Oneshot: Forever with You
Description
A SPECIAL REVIEW FOR THIS ONESHOT :)
alymagnaelove97 ( 12-21-2011 21:37:13)
Well, the title isn’t very eye-catching but it’s enough to make me curious to find out more. I’ve read several fanfics with a similar plot to yours, although you still managed to make it look interesting and somehow… different. The story has a nice flow, too (considering that it’s a oneshot, I think it’s a bit too short ^^).
I found several grammatical errors (ex: stumbling me backwards. It’s supposed to be “causing me to stumble backwards), however overall I think your fic is enxjoyable to read…
hopefully my review will help you in your writing in the future :]
Foreword
He pants heavily for several seconds and continues, “I still love you.” I gazed at him with an unreadable expression. Am I hearing this right? Am I dreaming? Did he really say he loves me? Am I hallucinating right now? Him loving me? Impossible.
“Bom?” he waves his hand in front of my face with a worried appearance. “You alright?”
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