In movies, books etcetera I've always wondered, what if she didn't have super powers, what if she never found out her true identity, what if she wasn't so perfect. But then again if she was such an ordinary girl, it wouldn't be an interesting story right?

 

And I wonder why I have trouble sleeping. With so many thoughts in mind, how could I?

 

So here I lay on my bed silently crying my heart out as I just finish another romantic film. The what if's fill my head yet again. It's strange how I could be thinking about strolling through a lonely park during an autumn's day, feeling the breeze and listening to the crackles of the leaves below, to a scene where a mysterious hot male knocks on my window at some ungodly hour and the mischievous smirk signals the beginning of a midnight adventure. The scene plays in my head. It's night and the moonlight streams through the shutters of my bedroom. The silence overpowers all noise except the beating of my heart. Something knocks at the window and I open my eyes ever so slightly to see the silhouette on the ground. Wait, my windows has a flyscreen. Screw that idea, I won't be able to let him in. A balcony.

 

I replay the scene again. The moonlight, the beating of my heart, the knock. This time I slip off my bed to open the door. It's exactly like the movies, there's an incredibly hot guy on the balcony of my house, no, apartment, wait that's too tall, unit? whatever. Like always, I can never see his face. In all my fantasies, this mysterious guy of mine never has a face.

 

Like always, I always end the scenario unfinished. Every single I do is so half-assed. The unwritten list of the things I haven't finish must at least fill 128 pages. I hate myself for knowing that I hardly put in effort. I know I can, but I'm too lazy. Yeah, keep using that excuse you pitiful child.

 

I stretch my legs and I can feel the cramp in my right calf. Well me, I can say goodbye to sleeping. I grab my phone and mindlessly open SMS. Looking at SMS makes me so awfully depressed. There on the top is someone called "bae".

 

My non-existent love story. Hah, what am I thinking. It started when I started playing the super popular online game introduced by my brother. I had met him through internet friends and before I knew it, I had a mega crush on him. Everyday at school, he was always on my mind and I would scold myself for falling for a guy I'd never even met. I told my friends about him but I was getting so obsessed about him I eventually shut up for the fear of annoying my friends with nonsense.

 

In fact, I hadn't talked to him in a week or so. Right now, I can't be even sure I like him anymore. I convince myself it's okay to not like him, after all he is a stranger. He could be some e or psychopath. My previous attempts to maintain a conversation with him only contained his cold one-worded replies.

 

At that moment, my phone vibrates and the banner drops down.

 

SMS

bae: skip to 2:20

 

He's sent me a link. Shame, the wifi's currently experiencing a ty phase. Also, this would be payback of him seen-zoning me, not that he actually cared whether I read his messages or not.

 

The ty wifi is also the reason why I am writing this story right now. So all my thoughts can finally be put into words, something I've always struggled to do.

 

When I first "met" him, it was after my mother threw pasta at my face yelling that it was and I should eat it. I ended up telling him everything I felt and how I considered suicide. Even in my unclear state, I thought it was a stupid idea to die over pasta. I found out that he had a chronic sickness and that was home-schooled. He considered suicide as well. I wasn't surprised, to be honest I can't even remember what I felt back then.

 

I played with him with every moment I had. The moment I entered the house I would rush upstairs and turn on the computer. I would then play for 6 hours, 4 till 10 and not showering on most days.

 

In the holidays our late night calls became more frequent, when I had to go to bed but he and our crew stayed awake. He didn't live near me at all, in fact a different state, a different timezone but in the same country under the same sky. bleurgh, how cliche.

 

The only reason why we ever called was because we were playing a game. 

Our love story never really existed.