost fall down.

"Jin... Ya! Why did you scare me?"

"Ahh...Oppa, mianhae..." She smiles at me and hugs me. Something must have happened today. 

"Come go to bed, I will come later with two cups of hot chocolate." She smiles and I make our two cups of hot choco.

I send the pictures to Hyuk and he send a photo of himself back. I laugh at this silly pictures, I am about to send it to Jin, but yeaa... We usually always took silly pictures of him and send them to her. I hope that time will come back soon again.  I go to my room and quickly change. I go to my desk and  take out her letters. 

There are so many letters, I can't believe that she wrote all of them. Although she toughed that she was going to be on tour for some months. Should I give them to him in one go? I have been sending them one a day.. I take my phone and text them if he wants all the letters now or one at a time. 

"Ahh you have the hot choco!" She sits up and Ï hand her her cup. She smiles and pets next to her, I sit next to her and she leans to my shoulder.

"What happened?"

"Mmm... I had dance rehearsal today"

"For ballet?" 

"Yes..." She sighs and looks sad, I wrap my arm around her and she rest her head again on my shoulder. Something must have gone wrong.

"Did it not go as good as you wished for?"

"Yes, it... Everything went wrong... I am not flexible like I used to be, I..It hurts...I don't know how long it will take to go back where I used to be." 

"Jinnie, you were hit by a car. You were in a car accident and you were in the hospital for several months. It is not strange that you weren't as good as you hoped." she nods, I know that it is killing her. She has been dancing since she was 2, worked hard for everything.

"I know that you feel like you will never be able to dance on top level again, now you might not be on top level, but talent doesn't go away. It is still in you."   She smiles and I take her empty cup.

"Thank you oppa... It is just... I know, you are right.." she chuckles and puts her arms around me and leans her head on my chest. Even though she is smiling still something is bothering her.

"Did something else go wrong?" She nods and hugs me tighter...

"Dont get angry, pinky promise." I nod and we pinky promise, now I am curious. "Jungkook." I don't like were this is going, she must notice it and looks at me.

"Don't get mad. I didn't see him, but he send me a song three months ago." 

"A song? Did you listen to it? "

"I did, you song it way better."

"He sung lost star?" she nods, he send that to her? Well that is one way to confess your love. "What did you say to it? "

"Nothing. I don't know, I... I am done with him, he really hurt me." I wrap both my arms around her and lean my head on hers.

"How was your day?" 

"Aah... good, it was long, but it was tiring." 

"Okay, yes you were away all day long. Don't you want to go to sleep?" I try to hide my yawn and we both laugh.

"No, no I will be here." I pull her closer and close my eyes, I am really tired though. 

 

*                                                                                                               *

I wake up and my arm is sleeping. I look around and I fell asleep in Jin's room. Me and Jin are spooning and she looks peacefully asleep. I smile, I am happy that she is getting better. I close my eyes again and I fall asleep again. 

I feel something on my nose,  I open my eyes and Jin is tickling it. I smile and start to blow in her face. 

"Good morning." she sounds so cute, I tic on her nose  "Good morning." She hugs me again and her head is resting on my chest.

"Are you going to Donghae today? "

"Yes after dance rehearsal and then also therapy."

"Ahh okay.. Aah! I totally forgot yesterday, what did the doctor say? "

"Well, he was happy with the improvements that I have made." 

"What did he say about you going back to dancing and everything? "

"He told me to listen to my body and not to over work it, he says that it won't do a lot of harm, but I shouldn't overdo it."

"Okay, well listen to him well. Don't overdo it, okay? Pinky promise." We pinky promise and seal it.

"What are you going to do?"

"Filming...." I pout and she pouts back. My phones goes and it is Hyukjae calling. I quickly get up and take the call.

"Hold on a second." I try to cover my phone and look at Jin.

"I have to take this call." 

"Arasso, I will change then. See you in a bit." 

 

I leave her room and make sure that her door is closed. 

"Hyuk"

"She wrote me more letters?" 

"She did. Do you want them in one go or should I sent them one at a time? "

"Can you give me them today, all of them?" He sounds excited, but something in his voice also sounds a lot like sadness.

"I will, how late?" 

 

I change quickly and I can smell breakfast. I walk out of room and there she is cooking. I take a picture of her, she looks so cute.

"Stop taking pictures sit and eat." 

'Yes Ma'am." I salute and we start to eat. 

"I have to go." She quickly grabs her backs and gives me a hug.

"Don't overwork, okay? See you tonight." 

 

I am waiting for hyuk, I put all the letters in a bag and it is quite a lot. 

"Jungsoo!" I look up and Hyuk gives me a hug.

"Hyukjae, here are all the letters that she wrote for you and also some pictures I printed." I give them to him and he looks so touched by it. 

"Thank you Hyung, for everything." he smiles and I wish that I could spend more time with, but I have to go.

"I have to go, I will take to you soon." 

"Arasso, thank you hyung. Talk to you later."

 

Hyukjae POV

"What are you reading?" We are all done after training and are all exhausted. They take my letter and read it. I never toughed I would like it her and make such good friends. The past days we really clicked. 

"Jungsoo send me that,  Leeteuk." They continue the read it.

"But this is a girl writing." Girl? I quickly grab the letter, I recognize the handwriting immediately. 

I try to hide my tears but they notice it, I can't even read it anymore.

"Dear dear dear Hyukjae, I miss you a lot. Well already even though that you are in the room next door. I already miss you and I am sure that when it is the 12th that I will miss you even more. I am going on tour, so I won't be able to come and see you. I know that you will be disappointed, but don't forget so am I. It will be hard though, the next three months. And yes only three months I shorted my tour because the doctor doesn't think it would be wise to travel too much and all, since it then will be 5 months. I hope that you are happy with the news though since I haven't told you yet, but I think you are going to be excited. I still don't get how you didn't get it with all the clues that I have given you. The past three years have been amazing, still can't believe that we are together. ^^ I have been saying this a lot the last days, but I am really glad that I met you and the time that we have been together has been amazing, truly amazing. I know  that the coming two years will be hard, tough, not only for us two to be apart, since it will be three of us soon, it will be hard. You better buy me nice shoes when you come back, for both of us.
Hyukjae, Lee Hyukjae, I know that you are afraid of me leaving, of me saying goodbye or walking out on half way. Don't worry about that, okay? Do you best like you always do, try your hardest, focus. Don't worry about anything else, do you best. I will be here waiting for you, we will be here. 
Hyukjae I love you. I lololove you~ 

XX Yae

ps. I have been writing a lot of letters for you since I will be away from some time. Jungsoo will send them to you. Thank him for doing this, don't forget too;) xxx"

Everyone stops and just stares at me, My tears are falling and it seems that they are noticing now that I am crying. They all look concerned and are standing awkwardly.

"Hyukjae..." 

"I..So.." I can't talk I start to cry harder and they hand me  the envelope and the letters back. I try to put both letter back, but there is something else in it. I take it out and it is picture of her. She looks beautiful, the sun coming from behind her. Another picture of her and me together. The take both pictures and something falls to the ground, I take it and it is...Wait.... This is an ultrasound scan. 

I feel like the world is clashing down again.... I take the ultrasound scan and I look at it. So small, I turn it around and she wrote something on the back.

The first ultra-scan. I will send you more, promise. Saranghae Hyukjae. Yae.

It is so little, my tears fall again.

"Who is Yae? Is she your girlfriend? " I nod and hold the ultrasound tight in my hand

"Weren't you married to Jin?" The have been teasing me about her all the time, how jealous they are of me, how pretty she is. They look at the photo that they were looking at and then they are all freaking out.

"This is Jin.. Wait Yaejin. You two are an item in real life?" They are all so excited, but then they stop talking.

"Ooh... She wrote this before everything didn't she?"

"Yes she did. Before her accident."

"What does she mean with three?" The all come sit next to me or in front of me and I still can't stop snottering. I have tried to stop my tears for the past days, but they are all falling down now. I don't know if I should tell them. I  don't know. 

"What is that, another picture of you two? "The take the scan and before I can stop them they have already seen it.

"Ultrasound scan? Wait... She...You...Three." the have put it all the together.

"Well you guys where quicker in figuring it out then I was."  I wipe my tears away and put everything back into the envelope. 

"And now? After her accident, is everything alright with your baby?" they ask the questions hesitantly, since her accident was shown on every broadcast and pretty much everyone talked about it, they know how sever the accident was. I swallow and try not to cry. I should men up.

"She..Ehm... She lost it." I whispered it and everyone is silence. 

"She lost it after being almost in the hospital for a month." I stop talking and I put my letter away. I take out her picture and put it under my photo. I take all of them under my pillow. I hope that she is doing well, I know that Jungsoo keeps telling me how she is doing, but the fact that I can't be there for her. That kills me. 

*                                                                        *

I look at the bag that Jungsoo has given me. I am tearing up again...I swallow them back and put them in the car. I am happy to see Donghae today, I don't have many days. I can't wait to see him again. 

Donghae and I have been talking for so long and I have missed it. I have really missed him, we have been talking about the army, how it is, we have been talking about everything. 

"Have you seen Yae yet?" We haven't talked about it yet, but he is one  of the few that really understands what I am feeling or am going through.

"I haven't. I haven't spoken to her or anything. I have heard her voice tough."

"Really? When?"

"She called Jungsoo, they live together now, did you now that?"

"Jungsoo told me about it, I am glad about that though. He really makes sure that she eats and that she is doing well."

"Yes I know, I can't thank him enough for it. But what is wrong with eating? Is she not eating again?" I get up and Donghae immediately calms me down.

"Don't worry, it is not like last time. You know that she lost a lot of weight and she has gotten really skinny, so Jungsoo has been making sure that she doesn't skip any meals and eats a lot."

"Ooh okay, that is good. No I haven't really seen her yet, but the last time I did she was really skinny, has she gotten even skinnier?" Donghae nods, this is no good.  

"I know that you might not want to talk about it yet, but how are you doing about losing.." he doesn't know how to continue and I understand it.

"It is still hard to really.. I don't know, now looking back I see the hints that she gave me clearly. Now I can put it all together, the little hints she dropped. I am just sad that I didn't know it sooner or put the hints together. I find it really hard not being able to talk about it with her and her not knowing that she lost our child." I stop and I can see that Donghae is also sad about this.

"Yes I also hope that she will remember things soon."

"It is just hard, she is the only one who knows how it feels. You should read the letters she send me, she was so excited about us having a child. It is just hard."

"I can't imagine how hard it is for you. Not only did you lose your child, you also lost you girlfriend. But don't lose hope okay? She will remember you, she still loves you."

Me and Donghae have spent all day together and we are now walking back to where Donghae is stationed. We walk inside and everyone greets us.

"I am going to miss you."

"I you too." We give each other a hug and we break apart by a voice calling Donghae. I look at Donghae and we both know who it is. I go and stand immediately behind the pole and I look at them from behind them.

"Yaejin?!" Donghae is surprised by seeing her and they are giving each other. He seems happy to see her they both do. She has really become really skinny. I want to go up to her, I want to hold her. I look at how the two of them walk out of here, it is hard to see her leave from me. 

I miss her....

*                                                                       *

Going back was hard as expected, now being back I am glad that I have all these letter to read. We had a day of training and we are all exhausted.

"Hyuk what are all these letters?"  The all point to the stack of letters that I have, they all now who Yae is, but nothing really more. Since I was done with my training and now are placed. 

"Those letters are written to me from a very important person." I make up my bed and I totally forgot the pictures that where under my pillow. I still keep them there, the picture of me and Yae fly through the room and also the ultrasound scan. I turn around and they have already got them.

"Wait! This is Jin, you two? No way?! My girlfriend was right, you two are a real couple! How cute." They are all excited knowing that we are a real item and not just for the show.

"Are you doing okay though, with her accident and not being able to be next to her? "

"It is hard not being able to be next to her, but she is now out of the hospital so that makes it a bit easier, knowing that she is getting better." 

"Yes, we saw that she was out of the hospital, the media really didn't leave her alone did they." they look at the other pictures and it is just a matter of time before the see the ultra-scan.

"Yes, they were camping outside for months." And yes they are looking now at the scan. They look back at me and they are shocked. They look at the back and they are now sure that it is from me and Yae.

"10 weeks? Are you goi~" I take away the ultra-scan and it seems that they have seen the date.

"Ehmm no, this was taken before the accident." they all stop smiling and they look at my face. 

"What happened?"

"She lost it."

They are all sorry for us and we go to eat something together and the tv is on and they have been trying to cheer me on. 

"All those letters, she wrote them didn't she?" I nod and they all sight. They all look so jealous.

" You are really lucky to date her, I am so jealous. She is waahh so gorgeous." I smile at these sillies, I was indeed lucky... hopefully I will be soon again. 

We are all looking at the tv and they are telling all sort of news. We are about to leave when I hear them talking about Jin. We all turn around and we listen to what they have to say.

" Yaejin was in a serious accident several months ago." They show the images of her accident and I look away and they also show some video of her leaving the hospital. She was so skinny, everyone is shocked by the fact how skinny she has gotten. 

"Through an anonymous source we have received her medical records. Even though SM entertainment has left a statement of her accident, the serious of her injuries where never revealed. In her medical records has become clear that her injuries where a lot seriously then was told." 

I freeze no way. They are revealing her medical records? They are now talking about her bruises and about everything. I just hope that they are not going to reveal that she was pregnant and that she has lost her memory. But it seems that my hopes where a bit too high. 

"What was never revealed is that Jin has retrograde memory loss." My face drops, I am sure that nothing can make it worse.

"A shocking new fact was also revealed on this medical record, that Yaejins birthday is not 26-12-1995, but 26-12-1997. " 

This is terrible, this is a disaster. We stay until the end and luckily they don't reveal anything more, I go to the phone and everyone follows me.

"Hyung, did you see the news? "

"What do you mean?" I called Jungsoo and he doesn’t know yet where I am talking about.

"Jungsoo, they revealed her medical records, they told that she has memory loss, if they find out more they will know that she doesn’t remember me or anything related to me. And to make it worse, they revealed that her birth year is 1997, they have unveiled that the entertainment has lied."

"I know, you can find it online hyung."

"Yes, Hyung. Please, help her. Go find her, keep her safe and make it all go good."

"I know... Can you also make sure that not more gets out, make sure that the news of her being pregnant doesn't get out."

"Thank you hyung. Thank you so much, thank you for taking care of her. "

"Can you also make sure that they know that she didn't want to hide her real age, just make sure that they won't make it worse than it already is."

"Arasso, yes Hyung. I will try not to bicker about it so much. Thank you Jungsoo. Love you too." I hang up and we walk back to our room.

 

"Hyukjae, are you okay."

"No..No I am not okay." I try to breath. "This is a disaster. "

"So she has memory loss, but what do you mean with she doesn't remember you? "

"She lost some memories and she doesn't remember me or our relationship, but the doctor has said that it  will come back  with time." 

"That must be hard on you." 

"It is, but I know that with time it will comeback. I now just want her to heal and get better." 

"Wait...You were born in 86 right?" I nod..

"Waahh, you are 11 years apart. You naught lucky guy."

I smile awkwardly, at least they don't make a big deal out of it. I just hope that everything will also go right for her. This can really cause a lot of trouble for her, I just want her to be able to heal in peace, but I am also happy that she doesn't has to lie anymore. It really bothered her a lot that she had to hide her real age, it never bothered her that we were 11 years apart. I just hope that everything will go right for her, I don’t want her to go anymore pain.