"We fall in love with people we can't have"

 

 

As the wooden floorboards creaked, I slowly moved along the abandoned train tracks, soon finding an open space where it's just Mother Nature and I. Inhaling the clean scent of damp grass and leaves, I crouched down, situating myself comfortably at the edge of the tracks. Without any foilage as my personal cloud, I stretched my hand out, in attempt to protect myself from the blinding rays. Although the singing larks and squawking birds were all present, I finally felt at peace, at my haven, at my oasis. This is where I belong: not the bustling city where angry cars honk at you and furious shouts are fired at you every second; not the sophisticated world where every single day is a repetition of Ctrl+C , Ctrl+V; not a society built on the teachings that friends are only for pretend. This is where I really belong: with nature. 

Reaching deep into my pocket, I pulled out my last connection with civilisation: my phone. After plugging the jack plug of earpods into the socket, i inserted the cold plastic into my ears, blocking out the sound of nature and a melodic voice began, attracting my full attention.

 

Fall Fall Fall, scattering apart

My heart leapt. This dangerously beautiful voice which prevented me from leaving the world of connections sounded, as if it wanted me to reconsider my choice.

Fall Fall Fall, falling

Yes, I am falling. Again, into the deep dark abyss of loving him.

 

Because of you, I’m becoming ruined

The moment I hear his voice, I stop breathing, the world stops, time stops. He ruined me.

I wanna stop, I don’t want you anymore

I want to stay as far away from him as possible. That's how dangerous he is.

I can’t do it, this

I can't fall again, or else I won't be able to leave. he's like a magnet, always attracting me to you.

Please don’t give me any excuses

His whole existence is my excuse.

 

You can’t do this to me

His astonishing beauty, angelic smile and affectionate personality.

All of the things you said are like a mask

His answers to reporters and fans questions, are they all true?

It hides the truth and rips me apart

Is that what he's really like in real life? Or is it all a visage he puts on when he's being broadcasted?

It pierces me, I’m going crazy, I hate this

I don't even know if it's his true self, and yet, I am crazily in love.

Take it all away, I hate you

Please, stop pulling me back. I really hate him.

 

But you’re my everything You’re my

He's everything I had, everything I wanted.

Everything You’re my

He's the last puzzle piece to complete my life

Everything You’re my

But what am I to him? Heck, he doesn't even know me.

Please go away huh

He's eveything to me. Yet, to him, I am a mere fan out of the thousands, if not millions, he has.

 

I’m sorry I hate u

I have no choice but to hate him.

I love you I hate u

Or else I won't be able to fight against this cruel and selfish society.

Forgive me

I keep refraining myself from leaving because he's there. I'm sorry but I really want to hate him.

 

I need you girl

I really need him, but why is he so far away in this supposedly small and shrinking world?

Why am I in love alone, why am I hurting alone

Apparently I should be 6 degrees away from him, but the moment I disconnect myself from the virtual world, i'm millions of degrees away from him, hurting alone

I need you girl

There's no chance we'll ever meet and I even though I know the reality of it, I still want him.

Why do I keep needing you when I know I’ll get hurt?

Why do i keep wanting him, even though i'm sure of the sorrowful ending to our story?

 

I need you girl, you’re beautiful

He's so beautiful, so talented, so perfect.

I need you girl, you’re so cold

So fragile, so clean, so pure

I need you girl I need you girl

The moment I touch him, he'll break into pieces. The moment I walk into his world, it will be dirtied.

I need you girl I need you girl

That is how untouchable he is and although I am aware,  I still am madly in love.

 

It goes round & round, why do I keep coming back

Why do I keep coming back to him when I know that we will never be together.

I go down & down, at this point, I’m just a fool

I can't even see a future with him, but I still love him like a fool.

Whatever I do, I can’t help it

My heart unknowingly pains when I see him looking at another female idol, even though I naturally dream of a future with someone else. 

It’s definitely my heart, my feelings but why don’t they listen to me

Because of him, I even dreamed of joining the entertainment industry.

I’m just talking to myself again, talking to myself again

I wanted to be like him, to the extent I am willing to give up all the people in my life. 

I’m just talking to myself again, talking to myself again

Give up everything and start anew in another place, where he is.

You’re not saying anything, please, I’ll treat you well

I wanted to be like all the women he glances at.

But the sky is blue, the sky is blue

That was how desperate I was for his love.

 

The sky is blue and the sun is shining

I could never do that though, I didn't have the courage to dissappoint the people around me.

So my tears are even more noticeable

To my parents, I am the perfect daughter they wanted. To my friends, I am the calm, cool and collected fashionista whom they looked up to.

Why is it you? Why did it have to be you?

But to me, I am a coward who wasn't able to chase her dream. Instead, I was trapped in someone else's dream.

Why can’t I leave you?

So know, I am going decide for myself and follow my dream: to leave this civilised society, and thus leave him.

 

I need you girl

But everytime I try to leave, he pulls me back

Why am I in love alone, why am I hurting alone

I was like a puppy following it's owner, steel attracting to magnets, and a shadow following an object.

I need you girl

As much as I needed him, I will always be the shadow following him.

Why do I keep needing you when I know I’ll get hurt?

What is the point of loving him if there will be no result?

 

I need you girl, you’re beautiful

I fell for him the moment I first laid my eyes on him a few years ago.

I need you girl, you’re so cold

I admired him because he was so confident

I need you girl I need you girl

I admired him because he was so talented

I need you girl I need you girl

I admired him because he was so young and yet, he achieved his dream

 

Girl, just tell me you wanna break up

Soon, that admiration turned into love

Girl, just tell me it wasn’t love

Falling in love with him was like walking into a black hole. I never managed to save myself as I approached it and got in immediately with no form of leaving.

I have no courage to say that

As soon as I open any form of social media, he's breathtaking face is plastered on it. As soon as I read the news, his achievements are listed somewhere on the side

Give me my last gift

His perfection makes it harder to leave him

So I can’t ever go back to you

Even hearing his name roll off someone elses tongue sparks my unrequited love back to life.

 

I need you girl

Why does he make such a big impact on my life when I am clearly alone? 

Why am I in love alone, why am I hurting alone

He is just another person who doesn't even know about my existance.

I need you girl

I will climb out of his blackhole which I fell deeply in before.

Why do I keep needing you when I know I’ll get hurt?

From this point on, we will return to parallel lines, never intersecting with each other.

 

I need you girl, you’re beautiful

Moisture starts pricking my eyes as I hear his voice. That one tear, that tiny, salty, droplet of moisture is a mean of escape. 

I need you girl, you’re so cold

Missing someone and not being able to see even a photo is like being stabbed over and over again.

I need you girl I need you girl

Tears rolled down like a stream. I cried so hard out of frustration, knowing that nothing will change the situation. 

I need you girl I need you girl

He always tells people to strive for their dream and not live achieving other people's dreams through his music. Even if it means shutting him out, I am going to acomplish my dream. This is where I save myself from being consumed by this cruel and selfish world. It has to be now or never. Grabbing my phone, i roughly plucked the earpods out and twirled the wire around my last connection with the modern world. Drying the moisture rolling down my soft cheeks, I threw the device into the forest under the train tracks. This is the start of my journey, my reality. I am finally free. Free from expectations, free from confinement, and free from him. I will live my dream just as he told me to, I will rebel against  this hellish society, and I will slowly try to forget about him. No, I will forget about him. I will show all the puppets what I am capable of doing, and I will show myself I am perfectly fine living a life without the man I highly regarded. This is it. This is where I begin.

Goodbye, my love.

 

 

A/N

The song used here is BTS's I Need U and I give full credits to the person who translated this.I hope you liked this and please do not plagiarise. I got this idea as I pondered about my life on the train so it might seem rushed or empty and I apologise for that. This is my first time writing a story in that format so I hope you enjoyed it and i'm really sorry if I disappointed you. If requested, I may write a sequel to this so please comment your thoughts on this. Also, if you spot a mistake or have suggestions to improve this, please inform me. Don't forget to upvote!!!

Chelle

 

P.S. The reason why Jungkook is tagged is because I wrote this with him in mind and it the song would perfectly match with what was written. (i.e. The beginning where he starts singing and I hear his voice)

Another question: Is my writing style okay? By that, I am only referring to the beginning and the end as the middle part is not what I normally write. I have random ideas come to my mind every now and then btu I never have the courage to publish it as I feel like my writing is significantly lacking.