“Are you ok? I told you to hug me”

I blink for a second, coming back to my senses. We should not be staying like this. He is supporting his weight with his other arm so when I say he easily gets up offering his hand to me. I take his hand, getting up easier. Even that little touch causes my nerves to respond however I do not let him understand. He looks cool as he asks

“The deal is done or should I go on?”

If I consider this done I know he will bring it up again so I want him to go on. He lays down again and I sit on his back, leaning and hugging this time. I do not hug tightly but as much as keep me from falling. I begin to count

5…6…7…8…9…10

With each push up I feel his muscles flexing. I want to trail my hands down his body. When my mind actually catches up my thoughts lead by my feelings I realize this is a mistake. I shake my head as I come back to my senses but my heart keeps beating faster. We both keep silent except my counting and when it is done I get up immidiately. He is proud of himself, I can see it by his expression. A big gring was shamelessly playing on his lips. J is probably waiting for some praise but instead I simply say

“You did it yeey! But I guess we should stop here”

J is surprised by me acting like this all of a sudden. When he asks why, I keep a poker face and  simply shrug to look indifferent about what happened a few minutes ago.

“Its late. I feel tired”

He puts his hand at the back of his head, playing with his fluffy hair.

“Uhh… Alright…Goodnight then”

I force a smile while saying “Goodnight”

When I close the door of my room I try to make sense of what is going on.

Tonight I was really careless around him I think silently

That dance and push ups should not have happened. Seriously?! Hugging him… To my student…What the hell was I thinking doing that… When we got close my heart was actually beating fast. Did I get excited? No way.

I shake my head

*It must have been alcohol. He is a kid , a damn kid. This is not gonna happen again. Never ever…Ok*

I patheticaly am trying to reassure myself while grabbing my nightgown to wear. I remove my make up and fall into an uncomfortable sleep. When I have that damn bad dream again before he gets to touch me J wakes me up again.

“Are you ok?”

He keeps knocking.

“I am calling out for a while and if you do not answer again I am coming in”

After I hear that I finally manage to find my voice to say

“I am ok”

He lets out a sigh

“God finally! Can I come in”

I stutter as I panic

“No…Don’t ! I…I am fine”

He protests and sounds worried

“Is it alcohol or bad dream again?”

I just cannot let him to see me like this again. Especially after all those things. I try to convince him.

 “Only a bad dream. Thanks for waking me up”

J speaks softly

“You do not sound good”

Does he even know how to give up?

“I am fine... You can go back to sleep”

He groans the word “Fine” and I hear his footsteps. J clearly is not happy about this but I do not have any option, I just cannot act carefree around him. I go back to bed and try to sleep. When I wake up in the morning I change into something presentable for the lectures and get out. I smell that coffee, J is already awake and prepared it again. When he sees me he looks at me carefully.

I smile saying “Goodmorning”

His arches an eyebrow at me with curiosity.

“I thought you were avoiding me”

I give a slight smile acting as if things are all normal while standing awkwardly in the middle of my small living room.

“I wasn’t”

Then I make my way to kitchen, grab a cup of freshly prepared americano. I just cannot help but moan at the rich aroma. I have no idea how he does this but it is beyond perfect.

“Maybe you should quit drinking it. Coffee causes higher anxiety”

I shake my head in disbelief

“No I always drink it and however you are preparing this I really need to learn”

He laughs, walks towards me.

“Alright I will teach you but still keep the coffee less . It may be the cause of your bad dreams”

I raise one eyebrow at him, taking my cup back.

“Seriously? Are you trying to boss me around?” I walk, pass him by while murmuring “Uhh this troublemaker kid”

He grabs me by the wrist, locking eyes with me with an expression I see for the first time. His eyes are dark, his voice is clear and a little sharp

“I told you that I.Am.Not.A.Kid”

Crap… What is this now? How dare he acts like that towards me? I slowly take his hand off of my wrist. Speaking with furrowed eyebrows and low but clear voice, I say

“Look I guess we should not forget that we are in a teacher-student situation”

J asks with a smile that I am well of it is fake.

“So you will keep avoiding me?”

I feel the irony in his voice. The attitude that I am trying to put on is not likely tol ast long so I find a simple excuse.

“Not like that but…Uhh…It is already 8.00 we are going to be late”

He shakes his head nonchalantly while following me.

“I am gonna be late tonight. I will work for the night shift at a cafe”

I ask casually “Uhhh really? Part time jobs don’t bring in much. How about yours?”

He shrugs “Just average”

When we reach for my jet black Walkswagen J abruptly stops. He puts his hand at the back of his head with a confused expression. I feel obliged to offer him a ride. When he turns on some music by coincidence a BIGBANG song on the playlist comes along. We both sing along, having fun. When we got close to school I see a familiar face inside of the car waiting next to us for the red light.

“God.Damn.It… Stay low”

He is quick to get what I mean so immidiately hides. He is really tall and barely could sit on  the base, landing his head to the seat so Nate probably does not see J.

J barely holds his laughter in, asking

“Don’t tell me that he was the guy you met last night”

I roll my eyes at him but half smiling.

“It was him so what?”

J’s eyes becomes wide with curiosity,laughing

“I gotta check him out”

I cannot help but laugh with him, playing with his hair.

“No you won’t”

He keeps laughing while pushing my hand away. We both joke around silently. As we get close to school J tells me to turn by some corner.

I turn but cannot help asking “Are you going somewhere else?”

J arches an eyebrow at me. Acting as if I should have known why he does this.

“No, I am just gonna pretend as if I walked here. I am aware of that noone can see us”

I nod and smile at him.

By the way did he just said us? Why that word is hanging around my thoughts. It is a normal word but since when J and I become us?

Thinking these I park my car then notice Nate is waiting there. He waves at me and we walk together.

“How are you? Actually I was worried as you went by yourself”

I shrug and slightly smile.

“I am fine”

Nate houghs, speaks with a soft voice and a studied –supposed to be y-  stare

“Would you want to do something after work?”

Before I answer his question I hear message notice. When I check my phone I see it is from J.

Nate? You have got to be kidding me ! Do you know that he is called Ice Prince? !

I smile at his reaction but hide the cell, turn around to see where J is. He is walking behind then when our eyes meet he shakes his head in disapproval. I text back, giving J a nonchalant smile.

That kind of man can be attractive.

I use a tongue sticking emoticon and J rolls his eyes at me, seems pretty annoyed. I try my best not to giggle. Then I keep walking with Nate, answering his offer for hanging out when we nearly make it to my room.

“I am not sure. We will see when the work is done”

He speaks with a low voice.

“I will be waiting”

I do not make any eye contact, simply noding. Unfortunately, Linda, one of chattiebirds, notices Nate and I. When I get inside to the room she makes a face.

“So you and Nate huh?”

Her voice is annoying as hell so I do not even look at her face.

“Linda do not make unnecessary predictions”

She keeps insisting with that high pitched voice and fake smile.

“Unnecessary? People say he likes you”

When I answer my voice is calm but somewhat cold, hoping she would get the hint.

 “We just bumped into each other and why would this concern you anyway?”

She shrugs

“Right but be careful. You know… He is quite popular”

I do not care to say anything more than just a “Whatever”

I check the magazine I brought for the lesson, I revise what to ask and possible answers of students.

Its J’s class and I hope he acts as usual but he does not. When I show the pic of a couple and ask what they first notice he raises his hand.

“I see a disharmonious couple… “

I just go with the flow acting as if its all natural still letting him know that I catch his hint.

“What makes you think like that?”

J answers me with half smirk.

“The guy seems a bit over self confident and the girls seems quite nice and unique. She needs someone better”

Uhh this troublemaker kid… I wonder who he meant by someone better.

Still keeping it cool, I shrug while saying “Maybe…Now try to imagine which period of history might they live?”

Then some of other students speak and J keeps following me around with his eyes in a way that he does not do usually. However lessons are a little bit demanding so I feel tired in the end of the day.  Nate shows up before I leave in his black well fitted suit and papers he collected for home.

“So how was today?”

I take a deep breath and give a weak smile.

“A little bit tiring… It was harder to control them this time”

He frowns, searching for my expression.

“You want to go back to home then?”

I nod “Sorry I would like to go somewhere but I really need to rest”

He nods, squints at me in a way that is supposed to be y but not even close.

“I see but I only will let you leave if you promise to meet me tomorrow”

I avoid eye contact again but he keeps looking at me, does not let me go. I do not want to go so I try to find an excuse to avoid this. When I open my mouth to say something I hear the very familiar voice of J… Why the hell he appears out of the blue in such a moment?