“You know, one day you’re going to look back and regret that you haven’t told him,” Eun Hye stared out at the skyline before her. Eun Hye and Min Young were having a Girl’s Day In. They sat upon Min Young’s striped balcony chairs with fruity drinks. Alcohol laced, of course.

It was a beautiful first of September. The weather was just perfect. The humidity had finally disappeared, revealing a wonderfully breezy, sunny day. In a few days, school would finally start for Min Young. But before she was to be engulfed by stress, she decided to have a heart-to-heart conversation with her sister. Despite Eun Hye’s previous pieces of advice to forget Min Ho, Eun Hye found it best to allow their love to grow.

“I don’t believe that I’m going to regret it. What is there to regret? You know me. I’m not one to put myself out there like that. Because that only leads to one thing-- heartache” Min Young spoke fluidly, as if this was a debate she had prepared and studied for. “I know you don’t want to see me like… that again.”

The ‘that’ Min Young referred to was the most profoundly terrible heartache that few knew of. It happened Min Young’s junior year in high school. His name was Nickhun. He had the prettiest eyes she had never seen, and the charm of a suave, older gentleman. Sweet, charming, and utterly beautiful. Those were the only words she could find to describe him. Granted he had led her on and broken her heart so completely that she had momentarily lost her mind, she still cared for him. Perhaps not in the way she once did, but in a way that she always would.

He was perfect in every way… perfect to say the least. The type of guy to wait for her after each class, the type of guy who would lie to his parents just to spend time with her… Who knew it was all just a ploy, a plan to boost his popularity and become more well-known?

She should’ve seen it coming. Why? Because they didn’t click on that personal level that Min Young craved. Being a rather deep intellect, Min Young always strived for the most meaningful of relationships. If she felt that there was no potential for a deep, meaningful friendship, she’d simply leave them behind and move on. That’s how she was-- that’s how she has always been.

But it was needless to say that she had fallen for him hard. Perhaps it was his beauty that had captured her heart-- she wasn’t entirely sure. Regardless, she was completely taken with him, and for a moment, it seemed as if he felt it too.

When she discovered that she was simply a stepping stone for him, her heart broken into a million pieces. Min Young cut herself off from the outside world. She entered a dark and lonely place that only she could ever find. It hides in the darkest depths of her mind-- in the very back of her sanity, hiding itself… waiting for the day she slips away again. Min Young went through the motions of her everyday routine but she was never entirely there. She was a ghost of herself.

Nickhun  was the reason Min Young lost her top seat at league finals that year. Min Young was so focused on Nickhun and the entire situation that she could barely stand to focus right before her event. The truth of the matter is… she couldn’t think about anything else. Her mind was not there with her when she dove into the crystal clear water. It was in places it shouldn’t have been.

When Min Young climbed out after having lost to the girl in the next lane, she bit her lip and held back the angriest of tears. She had lost it. A boy had caused her to lose something that she desperately wanted, something she gravely loved; for one, her sanity and secondly, her top spot. It was like this with everything.

Her body was there, but her heart and mind had indeed disappeared into the dark depths of her sanity, a place called insanity. Everything she was told went in one ear and out the other. It still terrified and haunted her each and every day. She was so thoroughly scarred that she wakes up every morning afraid that she will slip into that place once again.

The only thing, or rather person, that has helped her maintain her sanity is Eun Hye. Eun Hye was the first person that Min Young came clean with. Eun Hye was the person who helped bring Min Young back. She owed everything to Eun Hye, Unni. She owed her life to her, and if one day Eun Hye needed, say, a kidney, Min Young would be the first one to step up and donate hers.

“I know,” replied Eun Hye. She got up from her chair and hugged Min Young.

Min Young sighed a laugh. “I’m fine. Don’t worry.” She flashed her most reassuring of smiles, in hopes of convincing Eun Hye that she truly was okay.

The entire ordeal with Nickhun was the reason she was so afraid to fall in love with Min Ho. She was afraid that if something were to happen… if she were to have her heart broken once again… she would slip back into insanity. And that was the last thing anyone wanted.

“Why don’t we watch a movie?” suggested Eun Hye. She walked into the apartment and began to scan the row of DVDs lined up beneath the 34” flat screen plasma. Min Young followed suit. 
“I don’t feel like a movie right now…” Min Young spoke slowly and cautiously as to avoid serious scolding. It was evident that if she were to admit that she was afraid or upset or harbored any kind of dejected emotion, a lengthy speech would ensue.

Knowing her dongsaeng , Eun Hye didn’t push it. Although she would have loved to give Eun Hye what she deserved- which was, as expected, lofty string of sentences expressing her thoughts and feelings on this ‘Min Ho’ character- she knew better than to push and pry. Eun Hye had faith in Min Young. She believed that one day Min Young would come to point in her life where she would realize everything on her.

“Well, what do you feel like doing then?” Eun Hye stared up at Min Young from her squatting position on the floor.

“Let’s go to the beach.”

------ 
“Have you ever seen anything more beautiful?” Min Young closed her eyes as she lay down on her beach towel. The melodious sound of the soft, crashing waves was all she needed to forget her troubles.

“You worry me,” Eun Hye blurted out, not unconsciously of course. Min Young’s eyes snapped open. She sighed heavily.

“You just had to ruin the moment, didn’t you?” Min Young turned to look at Eun Hye. Annoyance had taken over the serene state that Min Young earlier possessed.

“Yes, I did. Because this isn’t normal, especially for you,” Eun Hye stated matter-of-factly. Min Young was taken aback.

“And you say this on what basis?” She felt herself growing more and more agitated.

“On the basis that I’ve known you since you were in 5th grade!” Eun Hye nearly shouted, “I have never in my life seen you this calm in the midst of such a problem. Ever.”

Min Young’s frustration began to lessen. “And if I were to show I cared? If I were to allow myself to be vulnerable; exposed to pain? If I were to show all every single one of my emotions which you already know all too well? Then what? Would it change things? Would it cause Min Ho to feel the same way?” Min Young spoke cautiously. “Have you ever stopped to think that I don’t want this? That I don’t want to fall in love? That perhaps I’m afraid? Terrified?”

All these questions were beginning to give Min Young a headache. This is why she didn’t want to talk about it in the first place. All these questions required an answers-- answers only Min Ho could provide.

“You can’t answer my questions and I know that. We both know that. It’s something that doesn’t need to be said. I know,” Min Young sighed. Although practically nothing has happened between her and Min Ho, she knows with all of her heart that he feels it too. He has to.

“You know, one day, you’re going to find it in yourself to tell him every single emotion that you’re feeling now,” Eun Hye smiled graciously. She understood-- she always has. “I have faith in you. You know, as much as I support this, this stands true for every guy you will ever date. The day you find yourself confessing every secret, every emotion, every truth, to a man is the day you hand him a gun, allowing him to hurt you but trusting him not to.

It’s your heart that you’re handing to this man. Now, even as your sister, I know that I have no right to dictate what you do or say. But if and when you decide to finally come clean with Min Ho, make sure you know what you’re doing. Make sure you know for sure that you’re making the right decision. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”

“Gosh, I feel like ten years of quiet observation just threw up on me. Where was this when Nickhun was breaking my heart? Geez, Unni,” Min Young scoffed. Her gaze fell upon her bare, sandy feet. “I know you’re right. There are many things I know I should do, and obviously this is one of them. I hope I find it in myself as well to confess. But I still don’t see what good it would do.”

Eun Hye sighed. After so many years, she still hasn’t figured it out. Eun Hye turned to her Juicy Couture bag and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She looked down at the secret weapon she held in the hands. Eun Hye sat there debating whether or not she should show Min Young what was printed on the white slab of paper.

She decided for it.

“Here,” Eun Hye handed the paper over to Min Young.

“What’s this?”

In high school, Min Young was an avid blogger-- and she was good at it. They both were. She preached her beliefs and expressed her thoughts fearlessly. She was as exposed to criticism as any writer could be. There was no stopping Min Young. But when senior year came to an end, so did her blog. She didn’t delete it but she simply left it there. Min Young had opted for a more traditional way of recording her college days-- an old-fashioned diary. Lock, key and all.

“You wrote this when you were a sophomore in high school. It was from your old blog. I spent the entire day yesterday scavenging for this little piece of past.”

It was indeed ‘a little piece of past’. It was a post about courage, questions, and answers that Min Young had in fact written years ago. It was a slice of life that she had long forgotten.

“The things that a human being can accomplish are beyond imagination. You can change a life, provoke deep thought, but you can only live life once. Don’t waste your days asking yourself ‘What if?’ Go out and do it. No matter what the situation is, do it. Years from now, you will look back and regret not what you did but rather what you did not do. Don’t allow those questions to linger longer than they should. Answer them. If you can’t, then find the answer.”

It still read true to this day. How could Min Young have forgotten something so vital to human philosophy? Something as simple as that. She couldn’t even begin to fathom how she could have possibly forgotten something like that. She stared at the blog entry longer than needed. Somehow it felt necessary. ‘What inspired this post? What provoked such a thought-- such a post?’ It was something she could vaguely remember, a substance she only hazily make out. A silhouette at most.

“Something I’ve forgotten. How nice,” Min Young oozed sarcasm. She sighed once again. What did Eun Hye want her to say? That she’d go out and confront Min Ho? And then what? It wouldn’t make a difference.

“It would,” shock invaded Min Young’s face. Can Eun Hye read minds?! “No, I can’t read minds.”

Oh yes, cause that was so reassuring.

“Oh really now?” Min Young was slightly terrified at Eun Hye’s newfound sixth sense.

“Yes, really. Stop coming up with lunatic thoughts. I can see it on your face. No, I can’t read minds. I just know you that well.”

Min Young seemed to accept this explanation. After all, Min Young had never met anyone else in her life who understood her so entirely. Only Eun Hye.

“Well, that answers that.”

“I bet.”