I watch my hand slowly run over the soft sheets. Where is he?

 

I look up and out the ceiling to floor window of the bedroom, over looking the city sky line. Night life was beginning to swallow the city. I look back down at my hand, at the ring on my finger and its sparkling diamond. The ring that signifies a promise made between him and I. I clench the white sheets in my hand as I make a fist. They were always so soft, just like him. I stand from the bed, and make my way for the window.

 

I stand at the window, watching the headlights of cars drive past on the streets below. I look over at his alarm clock positioned oh so perfectly on his side table. I read the time. 11:04pm. It doesn’t surprise me that he isn’t home. He’s always away on business trips, and he usually arrives home a day or two late from when he told me he would. He promised he would be home tonight, and so I still wait for him to walk through the door. I walk from the bedroom to the kitchen. I’m a little frustrated, I’ve been having such a bad day and all I want is for him to be home, and for me to be in his arms. I walk towards the counter. I know that if I want tea to calm my nerves, I’ll have to work for it. He keeps the mugs on the top shelf of the cupboards. Even though I’m not short, I’m still not tall enough to reach. So I do what I can. I lift one leg up onto the counter, giving myself a push with the remaining one on the ground. I bounce up onto the countertop. I open the cupboard door slowly, being sure not to knock myself off balance. I know he hates when I climb the counters to reach something, and I know he doesn’t want me getting hurt. But why does he keep the things I want on the top shelves.

 

Its a good thing he’s cute, because sometimes, he isn’t always the brightest. I reach up retrieving a mug from the shelf. I smile at the deep chocolate brown mug in my hand. I begin to help myself back down to the floor. Carefully I stretch out one leg from under me. I point my toe trying to get as close to the ground as I can before jumping from the granite. My big toe grazes the tile flooring. I place my empty hand to the countertop for support, and with that I quickly slide myself off of the counter. And to my tailbone on the tile. My foot which had been on the floor slipped from beneath me as I launched off of the counter. I tumble to the floor, landing directly on my tailbone. The mug which I had released from my hand as I fell goes crashing to the floor beside me. I cover my face, to protect it from any shards of pottery that were soon to be small projectiles flying through the air. The mug lands heavily beside me with a bang. I hear one last chime as the last piece of it hits the tile. I lay in silence. Slowly I remove my hands from my face, uncovering my eyes. I look up at the ceiling. Of course this would happen to me, why wouldn’t something like this happen to me. I tilt my head to view the shattered mug beside me. “Sure world, go ahead, hate me” I speak aloud. My day just kept getting worse. First, I burn myself while cooking dinner, then slip from the shower not long after, and now this. I murdered a mug.

 

I spread my arms out to the side, avoiding all broken mug pieces. I seem to be quite dysfunctional when he's away. I mean, we spend each and every day by each others side, and he expects me to be perfectly fine without him for a week. To add, I have no way of even contacting him. On top of it all he’s never, not once told me about his work. I’ve known him for years now, and he claims I know him best, but I don’t even know what he does for a job. I’ve never bothered to question him about it, so maybe its my fault I’m so clueless. But its because each time he comes home from these trips he's all scratched up and beaten to some point. So really in all honesty, I don’t care to ask why, how, or what, I just care about helping him be healthy again. So when hes gone, I guess I just worry about him. I know he tells me each time he leaves to not, but some how I always find myself in a worry.

 

I urge myself to sit up, ignoring the slight pain in my tailbone. I raise my left hand, leaning back on my right. I look at the ring on my finger. ‘I promise’ I hear his deep soft voice in my head, and I smile as I picture his shining brightly. The ring is probably what gets me through the day.

 

I look back over at the dead mug hopelessly spread over the floor. I shake my head. Grabbing the edge of the counter to assure I don’t fall again, I help myself to a standing position. I begin cleaning up the terrible mess I’ve made, one by one I collect the pieces of mug. Finally, the mess is gone, and the kitchen looks as if I haven’t used. I know that even though I don’t live here, he tells me to treat the place as if it’s mine too. And although I practically live with him when he is home, I just don’t like leaving it a mess especially when I know he’ll be home soon, at least I hope soon. I step towards the counter once more, grabbing a glass from cupboard. I place the glass we usually use for juice, in the coffee maker. I press the button for the machine to release hot water. In the back of my head I know this could end badly, but I’ve already been through hell and back, another visit won’t hurt, or it could. I grab a green tea bag and place it gently in the glass as it fills with water. The machine beeps and the water stops. I remove the glass. “Ouch, ouch ouch!” I heavily slam the glass down on to the countertop. I look at the palm of my hand, and the redness that covers it. I turn on the tap, running cool water over my hand. I glare at the glass and the tea all over the granite around it, as if it was the cups fault. I guess it wasn’t smart to try and put tea in a thin glass cup.

 

I shut off the tap as my hand begins to feel like ice. I sigh and dry my hand. Walk from the kitchen, I stand in the living room, looking out the window. Night life continues on in the streets and my bad day continues on with me. I look over at the wall clock. Reading the time I sigh once again. 2:43am. I look towards the bedroom, looking at the bed through the door. I gaze back at the clock, watching the minute hand as it ticks forward one. I turn to the bedroom, “I miss you” I state as if he could hear my voice. I walk for the bedroom, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I watch the lights once again through the large window. Maybe tonight I’ll sleep well, unlike any other night. Its been a long day, and right now sleep and him are the only things on my mind. I lay back, tucking myself under the sheets. I bring the blankets up close to my face. The soft material brushes my lips. I close my eyes. The sheets are comforting in a way, yes physically they are comfortable, but they give me some sort of comfort mentally. Its as if I can smell him in them, its almost like he is here lying with me, just the way I like it.

I allow my body to relax. I roll over to face the window. I open my eyes, “Please be home tomorrow” I whisper out loud, a smile comes across my face slightly. I shut my eyes again, I yawn and hope.

 

I open my eyes slowly, the bright morning sun illuminates the room. Him. His arm is gently wrapped over me. I smile and bring my hand up to grab his. I close my eyes as I intertwine my fingers with his. His lips softly kiss the back of my neck. I slightly shiver with the feeling. “I love you” his voice sounds, sleep lingering in the tone. I missed his voice so much. His lips still brush gently over my skin as he speaks. “I love you” I reply to him, rolling over to face him. He lays eyes closed facing me. He always looks so meek and innocent in the mornings. I kiss the tip of his nose. “I’m happy you're home” I speak quietly. “I am too” his eyes remain closed but a small smile crosses his lips. I raise my hand, resting it on his cheek. His smile remains. I run my thumb over a small scrape above his eyebrow. His smile drops slowly, and his eyes open. He looks at me, and sighs. I look at him with some level of concern. How did he get this? Is he hurt more? and if so how bad?

 

“It’s nothing, really Air” he speaks softly, its like he knows the questions roaming my mind. I hold back a smile when he uses his nickname for me, something I missed so much. “Nothing, clearly it’s something” I say. He shakes his head slowly. “Bobby” I say his name lowly under my breath. He brings his hand up to my cheek. I allow my hand to drop to his side. He flinches, clearly in pain, but he and I ignore it and just enjoy being together after what felt like one of the longest weeks ever. “I love you” he speaks once again, his voice quiet. His lips meet mine. I missed the soft feeling of his lips, and the warmth he gives me whenever I’m with him. I missed him. I bring my hand up grabbing his that rests on my cheek. He removes his lips with a smile, as do I. His eyes remain closed, and I close mine. He kisses my closed smile quickly before placing his forehead to mine. “I love you so much” his voice sounds again. I smile bigger and move in closer to him. Snuggling my head under his and into his chest. He presses his lips to my forehead, “I love you Bobby” I say softly, and lean into him more.

 

He rolls to his back letting out a sigh. I lean back to look at him. His eyes are closed. I rest up on one elbow before sitting up. My eyes trace each feature of his face. From his closed eyes, and his long lashes. To his small nose. To his slightly smiling lips, the ever so sweet pink they are. His jawline and cheeks. Even the small scrape above his eyebrow. “Bobby…” my voice wavers as I go to tell him that I broke a mug, for the third time. “What did you break this time?” he questions me before I can continue. My eyes widen, and he opens his. He smirks and raises an eyebrow at me. He sits up to look me in the eye. “Nothing~” I drag out my voice as it becomes a near whisper. I look away from his eye contact. Before I know it he has pinned me back down to the bed, his lips pressed to mine. His knee between my thighs, one hand placed to the sheets beside my head. His lips travel from the lips, to my cheek, to finally my jaw line before I can pull away. “Bobby yah!” I yell playfully at him. He sits back and giggles boyishly to himself. I rub my hand on my cheek as if wiping away his playful kisses in disgust. He smiles brightly at me, and I make my best effort to glare back at him. But I can’t help but crack a smile when he gleams his so brightly at me. Its the eye smiles that do it for me.

 

I smile slightly at him, but shake my head with it. “So you gonna tell me?” he asks me. I drop my smile to a guilty expression. I bite my bottom lip, letting it slide over my teeth. I lean forward onto my hands and knees. I place my lips to his, but he pushes me gently away. His eyebrow raises at me. “A mug” I speak quietly, and look away. “Again?” he sounds generally surprised. I nod, and look towards the sheets. “As long as you didn’t hurt yourself” he says softly cupping my face. I glance to the side, his words nearly bringing back the pain in my tailbone. He smiles at me. He stands from the bed slowly, kissing my forehead, tip of my nose, and my lips quickly and softly. I close my eyes as he tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear. Slowly he slides his hand down my jaw, I open my eyes at him and send a smile. With that he leaves the room. I quickly stand from the bed, speed walking, more like running after him. I stop watching him as he walks into the kitchen. I clench my teeth slightly remembering I left the glass of green tea on the counter and the mess that went with it there last night. I sigh  throwing my head back. I run into the kitchen after him. My steps halt when I see him. Standing with a puzzled face looking at me. One eyebrow raised slightly higher than the other, his eyes nearly reading the word ‘confused’. His hand points to the glass on the counter. “Do I…” he begins to speak. “Don’t ask” I interrupt him. He raises both eyebrows and looks back at the glass with a shrug. I grab a hand towel from oven handle, and walk up beside the mess. Placing the cloth on top of the now cold spilt tea, his hand lands over mine. I look up at him standing not perfectly beside me but not directly behind either. He shakes his head. I let go of the towel, allowing him to do what he wants. And that is to clean up my mess, I don’t want him to clean it, it is mine after all. But such a gentlemen shall do as he pleases, I guess. “Could you get out a few mugs for us to have tea?” he turns back towards me, holding the damp towel and glass. I look at him for a brief moment before eyeing the cupboard. He begins to chuckle, and I glare back at him. He places the stuff down. “I’m kidding, kidding” he cups my face and kisses the top of my head quickly. I roll my eyes at him, as if annoyed with his ‘humor’.

 

“You should get going sweetie” he walks up close to me, reaching down and grabbing my hands. I nod in reply, knowing I have to go into work at some point. Its days like this I dread work, days where he finally gets home and I can’t even spend the whole thing with him. I face the ground, and sigh. His index and thumb pinch my chin as he lifts my head to face him. He smiles, and I can't help but follow his actions. He kisses my forehead, before continuing what he was doing in the kitchen. Some how I don’t have to use words with him, he just seems to understand me. “Here, quickly drink up, and get ready” he states kindly holding out a cup of tea in my direction. “Yes sir.” I say jokingly, taking the mug from his hand. He smiles back at me, sitting at the dining room table. I follow him, setting the mug down on the placemat. I eye the light brown liquid mixed perfectly the way I like it. The two of us sit silently sipping our tea across from each other at the table. Its a comfortable silence. We don’t exchange words, just simple smiles. He finishes his tea before me. Standing from his chair, he walks around behind me. I know hes looking at my mug as he places his hands over my shoulders. “I know you don’t want to go, but you have to” he whispers in close to me, giving me the slightest kiss on the cheek. Its like he knew I was drinking my tea slowly so that I could have more time with him. I quickly finish the hot liquid, sliding out my chair I run for the bedroom. Quickly I get changed into a pair of dark wash skinny jeans, and a white blouse. My usual work attire, still casual but classy. I accessorize with a gold necklace and its matching bracelet. I skip from the room. He’s already standing at the front door waiting for me to reach him with a smile. I skip up to him, almost hopping to both feet in front of him. I look at him with a childish smile. “You look beautiful as always Air” he compliments me, I knew he was going to, but that wasn’t what I was looking for. He kisses me softly. Thats better. I quickly slide my reddish brown high heeled boots over my feet and calves. I turn to see him holding open my jacket. “Such a gentleman” I giggle sliding one arm at a time into the jacket sleeves. I turn to him. He smiles kissing me one last time before opening the door for me. “Bye bye!” I skip from the room. “Bye Eryn” he replies watching me run down the hallway like a child. “Love you!” I yell to him as I reach the end of the hall. I turn back to see him shaking his head at me. “Love you too” he calls back, I smile holding back my giggles and step into the elevator.

 

I walk slowly in through the doors at my work. All I do is work at a simple little coffee shop, the same coffee shop Bobby and I met. I walk into the back, grabbing my name tag and pinning it to my caller. “Hey Eryn” a familiar voice speaks from behind me. I turn on my heels to face her, my best friend. “Hey Em” I reply to her. Emily and I have been friends for most of our lives, and now we dorm together with three other girls, one of them being my sister. “Where were you last night? Skye was a little worried” Emily asks me, and with her question I remember that I forgot to tell my sister or any of the girls I was staying the night at Bobby’s. “Oh, , I’ll text her and apologize for the worry, I spent the night at Bobby’s” I explain. “Oh, alright, that’s what we figured anyways, when was there ever a night where you don’t spend it with him” she laughs and as do I, but truthfully, she is right, I am always with him. “But, a text would be nice next time” Emily laughs. “I know, sorry” I say fixing my hair back into a bun, and putting the shops viser on. I go quickly to work alongside Emily. “Hey Skye, what can I get for you?” I hear Emily’s voice taking an order. Its my sister’s order. I run up beside Emily. “I’m so sorry” I speak kind of abruptly. Skye laughs, “I meant to text, I forgot, I was at Bobby’s, like gosh I feel bad” I ramble to her. Skye continues to chuckle. “It’s fine, no worries, I thought you’d be there” she assures me it’s okay. Skye continues to talk to Emily, while I prepare her drink. The cafe is quite empty, Skye in fact is our only customer. The bell for the door chimes, and a group of familiar boys walk in. “Hey guys!” Skye calls out to them. They all sit down at a table. Its a group of our friends. They work alongside Bobby, we’ve known them for a while, almost as long as I’ve known Bobby.

 

“Hanbin! What did you do?” Skye skips up to the table the three sit at. Emily and I lean over the counter, I place Skye’s drink down noticing Hanbin has a cast on his wrist. “Oh, its just a sprain” he replies to Skye’s words, although he seems to be hiding something, at least to me he does. “How?” she says in a worried tone, Donghyuk slightly laughs as he whispers something to Yunhyeong. “Uh, dancing” Hanbin stutters. Skye continues to tell him how he should be more careful, and to make sure he takes care of it. I shake my head at the two bickering about how not to get hurt, and how they are both accident prone, before going back to my work.

 

Finally my work day has ended. Emily and I walk into the back room. Taking off our hats and name tags. “Will you be home tonight?” Emily asks me as we step from the back room. “I might be, maybe, possibly, probably, not, no, I won’t be” I say, truly I have no idea if I will be staying the night with Bobby or not. Most likely would be the best answer, I don’t see why I wouldn’t but you never know. There has been time where he will come home just to leave once again. I just hope he is home, and home for a while before his next trip.

 

Emily stops at our dorm room. “I’m heading up to Bobby’s I may or may not be home later” I smile at her and continue walking. I walk up one flight of stairs to the next floor. I skip down the hall towards Bobby’s door. “Finally” I speak quietly aloud as I arrive at the door. Finally I can spend as much time as I want with him, considering I have tomorrow off work. I quickly type in the passcode to unlock the door. The door opens and I step into the dim lit apartment. Yes, I know the code to his house. I place my bag down on the floor beside the other shoes. I my jacket, hanging it on the black coat rack. I slide off my boots laying them nicely by my bag. “Bobby!” I call out, normally he’s right here when I get back. I walk deeper into the condo. The quiet splashing of water sounds in my ears the closer I get to the washroom. I walk up to the closed door, I open the door just enough to let my body slip in. I don’t bother to knock, its not like he minds me being there. I stand, for a second or two I watch the water slide smoothly down his toned back. He massages his shoulder. Clearly he hasn’t realized I’m in the room. Slowly I begin to my blouse, letting it drop to the floor I step closer to the glass shower door. Gently I slide the door open, stepping in beside Bobby. I remain in my jeans and bra. He turns his head to the side recognizing me. “Bobby, you okay?” I ask quietly and sincerely worried. He turns around, grabbing my hands. I watch as his hands grasp mine. Slowly my eyes trace up his body. Watching the water flow over his tense abdominal muscles. My eyes meet with his. His hair is messily spread in front of his face. Water slowly drips from his hair, to his nose. My eyes lock on his, and don’t bother moving. Tears gather like puddles on a rainy day in the rims of his eyes. I don’t speak, neither does he. “Bobby” I break the short silence we held. He gradually releases my hands, letting them slide from his. I bring my hand up gently touching under a slice located on his rib cage. I over look the wound, sliding my finger along the bottom of it. He watches me as I do so, and as I remove my hand. I look up at him. Tears beginning to fall steadily down his sharp cheekbones. Water drips from his hair hitting my cheeks. “Bobby” I speak, although my voice is barely audible. How did he get this? My heart begins to race with worry. He doesn’t say anything. Just places a hand softly to my cheek and brings his lips closer to mine. I pull my head away before his lips meet mine. “Bobby” I repeat his name. “It’s..” he starts. “Don’t say it’s nothing, it’s not nothing Bobby” I begin to get firm with him. He normally comes home with a few small scrapes and bruises here and there, but never a wound this bad. “It’s, it’s from a, a knife” his voice lowers as he speaks. “A, a, um, a knife?” I stutter out words as my eyes widen. His words were shocking. He doesn’t say anything. I watch him as he shuts the water off. He slides the shower door open stepping out. I face the tiles in some sort of shock, my eyes still wide. I turn stepping out of the shower. He ties a towel around his waist and walks from the washroom. I run after him. “Bobby, Bobby please” my voice sounds close to a plead. He turns to me, the towel nearly hanging from his hips. The slice on his side glows a harsh red colour. “Please, tell me” I speak. “Tell you what?” he questions as if he doesn’t know what I mean. “Oh, don’t play stupid Bobby, you know exactly what I mean, your work, what is it? Why are you always hurt?” my voice comes across harsher than I intended. “Eryn” he begins. “Bobby” I say his name as a quick reply. He turns walking straight into the bedroom. I stand for a moment, rethinking everything. All the times hes come home with scrapes, bruises, and sprains. All the business calls he wouldn’t answer in front of me. All the long trips he takes. I walk, slowly inching the bedroom door open and stepping into the room. He stands in a pair of black track pants rested on his hips, and a black wife beater fitted perfectly to his frame. He grabs the towel from the floor with both hands. He steps closer to me opening the towel and wrapping it around my damp and cold body. “Bobby” I repeat his name once again. He grabs my shoulders and leads me over to the bed. He sits on the edge, and with his eyes he insists I follow his actions. I sit beside him, my hands grip towel draped over my shoulders. He places an arm around me, and places a hand on my thigh. I know he realizes I’m worried, and I know he is trying his best to keep me calm. “Eryn, you won’t be happy with me if you know” he begins quietly. I stare down at the dark wood flooring. “I promise Bobby, I promise” I state, wanting him to tell me. “I’m telling you it isn’t good” he continues, his voice is hard for me to listen to, he seems so hurt and that is something I hate. “I don’t care Bobby, please tell me” I plead for him to tell me. “I’m a criminal Air” he pauses. My eyes widen. “Crim, criminal?” I repeat his words under my breath. “I’m sorry” he whispers. I move my hand placing it over his that rest on my thigh. “I’m so sorry” a tear slips from his eye as he speaks. I turn to him. “Bobby” my voice is weak. ‘I’m sorry’ he mouths. A tear escapes my eye, and with that he breaks down, tears quickly falling from his eyes. He drops his head to my shoulder. Wrapping my arms around him, I tangle one hand in his wet hair. He coughs tears continuously. My eyes weaken allowing my own tears to fall faster. “I’m sorry” he speaks again, his voice weaker than ever. “I’m sorry, I love you” he apologizes. I tighten my hold on him. “I love you Bobby, no matter what” I kiss his forehead following my words. “I love you” his voice repeats mine quietly.