Idol : Kim Jiwon a.k.a Bobby

Group : Ikon

Title : Out Of Sight

Genre : Angst

Requested by : Anon

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Age 7 :

 

"Moooom~ Jiwon is pulling my hair again!!" Your tiny voice resonated through the small apartment you and your mom lived in.

You ran into your mom's arms crying, you heard Mrs. Kim scolding him as usual.

 

"Here, here, sweetie!! It's because he likes you!" Your mom whispered soothingly.

 

You huff as angrily as a 7 year old can get, but nonetheless accepted his remorseful apology.

 

Age 9 :

 

Jiwon sat alone on an empty bench in the fairly empty small church.

You sat on the bench behind him listening to his innocent prayer.

"Please God let the new kids like me, and not make fun of my English, I'll be good, I promise!"

 

It saddened you that he was affected by a mean kid in class who called him by some racist slur, Jiwon was always a cheerful child, he would never show anyone anything but a big bright smile, he was a good kid.

The move was really difficult on everybody, but you and Jiwon were the life of the party, making everyone feel a little more at ease.

You knew Jiwon though, he missed his friends and his school, you felt the same.

 

You threw a piece of crumbled paper at him and hid behind his bench.

 

Jiwon turned around and didn't see anyone, he shrugged and returned his attention to the front, watching people pray.

"Catch me if you can!" You whispered to him, so no one could hear, and ran out giggling.

 

Jiwon chased after you, and you both ended up playing and wrestling in the mud.

"Kim Jiwon, what do you think you're doing?!" His mother looked mad, and so did yours.

"He started it!"

"She started it!" You both pointed at each other simultaneously.

 

Age 13 :

 

"Come on! What are you doing in there all this time?!" Jiwon impatiently tapped his foot on the floor in front of the bathroom door, waiting for you to come out so you can find the theater and watch the movie.

 

You opened the door slightly and pulled him inside and locked the door.

"What are you doing?! Are you crazy?! This is the ladies bathroom!!" He complained.

"Jiwon I really really need your help! Can you please?!" You pleaded on the verge of tearing up.

Jiwon -having known you since birth- knew something was up, so he switched gears to the reliable best friend he was.

"What's wrong?!" He asked in a worried tone.

You were suddenly feeling shy and embarrassed, your face turning crimson red.

Truth is,  you just got your first period ever, you were freaking out, scared, and your mothers were hiking, so it was just you and Jiwon,  You had heard of periods from your mom and your older cousins, but you didn't know much.

You knew there was something called pads, but in your innocent young mind, if you went to buy them yourself, you'll bleed on everything on the way to the drugstore, hence your need for Jiwon.

You were surprised by your own tears, you felt overwhelmed.

Jiwon panicked at the sight of tears, and frantically tried to stop you from crying, and trying to find out what's wrong.

"There's -blood -in -my -pants!" You hiccupped.

The look of horror on Jiwon's face was unmistakable. He was freaking out.

"Do you need to go to a hospital? Are you hurt?" He asked frantically, speaking a dozen words a second.

"No! It's a... period!" You whispered the last word.

He took a minute to process what you just said, before he grimaced thinking back to health class.

"I need you to go to the drugstore and buy me pads" You said calmly despite your flushing face.

"Ew, no!!! What if someone sees me?!" He complained just as you would expect from a boy.

Your tears started falling again, because you felt alone and scared.

"Okay, fine! I'll go!" He grumbled, not being able to stand the sight of your tears.

You hugged and thanked him for being a good friend.

Jiwon sneaked out of the ladies room like he was in some spy movie, he bought you the pads despite the immense embarrassment he felt. He staked the ladies room until you peaked through the door and took the pads from him, he retreated to the hall, not to look suspicious lurking around the ladies bathroom.

It took you a minute to figure out how to use it!! Afterwards you put the pads in your bag pack and headed to the hall.

You felt weird as if all eyes were on you, and you felt a little awkward and embarrassed around Jiwon.

 

"So...." Jiwon smiled awkwardly not knowing what to do or say.

"We are never to speak of this again, ever!" You said, ignoring your burning face.

"Let's catch another movie then, since we already missed that one!" He offered, and you both went to watch a movie and never spoke of it again it for the next few years.

 

Age 14 :

 

You stood in front the mirror for fifteen minutes, changing from one shirt to another, feeling conscious of your developing body, and you wanted to desperately hide it.

You decided on wearing a turtleneck sweater with jeans.

Jiwon was throwing rocks at your window by now,  he didn't like it when you made him wait long.

You ran out and met up with him outside, you walked to school as usual, talking about all the random things you can think of, but something was different, Jiwon was being distant, as if something was bothering him.

"What happened to you?! What's on your mind?!" You elbowed his arm.

"Nothing!" He said, but he was blushing slightly. He couldn't possibly tell you, he had a dream about you, and he felt slightly guilty that he did.

"I'll race you!!!" You proposed cheerfully.

"As if  you have a chance!" He taunted, slipping back into the normal Jiwon.

You both ran as hard as you can, he beat you as usual,  and of course rubbed it in your face.

"You'll give me a piggyback ride to the ice cream shop after school!" He grinned in triumph.

You sulked but agreed nonetheless.

 

** After school **

 

You and Jiwon walked out of the school building, and he got on your back,  he wasn't that heavy and the ice cream shop wasn't that far either, so you didn't really mind.

As you walked closer to the shop, you felt something poke against your back, you didn't really know what or why, so you just tried to ignore the hard thing.

Jiwon on the other hand jumped off of your back and ran to the bathroom, you didn't think much of it, so you just ordered your usual and waited for him on a table inside.

Jiwon was freaking out in the bathroom, and blushing  madly, because he didn't know what you'd think.

"Not now, please!" He muttered.

After a few minutes of hiding in the bathroom he came out, embarrassed and feeling awkward.

It wasn't until you saw his face that it clicked with you, what was happening, they talked about it in health class, but you didn't want to make him uncomfortable so you played dumb.

"I ordered your favorite!" You grinned.

"Thanks!" He said in a small voice.

After a little while though he was back to normal, joking and fooling around.

 

** On the way home **

 

You were talking about an incident that happened today while you were watching the first grade waiting for their teacher to return.

"You know, boys are so weird, if you like someone you should be nice to them not the opposite! That's messed up!" You talked passionately about the subject.

"He does like her though, he's mean to her because that's what little boys do!!" Jiwon shrugged.

You scoffed.

"You used to pull my hair all the time! Does that mean you like me?!" You instantly regretted asking that question.

 

Jiwon's heart flipped into his rib cage, it pounded so violently, he thought the whole world can hear it.

"I was  a kid, I didn't know what I was doing!" He laughed awkwardly, and changed the subject.

You felt a little disappointed, but it's not like you even liked him... that much.

 

Age 16 :

 

"I can't believe you auditioned for YG!!!" You said in astonishment,  after Jiwon had told you he went to New York and auditioned for the popular company.

You were both sitting on a bench in the school's yard, since you had time to waste between classes.

"I know, crazy, right?!" He was beaming with his adorable bunny teeth.

"If I pass they'll take me to Seoul to train!" He was excited about the whole thing.

Your heart sank, "Seoul?! As in South Korea, Seoul?!" You knew the answer but you had to ask.

"Of course, silly!! Is there even another Seoul?!"

"That's great! I'm so excited for you!" Is what you said but you didn't sound like it at all.

"Listen, I gotta go, catch you later!" You didn't wait for him to respond, you just ran as far as your feet can take you, which was the library,  you felt safer surrounded with books rather than people.

You felt your chest tighten in a very familiar way, you just couldn't point it out.

For what seemed to be an hour, you just sat there, dreading the fact that your best friend and possibly first love will possibly go thousands of miles away from you, without ever confronting him or getting a chance with him.

Of course they'll accept him is what you thought, he was talented, very charming, and driven, they would be crazy not to.

After the library you wondered about in the city, not really wanting to go home.

 

** Later that night **

 

"Hey, where were you?! I looked for you everywhere!!" Jiwon asked, obviously worried.  He thought the way you  left earlier was weird, and it bothered him. He waited for you on the steps of your house.

"I just remembered I had an important essay so I went to the library!!" You tried to force a smile.

"You seriously think I'd believe that lame excuse!! Who do u think I am ?! Mom?!"

You couldn't help smile, he knew you too well, and you both loved that and hated it all the same.

"Did you hear from YG?!" You asked quietly.

"So that's what this is about?!" He waited for a response that never came.

"They sent an email!" He proceeded "I have to head to New York tomorrow!" He looked down, the reality of it all just hitting him.

"I'll miss you, you know!" He smiled with a sad glint in his eyes.

"Of course you will!" You scoffed, hiding how you really felt inside which was pretty sad and miserable.

 

Suddenly he pulled you into a hug, you closed your eyes and breathed him in, it felt perfect,  this was right, you belonged in his arms, but the fact that it was so short lived ate at you inside.

Jiwon felt his heart leap with bittersweet happiness, he was happy you were in his arms like this but sad it wouldn't last.

Something about that hug sparked something inside the both of you, but you had to let go.

He went home with heavy steps, even a heavier heart.

And you went straight to your room and cried your tears dry.

 

***************

 

In the three years Jiwon was gone, a lot of things happened, you had new friends, a "boyfriend" for three days, but none of them was Jiwon, no one knew and understood you as much as he did.

You skyped a few times, he grew bigger and more muscular, his friends were cute, Jiwon was as cute as you remembered him, his smile, his eyes, everything.

You missed him so much it hurt.

You were falling deeper and deeper for him, despite the distance and everything.

You followed every bit of news on him on the internet.

Even watched every episode of "WIN", and voted for team B.

And every time fans talked about him and other girls they heard of, you died a little on the inside, every time a fan offered their theory and it made sense, you felt jealousy eating at you.

 

Age 19 :

 

It was finally the day, Jiwon was coming back to the states for a little bit.

His brother told you to come with him to the airport, but you were suddenly feeling nervous and jittery, so you decided to wait for him at home instead.

Jiwon went to church first to see his mom, then came home,  and you jumped on him, hugging him for dear life, he was as happy to see you, as he hugged you closer.

 

** Later that evening **

 

You and Jiwon lied together on the grass, watching for the stars, just enjoying being together again, you felt the heat of his gaze on your face and you blushed a little.

"Your hair grew longer!" He exclaimed breaking the comfortable silence.

You just hummed a positive response.

"So... you lost in WIN! What now?!" You asked curiously.

"Now we practice harder and work to get our debut!" He looked determined and driven, and you knew he'll definitely get there.

"Meet any nice girls out there?" You asked, despite not really wanting to hear the answer.

"There are a lot of nice girls out there but they're not..." He stopped himself.

"They're not what?" You asked, genuinely puzzled.

"Nothing, never mind! How about you?" He changed the focus, and you let it go.

"One!" You sighed, and Jiwon tensed, he knew it was inevitable but he still didn't want to think about it.

"For three days!" You continued.

Jiwon raised a brow, requesting the full story.

"He was an !! That's it!" It was half the truth but it was enough for now.

The air felt heavy all of a sudden, with unsaid words, untold stories, and buried confessions.

 

After a few nice days together, sadly he had to go back.

You witnessed the teary goodbye with his family and you felt even more sad to watch him go.

On the way back in the car, you kept flashing to the moment he said goodbye to you, his eyes full of something you didn't quite recognize, like he wanted to tell you something so badly but he couldn't.

You and his mom cried a lot in the car, feeling all sorts of sad to see your boy leave.

 

Age 19 pt. 2 :

 

You have decided that you want to go back to Korea, and go to an art school over there, you wanted to get away and gain new experiences, and maybe it had a little bit to do with Jiwon.

Unfortunately though when you got to Korea, he was busy filming mix & match, and show me the money, so you didn't see him, but you went to a few of his shows, he didn't even know you were there, you wanted to keep it a secret until you're ready to meet him.

You had things to figure out for yourself.

 

"Dude, you're losing it! It can't be! She's in the states!" Hanbin  tried to be the voice of reason.

"But I'm sure it's her! I just know it!" Jiwon insisted.

He knew you, he could recognize you between a million people.

But it didn't make sense, why would you come to Korea and not tell him.

 

You made a few friends in class, and you were having a great experience in college, but you still missed Jiwon even more now, that you're so close to him. You ached for him, to see his smile, to hear his laugh, to hug, to hold, to kiss him, you just wanted to be with him.

 

One day while you were getting some coffee from a shop near your college, you ran into someone.

"Hey, aren't Jiwon hyung's best friend?!" The younger male asked with much certainty.

Your eyes grew the size of saucers, and you froze.

"I got caught! Shoot!" You muttered, "Hello, Donghyuk, right?!" You offered a polite smile. You remembered him from WIN.

"Yes, nice to meet you!" He smiled very charmingly.

You chatted a bit while waiting for your coffees, he was such a sweet guy.

"Please don't tell Jiwon about this, okay?! Pretty please!" You just weren't ready to face the fact that he doesn't love you the way you love him.

"Okay, I promise!" Donghyuk gave in to your  request.

 

After their show ended you met with Donghyuk a few times, he was a really sweet, fun guy. You were becoming really good friends.

You still weren't ready to meet Jiwon, especially since rumors were circulating about him and a girl trainee named Hanna. The first time you heard of it, you felt physically ill, you couldn't blame him, or her for that matter, you couldn't blame them for something you felt.

You pushed it to the back of your mind though, and focused on your studies.

 

Jiwon was missing you like crazy, it's been two months since he had spoken with you,  lately you were always out of reach and whenever  he called home, they would come up with an excuse, he was worried sick and missing his best friend, who may be a little more than just his best friend.

He was in torment, constantly thinking about you, wanting to see you again.

 

"It's suspicious!" Said Junhoe, squinting at the slightly older boy in the kitchen.

"Very suspicious!" Agreed Jinhwan.

"You guys think it's a girl?!" Asked Hanbin almost giddy.

"No way!" Added Jiwon.

"You know, you could just ask him!" Offered Yunhyung who was sitting on the couch.

"As if he'll tell them!" Chanwoo chuckled, earning a glare from the older boys, crowded on the floor watching Donghyuk.

Donghyuk came into the room, and they kept following him with their eyes.

"What's going?!" He asked, full of suspicion.

"Nothing!" They said in a unified voice.

"Okay!" He said slowly, still feeling suspicious.

He took a sip of his water ignoring their stares.

"They want to know where you keep going these days!" Said Yunhyung.

"They think it's a girl!" Added Chanwoo.

Donghyuk almost choked on his water, being the bad  liar he is, he feared this moment.

"It's.. uh.. it's just.. I have to go!" He rushed through the front door and left.

"Suspicious?!" Jinhwan asked Yunhyung.

"Very!" He agreed.

"What if it's one of your sisters, that's why he keeps it a secret!" Junhoe suggested devilishly.

"Mine is too young for him!" Hanbin shrugged.

"Mine is in Jeju!" Jinhwan shrugged as well.

"He's dead!" Yunhyung got up.

Yunhyung and Jiwon followed him, lucky for them they caught up  just as he was entering a building not so far away from their own.

 

You had told Donghyuk to wait for you in your studio, until you meet up with him, he was helping you with a project, that includes body painting, since he had a nice body and some free time, he agreed to help.

Yunhyung and Jiwon were staking the building, when they saw you go in, Jiwon's bones shook with violent shudder of shock, he couldn't believe his eyes. He was beyond shocked, he was confused and anger was building up inside him.

"Hey, isn't that?" He didn't even get to finish before he realized Jiwon had disappeared.

 

Donghyuk took his clothes off and wore some shorts you gave him, and you changed into some shorts and tank, because you didn't want your clothes ruined with paint.

You were readying the paint and colors, while Donghyuk sat next to you on the floor, fascinated by the entire process.

Just as you were checking Donghyuk's chest to know which of your designs would look better, a wild Jiwon appears from the door.

To say you got the shock of your life was an understatement, you couldn't believe your eyes, you were almost happy to see him, until you realized he wasn't.

"So that's why the secrecy" He spit bitterly, it was pointed to Donghyuk.

"I can't even look at you right now!" This time it was you.

"You can't talk to me like that, Kim Jiwon! Neither to him!" You said coldly, you were hurt by his assumption.

"Oh you're defending him now!" He scoffed.

"Here I am worried sick about you, but you're here and didn't have the decency to tell me, but you tell him!" The anger in his voice was as clear as the sun in midday.

"Hyung, it's not.. " Donghyuk started.

"Don't ing call me that! Not after you screwed with her!" It took him a bit to register the sting on his cheek.

It happened despite your will, you couldn't stand the way he was insulting both of you, you couldn't believe he said that.

"Get out!" You said cold as  ice.

Jiwon looked at you with hurt and anger in his eyes, and you were sure your eyes mirrored the same expression.

He left, and it took everything in your power not to break down in tears.

"Noona, I'm sorry!" Dongbyuk was dragged into this and you felt bad for  him.

"Sweetie, you did nothing wrong! Jiwon is the one jumping to conclusions, and being unreasonable! It's not  like he even likes me! He was being ridiculous!" You tried to comfort him, and yourself.

You buried yourself in work, you finished your master piece on his upper body.

"Wow, you're really talented!!" Donghyuk said with awe.

You painted with florescent paint, the master piece was of an enchanted castle with lanterns flying away from it, each one had a Chinese character in it.

(Hope, Dream, Love, Sadness, Joy, Fear, and Ji Won!) You didn't realize it yourself until you saw the finished work.

"It's so beautiful! I almost never want to wash it away!"

"Good, because you can't!" You commented casually.

"What?!" His eyes bulged.

"I'm just messing with you! You should've seen your face!" You laughed heartily.

"That's mean!" He complained cutely.

You suddenly remembered Jiwon and felt sad again.

"Noona, he'll come around! Don't worry!" Donghyuk comforted sweetly.

"I think I should move on! I've been hung up on him for too long already,  maybe it's a sign!" You were feeling dejected.

You turned off  the lights and took pictures showcasing the work, then took some pictures with the lights on showcasing Donghyuk, and some silly pictures for the hell of it.

 

Jiwon came back to the dorm after wondering the streets aimlessly, he was feeling betrayed and hurt and all sorts of sadness and a little bit of guilt.

"Oh thank God!!! Where were you?!" Asked Yunhyung, obviously worried.

"Just walking!" He said quietly and entered his room.

He wasn't as angry anymore, his anger replaced by sadness.

"I'm so stupid, of course she doesn't love me! She's too good for me!" He sighed.

 

You dropped Donghyuk off and headed home.

He opened the door and literally bumped into Yunhyung who was obviously waiting for him.

"Talk!" Was all he said.

"It's none of our business!" He simply replied, and gave him a look to drop it, Yunhyung understood but he was still very worried.

Donghyuk showed off his body paint and the boys stared in awe. It was simply beautiful.

 

"Why does one say Ji Won though?!" Asked Chanwoo.

"Are you in love with him?!" Junhoe snickered.

"I wasn't the one who painted it, smartass!" Donghyuk retorted.

Jiwon didn't spare him a glance the entire time until they all went to bed, he completely ignored his existence.

 

You arrived at your apartment and finally broke down, you cried until there weren't any more tears to cry, your voice became hoarse and rough, your eyes puffy and red.

You didn't feel like eating or drinking or even showering, you just wanted to weep forever.

Your phone rang, and you really wanted to let it go to voicemail but you picked up regardless.

"Hello!" Your voice was barely audible, hoarse and low.

"Noona, are you okay?!" Donghyuk sounded worried.

"I'm fine, I just fell asleep!" You lied.

"I was just checking if you got home okay!" He said sweetly.

"Thanks, sweetie! I'll call you tomorrow!"

"Don't you want  to know about Jiwon Hyung?!" He asked knowing you do, and you did, you just didn't want to admit it.

"I don't care!" You said weakly.

After a minute or so of chatting he hung up, and you felt sad again and cried more.

 

"You were talking to her?" Jiwon asked coldly just as Donghyuk hung up.

"Yes, but it's really not what you think!" Donghyuk pleaded.

"Did she paint that?!"

"Beautiful, isn't it?! She's really talented and beautiful, if I were you I wouldn't dare let her go!"

"It's none of your business!" And with that he left to his room.

 

It's been a few miserable days on both of you, regardless of the great success of your project and the great  results from Jiwon's monthly evaluation, neither of you was happy,  you were more sad losing your friendship rather than the possibility of him not loving you back.

 

One day you were sitting in the usual café, on a table in the corner, burying your head in your arms and feeling miserable.

"Very Berry strawberry ice cream?!" Jiwon's voice interrupted your chain of thoughts of him.

You squinted at him, crossed your arms and legs, and looked away.

"I take it you're still mad at me!"

You looked him up and down and scoffed.

"I feel really really horrible about the other day, I'm really sorry, I was being irrational and ridiculous!" He sounded very sincere, and you knew he was.

"I can't  believe you'd act like that! Suppose something was going on with me and Donghyuk you still shouldn't have done that!" You scolded lightly.

"I know, I'm very sorry!"

You wanted a different response, you wanted him to say that the thought made his blood boil, that he.. loved you.

"Okay, apology accepted! I really missed you, you know!" You did, very very much.

"I missed you too!!Why didn't you tell me?!"

"You were busy, I didn't want to distract you!" You fidgeted with your cup of -now cold- coffee.

"Don't be silly, I'll always have time for my best friend!" He smiled fondly.

There it was, the word that made your heart sink, maybe that's all you'll ever be to him.

"What about this mysterious Hanna that I hear about?!" You asked as stable as you could manage.

"She's a nice girl but we're not a thing, because she's not... " He stopped himself.

"She's not what Jiwon?!" You quizzed, you remembered a similar conversation before.

"Never mind!" He replied as usual.

"She's not what?! They're not what Jiwon?! You can tell me, I'm your best friend!"

"They're not you, okay?!" He snapped "they will never be you! Happy?!"

You were surprised at the very least, your heart swelled and you felt like you were in some beautiful dream and you never wanted to wake up.

"You don't have to say anything! I know you must be surprised but I can't help the way I feel, I think I'm very much in love with you!" He confessed, finally.

"Kim Jiwon!"

He was panicking at this point.

"Do you know how long I waited for you to say that?! How long I wanted to say that?!" You couldn't contain the smile that crept into your lips.

 

And just like that at the age of 19 has life become perfect,  well there's no such thing as perfect but this moment was, just falling in love with each other all over again.

The untold confessions coming to light, and the unsaid words are heard loud and clear, and in this moment the world was indeed beautiful and perfect.