Xiumin probably could have been better at football to start out with, but not by much.

His dad started coaching him when he was just five, bringing him out to the fields on weekend mornings when the grass was still coated with dew from the fall weather. His father would throw a football the size of Xiumin’s head to him and he would chuck it back with all his might.

Fast-forward thirteen years and Xiumin is the ace of his high school football team. It's a bunch of big, beefy, sweaty guys. They're all tall and intimidating and next to them, Xiumin is a shrimp. But he's a shrimp with a good set of muscles- powerful biceps and triceps and all the other ‘ceps. He's got legs that could run for miles. Because that's what he does; runs for miles every day. Before school, during practice, during games, after practice, after games. He's the best wide receiver the school has seen in decades.

He's a natural, his coach says. He's going to go on and be a great player for some college team. Xiumin couldn't care less, though. All he cares about is the feeling of running and running and running on a field, surrounded by his teammates but at the same time all alone. When he's playing, he feels free. The weight of his shoulder pads, the fit of his cleats, the solidity of his helmet- it's all so very familiar and comforting to him. So even though his home life deteriorates day by day, football becomes better and better. It becomes an escape- something he can pull joy from, seeing how far his body can go until it gives out. It's the only time he feels closer to his dad, but that's something he can barely bring himself to admit.
 

***

"Are you doing okay?" his best friend asks.

Chen is his neighbor, but goes to a high school in the next town over. It's a vocational school, and when Chen graduates, he will know everything he needs to get a job. He’s majoring in carpentry and he spends most of his free time in the dusty basement of his house, making things out of sturdy planks of wood and long nails.

Xiumin looks up from his calculus homework to see his friend giving him a strange look.

"I'm fine," he says.
 

Chen gives him a cursory once over, seeing him in the sort of way only a best friend does. "You've lost some weight. What's going on?"
 

Xiumin meets his gaze. "Nothing."
 

He hasn't yet told his friend about being on the football team. He remembers the times during junior high when they would point at the jocks and laugh because they acted so high and mighty. The sporty guys were usually the dumb ones and the two of them felt some sort of misplaced superiority because they upheld A grades in almost every subject.
 

And, truthfully, he hasn't told his mom about the team either because he knows it would just make things worse.

Chen drops it for the day and Xiumin leaves an hour later. He doesn't want to be home late. And he worries if he lingers too long, Chen will get him to spill everything.
 

***
 

Xiumin is a very different person at school. Some people even call him strange. He's a great asset to the football team, but he shies away from fame, sitting by himself and listening to music when he's not in class. He's a little too responsible, and he has few interests to indulge in besides football. Their quarterback, Chanyeol, makes it his daily duty to get Xiumin to open up, but he's never successful. Xiumin doesn't know how many times he's been invited to a party and turned the offer down, but he knows it's more than he can count with his fingers.

Chanyeol asks him again during practice on Friday morning.
 

"I'm having a ‘get together’ tonight at my house," he says in his deep, rumbling voice. He's out of breath from running suicides and there's sweat dripping from his temples. "Would you like to come?"

Chanyeol is too tall and Xiumin has to tilt his head way far back to see his face. "No, thank you," he replies.
 

Chanyeol gives him a pleading, sort of puppy dog look, which Xiumin shakes off.

"Sorry," he says.

***

After practice, Xiumin always packs up his stuff in a bag and goes for a cool-down jog. He takes the long way home and, on most nights, only gets back after dark. By that time, his mom has left dinner for him on the counter and shut herself in her office. It's been like this for years now. But without his dad around, the cold distance between them doesn't seem to matter as much.
 

***
 

They have their first (practice) game of the season in mid-September. Xiumin is more in shape than any of his teammates and he's ready to run as soon as the game begins. It's always exhilarating to play against others because the energy is high and the expectations are palpable. Xiumin knows the crowd wants them to win. That is the one thing that gets him to let go as he plays. He focuses on the triumph he will feel and how great it will be to experience the burning of his thighs and the screeching of his lungs as he runs with all his might to bring his team to victory.

The period after games is the only time he cannot escape the attention of his peers. He can't avoid Chanyeol’s large frame coming in for a ‘bro hug’ or the cheering of his classmates from the stands. It's the only time he wants the attention. It makes him feel closer to his dad in some way, and that's the whole reason he plays.
 

***
 

He quickly begins to run out of excuses.
 

"Where were you?" his mom asks, when he comes into the house just past eleven. He's still out of breath from playing and damp from showering and he finds he has little he can say in his defense.

"Out," he replies, moving quickly towards the stairs of their too-large house. It carries an emptiness it never had before, now that it's just the two of them.
 

Her expression is carefully blank, but he can tell she's been worried.  

"Kim Minseok, you've been doing this quite often lately. What's going on?" Her eyebrows are furrowed, her hands tight on her mug of tea.

"Nothing," he murmurs. "I was just out. At the library."
 

He doesn't want to make things worse for her. He really doesn't. He's so afraid of how she would react to him playing football that he can't help but lie.

And he can’t stand the idea of a confrontation because his mother isn’t exactly the most understanding of women.
 

They're not in a good situation, but it's not something Xiumin feels he can make better.

He excuses himself.
 

***
 

Sometimes Chen calls at the oddest moments and Xiumin sits and listens to him talk about his school which, while more exclusive, is just a normal high school with normal high school drama. Xiumin has just gotten home from practice and he has mounds of homework to do if he wants to squeak by and stay on the team. But he's tired and Chen is a welcome distraction from his worries about the homecoming game looming in a little less than three weeks. Really, he shouldn't be anxious. Homecoming is notorious for being an easy win, but he can’t stop himself from feeling overwhelmed. After the game, there's the dance and honestly, that's what has him more nervous than anything else.

"I turned in my summer project today," Chen says. "I'm really worried about how it turned out. This is my last year, you know? So I need to do good so I can get a job when I graduate."

"Well," Xiumin interjects. "You need to do well."

Chen snorts in his usual playful fashion. "I'm not being given a diploma for my grammar skills."
 

Xiumin chuckles. He opens his calculus book, but doesn't really take it in.

"So..." Chen starts. "I was thinking of coming to your homecoming this year."
 

Xiumin blinks. "Why?" he asks cautiously.

"Cuz we don't have one here," Chen whines. "There’s no football team. And I want the full high school experience."

Xiumin sighs. He’s torn. Because while it's stupid to think Chen will judge him for being on the football team, he worries about it. And it's not like his friend could come to the game and ignore the giant "Kim" on the back of his jersey.

But it's also because Chen is really good at seeing through him, and Xiumin doesn't want to get into a conversation about why he's playing football. Chen doesn't yet know anything about his home life. He changed schools before everything went downhill.

Xiumin can't help but wonder if he can call Chen his best friend when he hides so much from him.

Chen is still talking and Xiumin forces himself to listen so he can come up with an excuse. He seems to be making a lot of those these days.

"And, well... I was also wondering- well not really wondering but more like hoping, ugh this is gonna be weird," Chen says, tripping over his words. He pauses, then says something else. It's muffled and Xiumin can't make it out.

"What?"

Chen breathes out a long breath of air, then says in an even voice, "I was wondering if you wanted to go with me. To homecoming."

Xiumin blinks, his grip on his pencil loosening. "Like as friends?" he has to ask.

"No," Chen says quietly. "No, not like as friends. Like as in a 'you are my date and I am yours' sort of thing."

Xiumin sits back, sinking into pillows. He doesn't respond. His heart is racing, and not in a good way.

After a minute of silence, Chen says, "Just... just think about it? For me?"

"Okay," Xiumin says.

***

And think about it he does. He finds himself distracted during practice the next few days. Chanyeol asks him if something is wrong and Xiumin tells him no.

Nothing is wrong, truthfully, and Xiumin decides to take a long run that weekend to clear his head.

Chen knows he's gay. He's probably the only one who knows, really. Xiumin’s father was the one other person who he confided in about it. But with his father gone he really has no one to talk to. He purposefully keeps his uality on the down-low because it's a source of insecurity for him. He knows he's definitely gay, but it makes him feel very uneasy. Especially because he's now on the football team, being gay is something he feels he increasingly has to hide about himself.

So he's scared. Bringing Chen to homecoming would basically mean coming out to the whole school, and at this point he's not sure if he's ready to do something like that. He doesn't want more problems to deal with.

And he's also not really sure if he likes his friend the way Chen seems to like him.

Xiumin doesn't know what to do, so instead he runs faster, trying to stop himself from thinking.
 

***
 

Chanyeol asks him over again that Wednesday and Xiumin finally agrees. It's been almost a year of Chanyeol trying to get him to open up, and Xiumin decides he owes it to him for his persistence.

Apparently, Chanyeol frequents the math club because when Xiumin arrives, those are the people that are sitting around the living room. Xiumin finds the presence of ‘nerds’ both mildly comforting (because being around them he feels more at ease) and extremely odd.

Chanyeol looks up when Xiumin comes in and slips off his shoes.

"Hey," Chanyeol greets him with a huge smile, waving him over.

Xiumin sits and watches two boys play video games. He eats some chips. He makes small talk with Chanyeol. Even though Chanyeol introduced everyone else, he can't recall any of their names.

Around four thirty, the door opens and closes again. Xiumin turns to see a boy wearing black sweats drop his backpack by the door. Chanyeol looks up with a grin as the boy flops down beside him on the couch. He puts an arm around him and says a cheerful, "Hey, Soo," with a wet kiss to the side of his face.

Xiumin is frozen, tensed, but he watches as no one bats an eye at the scene. He feels anxious for some reason he can't place. He excuses himself.

Chanyeol comes into the kitchen a few minutes later and fills a glass with tap water. He doesn't leave after that, but instead looks curiously at Xiumin.

"Everything okay?" he asks.

Xiumin nods. "Yeah- yeah I'm fine."

Chanyeol is quiet, then he says, "Is it about me and Kyungsoo? Because I just want you to know now, if you have a problem with me dating him, you can leave. I'm not ashamed."

"No, no, it's not that," Xiumin says hurriedly. He's feeling really strange about the whole thing. Because here he is, torn up about maybe bringing his best friend to homecoming, but there's Chanyeol standing right in front of him, quarterback and captain of the football team, proudly showing affection towards his boyfriend.

He feels kind of ridiculous in the face of it all. Like all his insecurities should mean nothing. He feels bare, and mildly invalidated.

"It's not that," he says again. "I actually- I am... gay, too."

He has trouble saying it. Chanyeol is only the third person to know, and coming out to him is an extremely spontaneous thing.

Chanyeol gives him a warm smile. "I'm honored you decided to tell me."

Xiumin takes a few shaky breaths. "I should probably go home now," he says quickly, scrambling to get his bag. He knows he has a lot more thinking to do.

Chanyeol comes up to him as he's putting on his shoes. "Thank you for coming over, finally," he says amicably.

Xiumin nods, turning towards the door.

"Hey," Chanyeol adds, a bit quieter. Xiumin looks at him. Chanyeol looks at him as if he knows exactly how he’s feeling in that one moment. "Tell me if you need anything, alright?"

He nods again before leaving with a click of the door. His throat feels thick.
 

***
 

It take about a million deep breaths and three more days of thinking for Xiumin to come to a decision. The first day he spends as a ball of nerves, unable to pay attention in class, but also not able to focus as he jogs after practice. He stays up late that night, sitting on the porch and just staring at the full moon until his eyes hurt and it's well past 3 am. He hasn't talked with Chen for almost a week now, and it's something he finds himself really missing. He has the almost uncontrollable urge to walk across the street to his friend’s house and ring the doorbell, but he doesn't. It's too late at night, and he's unsure what he would say. The second day is a bit better. Chanyeol comes to his lunch table to say hello and steal the crust of his pizza. He asks Xiumin how he's doing. Xiumin says he's fine. Not good or bad, but somewhere in between. He goes to practice. He gets some homework done. He falls asleep early and wakes before the sun is up. It's Saturday and even though the morning is chilled with the advent of autumn, he goes for a jog. Xiumin sits at the top of a hill, watching the sun rise as he pants from his run. There's something about the newness of the rising sun that clears his head, makes him feel better than before. And it's then, with the sunrise washing over him that he makes the exact decision he is so scared to make.

Xiumin walks back home leisurely and takes a quick shower when he returns. His mom is up, making herself a protein shake and it's with a clear head and an even pulse that Xiumin sits himself down on a stool at the kitchen island.

"Mom," he says quietly.

She stops the blender and begins pouring the shake into a cup. "Yes, honey?"

"Mom," Xiumin says again and waits until she looks up. "I play football," is all he says.

She blinks, a thousand emotions flitting across her face. "You do?"

Xiumin nods. "Yes, I do. And I didn’t want to tell you- because I thought it might make things... worse."

He remembers back when they lost his father, his mom got bad, really bad, really fast. And football was his dad's thing. Playing it is, for him, remembering his dad in a good way. It makes him feel better, more secure. But he can’t help but worry about his mom. He’s seen her eyes water when a game is on the TV, or the next door neighbors are playing catch with a football.

His mom sits down on a stool beside him, protein shake forgotten as she holds his hands in hers.

She takes a shaky breath. "It's alright," she says. "As long as it makes you happy."

"It does," Xiumin replies. "It makes me feel closer to him."

His mom gives a melancholy smile, her right hand coming up to caress the side of his head. "I'm glad," she says.

Xiumin clears his throat. "Th-there was one other thing I wanted to say."

She peers at him curiously with her warm gaze.

"Mom, I'm-" he falters, then takes a deep breath and looks her right in the eye. "I'm gay."

He doesn't miss her sharp intake of breath, but she doesn't back away or let go of his hands.

She blinks a few times, then breathes out slowly. "Okay," she says. She nods a few times, little jerking movements. "Okay. You're gay. It's alright."

Xiumin doesn't realize he's shaking until she's pulling him into her arms and running her fingertips through his hair.

"It's okay," she says again. "I wasn't expecting it, but I'll get used to it."

It's okay, Xiumin tells himself. It's okay.

***
 

The next morning, he goes across the street to Chen’s house in his sweats. Chen’s family is off at church, but Chen never goes. He says he doesn’t like the atmosphere, or the fact that his parents’ God would condemn him for liking boys.

The minute Xiumin has to wait between ringing the doorbell and seeing his friend’s face twists his stomach into more uncomfortable knots than necessary. Chen opens the door slowly and blinks, probably surprised to see Xiumin on his front porch.

"Hi," he says quietly.

"Hi," Xiumin says back, hands in his pockets as he rocks on the balls of his feet.

Chen looks at him expectantly.

Xiumin clears his throat. "I was wondering if maybe you still wanted to come to homecoming with me. Like as my date."

Chen blinks and Xiumin tries his hardest not to look away. Chen’s eyes begin to smile before his lips do.

"Of course," he says with a grin.

Xiumin smiles back, wide.

"I'll pick you up at 4, then?" Chen asks. "On Friday, so we don't miss the game."

Xiumin’s heart pulls a bit. He almost forgot about football. "Actually," he says quietly, "can I meet you after the game? At the school."

Chen looks a little put out, but he agrees. “And you better get me a nice boutonniere as an apology. Don’t think I’m going to forgive you this easily. You avoided me for a week.”

Xiumin hangs his head, a bit embarrassed.

He says goodbye then, excited for the week to come and go so it can be Friday. Before he can turn away, though, Chen leans in and places a soft kiss on Xiumin’s cheek.
 

"See you Friday," he says and Xiumin nods, a bit shocked but with his heart jumping around in his chest.
 

***
 

Friday couldn't have come any quicker. Suddenly, Xiumin is in the locker room, putting on his football gear, staring at the dress suit he has hanging on the lockers in front of him and thinking about the flower he has hidden in his locker. He's nervous. It's the first time he's been nervous before a game, and it's not even because of the game itself. His nerves are all because he knows Chen is sitting there in the stands, preparing to watch a two hour game of football. And Xiumin has no clue how everything after the game will turn out.

Chanyeol sidles up next to him, decked out in football gear and holding his helmet by the face mask. "You doing okay?" he asks.

Xiumin takes a deep breath. "Yeah. Yeah I'm okay."

Chanyeol smiles. "You can do this. Don't forget, we're counting on you."

Xiumin nods, then follows Chanyeol as he leaves the locker room.

The crowd is loud and decked out in their fancy clothes under the warm late afternoon sun. Xiumin does everything he can not to look up at the bleachers. 'You can do that later, look for Chen’s reaction later. Now is the time to focus on the game.'

So he does. He runs like he never has before, the wind rushing in his face, his hand secure around the point of the ball. He doesn't think, he just feels. He enjoys the feeling of running, playing this game his dad gave to him. He loves it with every fiber of his being and revels in every moment.

They win, needless to say, and the crowd goes wild. Xiumin is panting, something unusual for him but not unwelcome. He tears off his helmet and Chanyeol comes over to him to put an arm around his neck and mess up his sweaty hair. Xiumin can't help the huge grin that spreads across his face. He feels exhilarated, free, and so ridiculously happy.

But then he catches sight of Chen, standing there on the sideline with a painfully unreadable expression. Chanyeol seems to notice him too, because he lets go of Xiumin and goes back to the team with one last pat to Xiumin’s hair.

Chen looks really, really amazing in his blue suit and polka dotted bow tie, his hair all quiffed. Xiumin finds himself staring because he had never thought to do so until recently. His friend, and now homecoming date, really is handsome. He has his hands in his pockets and he very clearly gives Xiumin, all dirty and sweaty and wearing a bulky uniform, a thorough once over.

"You know," he says, "I was kind of peeved when you said we couldn't see the game together. I mean what kind of date just decides to show up two hours late."

Xiumin rubs at the back of his neck sheepishly. "I didn't really know how to tell you about the football thing."

Chen nods slowly, hand coming up to brush over the fabric of Xiumin’s uniform. "I guess it's alright, though cuz you look pretty hot in this outfit."

Xiumin let's the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. He leans forward on an impulse and presses his smile to the curve of Chen’s cheek. It's not until he pulls away that he is reminded of the hundreds of his classmates on the bleachers behind them and the looks they're starting to give him.

"Blech," Chen exclaims, pulling Xiumin’s attention away from everyone else. "You need a shower now. You're all sweaty."
 

Xiumin can't help but grin even wider.
 

***

They walk into the dance together and Chen insists on holding his hand with a light touch that is just enough to make Xiumin’s heart beat just a little bit faster. If Chen notices the stares, he doesn't let them affect him, so Xiumin does his best to ignore them as well. What do other people know about him?

Obviously not much, because the majority of comments he hears are rather shallow (both in content and physical volume), things along the lines of 'the ace of the school team is gay?' and 'his boyfriend isn't even that attractive,' the second of which, Xiumin completely disagrees with.

But even with all that, Xiumin feels free among his peers for the first time, there with Chen as his date. He lets go and has fun, dancing and laughing when Chen tries but fails miserably to do a body roll.

Maybe it should be strange, with his best friend at the dance in a romantic date sort of sense. But it's not, because it feels like this is how it's supposed to be and Xiumin can't bring himself to mind.

Chanyeol approaches him close to the end of the night. “I'm glad you came," is what he says. "Are you going to introduce me to your date?"

Xiumin blinks and looks at Chen, who is standing tall by his side and looking absolutely comfortable. Xiumin then realizes that there's no reason he shouldn't be doing the same. Being gay isn't something he's going to hide anymore.


"This is Chen," he says, a smile on his lips. Chen looks back at him with the corners of his mouth lifting a bit. Xiumin brings their hands together at his side, feeling the warmth of Chen’s palm against his.

Chanyeol flashes his blinding smile, holding out a hand. "It's nice to meet you," he greets.

Kyungsoo comes up behind Chanyeol and places a possessive hand on his shoulder, making Chanyeol’s grin even wider.

"I'd like you to meet Kyungsoo," he says, "my boyfriend." He seems proud of that fact, as if saying 'look at what a catch I've got'.

Chen’s eyes have begun to crinkle at the corners and Xiumin stares at him, appreciating the sight and letting his heart skip a few beats. The feeling is definitely not unwelcome.

They dance a bit more and when the last song plays, Chen leans in and kisses Xiumin on the lips. It's soft and innocent, but Xiumin kisses back and makes it last, warm lips pulling at warm lips. He forgets they're on the dance floor, surrounded by his judgemental peers, and just revels in the feeling of a hard-won victory.

The song ends with a quiet flourish and Xiumin smiles at his date.

"Moving a bit fast, aren't we?" he teases and Chen just grins right back at him.

Xiumin couldn't feel more happy.

A/N: maybe I should say sorry for adding chansoo, but I'm really not. I'm an equal opportunity shipper. And ksoo was chosen by a random generator.

This was originally me spamming the keyboard on my phone because xiumin looked really nice in the LMR music video and the idea of him as a football player is just *gnaws on lip* (yess), so the flow is a bit off. It wasn't supposed to be this long!!

Ok bye