You parked your car under the building, and got out. Heading straight to its entrance. You opened his apartment's door to find the ghastly emptiness,again. You checked the balcony this time, but only hollow air greeted you. Cold sweat of panic, tickled down your forehead, when you realized that he's nowhere to be found. You quickly ran to your car thinking about where he could be, but stopped when you saw a familiar figure at the side of the building. You walked closer to have a clear look at the figure's face, and you sighed with relief and contentment at his sight. He stood there alone, leaning at the wall with cigarette trapped between his fingers. You walked to him and greeted him, but he only greeted you with an empty look, and choking smoke. "How about we go see some movie?" You asked trying to brighten the mood up. "I heard that there's this new mo-" "Go on your own,____." You sighed as you failed miserably. "Did you eat?" "I'm too tired to digest food." "But you have to." No response. He threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it. You felt that you could sympathize with the cigarette, you know how it feels to be stepped on. You stood there looking into his eyes silently, as he looked back at you. "Why can't you help yourself get over this?" You asked him,as you came closer to him. "Why can't YOU help yourself over this?" He asked you. And you found it ironic, how the question worked fairly for both of you. "I-" Your eyes widened when something crashed on your lips. He pulled you into him and kissed you harshly and ghastly. You resented the feeling. His lips were cold and dry against yours. The kiss was  hollow of all possible humane feelings. No love, no passion, no mercy. It felt as if you were being kissed by a grim reaper. So empty, so sinister, so disturbing, so poisonous. He smelled of smoke and dark intentions. It got you plagued, and you loathed it. You placed your hands on his chest and pushed him away, breaking the kiss with a trembling breath. As if you were chased by a ghost. You looked at him with surrender, as he smirked saying : "So it's true. No one wants to kiss a smoker." You wanted to hide your wrath but you couldn't help it, so you raised your hand and slapped him so hard.........Or you imagined to . "You selfish bastard." That's all what you could master after his horrific action. Tears poured down your cheeks with disappointment over him, his brutal words and mindless actions. "When did you become this cruel?" You asked with a tiny voice, and he looked somewhere else but you. His consciousness waking up in his eyes over what he had just done to you. He opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. "I'm not myself." That's all he could say. "I'm trying to help you! Why can't you spend some effort and try too!" You slightly raised your tone. He didn't answer you, so you wiped your tears with your hands and leaned closer to him, grabbing the collar of his jacket, pushing him slowly into the wall. "Listen to me, Mino." You were surprised at how you managed to find your threatening tone. "I'm not going to let you slip out my hands, can you hear me? You can try as much as you want , but I'm not going to let you get what you want. You're going to get better, and you're going to stay alive, and you're not going to break our promises. CAN YOU HEAR ME?!" You raised your voice at the last phrase, and even though he just looked at you with utter nothingness, you released his collar and said : " Good." With that you turned to your car, started the engine, and drove away.

     You opened the door slowly, and tugged your head in. "Hello." You called in a cheerful tone, as you stepped inside. You were satisfied to see that his apartment today is lit up, but still quiet. "Mino-ya, I'm here!" You called for him as you walked inside, and stopped turning your face to the side when you saw him in the living room. He was sitting on the ground with his back reclined to the couch behind him, and his head resting on the seat. As usual the cigarette was in his grasp, as he was looking at the ceiling. You sighed as you came closer, trying not to act awkward from yesterday's incident. "Hey." You tried to grab his attention. He looked at you for a second, and placed the cigarette in between his lips. Smoke violated your view and lungs as he released it, with a long exhale. You stood there looking at him for a moment, before he mentioned you with his hand to the space beside him, at the ground. Without hesitation, you bent down and sat beside him. He lifted the cigarette to your eye level. " Uh no, thanks." You waved your hand. He seemed unusually calm today. Yes he's always quiet, but not calm. Today he seems sort of tranquil. You thought it was bizarre, as if he seemed at peace.....his mind at peace. You wanted to ask him what is going in his messed up mind, but you shoved the thought away. He might be actually trying to get better. Just maybe. At the thought your mood lightened up, and you smiled unconsciously. All you could hear is the voice of his inhales and exhales, as smoke invaded your privacy. You looked over at him, and he was staring at the ceiling. If there was a painting at the ceiling, you would have believed that he's appreciating it's depth, details, and beauty. You looked over at the ceiling and then back at him again, hoping that he would say something. " Did you eat?" You broke the dead silence. He shook his head. "Okay then!" You stood up and clasped your hand, cheerfully. "I'll go get you something! Stay here." He just looked at you with an expression you can't make. It was of sadness, peace, and letting go. "Stay here." He said in a his husky deep voice.......that voice that you've always found attractive. "What?" "Stay here for a while, you just came." You decided to sit beside him for a while, even though you know he'll stay silent. " Die happy,_____." Mino whispered. Again...he said it again. He keeps on telling you that. "With you." You finished. "Die happy after dreaming-" You blocked his voice with your thoughts. You knew the rest. Pride and gold. Tulips, dawn and kisses. Chocolate and white dresses. Diamonds and cakes and forests. " They're never empty." He finished his sentence, and you looked at him trying to dig up what he meant. "Don't dream of pretty lies, broken keys, and empty vessels. They're all meaningless." He added, now he was staring at you. You looked away trying to find something to cover for your obvious confusion. "O-okay. I-I...let's go get some food! it's on me!" You tried to sound loud and bright, but it came out through a whisper. This time he let you go, eyeing you as you stood,  told him you'll come back quickly, and left. Throughout the whole ride, you recalled his words to you, and tried to figure out his intentions behind them. Why would he say them? You thought, and for some reason your heart started beating. You felt strange and terribly concerned. You kept thinking about him, how will you find him in the same position perfectly fine when you come back, but something said 'no.' You tried to hurry up, go back to him. You sighed with relief when you parked your car under the building, and took the elevator. As you opened the door, a strange smell tackled your nose. The house smelled of kerosene. Your eyes widened with realization and dread as you dropped the food on the ground, slammed the door shut and ran inside. Your heart beating madly. "MINO?!" You screamed his name, as you started shaking. The moment you reached his room's door, you saw him. Standing their in the middle, with dead eyes and something in his hand. A match. He lit it. You screamed his name, and he dropped the match on the ground, fire eating the beginning of his carpet. Time stopped. You lost him, you thought as you scattered into ash, and salty tears. He finally did it. He's ditching you with broken promises to clean. He's ditching you with a burned, loathsome memory of him. You suddenly remembered his goofy smile, silly jokes, and beating heart. Tears pouring down your cheeks like a broken faucet. He slipped out of your hands....you were almost there. 'I'm not going to let you slip out of my hands....you're going to stay alive.' Your words of yesterday, haunting you in whispers.The smell of fire choking you, and slowly bringing you back to reality. You blinked at the starting fire. "No." You said with clenched fists as you ran to his kitchen, broke the fire extinguisher's surrounding glass with a chair, took out the fire extinguisher and ran back to him. "I'm not going to let you burn yourself without my permission, you !"  You yelled with anger, as you busted in the room and pressed the fire's extinguisher. Whit clouds of carbon dioxide, forming everywhere. You placed the heavy object on the ground and splashed the fire with the gas for a long while, while Mino was staring at you incoherently. You eyed the fire as it died away before your watery eyes, and dropped the objects tube on the ground feeling the urge to puke and collapse. You hands and knees were shaking from the force of your sudden reaction, and you felt your body's temperature increasing dramatically. Suppressing the urge to curl on the ground and sob, you turned to Mino's blank face, your eyes glowing with rage and agony. You charged towards him and punched his chest with all your might, pushing him and yourself backward on his bed. You took the your appropriate positing, and continued hitting him, tears streaming down your eyes. " You moron!!" You shakily yelled. "You stupid, selfish, dumb, jerk!" You stopped hitting, and covered your face with your hands crying. " I hate you so much! I hope you burn in hell, so don't do it yourself!" You removed one hand from your face and hit his arm. He was lying next to you on the bed, as ,finally, tears welled up in his eyes, and one slid down his cheeks. He stayed silent. "You were going to kill yourself." You wiped your tears with your hands. "Leaving me to clean your mess. I told you yesterday I wouldn't let you do it! You thought I was joking? Or too easy to do that?! Unlike you I keep my promises, Mino." You tried as hard as you could to calm yourself down. " I wanted you to get better......SAY SOMETHING!" You yelled him. " I CAN'T GET MYSELF TO GET BETTER!!" He yelled back. " WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB TO COME BACK EVERY ING TIME?! I'M SCREWED UP AND READY TO DIE! JUST LET ME BE!! I LOST IT ALL!" "You didn't lose me." You spoke calmly. "WELL, I'M READY TO!" "I'm not. I-" "I can't ing love you back,_____!!! I want you to put that phrase clear in your mind." "If you say these words again, Mino, I swear to God I will beat the living lights out of you." You threatened him. "You ," You cupped his face, and his eyes widened. " I'm still your friend and I care for you. All those years of friendship made you think that I'm just like the rest of your friends? You can push me away whenever you want? Mino, I don't want you to love me back. I never asked for it. I'm just blessed by staying best friends like we always were. Why are you so unappreciative of what's around?" " I-" He started. "Don't interrupt me." You cut him off, trying to make it sound like a joke when you realized it's no time for jokes, and both of you didn't get it anyway. " You have people around you that love you and wants the best for you." "I have no one, now." "Until you pushed them away." You finished your phrase. " You don't own all the problems in the world. You're not lonely, nor homeless, nor chronically ill. Why can't you look at all the things you have that others don't?" He looked at you, consciousness kicking in his eyes. "Haven't you ever thought about all of those who would hurt when you die? Haven't you thought of how will I live with the situation?" He kept staring at you, tears in his eyes. "My depression blinded me." "Very selfish, if I say." You released his face and sat staring before you. " Mino, do you remember how many friend of yours attended your brothers funeral?" "Many." "How does this sound to you?" "Sincere." "Considerate." You finished. "Why bother if they didn't care about you?" He looked at his hands, in which one was beneath yours. "We all have our ups and downs, but that's what we all get, and we have to surpass it. You keep in mind this quote : ' Lord, grant me the strength to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.' Know the difference, Mino. That's what I was helping you for." He kept staring at the ceiling, not blankly this time. You knew he was thinking, realizing, waking up. You slide yourself on his bed, staring at the ceiling......which was probably the only thing that made sense. " Eat, drink coffee, ride a skateboard, ride a surf board, visit museums, make new friends, celebrate your birthday, celebrate Halloween, fall, fall in love, get up, make mistakes, redecorate your room, wait on the subway station, read, watch a movie, pull pranks, change, live. Just live, Mino." You whispered , with your head on the pillow. Staring on the halfway burned carpet one last time, before your eyelids fell heavy, and surrendered to sleep. You weren't planning on sleeping, but as soon as you laid your head on the pillow, sleep attacked your privacy. Mino looked to his side; at your sleeping figure, your back facing. His mind trying to register what you instructed. It was all around him the whole time, but he couldn't see it. He could do all those things and much more! They are all his! But he was trying to obtain what he doesn't have ,that he forgot to value what he does. He stared at the empty room.........no, filled room before him, tears weren't falling, but his eyes were wet. 'Live. Just live, Mino.' He thought to himself, in your voice. A faint smile sculptured his lips because he knows how much blessed he is to have such friend to tell him, to teach him those words. To show him all the things he owns and can do with no strains. He lay on his side next to you, hugging your figure tightly. He nuzzled your hair, as it tickled his face. "I love you, too." He whispered, almost inaudibly. "I'm sorry, I lied." But you were too far away to hear.

HIIIIII My lovely readers!! I'm back again with another angst! please comment your feedbacks it's appreciated ^^