The alarm clock went off, and Jongin woke up reluctantly. Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he blindly reached for the nightstand until his fingers found the plastic box with his pills.
He didn't even open his eyes as he fished out the water bottle beside his bed and popped the cerulean pill into his mouth, washing it away with water. Not that it was actually needed since he'd stopped choking on the pills years ago. It was probably just a habit.
Jongin had many habits.
He liked to walk around in his socks or even bare-footed.
He liked to subtly train his posture whenever he got bored in public.
He liked to stay back at work to clean the facility in peace.
Okay, maybe he didn't like that. But he did it, anyway.
Wasn't it difficult nowadays to tell those things apart, anyway?

The boy was still half-asleep as he vainly attempted to pat down his unruly brown curls and padded into the kitchen, his shirt only tugged in halfway.
"Morning, honey!" his mother chirped happily as she was setting the breakfast table.
Jongin was so different from his mother. Sometimes he felt like the only thing he had inherited form her were his chocolate-brown eyes.
His mother was an early bird, always greeting the day with open arms and a bright smile. She was also outgoing and chatty, never shy of befriending any new neighbors.
She was also a C-type with the c standing for conduction unlike Jongin who was an Implement-type. Though expressions like that were only ever used on official papers anyway. The public merely referred to people as red and blue types.
Jongin still remembered the day of his 14th birthday when he had pried away the seal from the most life-changing letter he'd ever receive.
And now, at the age of 19, he kinda understood his parent's reaction much better.
Back then, he had been wondering why his mother wasn't showing any disappointment at all upon the unforgiving fat letters announcing that congratulations, he was an Implement-type.
She was merely smiling kindheartedly as she ruffled his hair.
His father had also been smiling, though his smile was strained at the edges.
For his father was an Implement-type himself, diligently taking the exact same pills Jongin did, every morning.
His mother was the team-leader of the R&D department at an influential electronic company, always flitting between the different departments and occasionally traveling around the world to represent the company.
His father was a humble employee at a big advertisement company, sitting at his desk to organize virtual data bases all day long.

Jongin was a newly-appointed dance instruction assistant. And no matter what he'd do and how much more he'd train his moves, he'd never be anything more than that. An assistant.
"I'll be going, see you later mom."
"Sure, honey. Make sure to stick to the regulations, love you."
"I will. Love you, too."

The dance teacher of the national university of arts was very friendly.
His name was Zhang Yixing, of course an established C-type. A red one.
Somehow chosen to give orders instead of taking them like Jongin did.
Still, he was a kind person and Jongin couldn't really dislike him. He was the closest thing he had to a red-type friend.
The feeling was obviously mutual, causing the two to work together effectively with Yixing hardly feeling the need to give him an explicit order.
When Jongin was a kid, the whole system had seemed very complicated and he was never short of questions, ludicrous but driven by child-like curiosity either way.
"Why can't you just take the blue pill, mom?"
"Why do you take them, anyway?"
"Why do all people want the red ones?"
"Will I get both because I'm your child?"

Of course Jongin didn't get both, there was no such thing.
His parents had only brushed him off with simple answers and waited with the real talk until he was 13 years old.
If you're a C-type, you conduct. You supervise and lead people, you distribute tasks and take responsibility.
If you're an Implement-type you're in charge of actually realizing these tasks.
No matter how pretty the words his mother had used, it was difficult to fool smart little Jongin into believing it was a desirable position to be in.
If you're a blue one, you were to obey anything a red one was telling you to. If you deliberately refused, the effect would be immediate in the form of agonizing phantom pain. This brought advantages to the society since blue ones didn't feel the burden of the heavy work they performed. Their body just followed the orders, leaving no room for laziness or disobedience. Of course it placed them into a vulnerable position, but the government had set up a thoroughly thought-through set of so-called 'regulations', stating a row of rules that ensured the safety of blue ones, allowing them for example to never let people touch their basic human rights or deny them vital necessities such as food and the likes.

Both red and blue-types were essential to society and equal in their human rights, they said on the news. Of course that was utter nonsense. But as long as no one told the work-force to speak up about it, they didn't.

They also said that every person was being carefully analyzed before sorted into their respective category so it would befit their nature. Of course that was nonsense as well. Since obviously there was a very high number of blue ones in comparison to red ones.
And last but not least they also claimed to be completely neutral, never favoring anyone based on his or her family background and influence. And again, Jongin didn't believe a word of it.
But he followed the regulations and didn't say it out loud.

It was a day like any other when Jongin trotted home in the early afternoon. Whenever they finished early like this he wasn't too sure of what to do with the remaining day since his friends mostly worked until late in the evening. Sure, he had a few colleagues, but none of whom he'd actually like to meet in his free-time.
Jongin sighed as he rubbed a sore spot in his shoulder. Surely he was a lucky guy, having found a job that didn't take up all of his time but was quite well-paid.
Not everyone of his status was that blessed. Maybe there were just very few blue ones who had enough passion to devote themselves to something not education-related.
Still, it was not that it was solely a fun job. In fact Jongin felt his aching muscles so clearly that he decided to take a slightly longer route home, to slowly coax his body into resting the whole day instead of just plunging into a bus to drive home. It was a sunny day, perfect with deep blue sky and snowy white clouds. Jongin felt pretty guilty about wanting to lounge on his sofa all day at a time like this and aimlessly walked through the park until he spotted a vending machine. Maybe a sip of coke would be nice. It wasn't that he was overly keen on dieting and it was pretty warm...
Completely focused on the machine he earnestly studied the drinks it had to offer. Maybe not coke. Maybe cider would be a better choice. Yeah, he'd go for a cider. Rummaging through his pocket for some coins he was just lifting the first when a hand was placed close to the coin slit, and a voice caught him off-guard.

"Hey there."
Jongin looked over his right shoulder to be faced with a young man who had sneaked up on him. He wasn't exactly encasing him from the back but standing rather sideways. Jongin still felt startled at the sudden invasion of his personal space and backed away a little to observe him at a more appropriate distance.
The guy seemed to be around his age, though his features were much more sharp than Jongin's, making him look somewhat mature. His platinum blond hair was tousled, and the eyes peeking at him from below his fringe were bright and his gaze unwavering.
Being a dancer Jongin unconsciously noticed that the guy was a tidbit taller than him and had a broader frame but was more on the lithe side, compared to his own well-trained stature.
"Tell me your name?"
"Kim Jongin," he replied in the blink of an eye, his mouth reacting before he knew it.
He sighed. So the guy was a C-type. It was a common thing to test the waters by phrasing any introduction as an order to test the reaction and pinpoint their type.
Instead of the gleeful glint he usually got in response, the boy only scrunched his eyebrows together as if he was bothered by his answer. He quickly changed directions, however, and nodded in acknowledgment while wetting his lips.
"I'm Oh Sehun. So, Kim Jongin... You busy at the moment?"
"Well..."
He hesitated. After all, he wasn't that keen on getting involved with a complete stranger. Something about that Sehun guy seemed off. He couldn't exactly point out what it was yet, but there was definitely something.
The blond seemed to contemplate something, before tilting his head and changing the tone a bit.
"Tell me. Do you have anything important to do right now?"
"No."
Again, Jongin had immediately answered and sometimes, just sometimes... he disliked it. Disliked that this guy, who he didn't even know, could do that to him.
"Sounds good. Wanna hang out for a bit?"
Jongin kept quiet as he looked at his expectant face. It was a rare thing to be asked about your own preferences. Being asked by a red one was always a little confusing.
It was highly unconventional and felt like a trick-question, like a joke on his expense. Besides, it slightly clashed with the regulations not to take unpredictable risks.
All that aside, Jongin wasn't even too sure on what to think about the offer, on a personal level.
Did he want to hang out with him? He didn't know this guy. On the other hand he seemed like a normal dude. And he had asked him to accompany him. Didn't seem like a conventional criminal-thing to do.
Seeing his conflicted face, the blond sighed in dissatisfaction and reached into his pocket to take out a few coins and pay for Jongin's cider, pushing another button to choose an iced strawberry-milk for himself. Jongin silently watched him take the drinks and flinched when a bony hand grasped his wrist to tug him along.
"Come with me, then. Let's hang out for a while."

They didn't walk very far. In fact, they headed for the skater-area that had been in sight already. Jongin felt a little conflicted about this. As far as he knew, this was a common hangout place for red ones. It was in nowhere forbidden to associate. He wondered when things had become that way.
But it made sense. Being one blue guy in a group of red ones... it practically begged for some bullying.
And everyone taking the blue pill had experienced bullying at least once in his or her life, Jongin being no exception. He had never been too much of a victim, but that didn't mean he was all-too keen on catching up on the lost experiences.

Sehun didn't grasp his hand very tightly, but it still send a nervous fluttering through his system. His skin was soft and felt nice... even though Jongin feared his hands might be sweaty. If they were, Sehun didn't mention it.
Jongin would have liked to express his anxiety about the whole idea, but didn't know how exactly to do it.
He could already spot a bunch of people that just screamed red type. One guy who skillfully maneuvered himself on a skateboard, and another one who tried to follow with much less finesse, getting laughed at by a group of other peers resting on top of one of the bigger half-pipes. Sehun just casually pulled him along and only let go when they had reached the pipe (causing the two skaters to stop in their tracks at the unoccupied end, patiently waiting) and used both hands to climb up to the guys already sitting there. Turning to Jongin he expectantly offered his hand, and Jongin followed hesitantly. He didn't need an actual start-up, seeing as he was more than trained, and easily pulled himself up, ignoring Sehun's hand. Not taking offense, he merely shrugged and turned towards the three people sitting there.
"Guys, this is Jongin," he casually introduced as if he was bringing in new people everyday. Or maybe that's what he actually does, Jongin thought.
One guy grinned at him with what can only be described as the most sly grin ever directed at poor Jongin, and he almost took a step back.
"Aaaaah. Nice to meet you Jongin, really nice," he continued with an expression that was probably supposed to tell him something, but what even...
The boy didn't even bother to stand up and merely gave him a wave.
"Byun Baekhyun's the name."
Jongin cautiously nodded in return.
"Xiumin." the brunette boy next to him said in a curt, but not exactly unfriendly voice. He looked very youthful, but his body language gave off a much more mature vibe.
The last guy sitting in the corner looked very tall and rather intimidating, but didn't hesitate to flash him a small smile, introducing himself as Kris.
There were no questions, no real introductions, no awkwardness. They had simply acknowledged his presence, not even asking whether he was a blue or red type.
Still a little stunned, he let Sehun pull him to the ground so they could comfortably lean against the railing and give the skaters enough room to continue doing their thing.
Jongin felt so incredibly out of place, he didn't know what to do with himself. There was no one to his right and Sehun on his left seemed completely relaxed as he made a comment on how annoying that Baekhyun person was.
Looking to his left, he subtly let his gaze wander. He wasn't too good with names and faces, but all of them had something very distinct about them - Xiumin with this odd mix of cutesy and maturity, Kris who looked like he stepped straight out of the Chinese Vogue magazine and Baekhyun... he looked like a cheeky little dog, ready to snap at you to get you to play with him. They were all kinda handsome in their own way, though not like Sehun. Jongin's eyes wandered over his sharp profile, his white skin and the pale, vanilla-colored hair. Most people didn't suit a shade like this, but for him, it worked brilliantly. He just had this certain something about him with his casual clothes and radiating overall carefreeness. It was a desirable trait a lot of red ones had; they seemed kinda wild and free. Jongin already berated himself. It was never good to be charmed by those type of people.

That exact second, Sehun turned and their eyes met. Jongin hastily looked to the front, fixating on the skaters. He swore he heard Sehun chuckle and hated him for that. For a while, he contently observed the two skating boys. One was very tall and obviously knew what he was doing. Completely unlike the shorter one, who tried to follow along only to fail miserably. He could hear Baekhyun laughing loudly as he made fun of him, and for a second, Jongin felt uneasy. But the guy only laughed along heartily and he calmed down again. So he was a red one as well.
In fact, he thought, they all seemed like a C-type. Maybe Kris didn't. But all the others... seemed too carefree to be blue among so many red guys.

So what now? Were they hanging out now?
Was he supposed to say something?
Not knowing what to do, Jongin busied his fingers with the little green plastic bottle that was already dripping with perspiration.
Turned out that the jumping and being dragged-along didn't do it any good, since it broke into a vicious sizzling and his precious soda had already drenched half of his shirt before he could react.
They all laughed, and Jongin felt a hot wave of embarrassment washing over him. Well, so much for being in a circle of red ones without getting bullied. He probably officially ruined it now-
"Ah, you totally shook it up when you jumped here... Xiu, don't you always have some paper tissues?" Sehun calmly asked as he leaned in to investigate the damage the sticky soda had done.
Jongin felt more than uneasy about getting observed like that, but when Sehun reached out with a wet tissue ("paper tissues, what good are those please?" Xiumin had grumbled) and absently said, "Stay still, I got this," he felt his body freezing immediately. Obeying.
Now that was even more embarrassing. He dully heard Baekhyun howling in pain when Xiumin smacked him for a promiscuous whistle, but it was hard to focus on that while a handsome guy his age was meticulously wiping over his shirt with his face close enough to count his eyelashes. Sehun's face was scrunched up in genuine concentration, but when he looked up to see Jongin's flustered state, he gave him a cocky grin and leaned in a bit closer just to - and playing right along, Jongin flinched back.
Laughing quietly, Sehun backed away.
"Relax, I'm not gonna eat you. No one here will."
It's not those guys that make me nervous.
It's just you, Jongin thought as he took a sip of his drink.

"You don't need to be so quiet, you know?" Sehun suddenly said.
"Yeah right, tell us something about yourself!" Baekhyun chimed in, and Jongin felt something weird tugging at his insides. In a way it was an order, but while he felt the regular tingling need to follow, it was weaker. Maybe it had something to do with it being not a precise order.
Still, it was an order nevertheless.
"Uhm. W-what do you want to know?"
"Oh how would I know? What's there to know about you? Tell us about your age, occupation, hobbies-"
"Tell us whatever you want to tell us," Sehun interrupted him with a neutral yet definite ring to it, easily out-drowning Baekhyun's suggestions. It was weird.
And once more, Jongin felt a little confused. What did he want to tell them? They were basically strangers.
"Well... I'm 20 years old...and I work as a dance instruction assistant at university-"
"Really now? Sounds awesome! Haaah, Sehunnie here can surely learn a few new... 'moves'... from you," Baekhyun threw in with another salacious grin and earned himself another smack, this time from both his neighbors in unison.
Jongin unsurely looked at Sehun who seemed a little... flustered?
He felt a mix between excitement -after all it could mean that he liked the idea of dancing with him- and frustration pricking him. Frustration over the fact that other red ones could be that playful with each other while guys like him could only be on the receiving end of teasing.
Suddenly, a crash was heard, and when he looked down the half-pipe all he saw was a tangled mess of limbs, having totally missed how the shorter one had glamorously crashed into the other guy, taking him down with him.
Kris jumped up immediately and slid down the pipe to check on them, followed by a sighing Xiumin and a laughing Baekhyun who was already pointing his phone cam at the mess.
Jongin looked torn, but seeing as Sehun didn't move he decided to stay put as well. After all, he didn't even know their-
"The one laughing is called Chen," Sehun suddenly said as if he had read his thoughts.
"The tall, silly one is Chanyeol."
Jongin nodded, storing the information, though he wasn't quite sure what to do with it yet.
It got a little silent after that, and they watched Xiumin and Kris fussing over the two laughing boys with Kris looking genuinely concerned and the shorter one aggravated at Chanyeol, brutally pointing his finger against his chest again and again.
Neither of them said a word, and Jongin began to feel awkward again.
It felt as if he was some kind of pet, patiently waiting to be dismissed.
Then again, did he want to be dismissed? He had been ordered here, but he had the weird feeling that Sehun wouldn't mind if he'd get up and leave. So technically it didn't feel like an order...? Jongin shook his head.
So confusing.

"What do you think, Jongin?"
"H-huh?"
Ripped from his inner conflict, he looked sideways to find Sehun nodding towards the bunch of now arguing boys. Somehow they had managed to tackle Kris down to the floor with them and create an even bigger mess.
"Red or blue, C or I, what do you think?"
When Jongin hesitated the blond sighed again.
"Tell me. Come on."
"Uhm. They all seem to be red. Maybe K-kris isn't. I don't know about Chanyeol and Chen. Maybe Chanyeol isn't...?" his voice trailed off into a questioning mumble as he tried to assess it by scrutinizing them closely.
When Sehun suddenly laughed loudly, he flinched.
"Hah! You might think that, wouldn't you..."
"What's so funny about that...? You asked for my opinion, now don't laugh at me..." Jongin said disgruntled and embarrassed.
It wasn't like he'd had a choice not to say it.
"Haaah, is someone giving me an attitude?"
Jongin almost instinctively withdrew at the voice, but Sehun was quick to change directions, dismissing it again.
"I'm toying with you, no need to get all stiff and worried."
Biting his lip unhappily, he averted his body a little, no matter how childish he felt for that.
Anything as not to let him see his dusted pink cheeks.
He felt belittled.

"Actually,” the blond slowly started, all the mirth gone, "Baekhyun has never been a red one."
"Huh?! Really now?" Jongin broke out in disbelief.
Sehun hummed in agreement.
"Neither was Xiumin. But Chanyeol... Chanyeol got the letter, back then. Congratulations, you're a C-type. He took many, many red pills..."
With wide eyes ,Jongin observed how Chanyeol vainly tried to shy away from Xiumin berating him quite physically, but he was obviously a target that was hard to miss and the shorter one made up for his height in strength, sending him tumbling with every nudge into his shoulder.
"No way..." he whispered.
How was this possible? Could it really work like this?
"They didn't like their type, you know? They really didn't like it," Sehun trailed off into a whisper, and now Jongin's attention was fully back onto the blond who looked distant and pensive.
"So I... helped them out."
"H-how?"
The question had been out before he knew it.
At this, Sehun turned his head and the bright eyes looked at him with an intensity that felt like he was trying to look into the depths of his very being.
"Why do you ask? You interested?"
Taken aback at the straight-forward question, he backed away a bit.
"Uhm. That's not it, I-"

"Sehunnie! We're all leaving for some chicken!" Chanyeol suddenly called out, and Sehun nodded in acknowledgment, the tense atmosphere dissolving in an instant.
"Coming."
He got up and this time Jongin took his offered hand. They both climbed down and slowly trailed after the others, too far behind to actually listen in on their conversation.
"You want to tag along? It'll be my treat."
Now it was clearly acting up. He was supposed to be home early, and the sun was already hanging very low.
"I... I shouldn't. My mom will be home soon..."
Sehun didn't laugh at him. He only nodded and reached for his hand once more. A little unsure what to make of it, Jongin let him, and they walked in silence until the park's exit was reached.
"Go on without me, I'll be there in a minute!" Sehun called after his group of friends, and Jongin shyly waved, receiving a few very enthusiastic waves in return.

"So... Kim Jongin."
Alarmed at the use of his full name and the underlying order, he looked into the serious face of Sehun who rested both of his hands on his shoulders.
"Yes."
He inhaled deeply and his lips once (which Jongin tried really hard not to notice).
"Sorry for dragging you out like this. It wasn't fair. I'm not gonna do it again."
There it was, a pang of disappointment. Maybe he had been too boring. Surely he had been too boring, what did he even do?
"But I'd like to let you know... that you're always welcomed. We're here quite often, so feel free to join us, alright?"
Oh. An open invitation. It didn't seem like an obligation though.
"Oh. Thank you..." he replied a little dumbfounded.
The blond gave him a small smile that changed his whole expression drastically (and totally didn't cause him to look at his lips).
"Ah, and by the way... I don't want you to get into trouble," he added a little reluctantly, "but if someone asks you about today, you'll tell them you've just been to the park, right?"
"Alright," Jongin instinctively replied, reacting to the order.
"Good. That's... good," he said as if he was speaking to himself.
His voice turned the most hesitant he had heard yet, and now Sehun even avoided his eyes.
"I'll let you know that... if you want to, you can be... like us. I mean, you could be... free."
Jongin stared at him with his wide chocolate-brown orbs that were accentuated by the golden specks of the sinking sun, making them seem even brighter.
Free? Free like them?
Would he like that?
Would he want that?
"But I will not tell you what to do," he earnestly added, "it has to be your decision. I'm not going to make it for you. Still, if you just wanna hang out like today, it's okay as well."
A little overwhelmed, the brunette nodded slowly while trying to search for his gaze.
"Alright then... see ya. Maybe. Come home safely."
Before he left, Sehun seemed to remember something though, turning around once more with the playful grin tugged back in its place, leaning towards him as if letting him in on a secret.
"Ah, by the way, Jongin. I forgot to mention... I'm not a red type either," he whispered into his ear before giving him a mischievous smile and walking off with a curt wave, leaving behind a stunned Jongin.

Who still kept pondering about this when he lay in bed hours later.
About Xiumin and Baekhyun, who didn't seem very submissive to him.
About Chanyeol who didn't seem aggressive at all.
About Sehun.
Sehun wasn't a red one. Still he had taken his orders and acted upon them. Why?
That night Jongin kept turning in his sheets.
Never had someone so insistingly asked him what he wanted. Not even Jongin himself was asking himself the question very often.
Had it always been like this?

He could be one of them.
Could he really?
And again: Did he want to?

The next day Jongin got up, took his pill, went to work, took the bus home, helped out his mom, watched TV and went to bed.
A perfectly normal day. Though inside his head something was off. Not terribly so, but still... a quiet thought lurking at the back of his head, attentively watching his every move. How he watched a bunch of blue ones standing up for red ones on the bus. How a few impatient students snapped at him and he just took it. How Yixing stood up for him. How they had talked about his teacher when he turned his back on them.
Yes, something inside Jongin watched Jongin... watching.
It was a strange sensation, minuscule yet terribly insisting.
That day, he didn't go to the park and spent the day thinking. But the next day he still felt unsettled.
It was like a tiny itch he just couldn't reach.
And when he woke up on the third day and took his pill and went to work, he decided to walk back through the park once more.

A part of him felt like he was doing something illegal, though technically he didn't.
When they spotted Jongin standing shyly in the distance with a plastic bag of chilled drinks clasped in his fingers, they didn't lose a second to call him over, and Sehun immediately jumped over to greet him.
The blond's bright smile felt like a reward for daring to take him up on the offer, and Jongin felt himself smiling a little.
"You came back. It's good to see you Jongin," Sehun said when he was standing before him, "gimme a hug, for a greeting please?" Of course Jongin complied, even though he couldn't think of a more embarrassing moment as of recently. This was a level of skinship he wasn't exactly used to, and it made him nervous, the realization of his submissiveness pricking him once more. Sehun hardly replied to the hug though, and only patted his hair good-naturedly as he tugged him along to the others.
And for some weird reason he couldn't help but to feel very at ease around the circle of noisy teenagers and young adults who kept having fun and were so careful about not voicing out any orders as they teased Jongin, coaxing a few smiles and even sassy replies out of him.

Jongin still woke up every morning, took his pill and went to work. But he also visited Sehun and his friends almost daily. They even went for some food once in a while and it was a strange feeling to be in public with them. By now, Jongin was sure that whatever they did was highly illegal but no one seemed to even notice. Whoever saw them just naturally assumed they were a large group of red-types, excluding Kris and Jongin. And for the first time Jongin experienced how pleasant it was to be around a (supposedly) red group. No one to push them around, no one to force them into anything or make snarky comments. Just a bunch of noisy kids taking up a whole table at a fast food restaurant.
Jongin could clearly feel the nagging thoughts increase though. With every moment that Sehun would , playfully commanding him to give him a hug or say something nice, he felt the urge growing. The urge to back, to show resistance. It was not like he felt violated though.
It was weirdly exciting.
And this was probably a very bad thing.

It was a pleasant day at the end of summer when Jongin finished early and dressed into a fresh set of clothes after taking a quick shower.
"You've been acting a little differently lately." Yixing casually remarked as he pulled a hoodie over his head. Jongin tensed, even though the words hadn't sounded suspicious or accusing.
"It's... nothing. Just."
"Easy there, everything's fine. You seem more lively and relaxed, it's a nice sight." Yixing added with a quiet laugh.
The brunette calmed down a bit and gave him a sincere smile.
"Yeah. I guess I found some new friends."
"Just friends...? Are you sure about that?" his kind-of boss but also kind-of friend asked with a playful, dimpled smile, and Jongin shushed him shyly.

His head was filled with images of Sehun while he wandered down the stairs and left the building thinking about Yixing's statement.
Sehun teasing him but protecting him the next second as if only he was allowed to do so. Sehun sharing his food with him or trying to coax him onto a skateboard.
In his spaced out state he didn't notice the footsteps catching up to him from behind until a hand was roughly clasped around his mouth, and more hands dragged him into a lonely alleyway before he could even attempt to flee and reach the park.
"Stop making a fuss!" someone hissed into his ear, but Jongin panicked and the regulations didn't forbid him to fight for his physical safety in case of an assault. Two guys were wrestling him down until he was curled up on the floor with two other guys watching him struggle.

"Aaah, let him go, otherwise he won't stop struggling. Kim Jongin, stay put."
The hands on his arms didn't leave but the pressure decreased and Jongin in a breath as he looked up from his sitting position. The use of his full name in combination with the heavy order in his voice made Jongin cringe as he felt his body go limp. He knew the guy before him, knew it was a red one, and even though he still felt threatened, this order seemed to outweigh the regulations seeing as the assault was no longer something unpredictable. There were many loopholes in those regulations, one of the reasons why bullying was such a common thing.
"Look at him, little sweet Kim Jongin. Blue as the sky. You think you're pretty accomplished, huh?"
It was one of those noisy red-type guys at school. One of those guys who had felt like a king at school, ruling over the blue peasants. He'd had a hard time finding a job and had picked up a random subject to study, living off his parents. Jongin would have loved to say that giving orders wasn't enough if he missed the brain to formulate them, but he didn't dare to.
"Why don't you say something... say something, Kim Jongin."
"Wh-what? What do you want from me?" he reluctantly said with a shake of his head to get his tousled bangs out of his eyes.
At this, he cooed and crouched down to his eye-level.
"Oh, what an interesting question. What I want from you is a little... entertainment. Here, Jinhyuk."
He fished something out of his pocket and handed it to one of the guys holding him down.

"Mouth open."
And Jongin complied, feeling vulnerable and wary. Then the guy fed him something he couldn't see but easily identify as a pill. It tasted exactly like the one he took every morning-
"Mh-" he groaned in muffled protest but there was already a hand clamped over his mouth.
"Ah, ah. Jongin what are you doing. You shouldn't reject a present like that. Swallow it, come on."
He kept struggling but it was no use when the guy held his nose closed and he ran out of air, finally swallowing the pill. It felt heavy as it wandered down his throat.
Jongin panicked.
It was common knowledge that it was forbidden to take more than one, resulting in serious physical consequences. Not to mention that it was illegal. If he got picked up by the authorities now, he'd be in big trouble.
When they forced another one into him he was already feeling the blood rushing into his ears noisily, almost completely drowning out whatever the guys said to each other.
The effect only took a few minutes to sink in, and he almost vomited at the churning cramps in his stomach, the light-headed and fuzzy feeling thickly coating his mind and making him all woozy.
The sounds around him seemed to echo oddly as he slumped together, loosing all the strength to fight.

"Uwah, Chanwoo you're amazing. Can you sneak me a few of those as well?"
The laugh he had heard so many times during high school triggered memories, and he flinched without really seeing them, his eyes pressed close as he gasped for air violently.
"Nah, sorry bud. My dad does know the right people, but I ain't gonna start a business with that. At least not anytime soon. But look at him - seems to work, doesn't it?"

Jongin wasn't exactly sure what he was talking about, but when his blurry sight showed him crouching down again with a wicked smile and sickeningly sweet voice the fear was real.
"Jonginnie. Say, who are you to at night? Is it guys or girls?"
It was a question off limit. ual harassment was obviously prohibited by regulations, not obligating him to answer.
But when not even a second passed and Jongin found himself answering almost desperately quickly with a wheezed "G-guys.", he began to understand. And now he was truly frightened.
The additional blue pills seemed to strengthen the effect, rendering him completely defenseless.
He heard their laughter, loud and distorted to his ears. Something inside him didn't seem to take the dose too well. Maybe he would really puke soon.
"Aaah, didn't we all know that before! Male dance instructor, hetero? My ! Or rather yours, huh? You'd like to take it up your , don't ya? Answer."
"M-maybe. I don't really mind-" he choked out as he tightly gripped into the fabric of his shirt in a vain attempt to get himself under control.
The laughter grew louder as if it was hilarious to observe the shivering mess on the floor. To them, it probably was.
Jongin felt the heat burning on his cheeks and his eyes getting wet as he hung his head in shame.
"You don't mind?! Sticking in, getting it, you don't mind? So dirty... man, gays really are that disgusting after all. Bet you'd love a then, being the greedy in the middle to get the best of both, huh."
Now Jongin was openly sobbing. He wanted to run away and curl up, but he felt so helpless and vulnerable. His body just wouldn't move.
"What if I told you to strip right now, to show us exactly how you like people doing you?"
"The funny thing is, he'd do it in an instant!"
"Man, he'd surely get hard in a few seconds, I bet he's as ."
Jongin didn't even know who was speaking anymore. He just wanted to disappear.
"You want me to tell you to do that, Kim Jongin? I bet you'd make a fabulous amateur star. I could easily upload the video at the university's homepage. Come on, look at me. Now."
With wide eyes red from crying he looked up, and even though people whistled about him looking like a perfect already he couldn't avert his gaze, forced to look into the cruel and amused face of his perpetrator. The trembling was getting out of hand and thinking became more and more of an impossible task.
"Ah, you really make me wanna do that. You're so pathetic, you know that? All of you are nothing but little submissive dogs, waiting for someone to handle them. Disgusting."
He stood up and nudged him with his shoe, causing him to flinch.
"So then, Kim Jongin. Let's give the poor blue guy an order to follow. Now that he's so desperate for it. Ah, look at my shoes, all dirty from touching you," he gave him a few more weak kicks and the brunette whimpered quietly, "how about we start with those, then? Come on, Jongin. them clean."
Another burst of laughter was heard, and Jongin hiccuped as his body acted without his consent, immediately crawling towards the shoes where his hot tears dropped and left wet stains.
"Aww no, the baby's crying. You should up your tears as well, I don't want those on my shoes."
Jongin was already leaning down when someone brutally stepped on his back, pushing his face into the dirt next to his shoes. He felt his wet cheek getting squished against the ground and dirt sticking to his skin.
Why, why, why, Jongin was internally screaming when his body reacted and he pushed his aching limbs up undeterred and stuck out his tongue-

"Yah, yah, YAH. Jongin. Stop it. I doubt you even have enough spit to all the dirt of that guy."

A familiar voice.
His body stilled for a moment, and Jongin had never felt so grateful before.
He looked up to see someone grasping Chanwoo's shoulder, almost casually turning him around and landing a heavy punch right to his face.
People began to shout and struggle but the attacker lead them away a few steps so no one would step on the cowering brunette - who used the opportunity to just sink down to the ground, back into the dirt without a care. The world was spinning and shifting, and finally he felt nothing but the secure, cool ground beneath him. Everything had a hazy, dream-like quality as he saw people struggling in the distance. Five persons. One person landing skillful kicks and moving so fluently he send his head spinning even more.
Without really being able to process it, he saw people falling to the ground and heard a few grunts. People moved and left, one steadying another one... until only one person was left.
The silhouette came closer, crouched down and shook his shoulder carefully.
"Jongin?"
"Y-yes," he replied without being able to stop himself.
"Come on, let's get you outta here. Up with you," the person said but before he could lift him, Jongin's body moved and he stood up, barely supporting its weight on shaky legs. He was still crying. Everything hurt. His body hurt, his head ached and his mind was screaming. Everything about him was exhausted, but he was still forced to obey to whatever people said. Someone could probably force him to walk around until he fainted.
Determined arms steadied his shoulder and the brunette flinched at the contact.
A quiet hush followed as he began to slowly lead Jongin out of the alleyway.
"Shh. Don't panic, it's me. Baekhyun."
He was still fighting a mental battle but upon hearing Baekhyun's name in that calm and composed voice another part of his brain seemed to wake up, struggling free of the boundaries.
"S-Sehun-"
"Shh. Yeah. We'll go to Sehun. We'll fix you up, don't worry."

Next thing he knew had him sheltered, under some sort of artsy children's attraction at the deserted playground nearby. At any other day he'd probably feel like a cheap teenage thug for hanging out at a children's playground but he was in no state to mind. He was facing the woods instead of the park, effectively keeping him from the eyes of other people. Besides, it had some sort of roof and the sky looked rather gloomy, the smell of sweet, thick air already promising a warm summer rain.
After tugging him to the ground, Baekhyun manhandled his leather jacket around his shoulders and got up to leave before Jongin's flimsy and quiet voice stopped him.
"Please... y-you won't tell, right? P-please... don't tell them..." he whispered with a lowered head, the humiliation still burning like a fresh wound.
The smile he got in return was probably supposed to be calming, but Jongin saw the bitterness written all over his face.
"Don't be silly. We all know the drill, don't we? I'll go get someone to help you, just wait here please."
Not that Jongin would have gone anywhere. Oh wait, he probably would if anyone told him to, his inner voice snarkily remarked.
With a heavy sigh he leaned against the wood and closed his eyes. He was too tired to fight an inner battle now. He didn't know whether he was feeling any better. The world was still spinning lazily and his thoughts were nothing but frayed bits and pieces. But with no immediate threat and no order to follow, he calmed down a little and the relaxed muscles reduced the cramps in his stomach bit by bit. He still felt sick though.
"Hey," a calm voice resounded and Jongin merely blinked, not even turning his head.
It was Xiumin, sinking down to the floor next to him with a huff.
He offered him what looked like a bottle of strawberry soda.
"Here. You might want to drink it. It'll make you feel better."
Jongin hesitantly took the bottle and turned it a little to inspect it.
"What is it...?"
"Try to trust me, alright? From one blue type to the other."
Xiumin's voice was always so soft and never held any type of order. Jongin appreciated it greatly and took a sip of the soda.
"The more the better, okay?"
Humming in agreement, he took another sip.
"I called Sehun. He's on the way."
He hummed once more.
It got quiet as Jongin took small sips of the bottle.
In the distance, he heard Chanyeol's loud voice coming closer.
"How is he, Baek? Is he feeling better? Do you know what happened to him? Who did it?!"
A harsh hushing noise followed by something that sounded like a faint smack.
"Shh, damn, he can hear you you dumb idiot! Of course I didn't ask him-"
"But how are we supposed to help him? Is he too scared of them?"
"Chanyeol-"
"Are the effects still on? Maybe you should ask him now, then-"
Another smack.
Without getting up Xiumin called out to him.
"Park Chanyeol. For GOD'S sake. Get lost. Go buy some drinks."
Jongin was staring blankly into the trees while he heard Baekhyun drag a whining Chanyeol away.
Xiumin sighed in distress, but the brunette didn't say anything. He thought about Chanyeol's words. Implying that they should force the information out of him-
"Don't despise Chanyeol, if you can. He has no bad intentions. He's just very worried about you."
As always, Xiumin's voice was calm and truthfully, Jongin was far too tired to feel any straining emotions like anger in the first place anyway.
"You know," he began, looking at Jongin with a lopsided grin, "he admires you a lot. Can't stop talking about you. Says you're very inspiring."
"W-what? What about me is inspiring?"
The shorter one laughed quietly and nudged a finger against his forehead.
"Like I'm gonna tell you, little one."
"I'm not short..." he mumbled in protest.
"But you're young. What did you say, 20? I'm way older than you, so keep it down little dongsaeng," he playfully retorted and Jongin pouted.
After a while, Jongin spoke up.

"I'm not angry at Chanyeol. I think... he doesn't know any better..."
Xiumin ruffled his hair and Jongin avoided him, pretending he had to take another sip of soda.
If he wasn't mistaken, his body already felt a little better. The rushing of blood in his ears had quietened down and the spinning was ceasing, too.
"You're a smart boy. You're right. Chanyeol doesn't know what it means to take a blue pill."
"Do you hate him?"
At this, he got a surprised and wide-eyed look from the shorter one.
"Why would you think that?"
"...because he voluntarily gave up on the red pills."
It was a complex thought for Jongin, one that made him feel his headache acting up again, but he had asked nonetheless.
"Ah," he mumbled in understanding, "that's what you're talking about. No. No, I don't hate him for that. You should ask yourself whether you know what it means to take a red pill. You probably don't, right? Me neither."
For a while they said nothing, and Jongin emptied the bottle, almost causing Baekhyun's jacket to slide off his shoulders.

"Did you ever... ask yourself any questions about this system, Jongin?" Xiumin suddenly spoke up in a pensive voice.
"Did you ask yourself why it works the way it does? Why we take a pill every day instead of getting the stuff permanently injected? Did you wonder what might happen if a red one orders you to order him? Did you wonder where the fine line is between a wish, a suggestion and an order? Do you sometimes question where your obligations end and your preferences begin?
Did you ever think about why this system even works with so ridiculously many loopholes?"
A little stunned, he looked at the usually so quiet elder who was now giving him a serious look.
Considering it, he tilted his head a little, feeling a tidbit intimidated.
"A-actually... no... n-not really..."
Xiumin gave him a mellow smile as he got up and dusted off his clothes, not breaking their eye contact.
"Then maybe you should start doing that."

After a few minutes of Jongin thinking back and forth on his own, Sehun came rushing to his side.
"Hey," he simply said as he plopped down next to him, close but not touching.
His voice sounded urgent as he searched for his eyes.
"How do you feel?"
Despite everything, Jongin smiled a little.
"I feel like ."
Sehun let out a soundless chuckle and shook his head.
"Don't laugh it off like that, idiot..."
Then he pushed his hair back a little, still slightly out of breath.
"Is it okay if I hug you for a bit?"
This time he waited patiently until he received an unsure nod that looked as if Jongin was trying to convince himself rather than Sehun that it was alright.
And then he was enveloped in a side-hug by bony arms that harbored more strength than what met the eye.
The leather jacket was making faint squeaking noises as Sehun tightened his grip. Tight, but not suffocating. And when he rested his head against Jongin's ruffled curls and effectively enveloped his body with his own, Jongin felt truly sheltered for a moment. As if nothing could harm him.
He buried his face in Sehun's warm neck. Felt his heart racing from running all the way.
And Sehun in turn felt the wet tears against his already sticky skin.

He continued to rub Jongin's arms, carefully keeping the tremors running through him at bay.
"I... I want to puke... but I can't. Because it's wrong to vomit out my blue pill," he slowly whispered into his neck between his short, ragged inhales.
"I feel sick... but I can't get it out... because my head will hurt... but like this, my body hurts... why...
what can I do to make my chest stop hurting...?"
The choked nonsensical whimpers subsided when Sehun's hands wandered from his arms to cradle his cheek, pet his hair, even rubbed his chest and sides as if he was trying to stimulate the blood flow in his heart.
Jongin sighed as he let himself go for just a bit and hid beneath the blond's body to seek shelter from anyone and anything, and drifted off into a deep slumber, body and mind exhausted.
 

That evening, he had slept over at Baekhyun's since he was a supposed blue type and could borrow him one of his pills in the morning. If he had gone home, the heightened level of the pill would have been so painfully noticeable, he'd have gotten in big trouble.
Baekhyun was unusually quiet. The two boys felt each others mutual distress at the situation as they walked into his apartment in silence.
Only when he had offered the brunette his bed and they were getting ready to sleep did Jongin shyly speak up.
"I'm... sorry. If I reminded you of something unpleasant today... I'm really sorry."
"Huh?" he asked while forcing the top of his pajama over his head, causing his freshly showered hair to stick into all directions, "don't fret it, man. You should be the one feeling ty, not me." Finally shooting him a more genuine smile, he continued with a trace of his usual playful tone.
"Now hush to bed. You need to rest well so I can properly tease you tomorrow about that cute cuddling session you had with Sehunnie earlier."
Blushing, he immediately crawled under the covers to hide his red cheeks.
When the lights had turned off, he heard Baekhyun's blankets rustle and hurried to speak up about what had been on his mind all day long.
"Say... what's your secret, Baekhyun?"
"Mh..." he pensively murmured, thinking on how to phrase his reply. Obviously he was careful with his words even at moments like these.
"I... did what you would have liked to do today."
Jongin didn't move in fear he would stop talking and thought about it really hard. What did he mean?
"I... I found the boundaries inside my head. And I pushed them. I pushed and pushed until they broke down."
With a last rustling sound, Baekhyun finally settled with a yawn, his voice coming out muffled.

"Everyone needs to find their own way though. Only you can know what's inside your head."

And once more, Jongin's head was full with confusing thoughts as he tried to sleep.

The next few weeks went over relatively peacefully.
It was probably the biggest strike of luck that the assault had felt like being on a drug trip, causing everything to feel all blurry, the memory being rather smudged when he woke up 'sober' the next day.
To be honest, he still had a few nightmares once in a while. But other than that it was alright. Jongin stood up, took his pill, went to work and went to see the others.
Still, there was something that had changed.
The things that had happened, Xiumin's words and Baekhyun's behavior... Jongin didn't forget any of those. And when he had inspected his bloody kneecaps and scratched cheek the next day, saw the dark blue bruises on his through the mirror, and winced as Baekhyun applied some cream, he made a decision. Very silently in a corner at the far back of his head, as if afraid that some higher deity inside him would crush the tiny, flickering flame he had ignited.
 

And with every day, Jongin lay in bed a little longer in the morning, hesitating. Thinking.
With every minute longer he could feel the painful pressure already building up. Pressure to finally take the pill.
In the end he did. He always did.
But he liked to try and see how long he could stand prolonging it before his body began acting up. Interestingly enough, it seemed to be a minute more with every day.
Still, he was well-aware that this wasn't the way to go. He needed to think of something else to rid himself of the drug.
He knew that Sehun could help him. But also that he wouldn't. Maybe he would, later on. But the initiation had to come from Jongin himself. If Sehun helped him out just like that, it would be like forcing it onto him.

Jongin didn't even notice the point he had begun to refer to the pills as drugs in his head.

He was halfway into the park (ever since that incident he preferred to take the roundabout way) and deep into his thoughts, when it occurred to him.
What he had wanted to do that day.
When he arrived, it had started to rain and he instinctively padded to the adjacent playground where the guys had set up their camp under the artsy thing that had already sheltered Jongin weeks before.
Today, something was different though. Sehun was present, calmly leaning against a wall while flipping through one of his workbooks which was nothing terribly out of the ordinary. But the other two guys present, Chen and Chanyeol, were eerily quiet, barely acknowledging his entry. A little taken aback, he slid down next to Sehun who casually looked up from his book and greeted him.
"Jongin, hey... where's my greeting hug?"
With a light roll of his eyes Jongin felt his body complying, but his heart didn't mind anyway. For a second, he looked around when it stayed completely quiet.
Chen was sitting close to Sehun, absently scrolling through his phone with his earbuds plugged in, though it was so quiet that Jongin was very sure he wasn't listening to anything at all.
Chanyeol was even more weird, though.
Squished into a corner as far away from them as possible, he was standing up straight with his arms crossed, both hands digging into his upper arms in a visibly painful way. His gaze was empty, and Jongin was sure he could see his slightly parted lips move and hear his clothes rustle quietly due to his trembles.
He shot Sehun a questioning look but he only shook his head and patted the space beside him where Jongin willingly nestled himself into his side.
"It's okay. Chen already texted Xiumin. He'll be here soon." he quietly mumbled.
Jongin looked up. Chanyeol didn't seem to even listen to them.
He had never seen the tall guy like that. Chanyeol was always happy, loud, energetic. Playful but never hurtful. He would gush over Jongin until Xiumin began to poke his side harshly, and Chanyeol would take it with a whine.
He didn't like this Chanyeol and the atmosphere was heavy, so he cuddled closer into Sehun's side, seeking warmth. Sehun shuffled to put an arm around him to make them more comfortable as he continued to idly read his workbook with Jongin pretending to read along, when in reality he was just worried about Chanyeol.
Xiumin always seemed to scold him. Maybe he would tell him to snap out of it? Jongin felt a little bad at the thought.
Once in a while, he heard the red-head trying to suppress a sigh as he vainly tried to pull himself together.
At one point he noticed the shimmer of tears on his face and attempted to get up, but Sehun held him down, shaking his head.
"It's not your place to be," he lowly whispered into his ear, and even though worried sick he was still feeling his stomach flutter at the intimate gesture.

The rain grew stronger, creating a loud white noise and drowning any sound Chanyeol might be making.
It felt like an eternity until Jongin heard sploshing footsteps, quickly approaching.
Then the drenched figure of Xiumin entered their shelter and wordlessly shrugged off a heavy raincoat as he was walking towards Chanyeol, unceremoniously throwing it away without so much as a glance.
When he reached the considerably taller male, he grabbed his wrist tightly and roughly pulled him along with Chanyeol not showing any resistance at all.
With wide eyes, Jongin watched him drag the red-head after him until they had stepped out into the rain, and Jongin craned his neck to see, flinching when Xiumin brutally slammed him against one of the structure's walls and rushed forward to... kiss him. There was nothing sweet about it, either. Xiumin was pressing one of his shoulders against the wall while his other hand steadied the back of his head, tangled in the wet strands of hair to keep him in place as he forcefully dove in to claim his lips, not holding back on his tongue.
Jongin was frozen in his tracks, and while he wasn't seeing the slightly amused look Chen threw at him, he did feel Sehun's eyes on him. A side-glance told him that he wasn't laughing. He merely observed his reaction.
The brunette stared at the two guys and finally everything fell into place. The way the two acted around each other, how Xiumin was behaving when Chanyeol began to talk about Jongin... he should have noticed it sooner. And judging by the way Chanyeol was urgently clawing into the sides of Xiumin's dripping wet dress shirt while he gasped into his mouth, it seemed like that was exactly what he needed.
Jongin felt a terrible mix between being flustered, confused and slightly .
Most of all he was fascinated though. Chanyeol was a red one, yet he didn't seem happy, quite the opposite even. Whatever might have happened, Jongin would probably never know - but he had made his fair share of personal experiences now, and if it was anything similar he had a vague idea of how he must be feeling. And by now he did think it was kind of the same, no matter the color of the pill. At least Chanyeol looked exactly as miserable as he had felt.
And Xiumin was a blue one. Or that's what he was supposed to be. Someone just like Jongin. Someone to push around and give orders to. He had always admired his independent demeanor, but this... was a different matter.
He was comforting Chanyeol and it was unlike anything he had ever seen, but Jongin understood. Instead of careful caresses he was handling him in a demanding, almost violent way as he tethered him, grounded him, gave him a place to be in.
Chanyeol who was raised to rule and demean people.
Gentle, warm-hearted Chanyeol who just wasn't fit for the cruel lifestyle that was expected of him. Xiumin gave him a place where he could let go of it all and let someone rule over him, just for a moment. To feel secure, just for a moment.
And Jongin admired them so much.
Could he also do that? Becoming a red one, no, a free person... to protect Sehun? Was that possible?
Chanyeol groaned deeply, loud enough to be carried over the rain sound, and Xiumin replied with an urgent moan, causing Jongin to blush. Suddenly Sehun was so close to his side that he felt the warmth radiating off his skin as he whispered into his ear.
"You're quite the voyeur, aren't you?"
With a furious blush, he teared his gaze away and as if they had heard him, the two lovers left to continue their make-out session elsewhere.
"...a-am not," he whispered back equally quietly so Chen wouldn't overhear.
"Ah really. Why are your cheeks so adorably warm, then?" Sehun inquired while shortly rubbing their cheeks together to prove his point, "should I ask you to give me a kiss as well?"
His voice was seductive and sent a shudder down Jongin's spine as he tensed up.
Feeling brave, Jongin mumbled back with a lowered gaze.
"I know you won't..."
And at this, Sehun grinned and leaned back, pulling the brunette back into his side.
"Nah. You're right. I won't."
And the worst thing about it all was that he felt a pang of disappointment at that. Why wouldn't he just do it or at least tell him to do so?
When Jongin yearned for it so badly.
When he wanted it so badly.

"Gee, all the lovebirds make a man feel lonely - I'mma go and get us a few snacks, don't make me regret what I see when I return," Chen suddenly said with a playful grin as he got up. To everyone's surprise, Jongin also jumped up, easily prying himself out of Sehun's weakly protesting arms.
"I'll accompany you!"
"Oh?" he replied with a raised brow. "Well. Sure, if you want to."
It was almost comical how pouty Sehun looked up at him, the usually stoic features becoming childish in an instant.
"Now don't look at me like that, I'll bring you something nice."
They had already opened their umbrellas when Sehun called after them:
"Just bring yourself!"
Only Chen turned around to let him see his wonderful gagging imitation.

"So, what can I do for you?"
Jongin looked at him in surprise.
"W-what?"
Chen gave him a kittenish grin along with his 'Oh, please'-look, complete with raised eyebrow and all.
"Are you trying to tell me that you wiggled out of your disgusting cuddling session for some bonding time with the awesomeness that's me? When did you raise your standards like that?"
"I... I don't think you're boring, I'm sorry if it seemed that way-"
Now it was Chen's turn to look surprised.
"I didn't say I was..."
But at the same time something else flashed across his face, and he didn't dive into it any further. A tiny little change in his expression that told Jongin he had been spot on.
Chen was a peculiar guy like that.
Playful as Chanyeol, full of witty remarks for Xiumin, encouraging words for Kris, pranks to pull on Baekhyun, study advises for Sehun and jokes to tell Jongin. Chen was such a people-pleaser.
So it didn't come as a surprise to Jongin that he felt the underlying implication of Chen's words. As if he feared he still wasn't being enough.
Besides all of this traits, there was something else that made him turn to Chen though.
"I wanted to ask you something. I know that Baekhyun and Xiumin wouldn't tell me, so I'm not even considering Sehun. And... I feel like maybe you could help me."
Curiosity sparked, he turned to fully look at Jongin in a questioning manner.
"What would that be?"
Inhaling deeply, Jongin began to speak out the carefully-arranged words.
"I was wondering... on how to rid myself of 'it'. And I have a theory... actually two. I would like to ask you whether they make sense."
Nodding to himself, Chen hummed pensively.
"Hmm... and what makes you think I'll answer you?"
"Because unlike the rest, you already see me on eye-level."
Again it got quiet, until Chen laughed quietly, barely audible over the rain as he nudged him playfully in the side.
"Aaah, you surely know how to charm me. Come on, shoot," he good-naturedly said.
Jongin looked around but the rainy park was completely deserted, so he gave himself a push.

"Okay, first one. If I were to take a red pill right after my blue one... Would it nullify the effects?" he slowly asked.
"Hmmm... smart one. You should ask Sehun, he knows all about it," Chen replied with a wink.
Jongin nodded. So it was true. That's what Sehun was doing, and that was the reason he was able to help the others. He had access to the pills.
He had been suspecting it ever since experiencing the tripled effect of the blue pills.
This was all nice and well but unlike Sehun, he wasn't able to get his hands on those. After all, their number was exactly calculated and kept account of.
Therefore he couldn't just not take them either.

"Alright. Uhm. Then the second one... if I were to vomit in the morning, very early in the morning... it would be gone from my body, right?"
Once again Chen nodded.
"Yes. But you should keep in mind that a check-up would expose you in an instant."
"Yeah..."
It took Jongin a few seconds before he dared to ask the next question.

"So... was that what Baekhyun did?"
The short laugh Chen let out was void of any happiness.
"U-huh. That idiot..." he mumbled before tentatively continuing, "I joined shortly after Baekhyun you know. Back then he didn't look like he does today. You know... he was sick of suffering. Hated it, to be more specific. He hated it so much that he began to throw up in the morning once, out of pure disgust at everything. And then he began to calculate it. Eat a lot of stuff before taking the pill, throwing up again. It wasn't that easy, though. When I met Baekhyun he... looked like , to be honest. Sunken cheeks, so skinny I always feared he would faint any minute. But no matter how ed up he looked, his eyes were always so full of triumph. Full of life. It was kinda scary, you know?" he ended with a light-hearted tone.
Even though Jongin had been suspecting something like that, it was still scary to hear it voiced out.
"I think... Baekhyun is very strong. He's a fighter, like Xiumin," Chen added.
"But aren't all of you fighters?" Jongin argued softly.
"Well..."
Chen seemed to hesitate, but it was true. Everyone fought his own battle and he appreciated someone acknowledging him like that.
"Still. Xiumin and Baek have been so hardcore."
"How did Xiumin do it?"
Now that he had come up with ways on his own his curiosity was sparked.
"Xiumin? Well. After living a reclusive life for a long time and realizing it wasn't enough... he figured that if he took enough other medicaments the active ingredients would weigh out the blue drug at some point or at least have an influence on it. So he tested all sorts of nonprescription medicaments in any dose his body could take. I'm not even sure if I could call him a druggie with the pills being mere pain killers, sleeping pills or stuff against colds and the likes. I bet if he hadn't run into Sehun and Chanyeol one day, he'd have either built up a drug empire by now or killed himself."
"And Chanyeol saved him?"
"Ah, can you say it like that... I guess they saved themselves? Their chemistry is so weird. I don't think Chanyeol ever even suspected himself to be bi before Xiumin stepped into his sight. I've heard they met three times without actually talking -just walking past each other- and by the fourth time, Xiu went up to the two and straight-up asked Chanyeol if he could kiss him."
"And he said yes," Jongin blankly asked.
"Hah, no way! He was spluttering something along the lines of W-what? I-I don't even know you though...!" Chen laughed as he skillfully imitated a dumbfounded-puppy Chanyeol.
"But it was a relief. Since Chanyeol hadn't spoken in an eternity so it was said to be quite the moment."
"Now you're ing with me," the brunette replied incredulously. Chen could be kind of a trickster, but this was too far-fetched to be believable, not even by naive Jongin.
Chanyeol. Chanyeol not talking. He could hardly even imagine it. The only time he ever experienced it had taken place a few minutes ago and it had been a pretty unsettling experience.
"Are you really doubting my sincerity? I'm wounded. Nah, really now. When it was just me, Baek, Sehun and Chanyeol - did I mention that Chan and Sehun were friends? Anyway, back then Chanyeol was still totally under the influence of the pill and his way of coming to terms with it was simply to stop talking. Cause, you know Chan - nothing good ever happens when he opens his mouth. His self-control is pretty much nonexistent. He was biting his lips so much I'm pretty surprised Xiumin even wanted to kiss him."
"Really? I had no idea... what about the others?"
Jongin was totally immersed in their stories. Everyone had found a way, no matter how harsh. It made him wonder if he wasn't desperate enough yet.
Chen hummed as he twirled his umbrella.
"Hm... we picked up Kris when we were still hanging out at a different place. He was kind of hanging around, doing nothing, and we found out he spoke not an ounce of Korean. Turned out he thought it was a good idea to just leave to a place where no one would understood him even if he did give an order. Well, poor lad had no chance since both Xiumin and me know a bit of Chinese."
Jongin blinked. The more he thought about it, the more it occurred to him that it was by far not as easy to wriggle out of the red claws as he had thought.
It was silent for a few seconds as they aimlessly strolled around the park.
A few more seconds passed. Then a minute.
Chen decided to stop biting back his chuckle.
"You're dying to know about Sehun, don't you? You're listening so intensely, your ears are getting bigger than Chanyeol's!"
"You're teasing me," Jongin whined, "is it a secret?"
"Haha, no. Not at all. Sehun's story is quite simple. You know, Sehunnie grew up in a pretty influential family. And like all the rich people they kinda expected him to become a red-type. But they wanted to be really sure. So they thought it'd be a good idea to start smuggling the red pills into his food ever since he was a small kid, hoping that he'd grow into someone the government would see as a natural conduct-type. Well, turned out that idea wasn't half as witty as they thought. For one, it seems like getting it fed from such an early age onward his body has developed a certain resistance. Adding to that is that you still get educated normally, right? Caretakers hardly leave room for hierarchies. So you learn to keep yourself under control. Aaaand, above all that... you could already guess that Sehun has been a stubborn and dominant brat to begin with. Now add the red pills. And then add the additional one he got on his 14th birthday."
Even though he really shouldn't, Jongin couldn't keep himself from grinning.
The rampage must've been all-too real. Chen mirrored his expression.
"His parent's intended to create a perfectly dominant son. You know the effects of doubled doses. Alas, their plans totally backfired and look where Sehun's now."
They both laughed quietly. It really seemed like such a Sehun-thing to do. To refuse out of pure stubbornness.
"I think it's safe to say we're pretty lucky to have met this silly brat," Chen added with a fond smile.
Jongin nodded, until he remembered something.
"Wait, what about you?"
"Mh?"
"I mean... what type have you been?"
The sudden serious streak in the light-hearted voice caught him off guard.
"I'm not gonna say it. You shouldn't bother asking anyone else, either. I haven't told them."
Jongin bit his lip, a little shocked at the sudden invisible border he had crossed.
Sensing his distress, Chen stepped in front of him, resting a hand on his shoulder until he looked up, an apology written all over his face.
"Hey... I don't mean to make you feel bad. You're not the first one to ask me either. But look - I don't want you to think of me as a red or blue type, no matter whether it still applies today. I'm neither red nor blue."
A lopsided grin spread on his curved lips as he encouragingly patted his shoulder.
"I'm just Chen. If you could accept that, that'd be nice. Okay? Everything alright?"
Nodding with a new-found smile, Jongin replied, "Everything alright."
"...Chen." he added with sincere diligence.
Ruffling his hair, the boy shot him a grateful smile of his own.
Then his expression changed into a mischievous one.
"Heh, I'm saying this stuff being all smooth while I'm easily gossiping about everyone else. Hah, I totally have them all in the palm of my hand," he cackled while imitating an evil witch's laugh as he tugged Jongin along, taking a turn to exit the park.
"Well, let's finally go get some snacks. Otherwise Sehun's gonna think you're cheating on him."
 

Sehun was indeed being overly pouty at their long absence, and even Xiumin and Chanyeol had returned, now sitting huddled together against a wall with both boys being wet to the bone and dripping onto the floor.
Scolding them for catching a cold, Chen forced his dry jacket over them and even Jongin managed to add his own jacket, stating that Sehun kept him warm anyway (cue more faked gagging noises and a happy Sehun).
They hungrily jumped the still hot bowls of instant ramen Jongin and Chen had carefully balanced all the way there.
After that, a peaceful silence settled as the never-ending rain decreased into a softer pitter-patter, the noises tangled with soft thundering in the distance.
Xiumin and Chen were quietly conversing (with Chen complaining about the absence of Kris, marking him as the only single person in the room) with an exhausted and sleepy Chanyeol embracing his shorter lover from behind as he dozed off.
Meanwhile Jongin had squished himself into Sehun's side again, with neither of them even commenting on it. It just felt like a natural thing to do. Besides, it was rather chilly and Sehun seemed eager to share his body warmth.
He closed his eyes and pretended to doze as well when in reality, he was thinking about the things Chen had revealed to him. Indeed everyone had his own story to tell. What about him though? Was his story worth telling?
And then there was Sehun.
He was wondering about where he stood. For the past three months they had been meeting quite often; mostly in the company of others, on rare occasions it was just the two of them.
Jongin had quickly noticed how awfully touchy Sehun was with him. Then there was this little habit between them with Sehun ordering his daily hug and Jongin not minding since it was the only order he ever gave him. And with all the touching, flirty suggestions and casual cuddles he would like to assume that Sehun was actually interested in him.
Still, he couldn't help but hesitate. After all, Jongin wasn't independent like the others. It was obvious that they treated him differently to varying extents.
Sometimes, just sometimes though, Jongin asked himself whether Sehun was merely intending to take care of him as a mental support to rid himself of the blue pill. So if he approached him one day, no blue stuff in his veins... would Sehun distance himself and begin to behave like a regular friend?
He was actually scared of that. Maybe he had already replaced a part of his old addiction with a new one without realizing it.
But if Sehun was only being friendly... then what was his reason? And if he wanted to actually be with Jongin, why didn't he just say so? No matter what kind of pill you took, relationships weren't forbidden by law.
It was just so confusing. Just when Jongin felt like he began to understand, the thought of Sehun sent his head spinning all over again.
 

Maybe this was one of the reasons Jongin tugged at the blond's jacket that evening, just as they were about to part ways close to Jongin's home.
"Sehun..."
Immediately, he gave him a worried once-over.
"What is it Jongin? Are you alright?"
He was always worrying about him. As if he was made of porcelain. He disliked it.
Still, even his voice was weak.
"Back then, at the vending machine... why did you talk to me? Why did you take me away? Everything you do for me... I don't understand it. It's confusing me."
At this, Jongin looked up with the question reflected in his almost desperate brown orbs.
"What do you expect from me? W-what is it that you want Sehun?"

Sehun looked surprised and fell into the habit of wetting his lips as he lowered his gaze, thinking of what to say. Instead of saying anything though, he carefully cupped the sides of his head, fingers softly enveloped by his unruly curls as he leaned in to rest their foreheads together.
Jongin's breath hitched, and his eyes fluttered close.
He didn't dare to move, but at the same time the proximity forced him to relax. Sehun's presence, his warmth, the touch of his skin - anything about the blond had that effect on him, really.
He felt him shifting as thin lips fleetingly brushed his forehead and the presence distanced himself, causing Jongin to slowly open his eyes, still a little dazed.
Sehun looked more composed. Nevertheless his eyes were telling a different story as they locked gazes, and his voice was unwavering and determined.

"I want you to have a choice. Then to choose me."
 

The next day he didn't go to the park. Neither did he go the day after that or the following weekend.
He got a few texts but only curtly answered Chen, stating that he was busy with work and excused himself.
It wasn't that he didn't miss them, because he did. A lot.
But Jongin was determined to only meet them when he had something to show for it.
And so he set his alarm clock extra early every day just to lie in bed and think.
Listening to the others stories had been a good incentive, and Jongin realized that whatever change he wanted, it had to start in his head.
So he lay in bed every morning shortly before his next pill was due and the effect was the weakest. And he patiently looked up at the printed version of the complete blue-type regulation. It had been a while since he'd read the complete thing. But every day he would look at the different rules carefully.

- I-types are allowed to refuse any made attempts at hurting their human dignity, including physical and psychological abuse.
So I'm allowed to refuse, not obligated to do so, Jongin thought. And I can refuse psychological abuse. Do I even know what counts as such a thing? Can you even notice it at all times? If I inflict psychological damage on others without knowing, what will happen?

- I-types are to refuse orders that would result in breaking the law or going against the regulations towards other I-types
So it'd be illegal for him to hurt another blue one in the name of a red one who tries to worm himself around the regulations this way. Meaning he couldn't ually harass a blue girl just because someone told him to. Did that mean he could do it on his own accord and no harm would've been done, then?

- I-types are not allowed to make advances on C-types unless openly encouraged to do so.
What even was this rule for? Why? If love was officially allowed and all, why couldn't they? Was it to keep the confidence of blue ones at bay or to protect the few red ones from getting used, while it was totally alright to use people like Jongin?

It went on and on with every guideline creating more questions than it was actually answering.
And with every further rule he was twisting and turning in his head, Jongin came to his own conclusion as the days went by.
He was comparing himself to the others around him, observing when and why the pain would kick in.
Thinking back to the time when he had felt the need to obey Chanwoo even though he had been able to show resistance before. It felt as he was mainly feeling the pressure to obey when he felt like he ought to. Because he felt powerless and deep inside thought that the red guy was allowed to do that to him. When in reality he wasn't, following these guidelines.
This would in turn mean that apparently a lot more of the vicious cycle was completely happening in their heads.

Jongin was a little displeased that he had no opportunity to actually ask a red one about the whole thing, but he had managed to sneak in the personalized guidelines for red-types as well which he studied just as diligently.

Before meeting Sehun he had never put much thought into the ways of being a red type. Now he slowly began to see the quiet disadvantages it brought with its obvious superiority. While blue ones like Xiumin and Baekhyun managed to wiggle out of it by nullifying their pill's ingredients and were still able to go to work as long as they obeyed whatever order they got... Kris and Chanyeol could not do that. He could easily imagine a coy-acting Xiumin who coldly stared people right in the eye while fulfilling his tasks. But bossing others around when it went against your nature was very hard to act out. Therefore he knew that the two were still dutifully taking their pill in the morning to properly function during work.
But they still came back to them everyday. So Jongin figured that once he had actually broken down the mental wall, it was easy to do it again. The awareness couldn't be taken back.
That was a very encouraging thought.
And once again, there was Sehun. Unlike Kris and Chanyeol he didn't take any pills at all anymore, unless there was a governmental control coming up.
Other than that, no one even thought of doubting him though.
Ever since kindergarten Sehun was the picture-perfect example of a C-type - he was demanding but not unreasonable, childish but thoughtful for others.
Getting raised with this kind of attitude made him who he was today.
With him, it really wasn't an act. He also wasn't forced into anything.
And that's why he handled everything with ease, and whenever he did happen to express an order it wasn't gnawing at his consciousness since it was his own decision, not a pill talking, and he could ensure that it was nothing hurtful.
If he ever didn't want to fulfill the expectations society had for him, he'd just be himself and state that he was a greater man than that, referring to the regulations or work ethics, using the red pill as an excuse.

Being completely free among a sea of slaves to some drug was what pushed Sehun to help others out even though it was obviously illegal and dangerous. Jongin found that very brave. He didn't know whether he would have been able to trust people like that. Not only because he'd barely know them but also since they were kind of not in their right mind - if they had betrayed him, it technically wouldn't even be their fault.
Thinking about Sehun made him all fluttery inside.
After listening closely to everyone around him, he'd found out that Sehun had never before just randomly picked up people upon seeing them, easily offering them a way out.
The thought made him feel warm inside, but also determined.

And the next day he didn't take the blue pill. Not until the sharp pain in his head had turned him into a crying mess, his body scalding hot and screaming for the drug.
He took the pill. But even though dulled, the pain was haunting him that day and Jongin had to fake his well-being in front of his parents.

The next day, he made it into the shower before almost throwing up from the pain and crawling back to pathetically take the pill after all.
It's alright, he told himself. They were withdrawal symptoms, a natural thing. He could make it if he stayed persistent.
He'd do better the next day.

Even though still under the influence, he found his mind clearing up more and more. His thoughts that had always slumbered deep inside him were crystal-clear now, and he was able to not take in his surroundings but to easily judge them for himself.
And with every day, every second passing, he found the drug to be more and more of a hindrance. His mind was already fighting the drug, snapping and clawing at it.

He remembered how sick he had felt when he was suffering from an overdose.
The next day he had a day off work, and as soon as his parents had left the house, Jongin snatched the pill with his shaky fingers, gulped down another liter of milk -his second that day- and hesitantly walked into his bathroom. It took another half bottle before he felt his body forcing it all out. Predictable with his stomach being weak to milk in the morning. Throwing up was disgusting in every way and made Jongin feel miserable. But it was a quiet feeling of misery, his body far too occupied with more urgent matters to notice the absence of drugs in his system.
He got the payback for that a few hours later when he was lounging on the couch watching TV. But he couldn't take another pill now since they were regulated. But did he even care? He needed it. He could cheat his way around it, yes, he could do that.
He was halfway into his room when his phone vibrated on the nightstand, next to the pills. Jongin's hand was almost to shaky to type in the code. It was a chat message from Chen.

Hey Jonginnie!
How are you doing? We're worried about you...
Don't let people torment you too much at work, kay?
We're waiting for you here. Let's eat chicken when you're back, alright?
Fighting!

Attached was a photo, clumsily taken by Kris with the six boys squished into the picture. He could see Kris' sheepish smile, Baekhyun's and Chanyeol's blindingly bright one, Chen making a weird face behind them, and Xiumin sending him a rather mellow smile that send a shiver down his aching body. Xiumin knew. He was aware of what he was doing and wanted to encourage him; somehow, Jongin just understood.
Finally he took his time to take in Sehun, his face ghostly pale on the photo as he had to look up, standing too close to the camera. There was a small smile gracing his features and he could see his fingers forming a heart at the bottom of the picture.
He cried really hard as he clutched the phone to his chest and sank to the floor.

He didn't take the pill that day.
But he stayed locked up in his room with the music booming inside so his parent's wouldn't hear the traitorous noises of his muffled screams and trashing.
 

It was a cool autumn day with blue sky and colorful leaves littering the grass when Jongin slowly rustled through them, a few sticking to his moist pant legs.
He stopped in the distance, watching the skate park from afar. Shuffling his feet in nervousness. Not trusting himself to advance any further.
Re-adjusting his hoodie. Doubting himself.
Five minutes passed until someone looked up and screamed in delight.
"Jongin! You're back!!"
More heads flew up as the boys began to notice him, and he could already spot Chanyeol waving while jumping like a rubber ball.
But as he carefully walked towards them, his eyes were fixated on Sehun. He still looked exactly the same with his unkempt blonde hair and casual clothes - and bright eyes which sparkled as he immediately came to greet him. Reaching out, Sehun seemed to stop himself from something and just settled on ruffling his curls.
"Jongin. You're really back. Wow... it has been what, three weeks? How was your job?"
"Uhm. Good. It went well."
"Haaaah, don't fall for his cool act, Jonginnie! He's been moping around every single day for the past two weeks!" Chen threw in as he almost tackled Jongin down with a bear-like hug.
"But guys, what if Jongin isn't working and won't come back because he's angry? Maybe we did something to upset him? We can still check up on him after work," Baekhyun said in a far too-high and whiny imitation of Sehun, causing said one to shove him aside.
Undeterred by that, he shouted from where Sehun was trying to push the noisy guy behind him, "Xiumin confiscated his phone after the first fifteen messages!"
"Guys, you're squishing him," Kris noticed with an eyebrow raised in half-worry, half-amusement.
Baekhyun clapped once.
"Enough of this chit chat! Let's go get the chicken you promised him Chen - and since you offered, it's your treat!"
"Whaaat? So am I the only one loving Jongin here? Then I'll let you know that I won't pay for you guys-"
"Let's share the bill then, today's a day to celebrate!"
"Aaaah, you're a good guy, Chanyeol."
"Don't touch him."
They bickered back and forth with Xiumin practically dragging them away by their ears.
Jongin chuckled a little. He had missed those guys. But above all...
"So now that we're so intimately alone - gimme my greeting hug!" Sehun demanded cheekily, offering both his arms.
Jongin looked at him. And blinked. Lowered his gaze and for a few seconds, he could feel the atmosphere freeze.
He didn't move an inch.

Slowly, Jongin counted to five before looking up.
There he was, staring at Sehun and everything seemed like a déjà vu.
Only this time Sehun looked positively anxious as well. Or maybe he had always looked at him like that and Jongin had never noticed. Had never been able to.
It was different now though. Taking a deep breath, Jongin finally spoke up with a firm and determined voice.
"Kiss me."

Sehun stared at him before breaking into a soundless laugh, the spell broken. Reaching around quickly, he placed a hand in Jongin's neck and pulled him forwards to kiss him. It was firm enough to ground both their thundering heartbeats, and he felt his free hand cupping one of Jongin's burning red cheeks. Their lips parted, but only for a split-second, before meeting again.
Insisting, yearning, hungry for more.

And Jongin wasn't blue anymore. He wasn't red either. Instead he wanted to be completely transparent, painting his life in all the colors he encountered. Sprinkling it with the vivid shades of orange and bright yellow of Baekhyun and Chanyeol, dipping it into the calm green and deep marine blue of Kris and Xiumin, adding a mysterious violet touch by Chen.
And right now he felt himself completely immersed in the liquid silver that was Sehun. Strong and caring, warm and welcoming.

When he felt almost sick from the amount of butterflies in his stomach and the way his head spun, Sehun withdrew, looking a little dazed himself.
As their eyes met, the boys broke into unrestrained laughter.

It wasn't them who started the revolution a few years later. It would also be a lie to state they had no role in it though.
But this is a whole different story.
Jongin might tell you - if you ask him nicely.

I DID IT.
Phew. Sorry. I'm just happy I made it on time.
I don't even know how this little idea could've turned into 15k of... this!
Anyways, this was my very first SeKai fic and it was a lot of fun.
In case you noticed - Xiumin was indeed treating Jongin's overdose(Yes. Yes, I know.) with a red pill dissolved in sparkling water. Who knows what that kid's been drinking all day long...

I just hope you enjoyed it texturedjeans ♥ ♥

Love, Love, Love,
Sugar-and-Salt ♥