Lie. It was a lie. It was a lie back then and it still is a lie now. But it wasn’t a lie that was used for selfish reasons, no. It was the kind of lies that the doctor would tell you to ensure that you won’t panic and freak out when they inject you, it’s the kind of lies your parents told you when you were little because they couldn’t afford that toy you wanted, in summary, it was a lie that was made for the benefit of the other person, a beautiful lie.

'Yes, that’s what it was', Taekwoon convinced himself.

“Why did you even let me go?” Taekwoon wasn't even aware that he had been so lost in his thoughts that he shook his head a little. There she was, shining so brightly despite the tears flowing out of her eyes.

“It was for your own good. You’re better off without me”, Taekwoon was so sure of it back then, and that thought remained the same until now.

“What makes you think you know me better than I do myself?”

The atmosphere became silent. He knows it’s irrational of him to think so that way too but he honestly thought that he had no other options. It’s not that he never thought of it, he couldn’t sleep most nights after that, thinking about the said incident.

When he reminisced back to that time they walked along the beach leaving footprints that would eventually be swallowed by the cruel waves, he felt like asking himself again, was this really what’s best for them? He remembered how she had looked so mesmerizing even with the strong night wind blowing, ruining her carefully styled hair. It would have been the night he would have remembered for eternity, had it not been the night that he left her.

As he mention his intentions to her, he swore he could hear various voices attacking him simultaneously asking him to not do it, telling him how he's being ridiculous, and another one asking him as to whether he had thought about how life would be like without the other's presence. He tried to cut them off by appearing tough, just like how she would have described him, had the word 'heartless' never been invented.

He would never admit that it was one of the most painful night ever, another lie he has to bear with. He thought about how tiring it is, to live in a world full of lies and denial. But whenever such thought occurred to him, he defended himself the only way he knew how.

'It's a beautiful lie' he would tell himself. He had learned this thanks to that painful hell of a night.

Suddenly the voices became slower and slower, until only a faint sound can be heard and eventually he learnt how to ignore the voices.

He had become such a completely different person, sometimes it was as if he was wearing a mask. He would also deny it if anyone were to ask him whether he was wearing a mask when he left her. The lies kept on coming naturally as he kept on denying and defending his action. Taekwoon thought that someday there would be nothing left of the old Taekwoon, thanks to the said mask.

Taekwoon was struck back to reality when he felt a drop of salt water splashed on his lips. He looked at her once more, trying to take in as much as he could and compare it to that night. That night, she had a bright smile on her face whereas tonight she looked pale and those awfully tired eyes said it all. She had some restless nights too, he thought. He felt sorry, but he kept it in his mind that he will not regret his previous decision.

"Do I look happy to you?"

Silence once again hit them. Only the sound of waves washing away their footsteps can be heard. Upon hearing this, Taekwoon thought about how many secrets do these waves hold and washed away?

It hurts, really, no matter how much he tried to shrug it off, the feelings are still present. Taekwoon doesn't suppose that she would come back to him after what he had done.

"Anyway, you got what you've wanted. I'll leave you alone like how you've always liked it"

Taekwoon tried to hold onto her, tried to hold onto the memories they had built together, tried to hold onto their love, until the voices came back. Then he realized how he had messed up their relationship. The voices got to him even further until he could bear no more and shut his ears with both arms.

It hurts, seeing the sight of her leaving him yet again. It hurts, hearing all these thoughts in his head that he felt like it would explode. It hurts, having to swallow and disregard all these feelings he felt deep down. It hurts, knowing that she is no longer his' and that she will never be his' ever again. It hurts, knowing that she was no longer in love with him.

'It's a beautiful lie'

Taekwoon couldn't take it anymore. No, it wasn't right. Eventually the truth will haunt the lie for the rest of a person's life. A doctor will eventually tell a dying patient the chances of them living and continuing their life. A parent's financial crisis will eventually be known by the children when they grow older and the lie will lead to no benefit. Lies aren't supposed to be told, nor are they supposed to be made. Lies will only hurt both parties and Taekwoon realised that now.

His denial could only get him to nowhere. Those lies he made were not beautiful lies. No, Taekwoon was not what he thought he was.

Jung Taekwoon wasn't a beautiful liar, no, he realized that now. All these while, he was a coward. A coward who would not admit to his own feelings, a coward who disregarded his own feelings and his partner's thanks to his irrational self. However, it was no use. The damage had been done. The only thing he could do was to wish for her happiness like he have been doing ever since they parted ways that night.

Taekwoon hated it, he hated how he would be remembered as. A person who lied for the sake of others, at least that's what he thought. The lie will not stop haunting him for the rest of his life.

The lies made him realized what he really was.

A coward liar.