It hurts when you were betrayed and hated by so many people without knowing the reasons. Why? Why? Why?Why?!  Why do people act like I'm so easy to use? Why can't I be kind? Why would they hate me? Why would they betrayed me?

Can't I be happy for once?

-

I never had real friends. Fakers everywhere. They talked behind my back and stab me on the back. Left me alone. Betrayed me when I asked for favors.

There's no light to guide me in the darkness anymore.

-

I found the one I loved. But he never looked at me or even say anything. We never talked in the first place. But why do I feel like he knows my feelings so well?

I felt like he's trying to get rid of me.

Whenever I saw him, he always drag his new girlfriend with him and leave. It hurts. Even the person I loved hates me. It felt like I'm a nuisance.

Am I too ugly for people to look at? Or is it my messy hair? messy clothes? messy life?

-

Depressions after depressions.

-

One day, I found my light.

But I never knew he was the one.

So I pushed him away.

But he kept coming,

Until the end.

-

" Still thinking about the past? ," Leo said as he sat down beside me and passed me my Americano. I just hummed at his question and take a sip of the delicious coffee. He knows me too well anyway. Why would I bother to answer him formally.

I heard him sighed and straightened his body towards me. Well, here goes nothing " I told you many times that I--"

"You would always be by my side and you will never betray me. Yeah, yeah. You've told me for the nth times already." I cut his sentence.

His mouth curved into a smile, looking at me straight in the eyes. His handsome features glistened with the help of the Sun. Yes, this guy is really good looking, but I don't know why I never have romantic feelings for this guy. Am I weird? I guess so.

"Then, why do you still think about it?" now it's my turn to sigh. " Well I heard my all time big crush is going to marry his all time big crush. Can't you see that my heart is aching? "

He suddenly laugh at me and hug me " Whoa, whoa. Careful dude. You're going to make me spill the coffee on your white shirt. ". He let go of me and still laughing while shaking his head.

He suddenly said " You're cute." I look at him with a disbelieve face. "How does that relate to the topic?," I said while taking another sip. " Well.. you are cute when you're mad..? " is he making a joke?

I stood up from the bench " okayyy, you are verrrryyy weird today. Wait, you're always weird. Bye! ". I said my words and heading back to my apartment.

I heard him calling my name from the distance, so I start running while trying to not spill the coffee on myself. " Kayla! Wait for me!," he shouted. I looked behind me and found him starting to get closer and closer.

Oh his long legs, I hate it when its comes to this.

Suddenly I found arms wrapped around me and he whispered " I got you." with husky voice. The words send shivers down to my spine. Since when he knows how to be y and alluring?

" Argh. That's disgusting Leo. Let me go." I struggle in his tight embrace. " Give me a few seconds please " he beg me, but I won't stop struggling. " No.". "Pleaseeee. 5 seconds only " he beg again.

" 5 seconds have passed a long time ago Leo. Now let me go. " I said while folding my arms on my chest.

He laughed and let me go, before that he ruffled my hair. "Hey! You're messing my hair! " I angrily said to him. I'm not that angry actually. " You're always messy. " he said innocently.

That hurts when a guy said that.

I look at him for a few seconds with my hurt expression and then I turn around and walk away from him, sulking. I heard his footsteps coming closer. " Hey, I was just joking. " he said with a sincere voice. I won't give up easily, so I just walk silently away from him.

" Hey Kayla. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. " He said with a sad voice. I suddenly start laughing. His voice is just too funny. It doesn't fit his manly face at all and I can't keep sulking like this.

Then, I felt the same arms wrapped around me again. His husky voice whispered in my ears again " Idiot. " I heard him and just smile with my toothy smile.

-

" I love you " Leo's words ringed in my ears for the nth time. Am I dreaming?

No one ever loves me. Even my family doesn't.

I know that Leo is sincere with his words, but how? No one likes or loves me? So why him? I thought that he think of me as a friend or a little sister. How can it come to this?

Questions after questions start to clouding my thoughts.

"Ho-- Wh-- I thought that we're just friends..." I am stuttering so much right now. He sigh and put his hands on my shoulder, making me look at him in the eyes. "Listen. You don't have to answer it. It's okay. I know you still can't get over your first love."

And he left. Leaving me dumfounded.

What should I do? Should I say yes or no, or should I leave him so he can get over me?

I don't have any feelings for him.

Not yet.

-

The next morning, I got a message from Leo. That's odd, he don't really text me. He usually call me because he said he want to hear.. oh ... my voice. Oh, he always likes me.

I read the message he sent me.

From: Leo

Umm, hey Kayla. I hope you're not bothered about what happened yesterday. I can leave you alone if you want.. Bye.

I couldn't answer him. I'm still in shock. So I leave the phone alone, without replying to his message.

-

Days after days, months after months passed. Leo and me doesn't meet each other anymore since the day he confessed. But after days passed, I realize my feelings. I actually love him. I was blinded by my past that I couldn't see the future in front of me.

I was searching for the light, but I turn it off by staying in the dark.

I tried to contact him again when I finally realize my feelings. Unfortunately, I found out that he changed his phone number. I must have hurt him a lot. Oh god, I feel so bad about it right now.

I tried to contact his parents and his friends, asking for his new number, but they don't know about it too. I don't know if they are lying to me or it's the truth.

One day, an angel called me.

It was his older sister. She told me about him leaving the states to continue his studies in a different place and she gave me his new number. I was so happy when I finally got his number.

As soon as I ended the call with his sister, I dialed in his new number.

It ring for a few times. " Come on. Come on Leo. Answer it. " after the fourth rings, he answered.

" Hello? Who's this? " I hear his voice rang in my ear. Oh how I miss that husky voice.

" Hel- Hello Leo. It--It's- me... Kayla. " I stuttered.

" Oh. Hi. How did you get my number... ? "

" From your sister. " I said slowly.

" Oh. I see. Why are you calling me? It's been awhile..." he said.

" Well you see---" He suddenly cut my words.

" Wait, wait! It's loud here! There's too many cars! I can't hear you! " he shout.

" I need to tell you something! " I shout back. I must have looks like a maniac right now. But I'm happy right now. I don't care.

" What?!" He shouted in the phone again.

" I need to tell you that I lo--" I stop my sentence when I heard cars honking and the phone crashing. I lost the line.

What's happening? What happened to Leo?!

-

Few hours later, his sister contacted me, saying that Leo died from an accident.

He died.

Leo died.

How?

Is it because of me? I bring bad lucks to his life? I shouldn't called him before!

It's my fault. It's all my fault. He died because of me. The one I loved died because of me. My loves one left me again.

Why..? Why is my life so miserable?

I will never live in a happy life.

Oh God, what did I do in the past to make my life so miserable? What did my parents and family do in the past to you that you made my life so miserable, God?!

Life is so so unfair to me.

Goodbye world.

---

Author's note:

As you already read at the foreword , I said I'm bored. And my grammar is bad. So, I just hope you guys enjoy this. My head is spinning right now. I've been writing this for 2-3 hours. I can't look at the screen anymore. Wargh! BYE!