"One" tap. "Two" taps. "Three" taps. He counts all the way to fifty, tapping his pen in between each, delicate and precise tap. He in a sharp breath before twirling the pen between his fingers, once, twice and thre- 

"! You've got to be ing kidding me right now!" The pen falls from between his pale, slim fingers and clatters onto the table top. A frustrated sigh escapes from between his pink, full lips, before his teeth sink into his bottom lip. He picks up the pen and starts again. "One" tap. "Two" taps. "Three" taps. 

He repeats this cycle four more times before he can successfully spin the pen around his fingers exactly four times. He lets the warm feeling of relief rush through him before he focuses back on the lyrics he attempted to start writing earlier. Chancing a glance up he realizes a solid 20 minutes have passed since he started his ritual and a new wave of frustration makes his blood boil, so much ing time wasted and because of what? So what if he didn't tap his pen fifty times, or spin his pen around his fingers perfectly four times? 

Logically, of course, he knows nothing would have occurred, but no, this fear, this agonizing dread filled him. A whisper so low and dark within his own head, had told him that s would all die in a horrible and fiery car crash. It would be all his fault because he didn't ward of these horrible thoughts, more like obsessions, and that he would be to blamed. 

Of course he knew that made no sense, but he couldn't stop himself from doing it, paranoia and what if's taking over the more logical side of him for the moment being. Every time he messed up, every time that pen slipped from between his fingers his heart sped up just a bit more. By the time he got it perfect he thought his heart was about ready to burst from his chest, it was beating so fast. His breathing had also picked up, it felt like he had just ran a marathon. 

Great. Now he feels drained. 

Today's been a horrible day for him and his OCD. All Yoongi wants to do is sleep, only then do the intrusive thoughts fade, and he no longer has to hide all of his many rituals from s. No longer does he have to worry if a member will catch him mumbling to himself, a silent chant he does for one of his rituals.

Sleep is a relief to him, that's why he sleeps so much. s have never learned of his OCD and, truthfully, he wants to keep it that way. He doesn't want pity, and he certainly doesn't want to be asked questions and he doesn't want any stupid solutions either. He's been asked so many questions and told so many ways to fix his problem.

"Why can't you just not think of those thoughts?"
"Don't do your weird little habits, and just see that nothing bad will happen."
"It isn't even real, you just want attention."

Or the worst one yet.

"You're just weak."

He's tries not to think about these horrible thoughts, and he's tried not to do his rituals, and guess where that got him? Locked in the dorms bathroom, cold water raining down on him while he was fully clothed. Tears streaming down his face as he tried to catch his breath. He lets out a bitter laugh, it's not real? Tell that to the overwhelming anxiety that fills him each and every time he's had to put off a ritual during an interview. 

ing weak? Going through an entire interview in a state of panic, putting on a smile and making jokes all the while feeling as if he's going to die. Yeah, real ing weak. He snorts to himself, if only they new what a living hell his own mind puts him through on a daily basis, if only they could feel what he goes through. They wouldn't be calling him weak.

All this thinking makes the rage that was simmering in his veins boil over. His fingers clench and he throws the pen he was using at the half finished song. 

this. He's going to sleep, he doesn't want to deal with this anymore. Sleep is the only thing that can relax him and can tame that tingle of anxiety that's always under the surface of his skin. That's why he sleeps so damn much. It's the closest thing to medicine he'll ever get. He makes his way to the leather couch and plops down, he's so angry, maybe if he sleeps he'll wake up less angry. Or maybe he'll wake up feeling dread curse through him. It's alway 50/50, but he supposes a few hours, hell even minutes asleep is better than being awake. He closes his eyes, his lips pulled down in a frown and eyebrows furrowed. 

The door is thrown open, "Yoongi hyung! A pigeon pooped on me, it's really gross!" He see's Taehyung, brown locks disheveled, eyes wide and sure enough a white splat on his shoulder. 

A small smile breaks across his face at the sight, "I hear it means good luck for a bird to poop on you." He says, a slight chuckle in his voice as Taehyung's eyes widen even further, brown eyes now sparkling with renewed vigor.

"Is that true, hyung?" His voice is full of innocent excitement, and he's now bouncing on the balls of his feet, a ball of energy waiting for an answer. 

"Yes, it's true." Yoongi says, moments later he breaks out in one of his signature gummy smiles as he watches Taehyung bolt from the doorway. 

"Namjoon hyung!" Yoongi can hear him scream, "We're going to have a great comeback I know because I got pooped on by a pigeon! Yoongi hyung says it means good luck!" 

His shouts fade the further he runs away but the smile it caused Yoongi doesn't fade with it. With his nap forgotten he gets up to follow the joyous Taehyung, who keeps talking on and on about how lucky he is.

But Yoongi can't help but think just how lucky he is. He leans against the door frame of the dorms living room, arms crossed with a gentle smile on his face. He laughs when Taehyung try's to shove the bird poop covered jacket in Jimin's face, only to get pushed to the floor, where he lays pouting and looking up at the ceiling. 

Yoongi laughs, eyes twinkling and anxiety long forgotten. He supposes sleep isn't the only thing that helps him through his darkest days. 

He also has Taehyung, the 4D alien with the cutest box smile he's ever seen and the most adorable giggle he's ever heard. 

Taehyung always comes 1st and sleep comes in at a close 2nd when it comes to Yoongi's favorite medicine.