"Happy birthday!!!" 

Jongdae frantically covers Baekhyun's mouth.

 

"Keep it down!" He tells him with a glare.

Baekhyun slaps his hand away, taking his turn to glare at the birthday celebrator.

"What's so wrong with greeting you? It's your birthday!" He reprimands.

Jongdae flinches. "I just don't want to garner so much attention." 

"Isn't that a good thing? A lot of people will greet you," Baekhyun asks.

The other shakes his head solemnly. Apparently, it doesn't work that way for him. 
Baekhyun still finds it hard to figure out how Jongdae's brain works. Even after 10 years of friendship, he just couldn't keep up with Jongdae's occasional drama. What's worse is Jongdae's currently nursing a broken heart, which makes everything more unbearable.

After occupying his whole first period with intense brainstorming and a little bit of common sense, Baekhyun thinks he's finally figured out why Jongdae is sulking. And as per usual, he feels the urge to smack some sense into Jongdae's head.
The thought is tempting, but he reminds himself that it's the poor guy's birthday. Besides, Jongdae has been the most reliable friend to date with the number of times he let Baekhyun copy his homework.

And he might just have the best present for him.

 

 

Jongdae feels really pathetic.
He can almost hear Baekhyun teasing him about it, not forgetting to add that it's probably the product of watching too much Kdramas.

"I mean I know we're gay, but there's nothing gayer than watching those sappy dramas," Baekhyun once said.

Jongdae would jump to his own defense, thoroughly explaining that it isn't just a show, but a way of showing viewers the beauty of life through series of heartbreaking and thrilling scenes. 
Although he considers that memory cringe-worthy, that's not really what has been consuming his mind lately. He stops even before he can think about it.

Soon, he finds himself in the cafeteria being squished by one of his friends and also Baekhyun's boyfriend, Chanyeol.

"Happy Birthday Kim Jongdaeeee!" The giant squeals excitedly.

This time, Jongdae accepts the greeting. Maybe it's about time he stops being delusional. 

"Thanks, Yeol." He laughs.

Baekhyun arrives to see the situation."Okay, get off my bestfriend Park Chanyeol. We can't let him die on his birthday." 

Chanyeol obliges, immediately finding himself by his boyfriend's side. He kisses the top of Baekhyun's head, unconsciously reminding Jongdae of how sad he was just minutes ago. 

"Are you okay?" Baekhyun asks him.

Jongdae laughs it off. "Yeah, I got over it." 

Baekhyun looks like he wants to say something more, but their other friends arrive at the table to wish Jongdae a Happy Birthday.

"So, what are your plans for your birthday?" Junmyeon asks him.

"I don't have plans yet," he admits sheepishly.

"How about," Baekhyun pipes in. "We throw you a party?"

Kyungsoo snorts at that. "How creative." 

The other sent him a glare, mumbling something about being the only one who thinks about Jongdae's welfare. Junmyeon decides to speak up. "It's your birthday," he tells Jongdae. "You get to decide what you want to do." 

 

To be completely honest, he has no intention of celebrating his birthday in any way. Although one look at his friends faces tells him that he should somehow treat them to something.

"I like what Baekhyun said." He announces.

Junmyeons shrugs with a smile. "Party it is, then." 

After that, they engaged in different conversations Jongdae has no interest to take part in. When the bell rang, they all stood up to go their respective classes. Except for one.

Minseok approaches him out of worry. "Are you thinking about it again?" 

Jongdae looks at him in surprise. He tries to remember how Minseok could've possibly known, then it dawns on him that he once cried his heart out to Minseok about it. He subtly nods, receiving a comforting hug from his hyung.

 
"You should really stop overthinking Jongdae," the older tells him. "Maybe something came up and he had to go."

 

Minseok pulls away to see Jongdae biting his lip, trying so hard not to break down. 

"I just had to mention it..." Minseok curses under his breath.

He grabs Jongdae by the arm, gently steering him towards the exit. Minseok tells him to sit on a vacant bench and relax. 

"I'm sorry I mentioned it." Minseok apologizes.

Jongdae shakes his head. "It can't be helped, it's not your fault," he pauses. "Actually it's my fault for being so attached to the idea that will never happen." 

Minseok can feel the sadness radiating from Jongdae's body. He can never compete against Jongdae and Baekhyun's years of friendship, but being friends with this man since freshman year is enough to tell him that Jongdae isn't easily saddened. Minseok has not seen the younger's feline lips stretch into a genuine smile for a while, a clear sign that it's one of those times that he lost another battle against his owm emotions . He does not know what Jongdae needs, but he's certain he's not the one who can give it to him.

Minseok decided that Jongdae should go home and have some rest. He offered to drive him, but Jongdae declined, thinking that he had caused his hyung enough inconvenience in one day. He needed a lot of time to think, so he took the bus home.

Which brings him back to his present-day sadness. He can't unthink about him. Jongdae wishes for himself to just get over it. He's not doing anyone any favor by simply hurting. 

It has been two weeks since that confrontation Jongdae desperately wants to delete in his mind. 

 

It all started when Jongdae's professor begged him to tutor his students. Mr. Lee has a number of failing students in Chemistry, and no matter how he tried to simplify things for them, they just couldn't get it. Jongdae tried to refuse the old guy with reasons such as a busy schedule and an upcoming exam, but Mr. Lee insisted that he will never find anyone as able as Jongdae. Having his ego boosted, he hesitantly agreed, but not without mentioning his condition. 

Jongdae hates spoiled brats, so he made it a point to only tutor those who will approach him and ask for his help.

The next day, Jongin brought his friend over to their table to introduce him to Jongdae. He said that his friend is in desperate need of tutoring, and he heard that Jongdae is already accepting students.

"Hi, I'm Oh Sehun. It's nice to meet you, sunbae." Jongin's friend said rather unenthusiastically.

One look at Oh Sehun and Jongdae knew that he will only bring nothing but headache on his already stressed brain.

"I don't accept brats," Jongdae replied, turning back to his notes.

Jongin sat beside his hyung, silently begging him with a pout.

"Your aegyo doesn't work on me Jongin," Jongdae simply said. "Besides, I don't think you friend isn't desperate enough."

He watched as Jongin chased a leaving Sehun, and pulled him to the side to have a talk with him. Jongdae shook his head in disbelief. This is why he refused in the first place! After a few moments, the two of them came back. 

"Please tutor me Jongdae sunbae," Sehun bowed.

Jongin looked like he was the one desperate, so Jongdae took the bait.

"I'll be needing your number to tell you when we will start," he said. "Jongin has it, right?"

Sehun looked at him in confusion, but said yes anyway. 

"You can leave," he told him. 

When Sehun left, he asked Jongin the reason why he's so desperate.

"The apartment I'm living in is their family's property. That's why I pay such a small amount. Sehun didn't have good grades in the first place, but he's miserably failing in Chemistry. His mother blames the dancing classes I got him into. She said that if Sehun has a failing grade this semester, she will have to double the rent charges," Jongin explained. "So hyung, please help me by helping him."

"I already agreed out of my will because of you," Jongdae chuckled, reaching out to ruffle his dongsaeng's hair.

After Oh Sehun, there were three more students who asked for tutoring. If not for the extra credit and promised recommendation, Jongdae would've really quitted the job because of his schedule. He had to tutor two students after class, and another during his free period. He almost forgot the most important student—Oh Sehun. He couldn't find any convenient time for him and tried to think of an alternative. 

"Tell him to come over to your house," Baekhyun suggested as they walk on their way home.

 
Jongdae did not like the idea of letting a stranger come to his place, but it's not like he had a choice.

"Are you scared?" His lame excuse for a bestfriend . "I won't be surprised if you are, that Oh Sehun kid is a fine specimen."

Jongdae whacked Baekhyun in the head. "I'm not scared and I'm not having those kind of thoughts, you ert."

Baekhyun rolled his eyes, rubbing the sore spot where the other had hit him. Jongdae called Sehun to tell him about the arrangement. The younger said that he understood and that he'll arrive at around 7 in the evening.

Jongdae felt so exhausted that he almost fell asleep the moment he got inside his unit. He took a quick shower to awaken his system, and prepared a tall mug of coffee. He rid the study table of its contents, and laid out the work sheets he had prepared for Sehun.

He sat on the couch while waiting for him—although that turned out to be a wrong decision because soon, he found himself slowly dozing off.

 

Jongdae was awoken by a faint sound. He slowly opened his eyes, vaguely aware that there's someone else in the house other than him. When his vision started to clear, he also felt the weight on his lap. When he looked down, he saw Oh Sehun sleeping soundly, his long body crouched to fit Jongdae's small couch. How the heck did this kid get inside? Jongdae shook Sehun gently, reminding himself that it does not feel good to be aprubtly awakened. 

Sehun stirred, but did not wake up. Jongdae tried a few more times, until he finally got frustrated and started shaking him violently.

"Yah Oh Sehun!"

Sehun finally cracked his eyes open to look up at Jongdae and the latter had to stop a surprised squeak from escaping his throat because cute. Oh Sehun looked cute. 

Jongdae mentally shook his head. Nope, he just didn't think that. He heaved a sigh and pushed Sehun off of him.

"How did you get in?" Jongdae asked.

Sehun slyly smiled. "Who still puts their spare key under the welcome mat, huh?" 

Okay, Jongdae thought. That was not very wise of him, but he didn't normally have to worry about security because the building is very well guarded.
Instead of saying something back, he told Sehun to check the worksheets he prepared for him in the table. He went to the kitchen to reheat his coffee before joining his guest in the living room. Jongdae inspected Sehun's reaction to the worksheets.

 
"Do you think it will be easy?" Jongdae asked him.

Sehun shrugged. 

Jongdae sighed and grabbed his Chemistry notebook last year. 

 

"I'm guessing you already know the basics?" He tried asking again. When he didn't receive any answer, he grabbed a paper and wrote the word Chemistry.

"What is Chemistry, Sehun?" Jongdae patiently asked.

"I did not listen when that was discussed," the other answered, smiling innocently at his tutor. 

"Okay," Jongdae narrowed his eyes. "Any guesses?" 

"It is some kind of science." Sehun said. 

Yeah, and this kind of science is about to fail you, Jongdae thought, but instead, he said: "Good, but in a more logical explanation, Chemistry is..."

For Sehun to understand the whole concept of this Science he was referring to, Jongdae explained it in the easiest way he possibly could. More than just being a physical branch of Science, Chemistry deals with the structures and properties of substances and the changes they go through. Or the changes in behavior of a substance when it reacts to another substance.

"But hyung," Sehun piped in. "Isn't Chemistry also the effective interaction between two people?"

Sehun sounded so casual when he called Jongdae 'hyung' and started talking to him like he's an old friend, so he decided to let it pass. However, the younger's question baffled him to no extent.

"Yes, Sehun. That is also called Chemistry." He told him.

Jongdae originally planned to tutor him for only an hour, but Sehun made it harder for him by throwing A LOT of unecessary and off-topic questions. Jongdae gave up on trying to explain that LCM is not least common multiple in Science, but rather the law of conservation of mass. Sehun seemed more reserved when they tackled mathematical topics, leading Jongdae to conclude that the younger was actually pretty likeable when he was not being a brat.

Jongdae was so focused at Sehun's progress that he didn't notice the time. It was only when Sehun tapped his arm that he realized he had closed his eyes in exhaustion.

"You should go have some sleep, hyung." Sehun told him.

Jongdae nodded. "You're right. How about you? Are you going home this late?"

Sehun shugged. "It's not like I can stay here," he paused to look at Jongdae. "Right, hyung?"

Sehun actually ended up spending the night at Jongdae's place. (Not because of what you're probably thinking. Gosh, why did that sound so... suggestive?)

 

After a few months, some of the students Jongdae was tutoring told him that his job was almost finished. They completed the lessons with him, and they confirmed that they had learned a lot from his classes. All of them just got out of his life. Well, almost all of them.

 
Oh Sehun.

The brat managed to stick around and pester Jongdae every single day. Sehun insisted that he can never be too sure until his Chemistry test comes. He somehow squeezed himself in their cafeteria table, he waits for Jongdae to finish his last class so they can go home together, he holds his hand, he uses aegyo at him—Sehun was doing all sorts of things to Jongdae's inexperienced heart. The kid was practically living in his unit! Jongdae tried to distance himself because it was beginning to feel like trouble, but he couldn't just tell the kid off. That wouldn't be fair.

"Spill," Baekhyun came up to him one time. "Don't deny it, I know you." 

"What?" Jongdae asked, feigning innocence.

"I've been hearing it a lot lately... are you and Sehun living together?" 

Jongdae choked. "What? No!"

Baekhyun eyed him suggestively. "I heard his fangirls talking about the two of you going home together-"

"I'm still tutoring him," Jongdae said firmly. "Nothing's going on." 

"You don't look like you're okay." Baekhyun commented. 

Jongdae walked off, afraid of hearing anything more that will confirm his fears. 

When he was done with his classes, Jongdae picked up his things to go home. 

"Hyung!" 

Jongdae continued to walk.

"Hyung!" 

Ignore him.

"Hyung wait up!" Sehun grabbed his arm.

"What is it?" He asked him.

"Are you sick?" Sehun asked, touching Jongdae's forehead to feel his temperature. "You're pale. Come on, I'm taking you home." 

Jongdae removed Sehun's hand away from him. "Our classes are done, Sehun. There's no reason for you to continue coming to my house."

"I told you, I can never be too sure!" He reasoned out.

"I don't want you to come to my house anymore," Jongdae plainly said, turning to leave.

 

After that, Jongdae knew he had successfully driven Sehun off. It's bad enough that he's gotten so used to the other's presence. A few more days with him, and Jongdae's sure there's no going back. It's a good choice to end everything before it even started.

~~~~~~

Jongdae felt oddly hollow. 

 

He had been avoiding Sehun at the university, and the other made no attempt to approach him. He wanted to wish him luck before his much awaited Chemistry exam, but he couldn't risk letting him in his life again. Jongdae thought that the loneliness he felt can never compare to the consequences if he continued being with Oh Sehun.

~~~~~~

During a rainy Sunday night, Sehun appeared in front of his doorstep. He was soaking wet, shivering, and distracted as he waited for Jongdae to let him in.

"What happened to you?" Jongdae asked him.

"I wanted to see you, hyung." Sehun said.

What did he mean by that? 

"I'm getting you towels, come in." He said.

Before he could take a step, Sehun pulled him in his arms. 

"What are you doing?" Jongdae squeaked. 

Sehun didn't say anything in reply and only tightened his arms around his hyung. 

Jongdae sighed. He can't let this happen. He gingerly removed Sehun's arms around him and pulled him towards the couch. 

"Stay right there." He told him.

He grabbed fresh new towels and a pair of Chanyeol's clothes that he left when he and Baekhyun had a sleep over. He gave them to Sehun and proceeded to reheat his dinner for him. After a while, he felt a pair of arms hugging him from behind.

"Sehun," Jongdae warned him.

Sehun nuzzled his nose at the crook of Jongdae's neck. Jongdae stopped stirring his coffee to look at him. 

"What are you trying to do?" Jongdae asked in frustration. 

Sehun pulled him closer until their noses touched.

If Sehun is messing with him right now, it's working. 

"You know what? I don't care if you're playing games anymore." He pushed Sehun. "Can't you see? I like you. I'm saving myself from rejection, and I'm saving you from embarassment. You're being such a brat, you're making it so hard for me to push you away!" 

Sehun stepped closer, ignoring Jongdae's glares. He held him by the shoulder.

"Stop thinking, hyung. Just for now." He whispered.

Sehun leaned in to kiss Jongdae on the lips even before he had time to react. He circled his arms around the older's waist, pulling him closer against his body. 

Jongdae kissed him back because why the heck not. For once, he's going to throw his plan out the window to follow Sehun's advice.
Sehun didn't attempt more than making out, much to Jongdae's relief (disappointment). He did not say anything more, not even an I like you too. Jongdae swallowed his doubts and snuggled closer to Sehun.

 

The next day, Sehun was gone.

 

As dramatic as his flashback sounded, Jongdae feels nothing but hurt from all of that. Above anything else, he misses him. He just... disappeared. No one knew where he went, not even Jongin. Jongdae wants to tell him that he passed his Chemistry exam (his professor just handed it to him, assuming that Jongdae wanted to be reminded of Sehun's existence). He wants to slap him for being a jerk. He wants to hug him and beg him to come back. He just wants to see him again.

His phone rings.

"Dae!!!" Chanyeol chirps. "Jongin is on his way to fetch you."

"Okay, thanks." He replied.

He changed his clothes into something happier. Clothes can't become happy, but he's hoping it can somehow make him look like he's not dying. After a few minutes, Jongin arrived. He hugs Jongdae. 

"Happy Birthday Jongdae hyung." Jongin says. 

"Thanks, Jongin." 

"I'm sorry, this is all my fault." Jongin tells him, looking down.

Jongdae frowns at his statement. "What are you saying?" 

"I introduced him to you, and I didn't know that all of this would happen." He explains.

Despite the height difference, Jongdae reaches up to ruffle his dongsaeng's hair. 

"It's not your fault Jongin," he smiles affectionately at the younger boy. "I wish everyone would stop worrying about me." 

"We couldn't help it, you've been silent and sad for so long." Jongin murmurs.

Jongdae closes the door behind him and locks it. 

"I'll be okay. Anyway, let's go." 

They take the short walk towards Baekhyun's house in silence. When they arrive, Baekhyun pulls him in excitedly. 

"Happy Birthday!" 

Confettis were thrown as all of Jongdae's friends crowded around him to sing "happy birthday".

Junmyeon emerges from the group of people, holding a large cake with a candle, smiling at Jongdae.
"We hope you can fulfill all your heart's desire," he says. "Make a wish before blowing your candle!"

Jongdae thanks him before blowing the candle. After that, he receives congratulatory pats and hugs, until everyone disperses into the party. Chanyeol turns up the volume of the music, having everyone on their feet and dancing in no time. Baekhyun runs up to him and hugs him.

"Happy birthday!." He shouts through the music.

Jongdae pats his back in appreciation. "Thanks for this."

"But," Baekhyun adds. "It doesn't end here. Can you please go to the balcony while I prepare my gift?" 

"That's a bit strange, but sure." He says, going out to the balcony. 

He leans against the railings, his thoughts far too scattered for him to gather. 

He remembers Jongin's apology, Minseok's comfort, and Baekhyun's efforts to take his mind away from Sehun. He's got to be okay soon.

"Hyung," 

He whips his head back in surprise after hearing that familiar voice. When their eyes met, Jongdae lost his composure. Sehun steps forward, making Jongdae cautiously step back. He is positively crying now, his knees shaking and weak at the presence of the person who had caused him to be an emotional wreck these past few weeks. Hurt flashes from Sehun's eyes as he reaches out to Jongdae.

"Listen to me," Sehun begs him. "Please, hyung. Everything was just a misunderstanding." 

Jongdae's knees give out and he falls down on the floor. Sehun embraces him tightly, wanting to take away some of his pain. 

"When you told me not to come to your house anymore, I thought maybe you hate me and that you'll be better if I didn't approach you. A few days after that, my parents told me that we're migrating to Singapore and we're leaving in a week. I tried to think of a plan to tell you that I like you, but I couldn't come up with any. Then I noticed that you were deliberately avoiding me. That Sunday, I received a message from my parents, telling me that I have to go there in advance to prepare for everything. I couldn't go without seeing you, so I went to your house. Then you confessed, and I was so happy, but I couldn't stay. I wanted to be there until you wake up, but I can't and I'm sorry because you're hurt, I'm sorry because you keep on hurting. I'm sorry Jongdae, I'm sorry." 

Jongdae cries harder. He fists Sehun's shirt and pulls him closer. 

"You brat," he sobs. "I hate you." 

"I'm sorry, hyung. I don't know what to do to make you feel better." Sehun says.

"Just be with me," Jongdae sniffs. "I'm so mad at you, but I don't think I can live without you anymore."

Sehun slightly pulls away to peck Jongdae's forehead. "Did I pass my Chemistry exam?" 

"You did."

"Thanks to you."

Jongdae kisses Sehun on the cheek. "How did you get here?"

"I was on my way back when Baekhyun hyung contacted me. I was convincing my parents that I can stay in Korea while they're in Singapore. It took them a while to agree, but seeing that the language barrier is proving to be a difficulty for me, they finally gave in." 

"You could've just told me everything," Jongdae says. "I went through all of that because of you."

"It still ended well didn't it? Besides you are really a tad bit more dramatic than everyone else." Sehun teases him. 

 

Jongdae sighs in pure bliss. His emotional turmoil truly feels like a waste, but honestly, he wouldn't have it any other way.

Sehun caresses his face. "Happy birthday, hyung."

Sehun leans in to kiss him. Jongdae kisses him back, his arms wrapping itself around Sehun's neck.

"Happy Birthday Jongdaee!" Baekhyun shouts from the inside. "You're welcome!"

 

 

Jongdae makes a mental note to let Baekhyun copy everything from their Geography homework later.