Taemin swirled around one last time before laying down on the couch in the practice room, taking a breath and starring up into the ceiling. He reached down into his backpack and picked up a notebook of lyrics.
 
He flipped through the pages leisurely

The lyrics belong to all the solo songs he's been recording for the past year. 
He picked out the title track and main track together with the company. But now it was up to himself to choose the songs he wanted to be present in his first solo album, his very own album, and it's a hard choice that he needs to make. 

He stopped reaching a good enough page.
Experience
He likes this one, a lot.

Stop doing that, you’re being strange and chilling
When I went through your coldness
The sun died and the darkness danced
Confusion came over me

He closed his eyes and let his own voice take over, he knew the lyrics by heart nothing he needs to read to remember. 

When you walk so far that you become a black dot
I swallowed my tears and with a tragic ending
Our love book comes to an end

It's hard to forget. 
How he ended up there in the middle of the night. His hands frozen by the cold, and his tears, warm and fresh running down his cheeks. 
He remembers his confusion, how he realized that he wasn't worthy, that there was someone better. 

The experience you gave me
The dreams drenched in sweat
Harder and harder
Your hand suffocates my heart
The experience you gave me
Tossing and turning as if having a nightmare
I wake up in shock
The experience you gave me
Is like a terrible nightmare

He remembers the angst, how he felt. He remembers waking up every night feeling sick, feeling like he's not enough. 
Wondering if tomorrow will be the day where he realizes there might be someone better out there, someone perfect. 
Someone that's like him, not Lee Taemin. 

It’s scary, when I wake from this illusion
I could even see your intense face
Red and bruised, I start to drift
Will the scratched up wounds ever heal?

He remembers how he thought that they where perfect, how he was perfect. 
He can't forget how he felt every time they fought. 
How he always was the one doing wrong, how he was the one sitting up through the night spilling tear over it.  

On the street of illusion where I thought I walked with an angel
My footsteps have stopped
Naive hopes that you would come looking for me
I can’t get rid of it at once

He remembers how he distanced himself from Minho, his friend. Because he told him too. 
Because he said how much Minho wanted to hurt him, hurt them. 
While his best friend, s only wanted to tell him the truth. 
Show him what's wrong. 
He can't forget how he spent the weeks looking at his phone, waiting. 
How tempted he was to just throw himself down and apologize, to beg for him to come back.
Beg him to not leave him. 

The experience you gave me
The dreams drenched in sweat
Harder and harder
Your hand suffocates my heart
The experience you gave me
Tossing and turning as if having a nightmare
I wake up in shock
The experience you gave me
Is like a terrible nightmare

He didn't know how to live, how to breath. 
Maybe there never were any real physical scars left on his body, but the countless of time he panicked, or gotten sick out of angst. 
The countless of times where the stress from work clashed with the pressure from him. 
The countless of times he lied to himself, about his love. 
All the people he lost.
Only to be easily thrown away in the end.
He'll never completely heal.

The experience I gave you
A flower that wasn’t loved
A dried up and crumbling hand that can’t catch you
The experience I gave you
On a night that is too tired to be beautiful
Continuing the dream
The experience I gave you
Write me the ending again

The ending he wrote all by himself, they put it into the song after everything already was done. 
It needed courage. 
But he hoped, Jongin would lift his loving gaze from Kyungsoo for a moment, to listen. 
To listen to what Taemin should have told him all those nights ago. 
His feelings, this song. 

The way Jongin acted towards him, suffocated him, controlled him.
How he thought he wasn't enough.

Was all lies. 
He knows that now. 
Knows how much he's worth. 

He smiled to himself, opening his eyes and putting the notebook away. 
Yes, he'll definitely make sure this song gets a place in the album.

                               ~ Experience ~

The Lyric translation of Experiance by Taemin is taken from:
http://popgasa.com/2014/08/17/taemin-shinee-experience/

Writing this was weird, but sort of therapeutical for myself. 
It's really not thought through, I just wrote it late one sleepless night.

I know relationships like these are common, psychologically abuse is no joke, and I hope people realize it's as bad as physical abuse.
Remember that you are worth it, you are never useless no matter what people tell you.
Don't give up.