And so the time has come

Looking at the sleeping Junsu beside me, I really couldn’t stop thinking that I was leaving him alone in this sharks’ world.

That all of us were going to be all by ourselves for two whole years. No more laughing together at the end of a group schedule; no more cuddling on Jae’s home sofa; no more waking up hugged close.

No more JYJ for more than two years.

No more TVXQ for two years too.

Min was going to enlist soon too.

Junsu was going to be alone for some time before enlisting.

I’ll miss you duck

I breathed the shampoo scent of his hair and a wave of melancholy washed over me tightening the already heavy lump in my throat.

How could I leave him?

How did Jae and Yunho do?

After that phone call with Yunho I didn’t hear of him. We followed his enlistment through the press like everyone else. Junsu pretended to be strong but he avoided each one of my call that day. I tried to call Changmin too, still feeling brave after the phone call with the leader. He didn’t answer, probably busy.

I felt cold on my head where all my black hair were gone since the night before. Junsu hated the cut as much as he hated it when Jae did it. It’s hideous, I can give him that. I can’t even imagine to cut all HIS beautiful hair.

I sighed and he stirred in my arms. Slowly, I watched him waking up and rolling to face me with his still sleeping face.

Look at this sleeping face well. It will be the last time you see it for a long time

“Stop thinking, you’re being noisy” or at least it was I understood from his incoherent mumbling against my collar bone. I chuckled softly and felt him smiling.

“That’s better. No more brooding”

I wanted to promise him that but no words actually came out from my mouth and he didn’t complain. His were just courtesy words, without any certainty behind them. We both know that tomorrow he will be brooding all alone in this big bed, in this big, empty home.

“Jae’s going to yell at us on his next leave. We’ve practically lived here since he left”

“I think he will be pleased”

And maybe he was right. Jae misses us as much, as if not more, as we miss him. I took fun of his letter during the fan meeting but I had to restrain myself from crying while reading it. I could feel his loneliness and the thought of how scared he sounded when he called us after the “almost-state-of-war” declaration from the North, made my heart ache. Waiting for the resolution of the controversy was agonizing. Could he be called even if he’s not an active soldier? And what about Yunho?

The possibility of having to enlist in an almost state of war terrified me. Junsu was as terrified as I was and we made a silent vow of not speaking of that possibility, thinking that maybe, like that, it could all disappear. And maybe, in a way, it happened.

“You are thinking again”

“Sorry”

He sighed and propped on one arm to look at me from above. For some time he just looked at my face with an unreadable expression and then he smiled softly. “Do you want to try calling Min again?”

My heart made a funny jump in my chest. Junsu reached for his phone without waiting my answer. Being around each other was easy like that. Without thinking I let my fingers through his silky hair wanting to remember even how that feels. I was growing desperate and I knew it. The only reaction from Junsu was a slight raise of the corner of his lips while typing Min number. It was enough. He was tightening the grip around his feelings too, not wanting to overwhelm us with them. If not, then the parting would be almost impossible.

“Here” he put the call on speaker “it’s ringing”

And ringing it was. And it was one of our songs. One of our OT5 songs. The lump in my throat threatened to break and to regain a little bit of strength I searched blindly for Junsu’s hand. We met half away and with a practiced move we intertwined our fingers.

“Hello?” Junsu jumped almost knocking the air out of me when he fall back on my chest with a dolphin squeak “Junsu hyung?”

I smiled “Not many have his dolphin pitch” I replied instead.

A low chuckle came through the speakers “Indeed”

Pouting, Junsu slapped my arm with his free hand after leaning the phone on me “Yah, I didn’t think you would answer!”

I laughed with Changmin at Junsu’s antiques and for a moment the world seemed to straighten itself.

“When you tried to call me the other time I was in the middle of a schedule”

“Yeah I thought so”

“You called Yunho hyung without telling me”

“I’m sorry…?”

“you are not”

We all laughed and Junsu leaned down beside me again, our intertwined hands between us.

“Are you leaving tomorrow, hyung?”

“Y-yes…” my voice cracked. Was it because he called me “hyung” for the first time after years, was it because my brain actually caught up with the fact that I was talking to him after years or because I was reminded of my imminent departure once again. That I don’t know.

“Are you going with Jae-hyung?”

“Don’t know, Min”

“If so tell him I’m still waiting for the food he had promised me after leaving”

Junsu smiled and I chuckled “I’ll pass the message”

It was silent for a moment and it was comfortable. If I closed my eyes I could almost picture us in our old dorm, sprawled around the living room in a familiar silence.

“He was happy you called” Min told at the end “He couldn’t stop beaming all day. Our managers thought he had actually found a way to talk with Jaejoong” he sounded amused but I froze.

“Did they tell him something?” I’d never thought they could get back on him.

“No, don’t worry. After Yunho called Jaejoong that night after the interview, we made very clear that we won’t tolerate any more interfering from them when it comes to us five”

Junsu looked at me surprised “That means we could meet?” he sounded so hopeful that it hurts.

“Ah…I don’t think they would let us do that, hyung. But I think we could call each other more often now. After tomorrow it will be just the two of us” I closed my eyes at that and pulled Junsu closer.

“Until you go too, Min” he told him softly.

“We still have months” was he trying to reassure himself or Junsu?

“That you have” I told them both. We heard something shuffle and then silence again “Are you still in bed?”

He chuckled “Yes, unbelievable I know” we smiled, the atmosphere lightening “They granted me a little bit of rest after I almost fainted the other day” he made a pause “please don’t let Yunho hyung and Jae hyung know it”

We all laughed at that. Images of two raging idols, all worked up thank to the military training, swept away the remaining bad feelings.

“Can you imagine?” Junsu said with his high pitched voice “I bet they could persuade their superiors to grant them a special leave to knock your PD-nim and managers out” Changmin laughed hard and I was almost breathless. Oh, you don’t even know how much I needed to laugh like that.

“Then I would spy on you two telling them you didn’t take care of me”

“YAH!” we both yelled and he started laughing even harder. VoldeMin was back. “They would kill us!”

“Not my problem!”

“Yah, you ungrateful evil maknae!”I howled at Junsu’s outraged tone.

We continued like that till it was time for Changmin to go. I think he tried to postpone the moment till the very end.

“I have to go now”

“Yeah…”

“Hyung…” I hummed “come back safely”

Junsu smiled and so did I. It was rare of Min to show his tender side “I will. You too, VoldeMin, go and come back safely”

“Neh…”

“Changmin-ah…” Junsu cut in and I looked at him confused.

“Yes?”

“I watched your stages during the SM Town in Japan” I smiled, knowing what he was going to say “hyungs are really really proud of how well you did alone”

There was a long moment of silence “Thank you” he sounded so emotional that I felt tears at the corner of my eyes.

“Till next time, Min”

“Till next time, hyung”

We hung up.

“Do you want to stay in bed all day?”

“Yes”

To me was fine. After having heard from Changmin, there was nothing I wished more than to spend my last free hours with Junsu.

He curled up at my side and I leaned an arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer.

“Yeah, this sounds really like a good plan”

He smiled softly and closed his eyes “I’ll miss this” he said before drifting back to sleep.

“Me too” I whispered at the ceiling.

So bad it will hurt. 

Hi everybody!

In a little less than 24 hours our Chun will finally enlist. yesterday fan meeting was amazing and full of feels. I'm happy he could spend some quality time with his fans for the last time and then with Junsu. 

He's the third to enlist and as for Jaejoong and Yunho, I know cassies will wait for him :) 

Love you all my dear readers <3