A man sat in front of the television surrounded by a couple of stuff toys. He smiled at the thought that people may find it weird that instead of watching reruns of one’s favourite drama on TV, or for a man like him some generic sports channel… that right now he’s smiling over recordings of commercials and music videos of another man.

He was very proud, his heart swells seeing the man smile happily.

          “He looks healthy” the man spoke to no one in particular. The smile never left his lips as he watched the scenes that he already has engraved in his mind. A certain scene of when the man on the television his lip made him the man giggle softly, his hold tightening around the wolf stuff toys he had in his arms, two of wolves to be exact.

          He held the plushies closer, as a soft melody started playing. A man floating in the water and a deep soothing voice started to sing softly. He smiled closing his eyes, listening intently to the song.

          “are you still wandering gege?”

          He opened his eyes as tears fell freely from them, the man who has always been by his side, protecting him, supporting him, loving and taking care of him.  He had been selfish in the past, unable to understand the reason the man had left, unable to understand why the man who he had intrusted his heart with, the man who has listened to his problems and endless rants… the man who had held him as he cry and kissed his tears, who protected him and shared the weight of his problems why didn’t that man let him do the same for him, was he not worth it? Was he not someone to be trusted? He didn’t understand why he had left, He didn’t understand why. The voices around him at that time, have told him words that he had chosen to believe. Because he was stubborn, because he was hurt, because he felt abandoned, because the man he had loved left him.  Love.

          “I wanted to protect you too gege”

          He buried his face on the wolf he was holding. Today has been a very stressful day for the young man, the interview of him with Sina where he had cleared up misunderstandings from before and the first time he has talked about the man, his gege, had been shown to the public today. He had told “I wish he would be able to hear these words too, If I was the person I was today during that time, I would support you fully”, it was what he felt with all sincerity. Instead of worrying about haters, he knows they would come.. The man is more worried if the man would see the news, how would he react, did he even react to it… or did his words made the man want nothing to do with him anymore.

          “I’m a better me now, can you see?”

          He talked to the man on the screen as another rerun of a commercial played. He peeked a little on the screen of his phone, he bit his lips and looked down.

          “It was my fault anyways… but it.. was his fault too”

          The young man pouted, tears falling down again he quickly wiped it.

          “if only you have told me… if you told me ge

          He fell of the couch as he heard an oh so familiar ringtone, he ran to his phone clutching it and staring on the screen intently.

Incoming Call……

Benben Gege

          He didn’t wait for the 3^rd ring and quickly answered the phone

          “….. hello” he whispered trying to hold his tears in, one more word and he’s going to bawl like a kid and he doesn’t want to look pathetic.

          “tao~er..” a deep voice he missed a lot spoke gently from the other line.

          Tao burst out crying, bawling loudly.

          “hey, big boy. Why are you crying? I thought you’re all grown up now” the man said trying to lighten up the mood but Tao just kept crying, he wanted to say everything, yell at him, curse at him, say sorry, ask for explanation, ask for forgiveness, tell him he loves him still he misses him.. but he can only cry

          “Taozi, if I told you I’d left, you would have stopped me, or you’d suddenly leave as well, am I right?” Tao nodded although the other man couldn’t see it. He let out a soft “mn”.

          “You know how that would look, and how it will affect you negatively right? But still I’m sorry that I had to leave that way, but it was less evil thing to do at that time” Tao sniffled loudly, the man was still protecting him,  even if he’s stubborn and said bad things, the man is still talking to him.

          “I’m sorry gege” he managed to squeak out before he went bawling again.

          The other man let out a soft sigh, he had never wanted to hurt or ever see the other man cry.

          “I understand, it’s alright” the deep voice assured the crying panda. Tao was still sniffling softly when he heard a knock,

          “I.. don’t drop the call I just, there’s someone in my door and it might be my manager, gege please.. please don’t drop the call okay? Wait for me okay?” He whispered desperately

          “I’ll be right here, go” , Tao placed the phone down on the couch hesitantly before he went to the door, he wiped his face and patted his lids dry before opening the door.

          “manager hy…”

          “I told you I’ll be right here” The tall man infront of the door greeted him with a gentle smile that tao knows will only be for him. He quickly jumped into the man’s arms, and the man smiled holding him close and embracing him fully.

          “And I do still love you, always have, always will.. I hear your words taozi, I see your face. I never looked away.. You never lost me Huang Zitao, I’ll always be your Wu Yifan.”

          “I love you too, gege” Wu Yifan’s Huang Zitao muttered inbetween his sniffles.

-끝-

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