Read at your own discretion lmao I swear this story went to the s about halfway through so???????????? IDEK man. 

Chanyeol wakes up and finds that he isn’t in his own bed anymore. He glances around in confusion as he notes the greens and shrubbery that surround him. It takes a while, but he finally notices that he is, in fact, not on the ground, but hanging off a tree. He blinks once, twice, before screeching in delight and throwing his arms (limbs) into the air. “This is so exciting!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Belatedly, he realizes he’s let go of the tree and he falls........

...............

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...............

Not onto the cold, hard, ground (yay Taylor Swift!!! Chanyeol really likes Taylor, she’s very tall and pretty) like he first assumed, but onto something hard and scaly that lets out a very indignant huff when Chanyeol bounces up and down on its back. “Hello hello hello!!!!! Who are you?? What are you?? Where am I?? Helloooooooo???”

“Chanyeol shut the up and get off me before I breathe fire onto you and burn you into panda crisp,” Kris screeches in a Very Loud Voice. At this, the sound of crying erupts and Kris groans before patting the tiny black and white ball next to him. “No, no, not you, Taozi, I would never burn you, I was talking to Chanyeol.”

“Damn right you better not be talking about me or I’ll kungfu your dragon to the moon you useless piece of . Now get back to keeping me warm, I have beauty sleep to catch up on. These dark circles ain’t gonna sleep themselves off, you know.” The sniffles stop as Tao sasses the dragon (who is about 800 times his size but who cares). Kris whimpers as he goes back to blowing warm puffs of smoke at the tiny panda. Chanyeol snickers and frolicks off to find the rest of his bandmates.

About halfway through the forest, Chanyeol stumbles upon a body of water. “It’s a lake!!!” He scoots back a few feet before dive bombing into the water. He displaces half the lake (how even, Chanyeol thinks, I’m soooooooo tiny) onto a very sad and forlorn unicorn. “Yixing?? Is that you?? Hi Yixing!!! Hey, Yixing!!! Xing!!! Layyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Hi Chanyeol,” the unicorn mopes. He lowers his soaking head to continue slowly eating the grass by the lake.

“Ooooh, look Yixing!! You have a shiny horn!!! It’s so pretty, can I touch it? Can I touch it?? Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease!!!!!!!!!!!” Chanyeol pleads with the best puppy (panda?) eyes he can muster. Lay ignores him and continues to eat the grass.

Out of nowhere, a roe deer pops out and prances gleefully towards Chanyeol. “Hi Chanyeollie~” he blinks his large, pretty eyes at the red panda still floating in the lake before romping over to Lay. “He eats when he’s upset,” Luhan stage whispers to Chanyeol.

Ah, Chanyeol nods in understanding. So Luhan is quoting Kungfu Panda now, good thing I watched those 5 reruns with Tao last month.

“He’s always upset,” Luhan continues, glancing balefully at the unicorn. “I don’t know why, but someone said it’s because he accidentally sat on a bug and killed it.” At this, Lay wails miserably. “There, there,” Luhan comforts, “it’s okay, the bug is in bug heaven now, I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.” He shuffles (herds) the unicorn away from the clearing and waves (as much as a deer can wave, at least) at Chanyeol. “Bye-bye Chanyeollie!!!” Chanyeol waves back before climbing out of the water and shaking himself dry. He runs off again, determined to look for others.

As Chanyeol wanders through the forest, he hears chattering from the tree above him. Glancing up, he sees a chipmunk with a confused expression on its face, intensely glaring at the acorn in front of it. “Why won’t you open you stupid acorn... I’m hungry, how am I supposed to eat you if you don’t pop open by yourself??” Chanyeol’s expression breaks into a smile and he guffaws at the chipmunk.

“Uminnie hyung, is that you?” The chipmunk glances down, his eyes crossed.

“Marshmallow?” He asks, shaking his head furiously to clear his blurry vision.

“No, hyung, it’s me, Chanyeol!!!” Chanyeol bounds up the tree in large leaps and curls himself around one of the branches.

“Who is Chanyeol? I don’t know a Chanyeol. Who are you stranger??!!?! Are you here to steal my marshmallow? Because I won’t let you!!!!” At this, Xiumin grabs the acorn protectively and throws it behind him.

“Ah, hyung, no, no, I don’t want your marshmallow......” But it’s too late, because Xiumin has become off balance and is now teetering on the thin branch. “Hyun-” Xiumin falls and this time he does hit the cold, hard, ground (yay Taylor!!) “Uminnie are you okay??”

“Just fine, Mr. Coffee Bean, just fine.......” Xiumin says before passing out. Chanyeol blinks a few times before shrugging and scurrying out of the tree.

“Lalala~ I wonder where Baekhyunnie is, Baekhyunnie will want to play with me!!”

Just then, a fox pops out of the nearest bush and glances at Chanyeol slyly. “Hello, Chanyeol-ah, where are you going?”

“Ooh! Chenchen!! I’m looking for Baekhyunnie, have you seen Baekhyunnie?” Chanyeol bounces up and down on the balls of his feet (pads of his paws??).

“Of course I have,” Chen says with a wicked grin. Chanyeol doesn’t notice it and only looks on expectantly. “Well, you have to go down the path, over the river, follow the river until the bridge, cross over the river again, and go up the path. And then you will find Baekhyun!”

“Wow really??!!? Thanks Chenchen! You’re the best!!!” Chanyeol smiles widely before waddling down the path indicated by the fox. Chen smiles to himself again before cackling evilly and darting into the brush to find another unfortunate victim.

Meanwhile, Chanyeol is busy loping along the path when he trips and rolls all the way to the bank of the river. “Ow,” he whines, rubbing at his ears and bottom.

“Oh my god are you okay Chanyeollie?? Do you need help? Do I have to call the Jungle Ambulance? Do I need to get Lay here??? Chanyeollie!! Speak to me! Oh my god you aren’t dying are you?? Chanyeollie??!?!” A very loud honking noise disrupts Chanyeol’s moment of self pity and he turns to look at the source. It’s a goose and it only continues it obnoxious squawking.

“Ah, Suho hyung, stop it! I’m fine, don’t you see? Fine and dandy! Fit as a fiddle!!” Chanyeol rolls in the mud and lolls his tongue out (he’s not a dog, he swears).

“Oh, that’s good. You gave me such a fright, Chanyeollie. You know, I almost dialed the Emergency Jungle Hotline!! Don’t ever scare me like that again, okay? You need to take better care of yourself. Eat better, drink water all the time, sleep more, don’t get dehydrated, and don’t hurt yourself again! Wait, Chanyeollie! Chanyeollie?? Where are you going?? But I’m not done yet!! Come back here, Chanyeollie! Don’t run too fast or you’ll trip and hurt yourself again!!!!” Joonmyun flutters his wings in distress as Chanyeol scuttles off as quickly as he can. “Ugh, kids.” He fluffs his feathers before going back to sit on his nest and eggs.

As Chanyeol runs as fast as his stubby little legs will let him to get away from the Very Scary Suho, he hears the sound of thump, thump behind him. Panicking, he wonders what animal could make such a scary noise. Slowing cautiously, he turns around slowly and finds himself face-full of a pile of........ BUNNY??? Chanyeol groans as the bunny bounces on him and continues thumping its hind legs. “What are you doing??” He asks, still sore from this previous fall.

“Heh. Heheh. I’m looking for Kai hyung! Chanyeol hyung, have you seen Kai hyung? He promised to play with me!!!!!!” The bunny is slightly cross eyed and its tongue sticks out in its excitement. His eyes are bloodshot and Chanyeol finds himself questioning the bunny’s sanity.

“Uh, no Sehunnie. But we can look for him together!! Wouldn’t that be fun??” He puts on his most welcoming grin and rolls back onto his legs. “Let’s go find Kai!” Together, the two of them bounce into the trees, looking for Kai.

“Kai hyung~ Kai hyung~” Sehun screeches, thumping his legs excitedly.

“Kai? Kai~~~ Come play with your favorite hyung and favorite dongsaeng!!!!” Chanyeol yells equally loudly, sniffing at every tree curiously. He stops when he bumps into Sehun who has bumped into a sleeping puma. “Jongin-a? Is that you? Are you still sleeping?” Chanyeol asks, prodding the black figure on its head. A loud growl erupts from the puma and both Chanyeol and Sehun scurry back.

But the puma is merely stretching and it turns around with a snort to go back to sleep. “Yah! Kai hyung!!! Wake up!!!! You promised to play with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Sehun screams. Kai’s ears twitch and he opens an eye lazily.

“Sehun-a, shut up. Come, you can sleep with me for now, we’ll play later.” Kai swipes at the bunny and brings it closer to him, like a stuffed toy (or prey, Chanyeol thinks while laughing; but of course, Kai would never eat Sehun......right??). Sehun shuts up and snuggles into Kai’s warmth and within moments, both are gone in dreamland. Shrugging, Chanyeol continues on his quest to find Baekhyun.

Bounding happily through the forest, Chanyeol begins humming. “Lalalalala~ Happiness! Un, are you happy- yeah!!”

“I knew you were trouble when you wALKED IN!!1!!!!1!!! SO SHAME ON ME No-o-o-W!!!!!!1”

“I GOT A BOY MACHINE, I GOT A BOY CHICKEN!!!!!!!!!! I GOT A BOY BOYB OY BOY BY OY”

“Just loVE ME RIGHT! UN-HUH BABY LOVE ME RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!” (A/N Yes these were typed all weird for comic effect.... let me know if it worked or if it’s just weird lmao.)

Unbeknownst to Chanyeol, a terrifying bird of prey has been aroused from its sleep and is now flying agitatedly behind him. It’s too late when Chanyeol notices the bird’s shadow and his scream of terror is cut short as he is gripped by sharp talons and ripped off the ground.

“ing God, Park Chanyeol would it kill you to shut the up and let some people get sleep??? Huh?? Is that too much to ask huh??? Do you want to die???” The owl spits as he tightens his grip and flies Chanyeol to his home (Kyungsoo will never admit this but in the safety of his home, he refers to the hole in the tree as his “crib” and himself as “Homie D.O,” but don’t let Chanyeol know that).

“Sorry Kyungsoo-ah,” Chanyeol pouts.

“Stop with your ing pouty face I can’t even ing see it you goddamn brainless pig.” Kyungsoo (read: Homie D.O) flies closer to the branches and Chanyeol gets a facefull of leaf.

“I’m sorry, Kyungsoo-ssi!!! I promise I won’t do it again just please don’t kill me!!” Chanyeol wails.

“God stop making noise you’re horrible why the would I kill you I don’t want to go to ing jail I like my home (read: crib) a lot okay.” Kyungsoo grunts as he swings Chanyeol into his hole in a tree.

Chanyeol falls with a grunt onto a warm mass that yips at his weight. His eyes light up and he screeches despite his promise to Kyungsoo. “BAEKHYUNNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE IS THAT YOU????????????????????????????????????????”

“CHANYEOLLIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES IT’S ME I MISSED YOU SO MUCH CHANYEOLLIE!!!!” Baekhyun sobs. “Homie D.O kept me prisoner in here for so long I forgot what the light of day looks like.”

“ing Byun Baekhyun do you ing want to die today huh??? I am not Homie D.O you little er and I only kept you prisoner for a few minutes because you wanted to see Chanyeol. Oh my god the one time I decide to do a good and kind deed and all you little heads badmouth me well O K then I guess I’m just going to have to kindly invite you all to leave!” The owl angrily slams his beak into the wall and doesn’t even wince in pain.

Chanyeol and Baekhyun look at each other and gulp, before nodding at each other and turning back to Kyungsoo nervously. “Haha, yeah... about that... Thanksforthehospitality Kyungsoo-ah well we’ll be off now don’t miss us too much hahahahahah.............” They dart past Kyungsoo and jump out of the tree (don’t ask how, Baekhyun is still actually a puppy, he swears he’s not a red panda) to safety.

“Yeah get out of here while I’m in a good mood!! Don’t ever let me catch you around these parts again you little bastards!!!” They don’t look back to see the owl angrily shaking his fist (wing) at them and instead laugh while running for their lives.

Back in his room, Chanyeol jolts upright and wakes up. “Wow, that was a really crazy dream,” he laughs. He glances over at Baekhyun who is still sleeping soundly in his bed and smiles before meandering off into the bathroom. He sleepily rubs his eyes and doesn’t notice the ears still on his head.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!”

Back in his own room, Jongdae snorts and begins cackling. He turns to Baekhyun who is giggling beside him and offers a high-five. Mission accomplished.