warning: mistakes and formatting issues. 900 words of unrequited love and sad yeol. ty writing but mainly sad yeol. :'-( 

once again, inspired by this song (!!)

I’m jealous of the rain that falls upon your skin; it’s closer than my hands have been. I’m jealous of the rain.

It rains one day, ten minutes before they're supposed to go out on stage and Chanyeol watches from underneath his own umbrella as Baekhyun runs about gathering the members in his stage outfit, small raindrops glistening on his skin and hair.

The droplets collect on his arms and legs, and on the hand that covers his face, shining nearly as bright as the spark in Baekhyun’s eyes.

It’s stupid, but Chanyeol wishes he could get that close—to touch the boy without garnering weird stares and flinches—and run his hands over the blonde’s soft skin, mapping out each and every beauty mark upon his body.

He’s jealous of the rain. Tch.

I’m jealous of the wind that ripples through your clothes— it’s closer than your shadow. Oh, I’m jealous of the wind.

They’re at a photoshoot next, Chanyeol watching the way that Baekhyun naturally poses without a thought. He sees the boy fall into position easily, completely submissive to the photographers wishes, and he sees the boys coat ruffle in the wind, sighing as it caresses around the blonde’s hips and makes his hair hit his face in sharp wisps.

He watches Baekhyun smooth the pieces back into place with delicate fingers.

He’s jealous of the wind. Tch.

Because I wished you the best of all this world could give. And I told you when you left me, there’s nothing to forgive.

It’s an intervention next, where all remaining members sit splayed on the living room lounges, surrounding a skittish Baekhyun, who’s been pacing a hole into the ground for days.

“I’m leaving,” he announces quickly, eyes shut tight, and no one speaks for a whole minute. Chanyeol closes his eyes, feeling them sting and itch, but he won’t wipe at them. It’ll just make it worse.

Jongdae is the first to approach the boy, landing a comforting hand atop his shaking shoulder, simmering, “Baek, this doesn’t have to be your only option. There are things we can do—we can talk to the managers. Whatever it is, we can fix this. As a team.”

Baekhyun’s shaking his head before Jongdae can even finish, murmuring, “No, no, no. This isn’t something anyone can fix.”

Chanyeol feels the boy catch his eye, and the giant can feel wetness upon his cheeks. Figures he’d ended up crying like a big baby anyway.

“I have to do this alone, I’m sorry.”

Chanyeol thinks that he’s the one who should be saying sorry.

But I always thought you’d come back and tell me all you found was heartbreak and misery.

He doesn’t think Baekhyun will last a week, let alone a month.

It’s been a year and everything is fine; the fans are still the same, the company is still the same. Everything is the same, but it’s all wrong because Chanyeol isn’t the same.

He’s changed, and no one’s noticed.

“Baekhyun would’ve noticed,” he thinks.

It’s hard for me to say, I’m jealous of the way, you’re happy without me.

Chanyeol sees him one day walking down the street, laughing and latched onto someone’s arm. He remembers seeing the smile during his darkest moments, and now it’s directed at someone who doesn’t even know him like Chanyeol knows him.

Chanyeol bets they’ve never seen him cry his heart out, shoulders shaking, but not making a sound. He bets that they’ve never sung a duet together, or spent the entire night driving around the countryside, belting out songs at the top of their lungs.

But he also bets he’s held Baekhyun close at night, and smelt the exact scent of his hair, and tangled their legs together, and seen him in the deepest throes of passion.

He’s jealous of someone he doesn’t know. Tch.

I’m jealous of the nights that I don’t spend with you. I’m wondering who you lay next to. I’m jealous of the nights.

He thinks about him the same night, lying wide awake, arms by his side as he wonders what the two are doing right now, and if they live together, and if they’re lying next to each other right at this exact moment.

But then he looks at the unoccupied space beside him and there’s this pull on his heart, and a lump in his throat accompanied by that familiar sting of his eyes.

He goes to sleep with tear-tracks running down the sides of his cheeks.

I’m jealous of the love, love that wasn’t here, gone for someone else to share, I’m jealous of the love.

“He doesn’t deserve him,” Chanyeol thinks the next day.

He doesn’t deserve Baekhyun’s innocent, pure love and the boy’s beautiful heart. He doesn’t deserve to count the stars in the boy’s eyes, or feel the softness of his lips, or categorise the exact shade of his skin. He doesn’t deserve to see the boy cry silently, or laugh till there’s tears collecting at the sides of his eyes.

He doesn’t deserve to love the boy, or to hold him close, or to comfort him. He doesn’t deserve to make the boy soup when he’s sick, or get into food fights when they make cookies. He doesn’t deserve to love him.

He doesn’t deserve any of it.

And neither does Chanyeol.

It’s hard for me to say, I’m jealous of the way you’re happy without me.

because i am a er for sad yeol

im srry if it // angst is not my thing ok im sorry