It was the calm before the storm the days before Jiyong left for Seoul. And if I was being honest, I was more tensed than I should be. In many ways, I have tried convincing myself to be more emotionally distant regarding the matter.

Because Jiyong trusted me to be uninterested.

Because I needed to not care about how she would feel.

The thing was the more I try to subdue the feelings, the more it bubbles to the surface.

I grew ever so sensitive of how her voice shakes when she laughs at Jiyong's jokes, and how that smile looked perfectly in place because he was beside her.

And I begin to think stupid things like if I was hers, I would want nothing else.

The days before Jiyong left were days he stayed in school by her side being extra attentive to her because he knew he would hurt her by the end of the week. I didn't need to take her home, but on those days Jiyong and I took her home together. And how she smiled at him, at me, like the world had somehow corrected itself. Like nothing could possibly go wrong. And if I was being honest, then I would say this would only make it hurt all the more.

I shouldn't care.

But in the end, I did. In the end, if I was being honest, knowing about the storm of her hurt could never prepare for it.

Of course the world resumed like it didn't matter that by the end of the week Sandara's smile would drown in tears. I still woke up, made my bed, ate my breakfast, go to school. It was my life's protocol. And then I'd see her all bright like the morning dawn by the stop waiting for me.

Because I somehow became her friend, her confidante, someone she trusted with her happiness.

I grew grim by the hours that passed.

In school, they began tests of attention and retention. Meaning to say, they gave us quizzes testing if we were getting more knowledgeable as all school's aspire for.

If I need to say it, then maybe you haven't been paying attention. But do I resent you for that? No.

The thing was I failed every quiz given. At least I am consistent, if anything. I wouldn't have said anything, if it wasn't for Jiyong being nosy and looking over my shoulders when the sheets that told me I am a head were returned.

"Ack! Hyung, what the hell?"

I glared at him. What the hell indeed. Has this guy never heard of privacy?

I tell him as polite as I could, " off."

The exchange should have died there because I had no interest in trading any more information about my failures. So I was an idiot, I'll get over it.

But she had to get involved.

"What's wrong?" She asks.

And I feel a prick of shame of being stupid. I crumple the sheet and stuffed it in my bag.

"None of your busin..."

"Hyung is failing geometry!"

"Tss." I hissed like a threatened snake and grappled at his collar. "You er..."

Now at least jiyong did not know it wasn't just geometry. But still, my ears grew hot. She must think I'm a ing idiot. I smack Jiyong out of sheer frustration.

"Yah!" Jiyong untangles himself from my grip and began rubbing his head. "Dara can help, she tutors!"

And I stare at him then at his girl, and wonder for someone who's so ing smart he sure doesn't listen to his instincts. I mean, even if I tell him I don't like her. What kind of guy would be okay for his girl to be attentive to another guy? No guy in their right sensibility.

"Do you need help, Seung hyun?"

But if Jiyong was excessively stupid, I was excessively rude, " off."

----
Wednesday rolled in like it usually does, and I tell Jiyong that he should at least give Dara the Thursday and Friday to be hurt before he leaves. He owed her at least those two days so she can figure out if she was going to maybe cut off one of his balls or cry and kiss him good bye.

He sighs.

We were sitting on the grass watching the girls play volleyball and Dara was laughing so hard she had keeled over on the sand. Bom had audaciously lied down on top of her and Dara laughed even harder. And I worry about her. And how she would handle this. And if she cries will she be able to stop.

They scuffle until Dara was on her feet again and dusting herself off. She sees us and waves, and a part of me wonders if she was waving at me or at him. Jiyong doesn’t wonder and just waves back.

“I’ll tell her tonight, hyung. After we drop her off.”

I nod. And wonder how this will all go down.
———
After realizing that maybe I should ing leave them alone to their good byes, I decided to hang back. Nothing ing major, you know. Just tell them to go ahead. Told them I needed somewhere to stop by.

Dara offers that we should just all go together and that they probably would not mind a short stop somewhere. I grimaced at her and told her I was buying so she’d leave me alone.

“Fine, then.” She said after flushing the prettiest pink I’ve seen. Jiyong chuckles behind her and he took her by the hand and I watch them leave and wonder how hurt she would be. And if she cries will she be able to stop.

I walked around the city that had the pink of twilight and wonder if I should maybe buy … you know, because I am a healthy seventeen year old.

I stared at a bookstore. And kept thinking of Dara.

I let out a tss, and shoved my hands in my pocket just cause I don’t think it would be quite safe for me to buy at this moment.