Genre: Fluff and mostly angst 
Word count: 4,329
Note: This is written on Jungkook's POV. 

I was inlove. 

The tense was easy for me to say like solving a simple math problem. Her one week absence made me miss her more otherwise but when she came back, I was just only attached. It was attachment rather than love. Aside from that, it was all because of this hyung whom I’ve grown closer too. He was Rapmon, a great leader and I look up to him. As much as I always deny it, I started to have a crush on him eversince I’ve gotten interested to songwriting recently. We get to talk a lot and even if we have a 3 year difference, it feels like we’re of the same age. We never ran out of things to talk about and the thing (my personal favourite) that made me captured by him was the way his dimple appears everytime he smiles. Soon, my feelings became something deep.

The time has come where I have to let go of the girl I used to love. I’ve hurt her badly. I said those three words like I mean it but I didn’t really actually mean it. She took those words by heart and that made her broken. People said I shouldn’t blame myself for doing something like that but clearly, it has been my fault. I knew from that certain moment that karma will hit me so hard. Would I be ready of that? I watched her back, walking away from me. The swaying of her hair was wonderful but her soft sobs found a way to tug my heartstrings once more. I know that I would never see her again. As much as I missed her too, there’s no choice but to let her go and I don’t want to hurt her any further.

“I hope you’ll be happy and you will no longer be hurt anymore. I love you and I will always love you. Only you. I hope you won’t forget that. Thanks for everything. You’re all free now, Jungkook.” She turned her head back from me, her glistening eyes were locked again for the last time on me while she said those.

“You don’t have to say sorry. I’m the one who has the problem.” I let out a sigh.

“My only request is for you to be happy. B-bye.” She bit her lips, trying to stop her tears from falling before she walks away from me again. She didn’t turn back and she was no longer a fool for me. 

Days passed and my feelings of guilt have been gone. It’s all thanks to Rapmon who have accompanied me all the way. I never told him about her but he knew I was having a hard time. I feel at ease whenever he’s around. He would give me advice or words of encouragement from time to time. But there was this one and only gesture that made my heart flutter. He would pinch my chin softly and give his smile where he would display his dimple. Oh, that smile. He better stop doing that. It always catches me off guard and he has no idea.

The time I knew that I was falling for him was when I heard that he’s in a relationship with someone. It felt like someone smashed a hammer in my chest. For some reason, I did a childish thing and that was to hook up myself with Jimin. I thought I needed a little revenge even if I knew it was wrong.

“Wow so Kookie, you’ve come to realize my long time feelings for you?! I can’t believe you’re asking me ou-“ I cut him out of his fantasy.

“Hyung, it’s not for real. It’s just unexpected that Rapmon hyung will have a boyfriend. It’s all of a sudden. He’s dating his best friend now.” I huffed, crossing my arms.

“I thought it was.” Jimin pouted before his eyes turn to crescents and wrapped his arm around my shoulder while he leaned his face towards me. “But seriously I can be a good boyfriend too you know?”

I pushed him away and he laughed, walking outside. “Fine, it’s just a game. I get it.”

Probably, I started to play this game to see what Rapmon feels but it seems like it’s one-sided. I still have no idea why I even have to do this when I know it’s just childish.

My feelings had gotten worse when he invited me out and went to the park one day to hang out. Both of us sat on a big swing that can occupy 4 people. When his eyes landed on me, I concealed the pain that I have. 

“Jungkook ah, hey. Are you okay?” his eyebrows furrowed just slightly while he swings back and forth.

“Me? Oh I…have a stomachache. I think I must have eaten a lot!” I mentally hit myself in the head for making up a good excuse. But it seems like he didn’t believe my excuse.

“Well you seemed not yourself lately and you get easily distracted so I got kinda worried.”  He frowned and seeing that, makes me want to tell him the pain that I feel but whatever happens, I have to hide it.  Again, he does this favourite gesture to me and he has no clue that I’m slowly dying on the inside. 

“I do worry about you. Don’t lie to me about things like that, okay. You can talk to me about anything whenever. I’ll listen!” he stopped pinching my chin and I’m glad he did that. I still insisted about my stomachache excuse and finally he let it slide. The next thing that happened almost made my heart drop.

“I have a question.” He coughed a bit before he cleared his voice. I hope he doesn’t find out so I tilted my head curiously as a response to him. “Who are your crushes? It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me, I’m just curious.” I let out an inner sigh of relief. 

“I have so many crushes actually. How about you? Oh right, you have a boyfriend already.” I chuckled a bit, masking the pain from the inside.

“Do you think I’d ever date my best friend for real?” He countered and I blinked at him in surprise. “Well it’s just a joke.” I felt delighted when I heard that but he shouldn’t fool me like this. But then I thought that today was April 1st. It was a fools’ day so at the same time, I felt so stupid that I want to hide in a corner and never come out. Not to mention that fake date with Jimin.

“But to answer your question, you’re my crush.” He playfully winked at me. Darn that devil in disguise hyung. I rolled my eyes at him thinking that it was a joke and true that, it was indeed a joke. The next day, I told Jimin hyung to stop this fake date game and all he did was laugh at my stupidity.

---

I realized that my actions have a mind on its own. There are times that I would hold his hand, lay my head on his shoulder or even give him a hug but surprisingly, he doesn’t really mind. There are also times that I start to hate him more (not really) because he would do the same thing. Was he doing this to play with me or he doesn’t really have any idea at all? 

There was once that due to my confusion and craziness, I asked him out for a drink. He was hesitant at first since I’m still underaged but he agreed anyway because I kept on insisting it. I was so drunk that I forgot what had happened the day before. The moment I woke up, Rapmon was sleeping onto the edge of the couch. I also noticed that he wrapped a blanket around me. As a sign of my gratitude, I used the blanket to wrap him so as to keep him warm. Few seconds later, he opened his eyes and smiled at me lazily. Why can’t he stop doing this?

“Oh hyung, why were you sleeping there? You could’ve slept in your room.” My eyebrows furrowed in worry. Rapmon teasingly grinned at me as if I did something silly. 

“Well since you were drunk, you didn’t want me to go so I didn’t.” he widely smiled.

My eyes widen and I felt like burying myself alive. I don’t really talk in my sleep but I guess it happened otherwise. He continued teasing me and I just used the pillow to cover my flushed face. 

“Are you and Jimin still dating?” That question surprised me a bit since it has been quite awhile already.

“No hyung, it’s just only a joke. We were playing around.” Was he jealous? Or maybe it’s just me again? 

“I see. Jungkook ah, let’s cuddle.” This morning is full of surprises but I agreed to it anyway so he sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me with my head on his chest. “Is it really comfy? Like isn’t my heart bothering you right now?”

This morning is also full of weird stuff too. “Your heart?” I leaned my ear against his chest and it was beating…fast. “It’s fast. Are you okay hyung? Is there something scaring you?”

His arms tighten around my waist. “My heart beats like this whenever you’re around to be quite honest.” It seemed like something blocked my ears from hearing what he said. 

“That’s kind of weird, hyung. But then my heart beats in a weird way recently. I don’t know why.” Rapmon just chuckled. I know why my heart beats like that but I don’t know why Rapmon would feel that way. I just hope he won’t be fooling me anymore.

--

Weeks passed by and we had lots of skinships lately except kissing of course. Those were just a bromance to him while mine is more than that. I guess it’s better this way. He doesn’t know what I feel cause I’m afraid my karma is about to come strike me anytime but why am I jumping into conclusions already? As time passes by, these feelings became worse that I might explode. It’s hard to hide them anymore when all he does have meaning to me. 

After our trip to the amusement park, we went to the beach to watch the sunset. I would