leave your lover; 

                 leave him for me

»    “Well I guess I'm just lucky then,” Kim Jongin muses, quirking an eyebrow as he swirls the Johnny Walker in his shot glass without actually drinking it. Sehun knows he's hesitant to do so Besides the fact that he’s really not into drinking, smoking or getting stoned, he also has the responsibility to take Sehun’s drunk home. That comes with the job description, being a bodyguard/friend and all.

Sehun refuses to pity himself with the fact that his daddy senator hired a boy around his age to be his bodyguard and friend. Because apparently, Sehun needs to be with someone around his age more. His dad thinks he lacks proper social skills. What the definition of proper to his dad was, he has no idea. He's getting along fine with the kids in his school.

He gives his bodyguard a grim smile. “Damn right you are. Everyone thinks you're adopted. Is that a good thing? That's a good thing, right?" They are talking about how Jongin has been Sehun’s bodyguard since he was 16, and how no one could have guessed he's the bodyguard unless they say otherwise. Everyone thinks he's an adopted brother, save for the way he's always around Sehun.

He’s just a few months older, but apparently his abilities are at an advanced level among his age. His dad was a soldier so when his aunt took his sisters to Canada after their parents died, he stayed at the military camp where he was nurtured and trained based on the camp's policy. Despite that, he didn’t really find it in his heart to pursue being a full time soldier to serve the country. So he decided to give his services to a private security agency where he can use and hone the skills he acquired during his stay at the camp. It’s the only thing I’m good at, he once said to Sehun.

Sehun knows that bodyguards are supposed to be good at survival stuff and guns and martial arts. But Jongin is also good in cooking, crafting, dancing and scaring the out of Sehun when he tries to sneak out on him. He can even pass as a butler, he once commented when he made him do a raft made out of popsicle sticks.

“I feel like a slave to be honest.” The elder snickers, bringing the shot glass to his lips and downing it in one gulp, eyes closed and nose scrunched in disgust.

Sehun rolls his eyes and kicks him in the shin as he signals a bartender to refill his glass. Jongin grumbles and takes the shot glass from his raised hand.

"Hey!" Sehun protests.

“We’re done with the drinking. Let’s—”

“—dance.” Sehun butts in. He raises a challenging eyebrow, knowing he will never win an argument about drinking. He, however, knows Jongin loves dancing just as much as he does. So he always blackmails him with dancing so they can stay out longer. He needs to delay getting back to his toxic, boring life.

“Really, Sehun?” Jongin laughs at him, white pearls bright against the disco light. He stands up from the bar tool, closing a hand on the younger’s wrist. “I hope you can stand up to the challenge you posed on me.”

He has a maniac grin on his face, eyes crinkling at the corners. And here, under the harsh lights of the disco balls, wearing his button down flannel, bangs swept to the side, gun nowhere to be seen and posture not so rigid, he finally looks his age. A young adult having fun, carefree and perfectly normal.

He lets him drag him to the dance floor, the favourite part of his night coming up. Galantis' Runaway is roaring through the speakers of the club and Sehun closes his eyes and lets the music swallow him up. He lets the sorrows and frustrations and disappointment drown and mould into the music as he loses himself into the beat slowly, his eyes closed while he lets his ears and body work together to harmonise his movements. Once he’s fully settled in, he opens his eyes and sees that Jongin has fully settled in with the beat of the music too. He follows his lead, entranced by how fluid and natural his movements are.

He dances his way towards him and puts his arms around his neck, dancing like the crazy bat drunk young adult that he is (he isn’t that drunk okay) before twirling so that his back is pressed against the elder's chest. Jongin doesn’t seem to mind his actions. This is normal of Sehun. Despite liking his personal space, there are moments when he just has this urge for skin to skin contact. (which happens under the influence of alcohol a lot) 

Jongin puts his hands lightly on each side of the younger’s hips, following his lead instead, dancing against his slightly unsteady rhythm. He can see through the curtain of his bangs that his eyes are closed, eyebrows scrunched as he feels the pulse of the music reverberate through his body. He learned that from Jongin.

“Your movements are too tight,” Jongin had commented before.

They were 16 back then, their first time clubbing. Sehun gritted his teeth in annoyance because it was his first time meeting someone better at him at dancing. It's not that he doesn't accept what a good dancer Jongin was, it's just that... it's difficult.

“What should I do then?”

“You need to lose yourself in the music.” Jongin answered.

Sehun made a face. “What the does that even mean?”

Jongin chewed on the inside of his lower lip, thinking of the right words to explain it.

“It’s not like in your textbooks,” he started. “You don’t follow steps or you don’t go by the rules or memorise steps or anything—”

He waited for the younger to laugh by his ty explanation, but to his surprise, his face is earnest, as if he's really listening to what he's saying. This urged him to continue. “You follow the beat, you let your body move on its own. You don’t think about your actions. You lose yourself, you let the music control you. You become the music.”

The younger looked at him with pursed lips, a frown evident on his face. “And how am I supposed to do that?”

Jongin smirked this time. “You can start by closing your eyes.”

Jongin's mind is taken back to the dance floor as he feels Sehun’s incessant tugging on his neck. He obliges and dips his head down, putting his left ear as close as possible to his mouth. His hot breath tickles his ear.

“I need more booze,” the younger's words are slurred and his body is getting heavy against Jongin’s chest. He clucks his tongue in disapproval.

“Let’s go home.” He decides, lifting the younger's body with his left arm to get him to stand up. He refuses to budge and wails instead.

“Boooooooooooz—”

“No.” The bodyguard says firmly and hauls him out of the dance floor, dragging his entire weight with his left arm. It's always funny how Sehun gets drunk only an hour after drinking about 20 shots of hard liquor. They step out of the club and the chilly air of the night hits their faces.

“Jongin no—” Sehun starts to protest, eyes barely open, lanky limbs all jelly and can’t even support his weight. Jongin wraps his arm around the other’s waist, dragging him to his Porsche, one hand reaching down to his front pocket. “Next week is fin—are you trying to make a pass on me?”

“—I’m getting the car keys. Left or right?”

“Left—and anyway, finals is next week and I need to have fun—”

“Let’s sleep,” Jongin interrupts, finally opening the car and shoving Sehun inside. He bends inside to strap his seatbelt on and looks at the younger's questioning gaze. “Together.”

Sehun stops arguing and let's Jongin drive them home to safety.

-----

“What do you do while I’m in school?” Sehun asks curiously one afternoon. They are sitting on the carpeted grass, books strewn all around them, leaning on the old sycamore tree at the centre of the spacious garden.

Sehun is making an attempt to review his notes and Jongin just sits there, whistling happily and playing True or False on Sehun’s iPad (because a bodyguard is supposed to be everywhere and anywhere right?).

“I’m in your school too.” He answers absently. He can't get past the level 10 and he thought he'd finally make it. It is devastating. He thought Jon Snow won't die. Apparently, he's outdated and he died in season five. Dammit.

“No, I mean, what do you do? You don’t always have my iPad with you. And True or False gets boring from time to time.” Heck, even gets boring to Sehun.

Jongin shrugs. “Well I guess I scan the school for potential danger? And I’m not just watching out for your dad’s enemies, you know. I need to make sure you won’t get to any kind of trouble.”

Sehun shoots him an offended look. “I do not get into trouble—”

“What about that time when you put a cockroach in that Yixing boy’s jogging—”

“That wasn’t my idea!”

“—where did you even get the cockroach?”

“As I said, it wasn’t even my idea.” Sehun insists, colour coming up to his cheeks in embarrassment. How can Jongin even turn this conversation on him?

Jongin doesn’t seem convinced. “What about that time when you made bitter gourd shake and made your teacher drink it?”

Sehun starts grins then starts laughing at this. “She deserved that for flunking me in her class just because I didn't agree to be the godfather of her baby. You have to admit it was brilliant.”

Jongin makes a face, like Sehun just made him drink the bitter vegetable. “You said it was an avocado shake. And she was pregnant and she really likes you—”

“It’s her fault for being stupid! It was winter. How can she possibly think an avocado spring in that season?” the student counters defensively.

Jongin gives him a pensive look before shrugging. “Then how would you explain that time you put on semi-permanent eyebrow tattoo on your classmate's face? You got suspended for that.”

“Why do you have to remember all those—”

“And then your classmate was so scared with dolls you filled up her locker with Chuckie dolls—”

“She told my teacher I was cheating. Like gods, Oh Sehun? Cheating? Please.”

Jongin rolls his eyes and continues, “You set your lab on fire by pretending you know stuff about pyro—”

“—hey! I searched on the internet well enough—”

“You farted while a girl confesses to you—”

“At least I didn’t lead her on—”

“—and you changed the school’s yearly report presentation with a movie.”

Sehun doesn’t know how this conversation had suddenly become about him. But he’s surprised Jongin pays attention to that much details. He pouts petulantly and throws his phone on his face. It his the elder in the forehead.

“Ow.” Jongin’s face turns grim, his eyes dark and lips pressed together. For a while, Sehun thinks he made him angry and is about to offer an apology when he dives for him and tackles him on the ground, tickling him on all his sensitive sides—his armpits his kneecaps, his legs his thighs. Sehun tumbles over, struggling to get back at Jongin. But apparently, his long arms cannot help when Jongin’s strength is pressed onto him, preventing him from doing anything but laugh and fart and giggle like a lovesick teenager.

He couldn’t use anything to even touch the elder. So he does what only a Sehun can do: he bites Jongin’s cheeks. The bright red marks on Jongin’s cheek earns Sehun more tackles and fart-worthy laughs.

They don’t even remember how it got to this. But somehow, the original questions got buried beneath the books Sehun was trying to study.

----

“Do you think I should have taken medicine instead?” Sehun mutters to himself, glaring at his test paper with a huge B encircled at the left corner. Jongin doesn’t understand why he has to be so upset. He still got the highest score in the batch but apparently, that alone isn’t enough. It's probably supposed to be A+ or something.

They had been in his walk-in closet for an hour now, Jongin trying to drag Sehun out to get to eat something (he hasn’t eaten anything since the results came out). And he really can’t take it in his heart to get mad at him when he worked so hard and still didn't get the results he wanted. Sehun might be an international jerk, but he doesn’t let his grades fall into the pits of hell, and he makes sure that when people call him up to his attitude problem, he’ll be able to counter with i won the district math competition and my dad is a senator, as you were saying?

Jongin isn’t great at pep talks so he does what only a Jongin can think of doing. He circles an arm around Sehun's head and pulls him against chest, pressing his chin at the top of his head murmuring poor you poor you.

Sehun should probably take offense on the poor you poor you he's saying.

He doesn't. Instead, he relaxes to his touch and loosens his grip on the test paper. It falls on the carpet without a sound.

-----

“So did you, like, ever have friends before?” Sehun blinks at Jongin, fingers flying on the controller without him paying attention to it. The elder’s lips are pursed in concentration, eyes trained at Jin Kazama while his Lily beats him to death.

Jongin throws the controller in exasperation when Lily does her combo and K.Os Jin Kazama in the air. “Why do I always lose to a girl!”

Sehun hides a smile. He likes that he’s better than Jongin at some things. Even if it’s as insignificant as Tekken.

Finally accepting defeat, Jongin faces him. “Of course I had friends, what do you think I am? A potato?”

The taller male struggles to keep a straight face. “Honestly, yes.”

Jongin ignores the comment and continues, “I can only remember friends at camp, of course. But they’ve been my friends since forever.”

Sehun blinks in surprise. Jongin doesn't really tell him anything unless he asks. “Do you ever get in touch with them?”

“I do?” Jongin looks at him as if he’s asking if he wears briefs everyday. Sehun knows Jongin has a rest day every week, and he probably uses that time for personal stuff (much to his dismay, he needs to get stuck with a different bodyguard once a week). It's probably stupid of him to think Jongin won't have a life outside of work. Sehun grabs his phone and fiddles with the screen, sliding to lock and unlock for him to appear busy. It has been a habit, his phone being his salvation when he doesn’t know what to say, or wants to say something but shouldn’t.

He ends up saying stuff he shouldn’t anyway. “How come I’ve never met them?” he blurts out. It’s unfair, he thinks. That Jongin knows everything and anything about him, but he doesn’t even know him that well. There’s an undeniable ache in his heart that he can’t ignore, thinking about Jongin’s maniac grin and breezy smiles being directed to others. Maybe he’s happier with his friends. Maybe Sehun is denying him of his happiness. There’s a slight twinge of pain when he realises Jongin has a world where he doesn't exist.

Jongin looks at him like he’s asking the stupidest questions ever. Maybe he is. “I’ve never brought them here and I didn’t know you’d be interested.”

Sehun says nothing. Of course he’s interested. (though he doesn’t really need to know that)

Jongin his lips and adds, “Besides, they’re not, you know within your league.” He imitates the younger’s voice back when he asked him why he never hang out with the students in Class B.

If this is supposed to be a joke Sehun needs to laugh at, he doesn’t know. Because right now all he can think of is how he doesn’t want to share Jongin. Thank the heavens he didn't say that aloud but instead, “I wanna meet them.”

“What?”

“I said I wanna meet them, I wanna hang out with them. We should hang out.” Sehun clarifies, trying to download True or False, Jongin's favourite, on his phone. Damn this stupid game.

“Why?” the elder frowns, reaching out to the PS3 box to reset the game. Sehun kept on telling him not to do it directly there since the buttons are more likely to loosen with frequent use. He keeps on doing it over and over anyway. And right now he just doesn’t have the heart to call him on it.

“Just because,” he huffs and doesn’t trust his mouth to speak. He sighs in relief when Jongin finally concedes.

“Okay.” He simply says and starts changing his character to Lily. This doesn't go unnoticed to Sehun.

“Hey!” he throws his phone away and grabs Jongin’s controller. He accidentally presses the random button and Jongin’s character turns to Kuma who he hates to the core.

Jongin chooses Bob for Sehun just to be an . He almost whacks him in the head with the controller.

Almost because then the game starts and he wedges himself on Jongin's lap, blocking his view of the game.

For a while, Sehun forgets about Jongin's own little world.

-----

Falling in love with Jongin is a slow and hard fall.

He admired Jongin the moment he saw him— with his hard eyes and perfect posture, poker face and perfect manners. His sick mom had looked at Jongin with obvious doubt in his eyes then, not believing someone as young as him is capable of protecting anyone. But if his mom could only see Jongin now, she'd be proud too.

It wasn't until the seventh week of his employment did Sehun feel the first surge of emotions shake his entire teen self. After his mom's death, he only ever stays in his walk-in closet and his dad was too caught up in his own misery to realise that his son is suffering too. And everyday, without a miss, Jongin will leave food in front of the door (he didn't dare get inside) and come back for it once he was done eating.

It lasted about a week, until Sehun finally caved in and let Jongin into his little sanctuary, crying, but this time with someone patting his head awkwardly.

Sehun was sixteen and was on the verge of realisations and discoveries and the death of his mother, but in the midst of it all, he learned what love was.

It's the small things that pilled up slowly, creating a monster of emotions Sehun is now feeling. It's as small as Jongin waking him up during his careless afternoon naps, when he knows he'll need to study for an exam the next day. It's when Jongin reads his notes too, reviewing him while he struggles to create the perfect project on a deadline. It's when his face lights up at an order of Strawberry and Cream at Starbucks as his treat for perfecting an exam. It's the way he bothers him in the middle of the night to watch some horror movie that in the end he sleeps to. It's in the way he turns his back completely at Sehun, refusing to talk to him until he realises his mistakes and offer a sincere apology. It's in the way he is sensitive to what Sehun needs, without him needing to repeat himself every time.

It's even as small as seing Jongin when he looks out the window of his classroom, knowing, he's always, always just there.

-------

"How come you've never dated for real?" It's Jongin's turn to ask, as Sehun snickers and laughs at a love letter sent to him in a bottle with a cork top.

The business student looks up from where he was reading and thinks of various ways to answer that question. Because I'm too busy with my life, because nobody is ever within my league, or you think my dad will let me date, or it's a pain in the ...

because I'm in love with you—

"I have yet to meet somebody whose presence satisfies me as yours do." He answers instead and returns to what he's reading, trying to find something to laugh at again.

Jongin doesn't ask anything after that. And if he feels something in Sehun's words, he doesn't say anything.

------

Sehun hates dinners with his dad.

Aside from it's rare and often brings tears to his eyes, it also means something is important enough to talk about for his dad to cancel whatever meeting or appointment he has.

The lines on the sides of his mouth are deeper, and the wrinkles on his forehead are more prominent than ever. He remembers his dad to be an all-smiles kind of person. However, these days his smiles don't quite reach his eyes. (it hasn't since his mom died)

"Dad, what's the matter?" He says as silence cocoons their dinner entirely. After several attempts to make a conversation (How's that redhead kid? Dad he transferred to Canada 5 years ago. How about the airplane with the remote that can fly 50 miles? Dad, I stopped playing when I was 15.)

"You don't come out a lot," his dad finally says, wiping a napkin under his chin. Somehow, even without eating soup, he manages to get food at that part of his face.

"I hang out with Baekhyun and Seolyok on a daily basis—"

"He's a little unusual, that Baekhyun,"His dad comments, frowning at him in worry.  "He's too flamboyant, too extravagant, too—" his dad grimaces, trying to search for the right word.

"—sassy." Sehun finishes for him.

His dad's face lights up in enlightenment and smiles. "Yes, sassy."

He laughs and shakes his head, reaching out for the dessert. "You should have seen my other friends. They are weirder."

"Don't you think you're spending too much time with Jongin?" his dad's question surprised him that it takes him a moment to answer.

"No." He states simply, suddenly losing his appetite for the sweet treat. He resists the urge to point out that Jongin is his bodyguard and spending time with him 24/7 is perfectly normal. He doesn't like where this is going. Because this isn't just his dad asking things, this is his dad building up something.

Thankfully, his old man doesn't push it and gestures for Sehun to pass the turtle pie. He passes it on without a word.

"You know I'm running for president next election right?"

"Yeah?"

"So I'm thinking," he starts, looking at his son's expression to test the water. Sehun tries to keep an impassive face.

"Hiring better bodyguards for you since you know how brutal—"

"No!" Sehun's finally had it and doesn't let him finish. He stands up abruptly, plates clanking from where his knees hit the table. This is a topic no one should even bother opening up.

"You are not taking Jongin away from me and replacing him with some bulky stranger who doesn't give two s about me. Dad, Jongin is the best gift you had given me. I know you're concerned but he's more than capable." He tries to calm his nerves and understand that his dad is only concerned about his welfare. Politics is dirty, that he knows much. He had asked Jongin about how he can be so calm at infuriating situations like this before, and he had said it's all about thinking where that person might be coming from. It's about thinking thrice before saying something. And when you realise there's nothing better to say, you shut up.

"Dad, Jongin is the best thing that has happened to me. Please." He lowers his voice, laced with emotions now. He has the same earnest face back when he was five—when his mom told me he's going to get his bike only after he learns how to tie his shoes.

The senator looks at him for a good five seconds before finally heaving a sigh and finishing his dessert. "Okay, okay."

If he feels something different with the way Sehun reacted, he doesn't say anything.

-----

Aside from being sassy, superficial and flamboyant, Byun Baekhyun has this habit of asking rhetorical questions.

"Are you bringing Jongin with you?" he asks Sehun, who is currently deciding if white pants would be good for golfing or if that's a stupid choice.

Baekhyun's voice isn't as shrill and loud because he's on speaker phone, probably trying to decide what to wear too. Sehun rolls his eyes as he pictures the scene in his mind, Baekhyun with piles of clothes up to his knees, and still not being able to choose any.

"Stop asking rhetorical questions," he comments, finally settling in for a white skinny jeans and a TopShop shirt paired with Nike's Explorer Spikeless golf shoes. Finally, Baekhyun turns off speaker phone and his voice comes blasting through Sehun's headset.

"Is he your dog or bodyguard?"

"It's not even an option to bring him with me or not. It's just the way it is." Sehun insists, deciding if he should wear a golf cap or just let his hair sway with the wind. He should probably ask the fashion guru about this.

"Hey Baek, should I wear a cap—"

"If your bodyguard is some stocky man in his 40s and is not as hot as Jongin it wouldn't have been weird." Sehun couldn't really argue with hot because Jongin just is.

"And if you aren't so goddamn in love with him." His friend adds as an afterthought, and his voice sounds far away from the speaker again. Sehun nibbles on his lower lip in thought.

"Seriously, you're so smitten and he's so dense." He comments with a tone of disapproval, clucking his tongue for emphasis.

Sehun doesn't think Jongin is dense though. He's been dropping hints like a rabbit and the only thing necessary is a diagram saying Ive been in love since sixteen hi notice me please i'm not just your employee or friend or brother....

"I think he has a girlfriend."Sehun blurts out, removing the headset and bringing his phone to his ears instead. He sandwiches it between his head and shoulder. He hears Baekhyun scoff loudly.

"I don't think so, really."

"Why not?" "You keep him 24/7, dude you even ask him to sleep in your room—"

"That only happens when I'm drunk!"

"—do you really think he has time for that?" Sehun shuts up because he likes what Baekhyun is saying. Even if it doesn't entirely make sense.

"But he has a one day off per week—"

"Hello, he might just be using that day to to someone else's face other than yours. Sehun, don't create your own monsters please. I'm not accepting self-pity."

Sehun sighs and takes comfort in his friend's words.

He treats Byun Baekhyun like a queen all day.

------

Three weeks later and turns out Baekhyun is wrong, like he is wrong about hundred different things.

Sehun really tries, tries not to take Jongin's time during his rest days so he can get to do whatever he needs without him hovering above him. But finals just ended and it's a Saturday and teachers miraculously ran out of projects to throw on them and Sehun is bored as . He wonders if he really isn't going out as much as he did before. He feels inexorably occupied though, Baekhyun is a handful and Jongin is, well Jongin's presence is enough to get him through the day.

Besides, Jongin looks particularly handsome and looking forward to that day. Sehun's curiosity piqued like how a cat's ear would in a catnip.

He does a stupid thing and dresses himself in black, walks out of the house saying I'm hanging out with Jongin on his rest day as his explanation, leaving the designated guard on duty for him with a stupefied face. Somehow, the Oh household doesn't seem to question what he does as long as his personal bodyguard is in the equation. It's either they see him capable or it's just glaringly obvious Sehun is head over hills for him. Maybe both.

He takes his Porsche Boxster and really wishes he has a less flashy car than this. Who would have thought he'd become a spy in this entire pathetic lifetime of his? The elder man drives out of the driveway with his BMW M5 and Sehun struggles to follow suit because damn that car is fast (or maybe Jongin is just eager to get out of the house). He remembers his dad particularly picking that model saying not flashy but fast enough to chase you, Sehun.

He groans in frustration and hurries out of the driveway, trying to locate the the tail of his car. Thankfully, Jongin doesn't plan to go that far. He stops at an establishment that reads 99 Favor Taste Restaurant and gets in.

Sehun stops two establishments away and parks at the side, where he can see through the windows of the restaurant. It's too far to see clearly but too close to alert Jongin of someone spying him. Sehun has to be very careful.

He takes his iPhone 6 Plus and zooms the camera in, watching everything as it unfolds in front of his screen. Someone comes in and Jongin stands up, his smile prominent.

Even from afar, Sehun recognises Jongin's laugh. The guy next to him has a petite frame, with bleached blonde hair, and small, almost child-like face. Despite the young features, he moves with a trademark ease of an adult, ruffling Jongin's hair who has now a mouth-splitting grin on his face. He looks young and free and unguarded and so unlike the Jongin who wakes him up in the morning with a frown saying he's going to be late. He looks just like any other 22 year olds. The type that cuts classes to attend frat parties or go skinny dipping in some unknown town or dance in the middle of the street with his hat on the ground.

Then Sehun realises it's him. It's that guy.

Through the 5.5 display of his phone, he sees the adoration and admiration in Jongin's eyes. The smaller man with round, doe-like eyes is saying something but Jongin doesn't seem to be interested with whatever it is. He just grins and laughs, and when the other guy's finally had it, he smacks the younger in the head and kisses him on the lips. This seems to have shut up Jongin and he smiles sheepishly, pulling the elder to his side and tucking his arm under his armpits. Then he brings his hand to his lips and kisses his knuckles.

The scene is painfully cute and romantic and just plain painful that Sehun lets his phone drop from his trembling fingers and sinks himself in the seat of his car.

It's not as if he didn't expect Jongin to have a life outside of him, heck he sees him texting when he's at school waiting for him. It's not that the possibility of a girlfriend or a boyfriend never occurred to him. It's just that, it seems far away and unrealistic when Jongin is basically with him 24/7. Seeing it in action proves to be a whole lot different story. Seeing it on his his phone screen doesn't make it less painful.

He doesn't know how he gets home, but somehow, he manages to drive it through his broken heart and tear-blurred eyes and locks himself up in the closet where the sun doesn't shine and he can peacefully cry with the broken pieces of his heart.

------

"Did something happen when I was away?" Jongin demands through the closed doors of Sehun's closet.

It's a Sunday morning and Jongin just came back. Sehun doesn't know he fell asleep in a pool of tears and sweat inside the closet.

"Yeah I snuck off telling them I'm with you," he croaks out. Part of him wants the other to know he saw him, and he's a mess because of that. But a larger part of him knows that'll be unfair in every aspects. Aside from the fact he used his name to get out and if something ever happened to him Jongin would be blamed, he also invaded his privacy by spying. It's really not stated in the contract that he shouldn't have a life outside of work.

Jongin is silent on the other side of the door, and Sehun thinks he's ready to call his dad and tell him what he did. But then he just heaves a sigh and slumps on the floor, pressing his head on the door latch so his voice can be heard closer.

"What happened?" he asks softly, with the same tone he always uses for Sehun when he's too sad and depressed to even talk, those times when he just shuts everyone out. It's the same tone he used 6 years ago, right on the same spot. Sehun starts sobbing at this and presses his mouth against the Mickey Mouse blanket he snatched off in one of the drawers.

"Sehun I'm coming in," He has the keys to the door and could have barged in any time. But he doesn't hear the bolts on the door click open until he whispers an 'okay' to let the elder man in.

Jongin looks at him with apprehensive eyes before sitting right in front of him like a frog and putting his strong hand on top of his head. "What happened?" he asks again.

And his voice is so soft and concerned and understanding that Sehun blurts out, "I killed a cat" without thinking and without any idea what the heck he is saying. Jongin blinks at him and raises an eyebrow.

"You killed a cat?"

"Yes, I killed a cat on the way home and—I killed a cat—" he bursts out sobbing again and it's so stupid and obvious and all sorts of wrong that Jongin just clucks his tongue and pats his head gently.

"It's okay, maybe that cat will reincarnate to a butterfly or something."

Sehun knows that Jongin knows he's lying. But for once, he's thankful he didn't push him for the truth.

If he did, he might just sob out a please leave him for me.

------

"Do you think I should just date Suho-hyung?" Sehun asks out of the blue and Jongin looks up from where he is comparing Sehun's notes with his books.

He scratches the side of his face in thought and looks at the student. "I don't know, do you like him?"

"Sure." Sehun answers a little too fast, looking away and reaching out for his phone.

"No, I mean—do you like him more than he's nice or what." He drops the pen on the notebook this time, full attention trained on Sehun. Sehun squirms under his gaze and twirls his phone in his hand.

"He's the student council's president," He starts then unlocks his phone and locks it again. "He's the grandchild of the Chief Justice of Supreme Court and—"

"Do you like him?" Jongin insists, as if Sehun is not understanding his question.

Finally, Sehun concedes. "I can like him."

Jongin gives him a there you go look. "You should date not because you'd benefit but because you like him, you know." He says with a hint of disapproval in his voice. He leafs through his textbook again and Sehun couldn't help himself. He asks, "So you like, dated? Or dating?"

Jongin's hand pauses briefly, and then he's turning the pages again. "Dating." He answers simply and highlights something in the book Sehun probably missed in his notes. Another thing about him is he's so keen to details. Maybe the military training requires him to do so.

"Tell me about him," Sehun turns to face him from his bed. "Or her." he adds as an afterthought.

He sees how Jongin stops highlighting and looks at him with eyes that translate to are we really talking about this? Sehun pretends not to notice.

Finally, Jongin shakes his head and chortles. "There's not much to say, really."

And his answer is so infuriating and frustrating Sehun has to stop himself from throwing the phone on his head. "Anything at all? Just anything." He presses in annoyance, frowning at Jongin who takes another textbook and starts working on it.

Sehun doesn't think Jongin is still in the conversation when he uncaps the green highlighter and says, "Well, to begin with, he's my everything."

Sehun doesn't ask follow-up questions after that.

------

"You can't just use a hand when you're beginning to learn how to shoot." Jongin chides, grabbing his left arm and wrapping that hand around the gun. Sehun shoots him a dirty look through his yellow tinted shooting glasses.

"Why do I even have to learn this?" he whines when the elder doesn't seem to care if he's throwing daggers and tantrums at him. He shoots him a glare in response. Sometimes, Sehun forgets that Jongin was military trained and is scary.

"I know taekwondo." He offers instead.

"When was that again? Right. When you're 10. Do you still know how to kick? Right. You can't even punch."

Sehun should really take offense with that but doesn't, because he is right. One time Jongin had to fight Sehun's battle. He had started a fight with the upperclassman rugby player who kept kicking his backpack in the auditorium just because 'it looks fancy as '. In his defence, he wasn't the one who started it. That damned guy was just asking for it.

"Okaaaay so, setting my weaknesses aside—" he rolls his eyes and poises both hands on the gun, just as he's instructed.

"Don't slouch!" Jongin barks and he's so startled that he accidentally fires the gun and hits the corner of the target board.

"Why do you have to be so—" he turns his head around and is met by Jongin's face just inches away from him.

"—scary." He finishes meekly. And then Jongin's wrapping his arms around his thin frame, putting his hands on the gun, on top of his hands, and making sure Sehun's posture is correct. He's so close to him that he could just lean in a little and their lips will connect. He feels so tightly wrapped against his body and this is just so funny and cliche because why aren't we kissing like we're supposed to and why am I the only one having a moment.

"—and you exhale when you shoot. There's a higher possibility to hit your target that way."

"Are you planning on leaving?" Sehun blurts out, (again) without thinking about it, and without even knowing he'll say it.

The bodyguard frowns and puts his arms down, releasing Sehun from the captivity of his body. "What do you mean leaving?"

"Like, looking for another job. Going to school. Or maybe even finding your sisters in Canada, I don't know, having a life, I guess."

Jongin studies him, as if trying to figure out where all this is coming from. Still, he answers. "This is my life now."

"No, but—" Sehun thinks of a way to put it.  "When you're sixty. Or older. You can't possibly be someone's security personnel at that age. What do you plan on doing?" He insists. He has to know.

The elder brings his hands to his hips and shakes his head as if he can't believe Sehun is asking this now. "Right now, I don't have a plan of leaving. Unless of course, your dad or you fires me. And maybe I'll finally cross the bridge when I reach there." He smiles and Sehun is so ready to throw the gun and kiss him. "Why, are you planning on firing me?"

Sehun fires the gun at the target with a hand instead and grins at him. "I'm going to fire this gun at you if you leave."

Jongin grins back then barks at him to stop using a hand to shoot.

-------

One of Sehun's favourite moments was back in senior high, prom night and he was the prom king. Everyone expected for him to have prepared a presentation to perform along with the prom queen. But it was barely a year from his mother's death and he had been so lost in mourning. Still, everyone had been stupid to care that his mother had just died.

They didn't say anything nasty to Sehun but no one danced with him or even attempted to mingle with him. Not that he asked anyone to dance. His white tuxedo had been useless and crumpled as he watched his batch mates on the dance floor, taking pictures while dancing.

For the first time in his life that day, he felt out of place. He had always been popular that he didn't feel the need to fit in. They were the ones who adjust to him and not the other way around. And so he walked out of the Pavilion, head hang low towards his limo.

He bumped into Jongin who's wearing his usual body guard suit, on his way to the car. "I want to go home." He demanded.

The bodyguard gazed at him with curious eyes. To his surprise, he said, "Do you wanna dance?"

The next thing he knew, there's some music in the background (probably from his phone) that sings I Won't Tell a Soul and his arms were around Jongin's neck, who was taller back then, and they were slowly swaying to the beat of the music, with only the stars above as their source of light.

It was weird and dark and chilly in the autumn night but Sehun buried his head at the crevice of the elder's neck and let him sway him, not stopping even when the song had ended.

When Sehun thinks about it again, he realises: he really did fall hard at 16.

-------

"We've heard so much about you!" It's Jongin's friend, he's all teeth and smiles and curly hair and large eyes but his voice is deep and scary as . Jongin agreed to meet his friends but on his terms. It basically means meeting at a shooting range because his friends are all from military and Sehun can learn a thing or two on how to shoot a gun. He thought it's hitting two birds at once.

Jongin's set of friends aren't much. There's that guy named Chanyeol and then a Tao whose eyes resembles a cat's. And then a Minseok who resembles that Korean singer named G- dragon. His friends are exactly what Sehun imagines them to be: a small group very close to his heart.

"So all of you, like, met at the military camp?" Sehun asks, watching in awe as that Chanyeol guy who seems a little too bubbly for a military personnel assembles a riffle without him looking at it. He should probably feel a little concerned, because they are surrounded with firearms and all these people can basically kill him with anything. But he can feel Jongin's stare at the back of his head and he knows, he just knows, that he's not going to let anything happen to him.

"Jongin was the youngest. And he was like a little sissy I tell you."

Said youngest appears in front of them, holding out a gun to Sehun. "Don't tell him lies. I told him everything."

Chanyeol has that -eating grin that makes Jongin retract the gun from Sehun. (probably wanting to whack it on his head instead) "Did you tell him that time you your pants because Lowell jumped on you—"

"I was ten!"

"Wait, who's Lowell?" Sehun butts in confusion, looking from Jongin who's crossly glaring at Chanyeol who has that triumphant grin on his face.

"Our one and only big lovable labrador military dog." Jongin's face turns red. And for a while, Sehun thinks it's from embarrassment and he's ready to kick Chanyeol. But then he turns away and goes back to where he was assembling different kinds of guns. "Lowell died, you fool."

"You love dogs?" Sehun asks dumbly.

"Man, he stayed with Lowell for three weeks until he died. And he buried him with his own hands." Chanyeol says quietly, wiping the rifle he assembled with a cloth. Maybe this is why Jongin never let him meet his friends—because he'll just feel more like a stranger than he already is.

Sehun should probably say something to make Jongin feel better. Or just to break the silence in general but then a voice breaks out of their reverie. "Why are you bullying Jongin about Lowell again?" Sehun turns his head and his eyes meet the same petite guy that Sehun saw in the restaurant. His lips are pressed into a thin line and the hard lines on his face are more pronounced up close. He appears to be really angry at Chanyeol but then he glances at Sehun and breaks out in a conspiratorial smile.

The taller male with curly hair just rolls his eyes. "Oh please Lu Han hyung, we all know Jongin is a sissy until now. I don't know how he fooled Sehun to believe otherwise."

Said Lu Han breaks out into an easy grin, the hard lines on his face fading, his eyes crinkling at the corners. He looks ten years younger like this, smiling amicably. "Hi, I'm Lu Han. I think I'm late." Sehun knows he's got the face. But here, staring right in front of Lu Han, he feels his confidence wan. When he smiles, Sehun suddenly feels he's not that handsome at all. Because Lu Han isn't just some pretty face with bleached blond hair. His eyes glow with mischief and his skin is milky-white and spot free, aside from that scar under his lower lip, he's perfect. Sehun feels envy and jealousy boil at the pit of his stomach.

"Hi,uhm." he answers awkwardly, gazing from Chanyeol to Jongin who seems unfazed by his horrified state. Apparently, Lu Han isn't just his boyfriend but is one of his best friends too. Tao and Minseok joins the table where they assemble guns.

The scene is pretty funny, because the table they should be sharing is supposed to be a dining table. Instead it became a military table. Jongin sits beside Lu Han, opposite Sehun where he can stare right through their faces. Minseok and Tao seat on each side of him and he regrets bringing this demise to himself.

Tao doesn't say much, just staring at everything as it unfolds in front of him. Thankfully, Minseok speaks up, "I think we should put these guns and ammos away and replace it with food." He suggests helpfully. They all hum in approval but Sehun can't tear his gaze off Jongin's fingers tracing circles at the back of his boyfriend's hand.

They are like a pair of slippers—when one moves, it's natural that the other will follow suit.

All along he thought he was the pair that completes Jongin. Turns out, he's just an extra slipper without any pair.

-------

"Your participation will be highly appreciated, Sehun." Suho is carding through the directory of students in the entire school, trying to find rich families who will be willing to sponsor for the programs. Sehun'd meant to say he doesn't really care for their appreciation, but he remembers something and observes the student council president curiously.

"What is it?" Kim Suho says without looking up.

Once upon a time, Suho tried to get Sehun to run with him as the school's vice president. They are in the same club that handles school programs, but Sehun got tired of it all and decided to quit. They remained in touch.

"You used to want to date me right?" He asks nonchalantly, as if he's just asking if the moon is out tonight, and Suho stops shuffling through the papers. Once upon a time, when Sehun was a freshman, Suho had taken a liking to his smart demeanour and bored eyes. Suho was and still is the perfect student. He's irresistible and charming and it's impossible not to like him. But Jongin was right. He likes him in the he's nice way and not i like you because you're you way.

The law student gives him a small smile and nods. "That was three years ago, Sehun, yes. And this is not a personal—"

"Well then date me," Sehun cuts him off and fiddles with his phone, unconsciously locking and unlocking the screen.

"Date me and I'll approve the sponsorship you're asking." He can almost imagine Jongin frowning and clucking his tongue in disapproval. But he's not here now, nor he will be forever. So Sehun might as well invest in things that will likely to last.

Suho doesn't seem to be someone who'd date for connections. But he shrugs nonchalantly and holds out a paper to him to sign. "Sure, why not?"

-------

Sehun is tying the lace of his black boots when Jongin enters his room. He is wearing black eyeliner, tight-fit pants, leather jacket and spiked hair to blend in the crowd of the club. Sehun resists the urge to swoon because he's just gorgeous okay. It doesn't help that his abs are prominent against the thin fabric of his black shirt. His collarbones are exposed on the V neck shape of the shirt too.

He averts his gaze, wanting to lock Jongin in his closet so he can have him all to himself. Instead, he pretends to be busy with his shoelace and ogles his slender leg. Finally, he rises from where he is fixing his shoes and says, "Oh, you don't have to come."

He is met by Jongin's glare. It's the first time he's ditching Jongin off his activities. In a bar where they enjoy both. "I thought there's no negotiating that." Jongin answers in exasperation, as if he'd always waited for this date when Sehun wouldn't want him to join his activities.

"There isn't," The student agrees, walking towards his mirror to fix his hair. His pale face and bony stature looks lacklustre next to Jongin. His bodyguard looks at him through the mirror. Their eyes meet for a split second, before Sehun turns his gaze away and mutters, "I'm dating Suho."

"So?" He can feel Jongin's stare burn at the spot on the mirror where their eyes met. His voice suddenly sounds loud and clear, as if he's speaking to him right in his ear

"His bodyguard will protect me, if ever." He shrugs and makes his way towards the door where Jongin is standing, blocking his way.

"They are not your bodyguards. When something happens, they'll always ensure the safety of their employer first." The bodyguard grips his arm when he tries to pass by him. Sehun glares at him defiantly.

"Their master is my boyfriend." Is all he says, before shrugging his hand off, as if that explains everything.

He doesn't trust himself to look at him because he might just snap and call in sick on his boyfriend waiting at the bar.

--------

They are back in their usual routines, Sehun sprawled on the grass, typing on his laptop in the garden while Jongin searches textbooks for other things to add on his thesis.

They don't talk about each other's relationships, Jongin doesn't mention Lu Han (when does he ever) and Sehun doesn't talk about Suho (most likely because there's nothing to talk about). Sehun feels an invisible wall between them that wasn't there before. He doesn't ask about Lu Han either (though he's dying to) and Jongin doesn't ask about Suho (he doesn't seem a bit interested). It probably just feels weird to Sehun, because he used to tell him everything and anything. In one way or another, there's always a part of Jongin that's always hidden away from Sehun. That hurts a lot.

It's not Jongin's habit to open a conversation, but this is one rare occasion that he does. "You asked me before if I have a plan," he starts, drumming his pen on his notebook in that annoying manner that always makes Sehun snap. That doesn't seem important now though. He tries to continue typing on his MacBook Pro, acting like this isn't a big deal—as if Jongin's future is something they talk about on a daily basis.

"What about it?" He replies five seconds too late. For a while, he thinks Jongin is not interested in continuing the conversation anymore. And then he stops drumming the pen on the book and averts his gaze from Sehun. "Lu Han thought we could go to his hometown, in Beijing."

Sehun doesn't say anything. Jongin continues to ramble, "You know, China."

"I know Beijing." Sehun snaps harshly, face stoic. He immediately regrets it though because Jongin looks like he's regretting opening the topic in the first place. He lets out a nervous laugh. "I mean, that's great Jongin. What did you tell him?"

The tension on the elder's shoulders is still evident and he's got a tight smile on his face when he answers, "I said I'll think about it."

Sehun waits for him to say though I really don't want to go, I just don't know what so say to Lu Han but he doesn't. So he prods, "Well?"

"I'm still thinking about it." It breaks his heart that Jongin is actually considering it. Of leaving, of moving on with his life. He breaks out in a fit of hysterical laughter because if he doesn't god knows he'll break down bawling in front of Jongin.

"It'll be fun." he wheezes as Jongin looks at him oddly.

"You'll spend a lifetime with Lu Han, it'll be fun." Jongin hums in approval and goes back to the textbooks stacked in front of him and Sehun pretends to still be doing his thesis.

---------

Sehun breaks up with Suho that very night. He doesn't ask why though Sehun knows he's aware of what the reason is and has been very kind not to say anything.

He cries his eyes to sleep because there he was, thinking he's left Jongin behind and is one step ahead of him when all these while Jongin has always been hundred steps away. And he's the one barely catching up. He doesn't cry in his closet this time, because it reminds him of Kim Jongin so much.

--------

With the campaign nearing, it's almost impossible to keep the Oh household quiet. Even Jongin has to help out sometimes. Everyone is busy and campaign materials are flying everywhere.

This is the part where Sehun takes advantage and jumps from his window like some modern Juliet. He contemplates bringing his car with him every time but always ends up walking until his feet are sore and his soles are coming off. He'll come back just in time for Jongin to check his room and ask if he wants to eat. He doesn't have any particular destination in mind, just takes a stroll and indulges in the breezy air of the night. He loves the solace of his own company. It makes him lonely and peaceful altogether.

His legs had probably adapted to long walks and empty stomach. He doesn't notice his surroundings, totally lost in his own bubble. The next thing he knows, a harsh head light is blinding his eyes and a car is coming towards him, swerving just in time to reduce the damage and not hit him wholly. He getst hit still, his left arm gets caught in the side mirror of the car, and his left leg hits the left headlight. He flies from the road on the impact and lands on his , his head hitting the grassy sidelines. The driver shouts curses at him, then speeds off the night, leaving Sehun with slightly broken bones and possibly minor concussions. He feels perfectly fine until he sees blood dripping from his head on his trembling fingers. The sight of blood seems to have awaken the part of his brain that feels pain and his body aches all over, his eyes begin stinging with salty tears.

So he does what he's always good at doing. He calls Jongin. Apparently, he hasn't found out he snuck off. Yet. "Jongin," he croaks out, like he always do when he does something he shouldn't and is on the verge of breaking down. Jongin immediately understands.

"Where are you?" He asks and he feels Jongin moving at the other end of the line, pocketing his car keys and making sure his gun is intact on his back.

"I don't know—" his voice breaks. "4th Street, I guess."

"Okay, I'm coming." He can hear him running on his feet and getting into his car. Sehun swallows a sob.

"Jongin?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't tell anyone."

"I know."

He starts sobbing as soon as Jongin hangs up.

--------

Sehun doesn't know how long it has been, maybe 20 minutes, maybe less. But he's thankful he's hidden behind the trees and this part of the road is dimly lit. He doesn't know how Jongin manages to do it, but he finds him anyway. He hurries towards him angrily. "Gods, Sehun. What do you think you're doing?"

Sehun looks up with tear and blood stained face and he just doesn't know. He's hurt and afraid and sad but all he could feel is relief upon seeing Jongin's face. His handsome features illuminated by the headlights is worried and angry—not at Sehun but to whoever did this to him—but his relief is also evident, his face voice isn't as taut when Sehun called him.

The younger male resists the urge to laugh. There he is, hurt and hungry and tired and angry, and all he could think of is how strongly beautiful Jongin is and how he wants to press his mouth against his and be wrapped around the heat of his body. And so with his unhurt hand, he reaches out and hooks his arm around Jongin's nape. He doesn't think—just does. He presses his lips agains't Jongin's, blood and tears and sweat wetting the elder's lips. And it doesn't feel like what Sehun had always dreamt it would feel. Because Jongin's lips are tightly shut, his posture rigid as if he's too stunned to move. Sehun can't really take it in his heart to push further. So they just sit there awkwardly, lips pressed together like some kind of a statue until Jongin retracts, looking at the younger with wild eyes.

"Sehun no." He mutters and looks away. Sehun no what? He wants to scream a lot of things. He has a lot of whys; he wants to ask why not, why it can't be him, why Jongin won't give him a chance, why he won't just leave him... But he also knows the answers to all of that. He just wants to hear it from him.

But then before he could open his mouth to voice it out, Jongin has moved on with the situation and is gushing over his state, asking where he's hurt, what happened, who did this to him, why he snuck off, pretending as if Sehun did not just kiss him.

It's the first time Sehun experiences a blatant no from Jongin. But thinking hard about it, Jongin always drops hints of no and pretends he doesn't see the way Sehun looks at him.

----------

Sehun is grounded for a whole month and doesn't mind, because it'll give him more time to nurse his broken heart. (as if he isn't always doing that)

Jongin is acting like nothing happened, and Sehun struggles to keep up. He wants to talk about it, at the same time he doesn't. It's all very confusing.

"You are watching too much Nicholas Sparks movies, Sehun," Baekhyun comments one time he visited him, looking at him with sympathy in his eyes. Which is bad. Baekhyun is never sympathetic. "You thought moments of life and death are the perfect moments to confess. Only romantic movies do that. And you weren't even dying. Maybe if you were, he might have kissed you back."

Jongin enters his room fifteen minutes later and asks if he wants food. He said he wants popcorn and searches Netflix for a Nicholas Sparks movie.

----------

They are back in their usual routine, Sehun in his usual classes, Jongin waiting downstairs. He's doodling on his notebook, barely listening to his teacher when his phone dings.

Why aren't you listening to the teacher?

He squints at the message and couldn't help looking out the window to make sure it really is Jongin texting him. In the entirety they are together, Jongin's never texted him unless it's an emergency. He sees him grinning on his screen though and he hurries a reply.

Are you watching me? Because that's creepy.

His phone dings three consecutive times, and everyone stares at him in disbelief. He sneers at them and silences his phone. They all turn back to their business.

Your pen is moving in circles.
I don't remember you writing in cursive.
You're doodling, aren't you?

Sehun laughs at this. I don't remember you being a stalker. Anw, what do u want?

Wanna eat in that Singaporean resto later?

He doesn't even hide his ear-splitting grin as he types out a reply, looking at Jongin outside the window to see him grinning as well.

We could eat now. I could cut classes. ^^

Jongin's reply comes abrupt and expected.

No.

Sehun indulges himself with daydreams of a world where Lu Han doesn't exist and Jongin is asking him on a regular after-school date.

--------

"I've told your dad," Jongin says as he stares at the stopwatch that recorded Sehun's track time. He looks at him and grins. "Not bad."

"Told him what?" Sehun ignores the comment about his running time and grabs the towel Jongin is holding out for him. He doesn't know what he's even thinking, suggesting they do running in the morning.

"About going to China." Sehun's hand stops wiping sweat off his forehead for a split-second. And then he resumes, turning his back against Jongin to hide his face. "What did he say?"

Jongin glides the tip of his right shoe on the soil, mindlessly making patterns as he frowns in thought. "He said okay."

"He said okay." Sehun repeats. For some reason, he thinks he's gonna faint. If I'm gonna faint I might as well do it now he thinks to himself. He really doesn't want to talk about this. But his body would not cooperate. Unfortunately, he's still in this conversation.

"Yeah, he said okay but he said I should ask you." Jongin has created a tic-tac-toe board game on the soil and he stops, looking up at Sehun's posture to read his expression.

Sehun's lower lip quiver, ready to burst out crying. But he hiccups, just in time to swallow the first sob that escapes his lips. "Yeah, I say okay too..."

"Okay?" Jongin repeats dumbly as if that isn't the answer he's expecting from Sehun. "I mean, why not? It's gonna be fun. You having a life with Lu Han."

Jongin lets out a hollow laugh and deletes the board on the ground. "Yeah. I guess."

----------

It's 12 midnight and Sehun wants nothing but to curl in the comforts of his bed. He feels his day stretched out to the limit. He woke up at 5am and is at school by 6:30am. 5pm after school and he's preparing for his dad's party.

Jongin isn't on the driver's seat and is sitting beside Sehun instead. Sehun struggles to keep his head upright because he knows it'll fall on Jongin's shoulders, and he can't afford to get used to someone always catching his head. (or catching him in general) Jongin, after all, is planning on leaving.

But his best efforts at being independent are all shattered when Jongin moves closer to him. He slouches on his seat to pull his head on his shoulder in an angle that isn't too high and isn't too low to give him a stiff neck. Jongin doesn't always indulge him with things like this but he does in all the inappropriate moments. Always when Sehun is so ready to skyrocket his feelings to the moon and bury it there so it won't resurface. Somehow, Jongin always make him forget there's a skyrocket to launch in the beginning.

So he lets himself indulge in the presence of the elder, curling on his warmth and his familiar scent and his steady chest. These moments won't last, so why deprive himself of it anyway?

----------

Sehun's dad finally wins the presidency and the victory party feels like the whole country is attending.

The president's son longs to look at a familiar face but everything is a blurry of cocktails and champagnes, of long gowns and tuxedos. Sehun could never keep up with his dad's public life.

"Dad did you see Jongin?" He snatches his dad off mid-conversation with some business tycoon who shot him a look. He doesn't care if it's rude but he hasn't seen Jongin since the morning. His dad gives him an apprehensive look. "He probably left already."

Then everything is a blur, he remembers demanding left? where? probably? and his dad giving him a sympathetic look saying, they had an agreement that he could only leave after the election, but he didn't know he'll be leaving that soon. He remembers running away from the party, looking everywhere and anywhere Jongin could possibly be. He couldn't have made it to China that easily, right?

He finds him a good thirty minutes later, lying on the grass where they used to study, looking up at the sky. He's using his arms as his pillow as he gazes up above, reciting something that sounds andromeda, crux and taurus. Sehun had always loved looking at the sky at this part of the mansion (that's why this part is always off-limits to any events). He takes Jongin with him on nights when the moon is bright and the sky is clear. He remembers tracing the stars with his fingers, insisting that he sees the figure of a bull and an archer and Jongin just shakes his head muttering i can't see , only scattered scars.

The nostalgia doesn't last long, because then he remembers the reason why he's here in the first place. He kicks Jongin from where he is lying down.

He gives a startled cry. "What the hell?"

He drops down on the grass and grabs the collar of his suit to shout at his face angrily. "You , the least you can do is say goodbye to me!"

Jongin frowns in confusion. And then his face lights up in understanding. He puts his hands on top of Sehun's and stops fighting his grip. "I'm sorry."

Sehun is on the verge of punching him but doesn't (because he still can't punch to save his life). Every ounce of adrenaline seeps out of him as he finally breaks down crying, releasing the elder from his grip and holding his hands instead. "I've thought of making you choose, if you love your job, if you—" He stops short and swallows hard.

If you love me

"—you won't go, but obviously, you love your life outside of work better and I understand that, but you could at least say good bye or hang out one last time or—" Sehun doesn't trust his mouth to speak further. Jongin looks at him with a pained expression but doesn't say anything. Sehun hates it most when he keeps quiet like that. He feels stupid and his words feel utterly right. He wants to know if within those years, he might have felt something too. Something. Even just a flicker of emotion.

He remembers Jongin mouthing I'm sorry before he's running into his room, locking everything and anything and curling himself inside the closet.

---------

It might have been a day, but Sehun feels like he's been in the closet for a week. His dad probably instructed everyone to keep out of his room. Good judgment.

He's still wearing the tux from last night, with socks, shoes and ties on. He literally crawls out of the closet, reaching out with difficulty to turn the knob. He throws his body on his bed while he discards his bowtie and left shoe at the same time. He considers taking a quick shower but even that doesn't seem to matter now. He's mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and lifting a finger takes a great amount of effort. He just wants to sleep his life away and wake up maybe when his heart doesn't hurt anymore and a part of him doesn't feel like it's missing a piece to function.

He hears the bolt of his door click open and he takes the other shoe off his feet, poised to throw it to the intruder. They should know by now that if Oh Sehun's door is locked, it means people are meant to keep out.

The door opens, and he throws the out of instinct. The person that got hit glares at him defiantly. "Really? Shoes?"

Jongin is wearing his working suit, carrying a bottle of soya milk, Sehun's Ethics textbook tucked under his armpit like this is just any other day.

"Drink this." He throws the bottle at Sehun's lap. The younger just gazes at him in confusion.

"Why are you here?" He demands, turning the cap and drinking on it slowly. He might be depressed and confused, but he's still hungry. Jongin shoves his hand on his front pocket and walks towards the edge of the younger's bed.

Sehun automatically moves to empty a spot for Jongin, but thinking he's probably not there to stay, he stretches his leg to occupy the vacant space at the edge of the bed he just allotted. They stay like that for a moment, Sehun trying to drink the remaining contents of the bottle even after his stomach's full.

"I was thinking," Jongin begins, toeing the carpet and letting his tongue wet his dry, chapped lips. "That maybe I love my job more than the life I can have in China."

Sehun studies him for a moment before shaking his head and laughing nervously. He wishes his phone is here in his hand, so he can lock and unlock its screen. "Are you for real?" he mutters to himself, before tentatively reaching out a hand to touch Jongin's cheek. It's real, and tangible and so Jongin.

Jongin puts a hand over Sehun's and tangles their fingers together. He smiles sheepishly and brings their entwined hands to his lips.

It isn't even an I love you, or I will stay, or I broke up with Lu Han, but Sehun feels joy swell up in his heart nevertheless, drowning his sorrows in the past few years, replacing it with nothing but the beautiful memories he shared with Jongin.

Maybe Jongin would decide to leave one day, maybe this isn't forever. But here, right now, is perfect. And Sehun chooses to live in this moment.

Playlist (this helped me get through this story a lot)

Leave Your Lover - Sam Smith (obviously)
Not in that Way - Sam Smith (again)
Paper Crown - Alec Benjamin (seriously, listen to this!)
Jealous - Labrinth
Little Do You Know - Sierra and Alex
All I Want - Daniel Skyes, Cameron Dallas
Suitcase - Matthew Koma
Dark Times - The Weeknd, Ed Sheeran
I won't tell a soul - Charlie Puth
Daylight - Eric James and The New Century

 AUTHOR'S NOTES 
I lied. Sort of. I wasn't able to review this properly because iPhone 6S ' preorder started. And everything is busy at work. I'm probably going to update Daddy Fool later and then update again next month . This story is stupid. I thought it was okay but then nah. Whatever. I was craving for something subtle so. And I'm so pissed at Pages. My format there won't copy here or in  Word. I had to re-do the format all over again. Still, I'd like to hear your thoughts. <3