Her name was, still is Lee Hyun Ae—the first person I’ve fallen in love with and the first person who made me realize that life was really worth living. How we met was a dramatic experience, and how I fell in love with her was really an odd event, but every hardship I went through was worth it… Our relationship was going smoothly the first few months; she was really sweet, very understanding, and very compassionate about the people around her. It was easy to fall in love with her, and yet so hard to fall out of love of, but things had to end, it was for the best. When my career as a performer started to bloom, it seemed like having a relationship conflicts with every schedule that I had—and yet, she never complained. But when things got out of hand, all she did was cry. Even if she didn’t tell me, I know she was hurting. I totally felt bad, but there’s really nothing I can do, because when I promise to do something for her, I end up disappointing her again. I couldn’t bear the thought of her crying because of me over and over again, but that’s what keeps happening and it seems inevitable. Everyone knew that it was hard for her, since the two of us were neighbors, and she really didn’t have anyone to run to because her mom already moved back to Japan to be with her dad and she was left in Korea to finish her studies. Her smile that day was so priceless, she couldn’t believe the fact that her mom and dad got back together, but ironically, I felt sad… I have never made her smile that way. When she’s with me her happiness feels forced, and that she’s still worried about something. “Hyung, you okay?” Kyuhyun suddenly interrupted my thoughts. We were in the middle of our rehearsals, we’ll be flying to Japan tonight for the concert the day after tomorrow. “Yeah, I’m fine.” I shortly replied before I continued doing some stretches. “You’re spacing out again… are you still thinking about her?” he commented, “I talked to her yesterday and she said she was going to join us for lunch tomorrow.” “Her?” I pretended not to know who he was talking about, but I knew perfectly that he was referring to Hyun Ae. I don’t think I’m ready to see her. “You know who I’m talking about, Hyun Ae-ssi… are you not excited to see her again? She said she misses everyone!” Kyuhyun excitedly exclaimed. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, two months after our break up, her mom died due to some heart problems that’s why she was forced to go back to Japan to be with her dad since she’s the only one left to care for him. And now, the apartment beside ours had been empty for two years. Heck, I can’t believe that it’s been two years since I last saw her, and exactly 30 months since we last spoke to each other. It’s pathetic, and I still think about her, and I still read all her blog entries, checking for updates. “Oh she did?” I envy Kyuhyun for being able to talk to her, but it’s my fault anyway, it was my decision to break up with her, not because I don’t love her, but because I don’t like to hurt her any further. That night that I broke up with her, I couldn’t even look at her directly, as she begged for me to stay. I couldn’t—and the biggest lie came out of my mouth, I said I didn’t love her anymore. She walked away, not knowing that I’m doing this for her, and I’m glad I did, coz now I know that she’s perfectly happy, only thing is, I’m not. I must be really stupid for letting her go, even if I forced myself to like someone else, it’s still her, and no one could really replace her… And guess what, it’s been two long years, going three. Too damn long to even want her still. It . “She actually asked about you, and everyone else…” Kyuhyun continued, with a glimmer in his eye. Does he know that I’m still in love with her? “Don’t you want to know how she’s doing.” “I know she’s doing fine.” I said bitterly, but actually regretted saying that. Now he’s not going to stop bombarding me with questions again. “Don’t you miss her at all?” I almost was about to say yes, but thankfully I was able to stop myself from saying something. “I know you’re the one who misses her, so don’t put it all out on me.” “That’s besides the point…” he started to say but was cut off by Teukie hyung. “Okay guys, we have to go… we’re leaving in 3 hours.” I’ve been looking forward to going back to Japan for months now, and it’s finally coming true, but now I have no idea how to face her again. I