Title: Fall, Everything

Word length: 1524 words

When I close my eyes, I can still see your laughing faces at the back of my mind.

"Hyung, I want to see you."

That was the last sentence Seokjin ever heard from his best friend, Taehyung. Seokjin can still remember, ignoring Taehyung and choosing to hide in his own cowardly shell instead of rushing out to save him. He's a coward, he really is one. 

He will never have the chance to save him again. 

He reaches out and grabs the camcorder on his table. He hasn't touched it since weeks ago. Seokjin's hands hover over the start button for one, two seconds. The wounds are still fresh. He still does not want to face reality.

He takes in a few deep breaths and mustering all his courage, he pushes down the button. Immediately, voices fill his empty, desolate apartment. He raises the screen to eye level. 

They scramble around, trying to get into position. Someone elbows Seokjin in the rib accidentally and he winces in pain, glaring at the person next to him. 

"It wasn't me!" Taehyung scowls and earns a hit from Seokjin. They start arguing a little until they hear a click from the door. It is silent and pitch black, only fairy lights illuminating the place. Footsteps enter the house, followed by a curious "Hmm?" coming from the direction of the door.

Jimin jumps out from behind the couch and Yoongi rushes to turn on the lights. "Happy birthday Hoseok!" they scream in unison as Seokjin raises the camera and captures that precious moment.

He stares at the surprised face on the screen and chuckles softly to himself. He looks up at the door, waiting for them to burst through once again, making a huge ruckus. 

He will do anything to see Hoseok's surprised face again. Instead he reminds himself that he's gone. Hoseok is gone. They lost him to a demon, a demon called depression. 

"Hyung, it's too hard for me. I'm worthless, I don't deserve to live."

Those were his last words before passing out from overdosing on sleeping pills. He never woke up again. 

Tightening the grip on his camcorder, he moves out of the house and heads towards the park where they would always meet. He spots the familiar grass patch and races towards it. He can almost hear them chasing after him, their loud footsteps being the only sounds in the vast grass. 

"Last one there is a loser!" Jimin shouts and immediately starts sprinting towards the lake. The other six of them shout in protest but refusing to back down, they run after him, their laughter echoing in the air. 

It's a Sunday morning, when the sun has just risen over the horizon and the air is at its clearest. Namjoon is the last to arrive and he pants heavily. They start pouncing on him and attacking him playfully. "Yah, you kids!" he screams and struggles to push them off while laughing ecstatically. 

Seokjin, once again, records this down. It's these times when he feels at the most ease. It's these times when he finds a reason to live, a reason to embrace the world.

"Hyung, recording again?" Jimin sneaks up next to him and suddenly whispers in his ear.

"I wanted... I wanted us to be able to look back at all these ten, twenty years later. So that we would have memories to look back on, to laugh at," Seokjin mumbles to himself and caresses the screen. 

They found Jimin's body in his tub a few days after Hoseok's death. They believed that he had drowned himself of guilt. He was the one who passed Hoseok the pills after Hoseok asked for them. Jimin's bright, hearty laughter remains etched in his memory. Seokjin clutches onto his shirt, the tears threatening to spill. 

He moves on to the pond, aiming the camcorder at its shiny surface. 

A yellow toy car lands on the surface of the water, followed by eruptions of cheers and shouts. 

"Ten points for Namjoon hyung!" Taehyung exclaims and they surround Namjoon, cheering for him. He waves his golf stick around proudly and grins from ear to ear, displaying his dimple.

"Hyung, did you record that down?" he gushes excitedly and Seokjin nods. 

"You did well, Namjoon." He walks up to him and wraps an arm around his waist while holding onto the camera with the other. He turns the camera round and urges him to say a few words. 

Namjoon stares at him and mutters suddenly, "I love you."

The camcorder trembles violently as Seokjin tries hard not to crumble from all the memories. He looks at Namjoon's smug face and his own blushing one. He would give anything, anything to return back to that time. 

If only he had said those four words, if only he hadn't kept his feelings back. 

He was too late. When Seokjin rushed to the gas station to surprise Namjoon, he found the gas station in flames, everything burning to the ground. Everything including Namjoon. 

It was an accident. Namjoon was smoking there and he accidentally dropped his cigarette. At least that's what Seokjin chooses to believe. 

Seokjin can only ask: why? 

Night falls when he stands up from under the tree, drained from all the emotions. He ventures deeper into the trees until he sees it. 

An abandoned bonfire. 

With shaky hands, he raises his camcorder again, pressing the play button once more. The light from the screen brightens up the dark and quiet place, just like how the fire used to. 

The fire crackles and burns brightly. All seven of them surround it, the warmth from the fire so comfortable and familiar. 

Yoongi lazes on a bench, playing with a lighter with his left hand while Jungkook lies on his lap. It's such a sight, seven men laying around a bonfire, no worries at the back of their minds, just living in the moment, enjoying the presence of each other. 

"You're gonna burn my hair hyung," Jungkook whines. 

"Deal with it," he threatens Jungkook's safety by inching the lighter closer to the mop of hair. Jungkook immediately turns around and blows at the flame, extinguishing it.

The memories are still fresh in Seokjin's mind. He misses Jungkook's playfulness and he longs to hear Yoongi's voice again. Sometimes he can still hear them teasing each other. Yoongi's own ambitions burnt himself. In an attempt to make it big, he played in the stock market and when it crashed, he set himself on fire in the penthouse in Gangnam he had worked so hard for. 

"Why should I live getting bullied?"

Jungkook said that the last time they met. He was crying so badly and Seokjin was helpless. Taehyung and him could only offer words of encouragement, but the damage was too much. They buried him a week later.

He was so young, only 18.

A footage from a nearby CCTV showed him wandering onto a busy road one Wednesday night. A few honks and a loud bang later, he was lying on the cold asphalt road. 

And lastly, Seokjin thinks, lastly, my beloved friend Taehyung. He slowly trudges to the beach not far away. Streaks of light are already appearing from the horizon. He can still remember, Taehyung climbing up, him recording as always. It was just the two of them left. Two out of seven. 

Taehyung carefully makes his way up, his movements slow but steady. When he finally reaches the top, a content smile graces his features. "It's beautiful here," he shouts towards Seokjin, "I want to stay up here forever!" 

Seokjin captures that moment with tears in his eyes and a sob escaping his lips. He cannot believe this. After seven long years, this is all that is left of them. Just him and Taehyung. Just the two of them.

Finally, he breaks down and falls onto the ground.

He can still remember receiving the call from Taehyung but choosing not to go out of the house - because he was afraid. He was afraid of losing Taehyung, his last hope, his last friend. He was afraid of seeing the person Taehyung had become. 

He was afraid that if he stepped out, he would return home alone, because he would have turnt Taehyung in. 

He knew it. He knew that Taehyung had killed his father. He was giving out so many signs. Seokjin could tell from his voice. He could tell that Taehyung had done something unthinkable, something he always dreamt of doing but would never have done. 

He sounded so lost and confused and guilty, yet so liberated and relieved. 

He was finally free from the person who abused him since he was five. 

Taehyung jumped into the waters at the exact same place Seokjin recorded his last video. The place where Taehyung was on top of the world, the place where he said he wanted to stay up there forever. Instead, he soared higher, further, like a butterfly, to a place where no one is able to reach. 

Seokjin is still stuck in this place - a place without his closest brothers, a world without a single thread of hope. However, he refuses to give up. 

Because he still has memories - the most beautiful moments of his life.