Lost, alone, sad, confused, depressed, maybe crazy....that doesn't even begin to explain how I feel. If someone was to ask me to describe how I felt in one word...I wouldn't be able to answer it. There are so many feelings that I can't even explain myself. The words happy, joy, laughter don't apply to me. I find no happiness in my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who feels miserable every single day. Every day is a struggle for me. I put on a fake smile to show my friends I'm okay, so they'll stop asking questions. I've become so good at it that it comes naturally now. On the outside, I have a smile on my face, but on the inside, I feel like screaming. I will admit that lately its been hard to even fake that anymore.

I didn't use to be like this. I used to be a happy girl. I loved going out to hang out with my friends; I always had a real smile on my face. I felt joy, and I laughed a lot. Who knew my life would change in a single day? I sure didn't. Everything after that day went downhill. My relationships with my friends were getting ruined. I would avoid hanging out with them because I was afraid of the things I could do. Soon after they stopped asking because they knew what my answer would be. We still talk, but they feel distant sometimes. The worst part is, I know its because of me.

There are times when I get angry and lash out. I hate when that happens. I lose myself, and something else takes over me. I say and do things I don't mean to. When I know it's going to happen, I can't stop it. I don't know what it is, but it feels like another part of me is trying to come out...like there's a demon inside of me, and it's demanding to get out.

When the other part of me takes over, it makes me do things I don't want to do, but I can't stop it. I have no control over my body. There are times where I can't remember what I do, I just get flashes when I sleep, but they aren't clear. I end up finding out from someone else what I did. When that happens, I look like a liar because I say I didn't do it, but they think I just don't want to admit it. My friends don't trust me anymore. I don't blame them; I don't trust myself either. I'm afraid I'll wake up one day, and find out I did something horrible.

Pushing people away is better than hurting them and regretting it for the rest of my life...

The scariest part is realizing the other part of me might just be me...

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Hello there my lovely readers. This is the start of the rewritten version of Secret. I decided to change the title to Reflection. I know its short, but this first chapter is a bit of insight to Taeyeon's character. I'd like to know your insight about my decision of rewriting it, are you guys okay with it? I know I keep apologizing, but I feel sorry for stopping a story many people liked. But I hope with this new version of Secret you'll love it even more. So yeah, let me know what you think. Till next time, and thanks for the 200+ subscribers :) Annyeong~