P A R T :: TWO 

((written by:: September 11, 2015))

You shift slightly in a futile bid to get comfortable on the couch you had been sprawled out on for the past… six hours? Maybe seven? Not that it matters, you had quit counting after the first two hours anyway. The television blares in front of you, effectively dulling the pitter-patter of the rain against your windows and you are quite sure the neighbours would also be enjoying the reruns of all the shows that you had ever watched in the past few years but it does close to nothing to stop your eyes from wandering to the clock time and again.

No, you can’t do this to yourself. Not now.

It was the day. The day you had been dreading since Eun Ah came into your office with her fiancé (you dare not say his name lest you lose the last bit of self-control you have) a month back. And you are sure you won’t be forgetting this date anytime soon with it highlighted in your planner, constantly being reminded of by your boss and of course, all the news channels in the world have apparently got nothing more interesting to report than ‘Oh Sehun settles down with his long-term girlfriend’. Long-term girlfriend, you could scoff for a lifetime.

You had done everything, everything in your power to not confront the man in question. From pleading your boss to give you another wedding, any other wedding, to plan (only to be responded with a curt, “No, Ms. Song specifically asked for you.”) to calling in sick on the day of the wedding knowing very well that your hard work would be hogged by your colleagues. But it was a risk you were willing to take. You would have gone to any extent to escape the sight of the man you loved getting married to someone who isn’t you, looking happy with someone that you could never be. Maybe it was outright selfish on your part but you have been through heartbreak before and you’re not sure if you would be able to go through another one with the former yet to heal.

Just when you decide that you could remain stationary for the rest of your life, your spoon hits the bottom of the ice-cream tub. You groan. Maybe you can give mobility another chance. Your feet touch the floor and you pad across the living room, your body stiff and sore from the lack of movement. Your eyes find their way to the clock again and you just about manage to stop yourself from trying to figure out which wedding ceremony would be going on at this moment.

The doorbell rings with such an urgency that it draws out a startled gasp from you and you begrudgingly shut the door of the refrigerator to move towards the door you were a lot less eager to open.

The opening of the door and widening of the eyes are in sync because your mind takes no time to register the face in front of you.

He is in his wedding tux and he is drenched. Clumped, wet strands of hair are sticking to his forehead and his lips look slightly blue but the pools of brown with which he holds your gaze is swimming with warmth.

“May I come in?” He asks and before you can provide him with an answer, he has taken advantage of your frozen form and moved past you into the living room.

You shake your head, close your unhinged mouth and follow suit.

He is leaning against the kitchen counter, droplets of water falling off his clothes and onto the floor. His eyes are sunken in and he looks like anything but a newlywed groom. Before you can let the hostile side of yours take over and shoot him with questions, you fetch a towel and put the kettle for some tea.

He nods in acknowledgement when you hand him the towel but doesn’t move from his position.

You wait for him to speak, your eyes fixed on the back of his head and when a few minutes have elapsed and all he has to offer is silence, you clear your throat.

“Sehun-“

“It’s so dark in here.”

Not really what you were expecting to hear.

“Sorry?”

He turns to face you, his hands coming to rest on the counter. “Why is it so dark in here? And the television has almost deafened me. Could you maybe lower the volume?”

Your eyes narrow but you do as he says.

“Okay, Sehun-“

“Do you perhaps have your boyfriend’s clothes lying around? It’s uncomfortable wearing wet clothes, you know.”

He tugs at his clinging coat as proof.

You gulp and move to your bedroom, your hands find the neatly folded pair of sweatpants and a simple white t-shirt and you quickly grab them without another thought and walk to where he was.

“Here,” you hand the clothes over to him.

His eyes widen slightly at the sight of his own clothes and he looks back at you, confusion etched on his face.

“It’s yours,” you sigh. “You didn’t take them along when you… left. These are the only guy clothes I have.”

He nods, understanding what you meant and in another couple of minutes, he is dressed in warm clothes and sitting on the couch you were mourning on not even an hour ago with a cup of tea nestled in his hands. You take a deep breath, he couldn’t avoid the obvious question now.

“Sehun, what are you doing he-“

“I ran away and I had nowhere else to go.”

You inhale almost audibly. He ran away. Old habits die hard, right?

“And what made you think I would allow you to stay?” You move a little forward to get a view of his face, to catch his expressions but he looks intrigued by the steam rising from the beverage.

“I didn’t think you would but it was the first place my legs took me to.”  

Silence envelops you and it’s thicker now with the rain having stopped and the television only a distant hum.

When he speaks again, it is in a considerably lower voice. “The day I left you was the day I realized that I loved you.”

Your breath hitches and he has managed to freeze you for the second time in one hour.

“And it scared me. It scared me that I loved someone so much that the thought of spending even a second without her was enough to cause me pain, that the feeling of her arms around me made me feel like the happiest man alive-“

“S-Sehun, please, don’t-“

“No, you have to hear. You need to know that it wasn’t you, _______. It was me. I was the incompetent one, the insecure one, the one who deserved to feel the pain.”

Warm tears trickle down your cheeks and you want him to stop talking because you don’t know where this will lead and that scares you.

“I am coward. I ran away then because I loved you, I ran away now because I don’t love her.”

And he doesn’t need to tell you who ‘her’ is.

“But this time,” he continues, his voice cracking slightly. “This time, I might end up being the good guy, after all. Eun Ah doesn’t deserve someone like me, someone who can never love her no matter how hard he tries because I have only fallen in love once…” He lifts his head and even through your blurry vision, you can tell that he is crying too. “And I will be in love with that very person till the very end.”

He stands up and walks cautiously towards you as if he is worried about scaring you away.

“I won’t ask forgiveness from you because what I did doesn’t deserve it. But, _______, can I- can I at least expect your pain to dull?” His voice is almost pleading and it hurts your head even though you don’t want it to.

“I don’t know,” you answer honestly and he nods dejectedly.

“But will you try?” There is undeniable desperation in his voice.

“Sehun…”

“Please, _______. Please…”

You nod, more tears gush down your cheeks but it’s more because of the relief flooding through you than anything else. Sehun’s face lights up and a shy smile stretches his lips and about a dozen ‘thank you’s are whispered in the still air.

An hour later, your eyes flit from the boy sleeping peacefully on the couch, his forehead devoid of creases and a light smile playing on his lips, to the familiar clock on the wall and a smile is mimicked on your face.

Maybe it is never too late.