I noticed you, but you didn’t

“So, after this, we are going to go to the classroom so that you’ll meet your professors” the young boy just kept quiet at the announcement, he nodded slightly, giving the seniors signal if he was listening. He walked alone, staying behind until someone tapped his shoulder

“Hi, what is your name?” the boy looked to his side and found a new face, “Kim Taehyung” he replied, flashing his smile, “and you?”

“Park Jimin”

“you have to sit beside me”

Taehyung startled, “eh? Why?”

“because I know no one and you are the first guy I know” the boy grinned, Taehyung chuckled at the childish reason, “okay” he agreed

As they get into the room, they picked the middle row seats, Taehyung picked the chair near the wall, and Jimin occupied the chair beside him. They talked about many things, more like Jimin talked a lot, Taehyung just kept responding to what his new friend said.

“Okay, class. First, I’m going to introduce myself, you can call me Mr. Seo, and please sign on this attendance paper” he showed the class a clear plastic file and gave it to the person sat in front of him

Taehyung didn’t take a note at what he said, mostly because it was only the usual things. When he finished signed the attendance paper, he gave it to the person behind him, he wore a mask. Taehyung didn’t care at all. He got back to his previous position and listening to the Professor talk.

“I’m going to distribute a paper of list of supervisors. Please check who’s yours and he or she will be your supervisor for this year”

Taehyung nodded slowly, then someone behind him poked his back, turning back Taehyung asked, “yes?”

The masked guy took his mask off, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch what he say. Could you explain one more time?”

For a second, Taehyung felt his breath was taken away, the guy’s face is just right, everything is right in place and it’s perfect, but he tried to focus, “the paper is about list of supervisors, you just have to find your supervisor for this year” the guy nodded at the brief explanation, “thank you” Taehyung nodded shortly and turned his body back.

Probably, it just what a nice person does. Approaching everyone.

Taehyung opened the group chats, hundreds of unread chats were practically begging to be read. Today is Saturday, which he and some other friends already made a plan to hang out with the seniors. Taehyung woke up and felt his body really heavy, eyes sore and head throbbed painfully. He was in no condition to go anywhere, he needs to rest or he would collapse tomorrow in college. He quickly grabbed his phone and typed

TaeTae
I’m sorry, I can’t go, I’m sick.. I’m so sorry T~T

Then his phone buzzed, it’s from his senior

ParkHyeJi
Aw! Go sleep and rest.. hope you’ll get well soon

TaeTae
Thank you, noona :D

And he lied back to his bed, sore throat, flu and fever were the worst combination ever. Then his phone buzzed again, ‘probably just saying ‘your welcome’ or anything like that’ he thought before he fell asleep.

The next day, his alarm rang at 8 sharp. He and his friends has a meeting for upcoming event which will be held next month. He was still not 100% healthy, but you just have to sit down for like 5 hours and what’s the worst thing could happen?

He checked on the notifications, and an unfamiliar name appeared, he decided to read the chat.

HoSeokJung
I don’t know what kind of sickness you’ve caught, but get well soon, so that you’ll come to today’s meeting. :D

Despite of not knowing who’s the person, Taehyung decided being friendly and nice. That person must be one of his classmates but he didn’t know which one.

TaeTae
Thank you! I get better today, I’ll come. Wait for me! hahaha >:D

And a quick reply followed.

HoSeokJung
I will. See ya :)

And the only thing came to his mind is, ‘I never talked to him, I barely even know him. What a nice person, saying encouraging words to unimportant person like me’

Fate bring us together. Or was it just coincidence?

“Taehyung!”

Taehyung turned back, “yes, Hyeji noona?”

“you signed up for events team, didn’t you?” the boy nodded, “I’m sorry but it’s full, maybe you could move to transportation?”

“I haven’t got my license yet, I’m sorry”

Hyeji looked at the paper on her hands, flipping through the pages, “Ah! What about documentation?”

“oh, okay. I think I could help in that team”

“Ah! Great! I’ll put your name there, thank you, TaeTae!”

Taehyung smiled, “okay”

“and Taehyung, you’ll come to the meeting, right?”

“I want to, but could you tell me, what public transportation could I take?”

“public transportation? Hm.. why don’t you join your friends? Like, there are many of them bring motorcycle”

“Taehyung will be with me” both of them looked to where the voice came, Hyeji grinned “you came at the right time, Hoseok.”

‘Hoseok?’ Taehyung swore he saw that name but he didn’t remember where, “well, then it’s settled, you’ll be with Hoseok. I gotta go, finishing other things, bye!”

After Hyeji gone, Hoseok walked closer to Taehyung, “did you bring helmet?” he shook his head, “oh.. it doesn’t matter though, I’ve got two.”

“thanks.”

“no problem”

Stop it! Before I love you.

Taehyung wasn’t fully recover, but today is the day he and all the freshmen along with the seniors stayed in a hotel and divided into groups, each group should performed any kind of arts and fortunately he didn’t stuck with Hoseok in the same group.

“what are we going to do?”

“dance?” the rest of the group members looked at Taehyung with wide eyes, “no! no! no! I mean, like parody dance, you just have to learn the basic dance but you could be as awful as you want”

“Ah! Okay. What kind of dance?” a girl with ponytail asked

“I have one, the song and the dance might fit our parody theme” the other one rotate her laptop so everyone could see. Another guy in the group spoke as soon as the video ended, “I like that, besides we, boys didn’t do anything much” Hoseok nodded at his words

Taehyung frowned, “but… there are three girls, and two boys while our group consist of 3 boys and two girls”

The girl snapped her fingers, “That’s why! our theme would be reverse dance”

“What?!”

“you boys will do the girls’ move, and vice versa”

“Big no!” Taehyung held his hands up, “i don’t want to do that! it’s too girly”

“well, it’s your suggestion to do this” Jimin stated matter of fact, the younger sighed, “fine, I’ll be the blue one…”

“nah. You’ll be the yellow girl who showed the last”

“What?!”

“be grateful, at least you just have to show up on the last minute of the performance”

“look at the bright side, when will you have a chance to have wings?” Jimin held his laughter as he said that, Taehyung sighed audibly, “fine, but only if Jimin being the pink one”

The girls look at Jimin, “Okay, but!” Jimin emphasize the word causing Taehyung to gulped in anticipation of his next words, “…you have to re-enact the scene cutely” Taehyung groaned while Jimin smiled smugly, “fine” he finally answered

“okay, let’s go practice” Taehyung really wanted to say ‘no’ but since it’s for the group’s sake, he couldn’t.

As they practice, Taehyung kept squeezed his eyes tight several times, his vision getting blurry, his head feels like want to burst in no time, but he would shook his head, thinking the pain will go away if he did that which only made it worse.

Then it started, his group is the fifth one, which mean after Hoseok’s. Hoseok’s group were also performed dance, and it was really cool, Taehyung must be lying if he said that he didn’t find the older attractive and hot in just 5 minutes perform.

His group finally walked to the backstage, for the preparation, Taehyung wore the wings, Jimin and one of the girl helped him to fasten it. Then, he covered himself with blanket. In the stage, he sat down in the back corner of the stage while Jimin and the other three members are busy dancing.

The bridge coming, Taehyung peeled himself off from the blanket, getting into position and came out cutely, the light were just focused on Taehyung, so he couldn’t see anything beside the stage, the other place were dark, it’s good because he couldn’t see anyone that could make him nervous.

As the song ended, he felt his body getting heavier, and unstable, he tried his best to stand up, but then it’s black, he fell down, the crowd called his name, but he can’t say anything nor move.

“I’m going to pick him up” Taehyung know this voice, he didn’t want Hoseok to pick him up, it will burden him, but he can’t speak up

“alone?” Jimin asked

“yeah. His room is besides ours” Taehyung getting sleepier as Hoseok put one of his arm on his back and the other one on his legs. He didn’t remember anything after that.

Then you left me alone, not a single word was for me.

“Hoseok, Jungshin hyung ask me if you have time or not today? Because he said we have to go to the convention centre, where this event would be held”

“for what?” Hoseok looked at him with no expression

“for observing the location and deciding where the things should be placed” Taehyung hate this kind of expression, he felt like annoying him

“why don’t you go with him?” he asked without looking at Taehyung

“he stayed here, he is making the list of equipments we need” the younger getting more uncomfortable

“oh” Taehyung swore if he rejected, he won’t persuade him, he is going to leave him. “okay.”

I’m used to it, loving someone only to be rejected, now I’m going to hold myself back, don’t worry.

--^^--

“Taehyung, this is the list of the equipments we need, please tell this to Hoseok and Namjoon, and you should probably go to the convention centre to check what they provide, so we can rent if it’s not enough.” Jungshin explained to Taehyung

“okay, I’m going there after class”

“thanks Taehyung” and Jungshin left.

Taehyung sat on the bench near the building, examining the paper on his hand, “Yo, Taehyung” he looked up and found Namjoon

“Nice timing!” the younger grinned, “Namjoon, this is the list of the equipments we need, I’m going to observe what the convention centre has provided, if there are something still not there, I’m going to contact you, because you and Hoseok are in charge to keep in touch with the contractors”

Namjoon gave a thumb up, “okay, with whom you’ll go to the convention centre?”

“bus”

“want me to take you there?” Taehyung smiled, “no need, I can go there by myself”

“okay” Taehyung put the things in his backpack.

He walked to the bus station, and wait there, until Hoseok passed in front of him, riding his motorcycle, “need a ride?”

Taehyung shook his head, “thanks, but no.”

“where are you going?”

“convention centre”

“c’mon, I’ll take you there”

“no need. I can go there by myself. by the way, ask Namjoon about your next work”

Hoseok frowned, ‘why don’t you just tell me?” before Taehyung could answer, his bus arrived, “I don’t have time, sorry.”

I’ll try to stay away from you, as far as possible.

“If you are not feeling well, you should go home” one of his senior said, as she put her palm on his forehead

“no, I’m okay, noona.” Taehyung reassured, ‘I haven’t rest properly since the last time I fainted’ he thought

“you are really pale, you know”

“I’m alright”

“just sleep for a moment, it’s okay.” Taehyung put his head on the table, “Hoseok, please write down everything that has something to do with the division”

Hoseok turned his head, “that’s Taehyung’s work, isn’t it?”

“can’t you see that he is not feeling well? just do it, only for today”

“fine.”

--^^--

“you need some water?”

“I bring some”

Hoseok nodded at the answer, “have you eat?” Taehyung nodded slightly

“want to go home?” another nod, “want me to take you home?”

“I can take the bus”

“but you are sick, it’s not the best choice”

“I’m not disable.”

Then, you want me back

“it’s better to go to the convention centre by motorcycle, so, raise your hand if you have motorcycle, I’m going to list down” more than half of the students raise their hands, include Hoseok

“the one who doesn’t?” Taehyung and some other students raised their hands, “please talk about it and tell me who’s going with whom”

Taehyung stayed calm, he wanted to be with Hoseok, but if he asked the older about that, probably it would annoy him. “Taehyung, Hoseok is still free” one of his classmates shouted, Hoseok heard that, another girl already in process of asking him too

“so?” the girl asked

“you want to be with me?” Hoseok asked Taehyung

“No, No, No. you asked him first, so.. I’ll find someone else” Taehyung faked a grin, then someone shouted again, “Taehyung, Jimin is free”

“Yay! Jiminnie!” he flailed his hands, “I’ll be with you, okay?” Jimin replied with the same enthusiasm

--^^--

“TaeTae”

“yes?”

“please bring this to the faculty besides ours, the posters and the invitations” the senior gave him several posters and envelopes, “I go there alone?”

She laughed, “no, you tell the others too, to accompany you. I’m giving you all of it because there is only you here”

“Ah… okay!”

“I’m going now, I have to check something else, thanks Taehyung!”

“no problem, noona” he then quickly texted Namjoon, he was thinking about texting Hoseok, but it would probably annoy the latter, so he didn’t

To: Namjoon
I have posters to given to other faculty, could you company me there?

From: Namjoon
Sure, should I bring Hoseok with me too?

To: Namjoon
if he is okay with it. I’m waiting at the canteen

Then his phone buzzed again, he was expecting to see ‘okay’ from Namjoon, but it wasn’t.

From: Hoseok
you could just inform me about the work too, not just Namjoon.

Taehyung swallowed hard at this, he thought that Hoseok was disappointed on his behavior

To: Hoseok
I’m sorry, I thought you were busy. Next time I will

So, how do you call our relationship right now?

Too much activity lately made Taehyung felt unwell, he already got the fever symptoms, but it didn’t stop him from working, he had to finish them all because the event is coming up.

From: Kijun Hyung
Taehyung, don’t forget that we have a meeting this afternoon at 2. Tell others, kay? Thanks

To: Kijun Hyung
okay, where? Uni?

From: Kijun Hyung
yes. But after that we are going to the convention centre

As much as he wanted to absent, he wanted to meet Hoseok. He texted the others, include Hoseok, and changed his clothes, ‘it’s going to be a long day”

Stronger than friends, not even best friends, awkward as a strangers, too weird as a crush.

“this is the day, guys, I want you to be as professional as possible, Taehyung, you’ll stay on the Hall C. Jimin, you’ll stay in the backstage. Hoseok, you’ll be in here, managing the slides and sponsorship along with the advertisements. Now, go to your place” and with that, they left to their position

Taehyung’s place is really far from Hoseok’s. His shift was just up till 5 p.m so after that he is free. After 5 p.m he went to the operation area, where Hoseok sat, he sat behind him. A girl sat beside Hoseok, he didn’t know her, she isn’t his friend. Jimin joined Taehyung and several of his friends also stood beside him. Taehyung was just looking at the stage when the girl beside Hoseok rested her head on his shoulder.

Taehyung was jealous, he never did that, yet this girl just comfortably rested her head on his crush shoulder, ‘What The ?!’ he thought, “I didn’t know that there is a person who is brave enough to do that” his friend spoke in disbelief

But then he saw Hoseok’s hand gripped the girl’s head and pinned it down, Taehyung widened his eyes, “that’s what you got when you rested your head on his shoulder” one of his friend said

“what?”

“Hoseok didn’t like when someone put their heads on his shoulder”

“Oh”

--^^--

It’s almost midnight, and they couldn’t go to sleep yet, they still have for the next day event, Taehyung’s breath getting hotter and hotter, he was on his worst condition, he wanted to lay down as soon as possible, “I’m going home” Hoseok said

“okay, tomorrow you have to go back before 6 a.m” he gave his thumb up

“Kijun hyung, you stay here?” Kijun nodded, “Taehyung, you alright?” Taehyung nodded slowly at Kijun’s question, the older moved his palm to Taehyung’s forehead, but Taehyung moved away, “I’m okay” Hoseok looked at them but he seems didn’t care, “I’ll go now, bye”

After that Kijun looked at Taehyung again, “go sleep here. You can’t go home by yourself in that state. I’ll take care of this”, “no. I’m okay, hyung.” the younger insisted, “Taehyung, listen to me, I don’t want you to collapse next day because it’s the last day and it will be really hectic. Go. To. Sleep.”

Taehyung sighed, “okay”

--^^--

Taehyung sat beside Hoseok, Kijun said it’s because he could learn how to operate the LCD and also he is not in the good health to walk and running around the hall, so he better sit down.

The same girl sat on the other side of Hoseok, Taehyung could stay awake till 3 p.m but he started to getting dizzy and his head fell on Hoseok’s lap, he was chanting, ‘I should get up. I should get up. Or he’ll get mad’ but he couldn’t move

Then he felt someone sit him up before putting his head on his shoulder, it was Hoseok. Taehyung sense danger but he couldn’t do anything in that state, “why he is okay with that but you pinned my head down yesterday?” he could faintly hear the girl asked

“because he isn’t you.”

You get my hopes up again, but then, my feelings should be thrown away.

“so… what’s with the guys in this class, why are you really like to talk about Hoseok?”

“..it’s because we are jealous with him because his girlfriend and exes are really beautiful”

It struck Taehyung like a thunder, ‘right, he has girlfriend. Moreover, he is straight’ he forced a smile at the words, but deep inside his heart scattered

And this is the final, I won’t get near to you again or I can’t control my emotions

“Taehyung, your laptop, here.” Hoseok gave him the laptop, Taehyung took it and put it in his bag, “thank you” then he left

It was always like that, Taehyung would never started a conversation unless it’s about the class or tasks or assignment, and he wouldn’t try to make the conversation longer, he would stay really far from Hoseok, whenever Hoseok is, he would find another place.

Even when all of them held  meeting for the inauguration party, Taehyung sat beside Jimin who’s on the right side while Hoseok sat on the left side. After the meeting, Jimin were talking with Taehyung, they were laughing hard that they didn’t notice that Hoseok walked towards them

“Taehyung?” Hoseok called

“yes?”

“why are you avoiding me?” Jimin slowly moved further from them

Why? Right after I give up, you come to me again.

“I’m not”

“sure, Taehyung. It’s obvious that you avoiding me. you are so close to everyone, you chat and you laugh with them, you rest your back on theirs, but me. I thought all of us should become one, and all of us should become close”

Why does it sound like you judging me?

“Oh really? Do I really do that? I’m sorry then.” Taehyung tried to escape but Hoseok held his wrist, “it’s not good if someone doesn’t like me. it will ruin the closeness between all of our classmates, so it’s better for you to speak up”

Taehyung wanted to punch this guy so much, he didn’t understand anything, he thought it was something that talk will do, “it’s not something that you could talk off about”

“then tell me my mistake, so I could fix it, so no one avoiding me”

“the problem is not you. The problem is me, Hoseok. Are you understand? There is nothing you could fix when there is nothing wrong with you”

“but why me?”

“It’s not like something I could choose! Stop asking me!”

“you are being irrational, you could just tell me, I won’t treat you differently after that, I promise.”

“Jung Hoseok, listen. You will treat me really different if I tell you, or maybe you’ll make fun of me and you’ll think that I’m some kind of virus or something” Taehyung huffed a forced laugh at the end of his sentence

“is it… really that bad?”

“you know what… just forget everything I say”

“Taehyung—”

“WHY ARE YOU SO PERSISTENT?!”

“because you just won’t tell me”

“Fine! I like you and that’s why I avoid you! You happy?!”

Hoseok froze, “see? I told you. What are you going to do now?” Taehyung asked, the older put his hands up in defense, “if that’s the case, I’m sorry, I’m taken and I’m straight but nevertheless, thanks for saying that” and he left

Yes, right. You didn’t treat me differently, but you put a big thick wall between us.

“Um.. Taehyung?”

“yes?”

“Hoseok said you are in the same group with him” the younger rolled his eyes, he turned his body back and saw Hoseok sat on two rows behind him, the latter didn’t notice it, he was playing games on his phone

And it’s really uncomfortable.

“Jimin?”

“what?”

“could you… change group with me? I…. want to work with someone else that I’ve never work with before”

“oh.. I see, you want to have a new experience..”

Taehyung shrugged, “something like that” he swore that he could see Hoseok stared at him from the corner of his eyes

Then, you feel like I’m the one making the space bigger

--^^--

“why you stop talking to me?”

“pardon?”

“I know you heard it. I appreciate that you confessed to me, but why you isolating yourself from me?”

With all your accusations, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Listen well, ! You are the one urging me to confess to you! Then, you are the one isolating yourself from me! Do you think I’m fine?! No! The one I like is avoiding me, do you think I’m okay?! No! even if I’m trying to forget you, it still stings. I’m trying my best to forget you, but what do you do?! You come back to me again and again just to break my hopes. Do you think I’m bad enough to stay away from you as far as possible? Am I being selfish?” Taehyung spat at him

It was the first time he spat at someone in the college, he is usually calm, he’ll express his opinion in the calmest way possible, but not this one. It should have been harsh like this.

“look, I’m not going to bother you anymore, and please, I beg you, don’t you ever try to talk or anything to me if it’s not important, because I’m sick of it.”

You are almost perfect, who wouldn’t fall for you?

Thanks for teaching me that I shouldn’t have been fall in love easily

Thanks for teaching me that I should never get my hopes high

Thanks for teaching me how much it hurts when someone you like put a barrier between you

Thanks for being someone who put all the blame to me

Your one time kindness could fool anyone to like you

 

 

 

And I’m being fooled.