Pairing: Songkim/Minwoo (Kim Jinwoo, Song Minho)
Rating: NC-17
Length: 2k+
Description:
When Mino got curious about the flower shop owner across the street as to why he buys the same bottle of water and the same packet of gum; a special relationship blossoms. From his addiction to his confusion, as to why Jinwoo will be the most beautiful thing in this universe.

Glimpse of Bliss, a Taste of Heaven

                He woke up in a rush, he was sweating a lot, even though it had been cold and the air was thick with something else he couldn't muster, something that smells like mildew and too much disinfectants. He doesn't know what to do but he was itching something, like as if some monster is clawing out of his throat, dragging his breaths away, pumping him with so much anxiety that his eyes couldn't help but dart from one side of the room to the other. It had been a week, and he is suffering from intense withdrawal from ecstasy; making him unable to sleep peacefully, and it had been four days since he had actual sleep; and today, he can't help but think of taking it again, but he's running low, both on sources and in money. He can't help but feel tired from the entire ruckus he had been through the past week, he had to run away from home, from the dealers, and most of all, he's still trying to run away from his addiction.

                Today is as cold as any other day, frost is dwindling outside the window panes, the colors of blue, gray and white blurring altogether, making this day just as dark as it had been the past month. He is walking, no, rather, dragging himself through the snow-filled streets, clutching his tattered fleece against his own skeletal figure. Lights twinkled and spun across his eyes, spinning his vision around, making him feel sick, acid running up into his parched throat once again. He heaved against the wall; his vomit was nothing more than bitter tasting acid, for he emptied his stomach with so much vomiting for the past few days.

                His breathing is ragged, and his vision is spinning into its own accord, and there is nothing else he can do but sit into the cold floor, beside his vomit, in the middle of winter. He thought of Jinwoo, the one who he has hurt the most, the one who will do everything just to save him again and again, the one who loved him the most, the one he left, all alone.

                He couldn’t help but leave, but what else can he do? He could stay but put it would put Jinwoo in dire danger, but he couldn’t risk to hurt him more.

                They met at one of the hottest summers Mino have ever encountered, Jinwoo was a flower shop owner, watering his flowers every so often, while Mino worked at the convenience store in front of it. Jinwoo is such a gentle soul, he would always greet people with his signature smile, eyes crinkled and shining, and that is the best thing he had ever seen, and will always be. Jinwoo used to always buy the same thing, a bottle of water and a pack of gum, and for the past three months that he did, he always smiled at Mino.

                “Are you buying the same thing?” Mino asked the boy, while he tapped on his items and printed out the receipt, it was still the same price, the same time of the day, the same hands that will receive his change.

             Jinwoo was startled at the question, but he managed to respond just as quickly, “My grandmother likes them.”

               Mino felt stupid asking that question, so he just nodded in return, but Jinwoo laughed, “Do you want me to buy more?” The older boy asked, grabbing the bottle of water away from the counter, and taking the gum into his pocket.

             Mino looked at him dumbfounded, his eyebrows raised up in question, Mino didn’t expect him to reply in such way, and with that, he couldn’t help but stare at him in embarrassment.

          “That would be good.” Mino replied, handing him the receipt.

         The day after that, and more days after that incident, they talked more, they told each other more stories, but it was more of a one-sided conversation. Jinwoo would always tell him stories about flowers and trees and how much his grandmother influenced him into the job. Mino couldn’t help but think about his undying passion for his job, and how he’s never sad, and how he’s always smiling about the smallest of things.

                Mino fell for him, gradually, but it was a strong type of love. Jinwoo filled him with happiness, and the comfort of someone who will accept him, more than he will be able to accept himself. Mino didn’t tell anyone, he didn’t tell anyone about his feelings, he didn’t tell Jinwoo, but most of all, he denied it to himself.

                 Mino quit his job eventually, and he worked somewhere farther from Jinwoo, but the feeling of happiness he had with Jinwoo is still there, but he, stubborn as he was, tried to conceal it, hiding it, burying it deep into his memories, that he forced himself to forget about the bubbly boy who sold flowers across the street.

                  Mino forgot about it, the feelings, the happiness, the bliss of what someone would call as being in love. He plunged into the trap of depression and bad vices. He smoked, and he drank himself until he passed out. He felt hollow, and most of all, he feels colder every passing day.

                    Then there were the drugs. The world of illusions and false happiness, he took  anti-depressants at the first try, and then, there was the , and then, he discovered his biggest mistake, ecstasy.

                     The first time he tried it, his senses were heightened, everything was bright and beautiful, and it made him happier than he had been before. He couldn’t help but think of the gush of emotions flooding in him, that when he was done with the high, he missed it, he craved it, he devoured into it like it was the most beautiful thing he could ever take into his body.

                        Months passed, Mino had been in the high of ecstasy for almost every day, that taking it became a part of his system, and when he stops, he suffers from severe withdrawal, that he lead himself into a conclusion, he’s addicted to it, and he’s not sure whether to be sad about it, and that scared him.

                        He met Jinwoo again, while he was in the peak of his highest high, and when he saw him, he knew. He somehow knew that he was actually the one he was craving for, the one he wants to touch, the one he wants. The one he needs.

                         “Mino?” Jinwoo asked, cocking his head to the other side. He looked just as he did before, just as beautiful.

                          Mino didn’t reply, instead he just stared at him, he used his eyes to consume in the masterpiece in front of him. He just stared and stared and stared and stared, at the best work of art that the universe has made.

                            “Hey, do you remember me?” Jinwoo asked him once again, waving his hand at the frozen boy right in front of him.

                             Mino was taken aback. Yes, yes, I ing remember you! He wanted to shout those words at him, but he couldn’t and he wouldn’t, he never will.

                             “Y-yes, I do.”

                               Apparently, Jinwoo’s grandmother died from old age. Mino couldn’t help but get sad at the news, he never had the chance to actually see her, and thank her for raising up such a wonderful creature. Jinwoo took Mino to the flower shop, and inside, there was the smell of dead flowers, and the sad smell of burnt out candles.

                        When Jinwoo closed the door, he cried, he shattered himself into a million pieces in front of Mino, and Mino wants to touch him and fix him, he wants to tell him that the world is a , but he would always stay right beside Jinwoo, and he, he would do everything just to make him happier. Mino took Jinwoo’s shaking figure into his arms and cradled him, softly, until his wracking tears turned into soft sobs against his chest.

                “Please don’t leave me like you did before,” Jinwoo sobbed, against his chest, “I have no one else left.”

       He whispered that everything will be alright, he whispered, more softly this time, that he will always be there for him. Jinwoo fell asleep in his arms, Mino’s shirt is wet with Jinwoo’s tears, but he didn’t mind, he doesn’t mind opening his arms for someone who has lost themselves, he doesn’t mind letting Jinwoo cry into his arms. He doesn’t mind letting him have the comfort of having someone to call their safe haven.

              Mino tried to change after that incident, but he has so much to deal with, so many debts that he has to pay, so much weight he tried to forget while he was on his high. He tried to stay with Jinwoo, for a few weeks, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t hurt him anymore. Jinwoo shouldn’t know about his addiction, about his problems. About everything. How much pain he’s seen. How much he wants to shield Jinwoo away from it all. To keep him safe and happy, but he couldn’t.

                His very own existence disgusted him. Mino thought of his soul as a kaleidoscope of colors, blue, black and purple. While Jinwoo was every color known to man, even the colors he sees at the back of his eyelids when he’s on his high couldn’t compare to the ethereal entity he had the honor to even see.

                      He stood up from the snow, and then he walked away from that spot, he already regained his energy to walk all the way towards the same old flower shop he watched until hours blurred altogether. He will do everything to see him plant the same old flowers outside his shop. He would even settle to see him talking to a customer about his favorite flower arrangement. He will do everything just to see him happy again. He will do every ing thing in this world just to see his smile again.

                         Mino ran, faster than he would ever do, and ran towards the flower shop, and he went inside, slamming the door in urgency, and he cried out for Jinwoo’s name, he opened every door, hoping that it will lead him back to Jinwoo.

Everything is blue

His pills, his hands, his jeans

And now I'm covered in the colors

Pulled apart at the seams

And it's blue

And it's blue

                       Mino was frozen, his mouth was agape, and his throat is flooded with so much emotions and his heart is slamming so hard against his ribs that he thinks that it will burst out any minute. There, on the floor, was his sunshine, he looked like he was sleeping, peacefully, but he knows that he isn’t, he knows he knows he knows he knows but he wants to think that it’s not true, that it’s not real.

                        He didn’t know what happened, maybe he cried, maybe he screamed, maybe he tried to wake him up, maybe he hugged him and told him that he’s here, he’s here he’s here he’s here, and he will never leave him again.But why? Why did he leave him first? Why? He wanted to scream and tear all of the four walls and cry and curse him for leaving him permanently. He wants to punch the devil in the face and tell the gods to themselves for taking him away, for taking the only reason he wants to stay into the hell. He wants to scream at the ing heavens for taking the only angel that walks upon the earth, and he wants to scream and ask, why he was left behind. Why he was the one alive. Why he was breathing in the air of the dead flowers, a sickly sweet smell that replaced the vibrance of the blossoms that were once blooming like the blush on his lover’s cheeks. Did he even have the right to call him lover? Did he even deserve to call him his?

                      He wants to tell him, that he was the only thing that kept him away from his demons, and he, he was the only thing he loved.

     The only thing he will ever love.

He held Jinwoo’s pale hand, traced the veins and kissed his fingertips.

He cried out in agony, “I have no one else left.”

s.m.f.