24 hours ago…

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“Miko-Chan!” I turned around as she skipped the busy street of Gangnam. “Yah! Bogoshipda~~” “Me too! Miss you~ and miss, I beg to disagree that you can call me with chan. I am Japanese. But we’re NOT in japan. Stop it” I said as I tried to cover my face. Hopping the security didn’t notice me. “You. And your rich tone. Too formal girl! Not my style~~” She giggled. “Where did you learn that? Not my style~~~ It sounds great tho.” I mimicked her, as we strolled down the street, heading to her place of dream. Place of dream. Place to reach her dream. Too bad it doesn’t exist in mine.

“I know right! I learned it from a hoobae. His name is kris. He got swag~~” She laughed. How I’ll miss her cheerful side. “Jjajjang!!! Welcome to my dream, girl~ Let’s get in.” She dragged my hand. “Yah! But is it really okay to do this?” I said as I look at her face. She was smiling while looking at the huge building.

“Of course, miko-chan! Come, My sister will greet you. I doubt that she won’t jump in her feet when she saw you. She really is a big fan of yours. Come on! We’ll get in through the back door. Less fans, less worry.” She led me to the door. I looked at the ticking clock. 8pm. 24 hours to time. “Don’t call me miko-chan! And by the way, your sister, JESSICA JUNG is a fan of mine? Nu-uh girl.  I am a big fan of her.” I chuckled shyly. “She heard your cover to their song, into the new world. You just made it into ballad and she fangirled too much about it. I wonder if anyone will say that to me someday. I am a big fan of soo jung. Sounds great, right?” I stopped. “ohmygoodness don’t tell me it’s true.You’re debuting?” I gasped. “YEESS.” She giggled happily. “WOA my friend will be a star.” I put on my brightest fakest smile. “Here! Get in.” I looked at the door. A golden name plate was hanging there. “SNSD’S MAKE UP ROOM” it reads. I want to be a star too… but It’s impossible to be a star, for me. Star is not on my story.

 “Eonnie!” Soo jung said, as a stunning girl stood from her seat. Jessica Jung. She was smiling brightly at me. The smile that can make the most miserable girl on earth smile. The smile who can make me smile. “Miko-Chan?” She bowed at me, I was left frozen at first before finally bowed down. “A-Annyeonghasseyeo.” I stuttered. The syndrome started again. It will ruin it this time. “Eonnie! Come here. Please re-do this girl’s hair. And give her make up too!” Jessica said and drag me to the hairstylist. “I heard your cover! It was fantastic! It will be a big pleasure if someday we can sing that too!” I looked at her and all the members through the mirror. “na-nae.” For me it was a big efforts to say that. I’m not normal. And will never be. “Eonnie! Thanks for this hairstyle! It was jjang!” Soojung popped beside the stylist eonnie. “Ayy~~ It’s all for you soojung-ah. Our girl is debuting. Congratulations!” I gulped the lump in my throat, trying to erase the jealousness.

The night continued, The stylist styled my hair, and give make up to my face, as they talked and talked about their idol life. Me. Who is mute can’t say a single word. Even If I tried.

It was 12 am when I finished. To be honest, everything fits perfectly and I think I looked pretty. I think I won’t erase this, I don’t care if eomma and appa scolds me for this. It’s my last night to see them anyway. A little beating won’t hurt.

I decided to visit that hill I used to see through my window on my last day to see the earth. I hope he’s there.

So this is what It feels like, to go out in the middle of the night. It wasn’t so crowded, instead, it was so peaceful.

I looked at the huge clock on one of the café nearby, 3 am. *I need to hurry*. I skipped the crowded street and enter the quite alley that will take me to the hill, and there he was, smiling idiotically. I sighed as I stood next to him, looking at the busy streets of seoul, and forced myself to smile.

I’m getting more depressed day by day. “What are you doing here, chan?” I said, without even looking at him. “Nothing, actually. I was just waiting for you.” He said as I finally glanced to his side. “Why do you need… to be this real?” I mumbled. “Sorry I didn’t catch that.” Chanyeol said as he laughed, looking at me as the sun rise slowly. “Nothing. I was just wondering how on earth do I have a very ugly looking friend.” I chuckled, turning my head to the sunrise. “mwoya! I am the best you know?” “yeah yeah, you are.” I rolled my eyes.

We only stayed in silence. Not saying much, not telling much. Until I decided to let him go. “It’s morning already, I need to prepare to school. Before the street become crowded and my social anxiety disorder act up. I need to go, chan. Take care!” I said as I turned my back at him. Leaving him in complete confusion, without even glancing at him. Because I know, the naughty tear will escape if I ever glanced at him. But why do I need to care anyway? He’s just one of my imagination. He’s not even here.

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The winter wind blew softly, I walked back to my mansion to get my bag, I don’t even want to meet my parents. They don’t even want to meet me anyway.

I walked down stair to see my parents were having breakfast. I took a deep breath. Bracing myself for what will happen next. “Appa, Eomma…” I took a step back when I saw the piercing gaze from my father. “Nakamura Kumiko. What is you’re wearing. What’s with your hair.” A question, without a question mark. It’s always like this. Killing me slowly. “I just want to change a bit.” I took a step back again as he rose from his seat. Grabbing my hair and pull it upside. “IS THIS WHAT YOU CALL CHANGES. Yes, yes, you change. THEN CHANGE YOUR GRADE TOO.” “but Appa, I tried my best. I got the second place this semester. See? I’m improving.” I forced myself to smile. “second grade? It means rubbish to me.” He sat and pretend like nothing happened. My mom just smiled sweetly at me. Showing her care with her smile. Maybe it wasn’t much, but it means everything to me.

I walked to the front gate as two maids opened the door for me. The car’s door was opened. I saw my chauffer there. Not smiling. Not showing any expression. They’re always like this, as if I’m living with robots. Sometimes I’m afraid my expression will fade away too.

I looked at the window for the nth time. Looking at the hill, I’ll miss it. I closed my eyes for a little rest. I didn’t sleep the whole night.

“Appa. When will we have  family trip? All my friend is going to a trip with their family. Why don’t we go somewhere?” The little miko ran to his side. “Not yet, sweety, not yet. Appa needs to finish more business, when my work’s done. We could go, anywhere you want.” The little miko smiled brightly. But then, she didn’t know it will never come true.

“miss. We’re here.” I opened my eyes. Feeling a tear escaped my eyes. Appa. He once loved me with all his heart. What now? I’m not even on his story.

I wiped my tears and get off of the car. Not even glancing at my surrounding, I looked down and started to walk to my class. As expected, the class was still empty. I sighed and looked at the class’ window, looking at the clouds as I let myself drifted into deep thoughts. I decided to message soojung. She’s nowhere to be found.

‘soojung-ah. Where are you now?’

‘I’m sorry miko-chan. But today is my debut day, I can’t go to school. I’m so sorry for not telling you.’

I scoffed. My hands were shaking from god knows what. Anger? Fear? I don’t even know.

‘It’s okay.’

‘I’m so sorry. I hope you don’t get bullied again. See yo-‘ I looked up when I felt pain on my hair. She’s grabbing my hair.

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“Guys. Look at this.” She dragged me to the left and right. I hate it. I hate everything. I hate it because I can’t say a single thing. I hate it because I’m not normal. I hate it more than anything.

“Stop it.’ The class president say. Well, at least someone’s on my side.

“ayy~ look at our president. Say, did she shove money into your face before? She bought you, right? How far do you go?” She walked one step closer to the president.

“Hug?” one step closer. “I can report this to the teacher ye jin.”

“Well.. let me think. I don’t care. Kissed?” One step closer. “Face me.” Baekhyun said as he smirked.

“oh, What has she done actually for you to shield her like this? “ “Stop it.” He balled his fist.

“Is it because she’s pretty? Well she’s wearing make up.” He chuckled. “Not as much as you.” He took a step closer as ye jin took a step back.

“Is it because she’s rich? I’m rich too.” She took a step closer. Baekhyun stopped. “No. I might get you one answer. I don’t like you. Back off. You’re cheap.”

Ye jin scoffed. “Well then, If I’m cheap. Then you’re worthless. I mean, what do you actually have? A poor piece of-“ “Get to your seat kids, the lesson will begin.”

I sighed in relief, then looked at our class president, he was clearly holding his tears back. I smiled. ‘I’m happy you actually did that. Thank you.’ I typed.

Not long after that, I saw him lifting up his phone as he smiled. So sweet. I like him. No. I love him. A big secret that no one should know.

I felt slight buzz on my phone. I looked at the message. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I’m such a wea-“ My heart nearly jump off my chest when my phone got lifted by my teacher.

“Well… ms. Miko. I thought you’re smart enough to know you’re not supposed to use phone in class.” She said as my breath shorten. No. please don’t do this.

“You know yourself the punishment do you?” She gave the phone back to me. I lowered my head. Slightly glancing at baekhyun who was looking at me. I stood up hestitately, then walked to the front of the class, the class was completely silent that it scares me more.

“Now, read it.” She walked to me. My hands were trembling, and my legs were getting weaker every single second as I felt the room temperature dropped.

“read it!” I looked at her in complete silent. I thought she knew I’m mute.

“Ms. She’s mute, remember? Let me read it for you.” Ye jin rose from her seat. She smirked when she saw my trembling hands. She snatched the phone from my phone and read it loudly.

“To: Byun Baekhyun.” She looked at baekhyun who was frowning and piercing his gaze to her.

“Byun baekhyun? I wonder what’s wrong with the class today. The top 2 students were texting in the class.” She said as he walked to the front.

“I’m happy you actual