My failed attempt on writing fanfic.... Somehow I changed the end in the middle of the story... Damn! Too many ideas but don't know how to write -_-"

PAST

It was because stupid contract with stupid agency you need to let her go few years ago. You even being forbid to meet her or even just to see her. You only can hear the news about her from the interview on television or magazine. Nothing more, nothing less.

You even resisted the urge to secretly text her or chat with her. Afraid your manager or agency found out about it. Sometimes you chuckled bitterly when you had that thought. When she was part of the group, your fans (and hers) thought you always had secret world with her. If only it was real…

There was a day… when you (also Tiffany) had photo shoot at New York. From news, you knew she was there too. The brunette – not her, but Tiffany – kept staring at you in the airplane. You knew she wanted to ask about her, but she didn’t dare. Just because stupid photo on Hyoyeon’s Instagram, some of your fans thought you were one of the members that forced her to choose between her music career or her company – her new passion. They didn’t give a chance for you to explain. The agency forbidden you to join the battle.

“Spill it, Miyoung.”

Ending your train of thoughts, you decided to speak with your brunette company – sadly it wasn’t her.

“Er… you know… she is there, right?”

Her name sounded like taboo conversation lately in the group. Either because it could bring tears of separation or because of something else, you didn’t want to think the other options.

“I know the company doesn’t want us to talk with her until they settle down, but you can still say her name. It isn’t taboo.”

It started irritated you. She wasn’t forbidden fruit but people treated her name like toxic. If they mentioned her name, they would die. And it wasn’t the case. Everybody knew it.

Tiffany sighed heavily. You can see the sadness in ­used-to-be smiling eyes. She looked tired.

“I miss her…”

At the moment, you chose not to reply. You afraid if the three words fell from your lips, you can’t keep your composure any longer.

“And I know you miss her more…”

You pretended deaf and completely ignored her. Tiffany should know she shouldn’t say it to you.

“Soo, I’m sorry if I cross the line but… can you at least show me what you really feel?”

You realized… since she left, no one called you ‘Youngie’ anymore. It was your fault actually. You never answered when they called it that way. It was her special nickname for you. You didn’t let anyone used it since you can’t hear it from her again.

“Why you didn’t cry in that concert? I know you didn’t want her to leave, but you don’t have to pretend to be strong. I’m your friend too and I’m really worried about you…”

Sometimes you wished Tiffany knew when to stop. She wasn’t her mom – even though she acted like one in the group – so she didn’t need to always know what you felt. But Tiffany was demanding – when it came to heart to heart conversation – and you knew that.

“What do you want, Miyoung?”

You thought the cold shoulder was the best way to end this conversation, but you knew Tiffany would try another way to start it again. Although you didn’t like where this would go, you had no choice.

“Since she left, I never saw a real smile from your face. Believe it or not, you turn into Ice Princess. It’s not only me who thinking that way… Everybody does…”

You glanced at her and sighed heavily.

“Have you realized her name became taboo in our group conversation?” You asked. “It wasn’t Sooyeon’s fault if she has another dream. This wasn’t lifetime job. She just started thinking about her future – faster than us.”

You weren’t lie. You were really pissed how people treated her name lately, especially her co-worker at the company. Just because they wanted something from the company, they treated her like a . They even gave unnecessary comment about her. You almost puked for the thought of the disgusting sycophants.

“Are you mad?”

“I’m pissed!”

You didn’t try to hide it. It was showing in your eyes. You knew that because Tiffany curled like a ball in her chair. You scared her. And you honestly didn’t care.

“Have you ever contacted her?”

Tiffany’s next question sounded like a murmur. Maybe she still afraid with you or afraid your manager heard that. You didn’t give a damn which one was her reason.

You shook her head after released a heavy sigh. If only it was a lie, but sadly it was the fact. You haven’t contact her since the media sniffed the problem between her and the company.

“When we will meet her again?”

There was a hope in Tiffany’s voice, you heard that clearly. If only you knew the answer. At this moment, you only can feel glad Tiffany didn’t wait your answer.

*

Today was your birthday. Eight girls – including your sister, Soojin – were excited to celebrate it. You wore a fake smile to return their enthusiasm.

You didn’t have the urge to post any picture on Instagram – like other parties you attended. You let this party as private as possible – you felt glad no one also had an urge to do it either.

Absentmindedly you were scrolling down your pictures on Instagram. Your finger was stopped on the only picture you posted in there with her. A genuine smile plastered on your face. She still had the ability to bring it.

“Have you ever wondering why no one takes any picture tonight?”

Tiffany was always the one who successfully ruined your thoughts – especially about her. But you knew she dared to start this conversation because she saw a little smile on your face. This time you just realized, everyone was having a hard time starting a conversation with you since the party started.

“How could we post a photo if the birthday girl isn’t happy?”

Hyoyeon made a statement. You didn’t question anymore why there was no picture about this party on their Instagram’s account.

“I know you for long time. Even though my ability to read you isn’t good as her, but I know when you put a fake smile,” Hyoyeon continued.

“The award you achieved as an actress doesn’t working here, Soo. We know,” Yuri added.

You had no energy to argue with them. When you glanced at Tiffany, you knew she was the reason why they openly talked about her in front of you. Maybe she told them about the conversation in the plane to New York – you didn’t meet her there.

“I’m sorry we never talked about her since she left. But you know… the situation… and managers around. We can’t add any problem.”

Taeyeon apologized. You knew she didn’t need to do that, but maybe she did because of her position as the leader.

“And I’m sorry too you were the first to speak about her departure.”

Again – it wasn’t Taeyeon’s fault. It just happened you were the first person of the group who got interview after she left. You remembered you tried the best to be professional. And you did – miraculously.

“Unnie… if you want to talk about Jessica unnie, you can come to us. We ready to listen,” Seohyun added. You were staring at her tears. “You were listening to me that time but…”

Seohyun didn’t have a chance to continue because you saw Hyoyeon pulled her into hug. You sighed heavily when you suddenly missed her. She used to hug you without reason. You missed her warm body.

You thought the sound of the bell was saving you from emotional wreck. It was proven wrong when you saw the girl behind the door you just opened.

“Good evening, Unnie. Sorry for the sudden visit.”

The tall Choi – who has no blood relative with you – tried to melt the awkwardness between you and Krystal. It was the time when you realized it wasn’t only you and Krystal in your doorstep.

“Soo, what’s…”

Even though you didn’t turn around, you knew Sunny was shocked to know who your guest was. And for few seconds, you let the silence won. Sulli was failed to break the ice.

“I come here to give this. Night, Unnie.”

Krystal handed the package to you. Without waiting your reply, she dragged Sulli to leave your house.

“Is that Krystal?”

You didn’t answer the question because to be honest, you even can’t move from your spot. You kept staring at your gate where Krystal left. You didn’t know how to react but you felt overwhelmed. It was mixture between shocked, happiness and sadness when you realized what just happened. You can’t choose which one you should felt first. You wanted to feel them all at the same time.

Happy birthday, Youngie…

You were caressing the words on the note outside the package. You were really gently – like you caressing her face while she was saying those words to you. At this moment, you really wanted to call her and heard it from her sweet voice.

But sadly, you didn’t dare to do it – to call her. You afraid the magic was gone. You afraid she would act cold toward you – although you knew she wasn’t as cold as people thought about you.