A/N: It's been a while since I wrote TaengSic. I haven't added to this collection in more than two years, although I've written standalone fics in between. It feels nice to write them again! Like I said on twitter, I was worried that I wouldn't be able to write them after all this time, but it just came back to me like riding a bike, I legit have muscle memory when it comes to writing TaengSic.

“Do you ever regret it?” Taeyeon asks.

“Regret what?”

“The way things turned out.”

“Would it kill you to be a little less vague, Taeyeon? I feel like you’re being held at gunpoint by a kidnapper and have to talk in riddles to get the person on the line to realize your situation.”

“…why would your brain even go there?”

“Don’t question how my brain works.”

“I won’t, I think I’d get a headache.”

“Here, take mine. Free of charge.”

Taeyeon laughs, then abruptly sobers. “So, do you?”

“Do I what?”

“Would it kill you to be a little less forgetful?”

“You ask too much of me, Tae.”

“I just want an answer, that’s all,” Taeyeon says quietly, and suddenly the mood between them feels different, tension crackling amidst what had been a playful, teasing ambiance. “You know what I’m talking about. Don’t pretend you don’t.”

“I’m not pretending. ‘The way things turned out’ could be referring to a number of things. What do you mean, exactly? What happened in 2014? What happened before that? What happened to us, the two of us or the nine of us? What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” Taeyeon says. “I want to know everything.”

Jessica exhales. “The phone isn’t the best place for that conversation, is it.”

“Is there a best place for it, really?”

“Are you drunk,” Jessica says suddenly.

“Why would you ask that?” Taeyeon says, and Jessica wonders if she hears a slur in her words because it’s really there or because she’s looking for it.

“Because you’re only ever this candid when you’re drunk. You could be high, I guess, but I don’t think that’s you.”

“I don’t really know what’s me these days,” Taeyeon says, so quietly it almost sounds like she’s talking to herself.

“Tae,” Jessica says softly. “Come over.”

There’s a pause, not long enough to make Jessica think she hung up but not short enough to make her think it’s an easy decision. And then, finally, “Okay.”

“I’m not drunk,” is Taeyeon’s way of announcing she’s here, and judging by her steady gait and clear gaze, Jessica knows she’s telling the truth.

“You’d still be welcome if you were,” Jessica says, opening the door. “But I’d have to give you a ticket.”

Taeyeon snorts. “What are you, the alcohol police?” she says, switching her slippers for the indoor pair Jessica lays out just for her.

Jessica closes the door behind them. “I saw your new tattoo. It’s nice, but please don’t tell me you’re planning to do finger guns with it. That’d be too lame even for you.”

“Even for me? Do you have different lameness standards just for me?”

“You know it, Tae,” Jessica says with a saccharine smile. “You’re special.”

Taeyeon smiles a little. “Especially lame?”

“Among other things, yes.” Jessica tilts her head to the side. “You didn’t come here so we can discuss your lameness, although I’d be happy to do that. Come on, didn’t you have a barrage of questions for me?”

“Barrage. That’s a good word.”

“Are you sure you’re not drunk?”

“No, but I’m starting to wish I were. It would make this easier.”

That sounds more like the Taeyeon she knows, the one who is so reluctant to divulge her feelings, to share her weakness, who treats the two as if they’re one and the same.

“Would it really?” Jessica murmurs. Taeyeon doesn’t really seem to have an answer for her. That’s what Taeyeon came here for, after all. To get answers.

“I just.” Taeyeon lowers her eyes. “I’m tired of feeling like I’m moving around without direction.”

“Taeyeon, I can’t give you a direction. You know I can’t.” Jessica’s voice is gentle but firm. She doesn’t want to hurt Taeyeon, but she doesn’t want to mislead her either. She doesn’t want to promise her things she can’t deliver. Honesty has always been something she insists on, even if it sometimes feels cruel. A temporary cruelty, however, can be kinder than a temporary mercy followed by long-term pain. At least, that’s what she tells herself.

Unexpectedly, Taeyeon smiles. “I know. I’m not asking you to. I made that mistake the first time around, didn’t I? I expected too much, gave too little, and—here we are.”

“Here we are,” Jessica repeats. “It’s not the worst place to be, is it?”

Taeyeon takes a long, sweeping look around Jessica’s apartment, like a potential buyer. “No, it’s a very nice apartment.” At Jessica’s eye roll and pointed look, she amends, “No, it’s not.”

“You look tired, baby,” Jessica says, a hand down her cheek, gentle, maybe the slightest bit proprietary. (Maybe more than a bit.) “You’re still having trouble sleeping?”

“Mm, some. It’s better than before, though.”

“Sometimes that’s all we can ask for at the moment. And hope that it’ll keep getting better, one day at a time.”

“Does it?” Taeyeon asks, her voice hopeful, almost childish.

“I don’t know,” Jessica says honestly. “I don’t have all the answers, Taeyeon. I don’t even know if I have one. You said you wanted to know everything. I wish I could give that to you.” She isn’t just talking about answers, and she hopes Taeyeon knows that. Has a feeling she does.

“That’s okay,” Taeyeon says. “I’m not sure if I should hear it, anyway. I think—rather than focus so much on what happened in the past, it’s better to look forward.”

“That doesn’t sound like the Taeyeon I know,” Jessica says, gently teasing.

“I got a system upgrade. I’m Taeyeon 2.0 now. Or well, probably more like 8.0 or 9.0 but—whatever.”

Jessica laughs. “Taengoo,” she says softly, fondly. “Short for Taeyeon 9.0. Is that an okay name?”

“It’s perfect,” Taeyeon tells her, and pulls her into a kiss.

Jessica speaks up later, when they’re tangled, warm and sated, in her sheets. “I can’t give you a direction. I can’t be—the path you blindly follow. But I’ll be your compass, if you want.”

“Be my North Star.”

“Okay, my astrology is terrible, what is that again?”

Taeyeon chuckles. “Astrology is the study of horoscopes. Astronomy is the study of planets and stars and stuff like that, that’s what you’re thinking about.”

“You know, you sounded really smart until the ‘stuff like that’ part.”

Taeyeon sighs melodramatically. “I almost had you.”

“I’m pretty sure you just had me quite a few times,” Jessica says, lowering her lashes, and delights in the way that, even after all this time, Taeyeon blushes.

“Oh, I remember now,” Jessica says brightly. “The North Star. That’s the one that leads you home, right?”

“Yeah,” Taeyeon says softly. “That’s the one.”

Jessica shifts slightly so they’re making total eye contact. “Okay,” she says. “I will.”

(Taeyeon’s tattoos are well-known, from the Pisces one behind her ear to the serenity one above her elbow to the multitude on her fingers, this gun one now joining the list. Jessica had considered getting a tattoo, before, always only fleetingly, and then dismissed the notion for one reason or another. She surprises herself when she walks away from the tattoo parlour with a bandage taped over an area of sensitized skin, the sting she had felt worthwhile for the design underneath. She can’t wait until she can show Taeyeon.

Polaris. The North Star.)

A/N: This is a bit messy but I a) wrote it at 1am and b) kind of wanted that sense of irresolution but with a different kind of closure. Also, I wanted to incorporate something about Golden Stars, but I couldn't fit it in and decided my pun addiction should be contained hahha.