He realized, drunk on ecstasy, he'd ruined their relationship, and that it wouldn't be the last time it would happen.
"I knew you weren't frail as your appearance suggests, but I'd never imagined you could be this brutal." Luhan said to him, looking at the bruises on his waist. "I mean, it was my first time; our first time. I just wish you had been gentler."
"I'm really sorry, I don't know what happened" Minseok tried to explain, as he clutched the sheets. "I lost control, and hurt you, and this really isn't fair to you...I just wish you could've had the first time you always dreamed of." After all, Luhan was a hopeless romantic. Minseok knew this better than anyone else. And he had tainted the boy forever, for his own selfish needs."I'm sorry."
"Well, I'll need some time to recover, but it's fine. I'll survive. It's not like I was waiting for a prince on a white horse anyway." He gave Minseok a sad smile. "I'm going back home, see you monday." It was a friday night, and Minseok's parents were out of town, visiting his grandmother. They would normally spend the weekend together, going on the city center or just watching a movie marathon. Apparently not this weekend, as Luhan would clearly need some time to recover.

On monday, they were back in school. They were both seniors, but didn't have a lot of classes together, as Luhan was outstanding in math and Minseok was more of a writer. They always met in lunch, though. At their usual table, sat Jongdae, the prankster, copying math homework from someone, Yixing, looking sleepy as always, but also the nicest guy Minseok knew, and Tao and Kris, aka the school couple, sharing a cup of ramen (apparently Tao had watched The Lady and the Tramp on the weekend and found it so romantic he just needed to reenact his favorite scenes). Both were equally intimidating on the outside and soft as a marshmallow on the inside, and made their group want to barf with how cheesy they were with each other. The only one missing was Luhan.
"Where's Luhan?" Apparently his absence was also evident to Jongdae, who asked the question. "You guys are always glued at the hip nowadays."
"He said there was a important project he had due next week, and was going to work on it" said Kris. "He's probably on the library."
Minseok got up, leaving his lunch untouched. He got the feeling he wouldn't be able to keep much on his stomach anyways. "I'm going to find him."
"See? Glued at the hip." He heard Jongdae say as he walked away, as if proving a point. If he knew, Minseok wondered, what would he say? What if they knew? Would they accuse him? Would they be understanding? He shook the thought off as he headed to the library.

Luhan was indeed in there, though not studying or working on a paper. He was sitting on a chair, looking outside, lost in thought. Minseok placed his hand on his shoulder, as if not to alarm him. He flinched a little, and his heart dropped. "So what are you doing in here on the middle of lunch? Everyone's waiting for you. And I thought you didn't like novels, after all, you always complain about how much time I spend reading them."
"Um, the thing is" Luhan looked at him. "I needed some alone time. To think. And sort some stuff out."
"That's very specific of you, thank you very much. I thought you had enough thinking time over, you know, the whole weekend. I felt kind of abandoned."

"It's because I didn't know what to do. I was feeling something new, and I wasn't very sure I enjoyed it. It was like... you took a piece of me I could never get back. And I know it's not fair accusing you of this, since you're my boyfriend and I care about more than anyone else, and I know you feel the same, but it's just how it felt."

"Well, what do you want to do?" Minseok was starting to feel sick. "You sound like you don't want to be with me anymore."

"It's not that simple. But I do want some alone time.  Let's take a break." He got up and walked away. And just like that, Minseok's hopes flew out the window. Not that they were many to begin with, but at least they still existed. What do you do when all hope is gone?

***

Five years later, Minseok remembered the events bitterly. He lost touch with Luhan, and when they graduated he heard from Yixing he returned to China, along with Kris. He stayed friends with the rest of their group, who didn't understand very well what happened to them, only that they crumbled as fast as bread with too much flour. He was now a college student, an english major. Tao and Yixing also studied in the same university, though they were majoring in engineering and dance. They hung out from time to time, and he was present on the whole Tao-Kris breakup affair. Apparently it was hard to maintain a long distance relationship, and after Tao met Sehun, a dance major friend of Yixing who was almost as bratty as Tao himself, he decided to end it. It took a big supply of ice cream and tissues, but he ended up fine and was dating Sehun now.

Another boring monday, Minseok left class and found Baekhyun sitting at a nearby bench, staring at nothing.

"Why so sullen, my friend?"

"Minseok" Baekhyun realized he was there. " Hey. I'm just down. Received the test I took last week. Not exactly the best feedback ever."

"Well, that could be" Minseok looked  at him with one eyebrow up; he always made sure to have his eyebrow game on point. "because you stayed up the night before the test playing Mario Kart with Chanyeol. I mean, it's just a guess. But who knows."

"Enough with the sass, mister." He gestured for Minseok to sit down. "How about you tell me more about your flirting sessions with said chanyeol, aka master puppy eyes?"

"What the hell are you talking about??" Minseok could fell himself blushing. "He simply helps me with math, I'm not very good at it. We're friends. I think you're seeing things."

"Oh, right." He said on a sarcastic voice. " Because the whole night I spent playing Mario Kart with chanyeol and listening to him go on and on and on about how cute you were meant absolutely nothing. Puh-lease, stop kidding yourself. You want the booty and you know it."

Baekhyun had a point. Ever since the tutoring sessions started, he had noticed Chanyeol growing on him. It was maybe his satanic 200 volts smile, or his deep deep voice, or just how nice he was to everyone, but minseok could feel the butterflies dancing dangerously in his stomach in an attempt to tell him what he was continuously denying.

"You know, I'm not sure I'm ready to be in a relationship right now." After Luhan, he dated a few guys, each ending as terribly as the last. he did find out, though, he actually only ruined the people he cared about. As if that was a sign of improvement.  He didn't want to get his hopes up just for them to be destroyed right after. He was just fine being single: less stress, less problems, less fights, and less emotions. A duller life, almost as if he was anesthetized.

"Look, minseok, I've known you for 3 years now, and grew up with that oversized puppy. I think you can make each other very happy. Just give it a shot, okay? Think about it." He took a pen out of his bag and wrote a number in Minseok's hand. "Keep it simple."

As he got up and left, Minseok sat wondering what he would do. He could let the hot water make the numbers disappear from his skin on the shower, or actually take action and call Chanyeol.

He ended up calling Chanyeol. Denying his feelings wouldn't get him anywhere, so he drank 3 cups of coffee, 2 beers and ate a donut before doing so (a man has to gain courage before going on battle). It went something like:

"Hello! Park Chanyeol speaking" He heard a deep voice answer and swallowed. Time to throw his pride out of the window. Wouldn't be the first or the last time, now that he thought about it.

"Hey, it's Minseok."

"Oh, hyung! How'd  you get my number?"

"Baekhyun gave it to me."

"Is it about that graphic you weren't doing right? I know in our next class you'll learn it, don't worry. I'm not such an incompetent teacher, right! Though sometimes I certainly look like one. Also-"  Chanyeol had a habit of rambling endlessly about everything and anything,

especially when he was nervous.

"Actually, no. I was wondering if you were free next friday night?"

" Uh. Yeah, I am."

"So would you like to go out with me? To the movies.  There's a spanish restaurant heard is nice near there, too, so we could eat something afterwards."

"That sounds just lovely. But, wait. You're asking me out?"

"Yeah."

"As in, on a date?"

"Well, you can call it whatever you want, but yes."

"Holy guacamole. Okay. Alright. Great. Fantastic! Let's meet at 6 on the bench near the library?"

"Yeah, now that you mentioned it, there probably is guacamole there. Anyway, sounds great. See you then."

"Okay! Oh, and hyung. Sweet dreams tonight!"

"To you too, Chanyeol."

After a week of Baekhyun and Tao pestering him about his date,  he was a little more than nervous on friday. He was on Tao's apartment, on the student dorm, trying to calm down.

"Today is the big day" Tao decided on starting a really bad rap about their date. "and after it together you will stay/ I can just see it when close my eyes/ how you will be two sappy little pies"

"What?" Sehun interrupted.

"Sehun! You can't stop the flow. My rhymes were sick. I was actually thinking of dropping engineering to become a underground rapper. I'd totally rock it."

"Of course, because saying I'll become a sappy little pie always sounds great on rap." Minseok started organizing Tao's books; the kid lived in a mess of an apartment, and he had the habit of throwing his books on the floor, along with his clothes, shoes, bags and basically anything. Minseok had the urge to organize everything as soon as he passed the front door. "Aren't you giving me too much attention? Sehun there will feel neglected and you will get your dumped. Also, I think you'd starve if you actually became  a rapper."

"Excuse you! My boyfriend receives enough attention, and no one on their right mind would kick this beautiful piece of ."

"Meh."

"SEHUN. PLEASE HELP ME HERE."

"You know, it's not like he's wrong. I could use more attention. And you would starve as a rapper."

"Anything else to hurt my pride?"

"You do have an amazing piece of ."

"I knew I was dating you for a reason."

Minseok arrived 10 minutes early, as he liked to do, and waited for Chanyeol. When he arrived, running, he didn't stop. He did, actually, hug Minseok hard enough to squeeze juice out of him, and lifted him on the air.

"Wow, that's what call an entrance. What was that for?"

"You looked very cute. I couldn't help myself. You know, when you want to hug someone, I think you shouldn't keep it to yourself. After all, who doesn't like receiving a hug?"

"You have a point." Minseok could feel himself starting to grin. "Let's go, I bought tickets for the sappiest love comedy playing. I thought you'd like it."

Boy, was he right. Chanyeol really lived up to the nickname he had in college, 'reaction king'. He laughed at every joke, actually cried at the sad moments, and looked completely tense as the bride ran as fast as possible to get to the church on time. It was entertaining, and, Minseok thought, endearing. They went to the spanish restaurant, ordered paella and guacamole, and talked. They found out they were both fans of sports, had Christmas as their favorite holiday (Valentines Day has chocolates, yeah, but presents?? Gingerbread houses???) and sometimes would like to punch Baekhyun in the nose for being a nosy little . Stuff you don't  get to know during study sessions. Minseok could already feel himself growing used to Chanyeol's voice, and could imagine drifting to sleep to the sound of it.

"Soooo, here we are. Your place." Chanyeol lived close to the movie theater, but insisted on bringing Minseok home. He was looking down, as if making a confession. His cheeks were a pinkish color because of the cold wind blowing, and he shivered on his jacket."I had a lovely evening. Thank you for asking me out. I think if I had to do this on my own I'd have to grow an extra pair of balls. "

"What? That's crazy. You talk like I'm some kind of big deal."

"No, it's true. It's because you always seemed so... unreachable, you know. Like a dream. Crafted by hand for me, but I could never have it."

"I'm here now."

"And I can't believe it."

Minseok stood on tiptoes and kissed Chanyeol. Gently, softly, with the promise of many more to come.

"And in that, do you believe?"

***

Someone very wise once asked "do you believe in life after love?". Okay, it was Cher. But there is no reason why she couldn't be wise, and the question holds some truth. Chanyeol had a hard time believing he had lived before Minseok. They had fallen into an easy relationship, fitting together like puzzle pieces. And Baekhyun was hearing all about it.

"You know, last night we were watching this movie and there was only one popcorn left on the bowl-''

"Hmmmmmmm." Baekhyun was trying really hard to look interested. Or at least he liked to think he was.

"And we fought for it and ended up kissing on the floor and I really don't have any idea of how the movie ended." Chanyeol said on a dreamy voice.

"Sounds like someone got lucky, heh?"

"....Yeeeeeah. About that."

"What? You know, you don't have to give me any details, I'm not interested in your life and-"

"We haven't done it yet." Chanyeol blurted out.

Baekhyun stared at him in shock, as if he'd been bitten by an extremely poisonous insect whose venom would spread faster the more he moved."What do you mean? You've been dating for 5 months and haven't stopped talking about him for 10. How on earth are you still not getting laid??"

"Look, it's not like I don't want it, or haven't tried. But Minseokkie always has an excuse. I think he's afraid of something, but I can't quite place my finger on it.

"Well, I know for a fact he's not a . So it can't be that. Have you tried asking him?"

"Yeah, I know, he told me about how he did it first with his first boyfriend, all very cute and... How do you know with so much certainty?" He looked at Baekhyun suspiciously. "Where's the poop, Baekhyun?"

Baekhyun at least had the decency to look guilty. "It was our freshmen year, we were drunk, okay? It's not like it matters."

"Well, it matters to me because the world obviously is trying to punish me here. How come a hobbit like you had with him and I haven't??" Now he was starting to shriek. Baekhyun walked up to him, looking at him in the eye with the most dignified look a person looking up could give.

"Yeollie, I set you guys up, so I'm obviously not interested. And I really don't remember much from that night. It was a mistake, it is done, and I hope you don't hold me against it. I think you really should talk to him about it. There's no relationship if there is no communication." Now he at least seemed to have calmed down a little. And accepted the reality.

"Thanks, Baek. You really know how to help me."

"Best friends are for that."

"And I'll forgive you since junior year I slept with that Kyungsoo guy you've been trying to bang."

"WHA-?"

"Same story, we were at a party, drunk, don't really remember much. I'll go find Minseokkie! Bye bye! ~"He left with a kiss on Baekhyun's cheek and leaped to the door.

"How the hell....?" Baekhyun was starting to wonder when his phone rang. It was Suho.

"Hey Byun! How's it going?" he said in his usual cheerful voice.

"I'm fine, thanks. Why'd you call me?" He was blunt, after all, he was going to need time to curse Park Chanyeol until the gods decided to send lightning right on top of his head. Or his smug face.

"You know how you asked me to sweet talk you to Kyungsoo? Well, it worked, and we're going on a double date! You, Kyungsoo, me and my girlfriend Shiberi. It'll be so much fun!"

"Wow, thanks, dude.. I really appreciate it. Just have to sort out some thoughts. Call you later. Bye." Where did he leave his voodoo dolls again?

"Bye!"

Chanyeol arrived running on Minseok's apartment, just like their first date and the same way he entered his life, really. Everything now was more vibrant, if only because there was a giant by his side with a smile bright as the sun.

"Hey, baby. What's the hurry?" He looked at Chanyeol on the doorframe, from the couch, where he was watching Mean Girls.

"Let's have !" Chanyeol said, flashing his 200 volts smile.

"What?" He looked at him in disbelief. "That was sudden. Why now? At.... Eight fifty-five on a tuesday?"

"Because! I like you a lot and we've been going out for 5 months and either my hand or my balls are going to fall and you keep wearing those obnoxiously short shorts" He pointed accusingly. "and if there is a reason for us not to can you tell me please?"

"Well..." He had a feeling on the pit of his stomach. It meant 'run away while you still can', and he knew it wasn't going to end prettily. But the temptation was too big. The beast inside of him was awake. "No. There isn't a reason."

The couch would need to go to the dry-clean. Good thing Minseok had a discount.

Minseok woke up next morning to a empty apartment and a sour taste on his mouth. He picked up his phone, seeing that, besides the silly texts from the group chat rooms he was in, there were no missed calls. That was probably a bad sign, he thought, as he took  a shower and got dressed. He'd go to classes as normal, and wait for Chanyeol to call for them to meet up for lunch, as usual. He could feel a black cloud looming over him, the rain waiting for the right time to fall to make him feel as miserable as possible. It was going to be a long day.

"We did it, and I called you because I freaked out and I have no idea what to do now." Chanyeol sounded the littlest bit desperate. The reason was he had no clue how much Minseok could change. He was always sweet (sassy and sarcastic, sure, but sweet). And the past night Chanyeol felt like he was looking at a completely different person. He was rough and demanding, like an animal. While it was satisfying, it felt almost as if he was taking a part of Chanyeol to his own pleasure. He was wild and untamable, a beautiful beast Chanyeol was not sure he was able to handle.

"Okay, stud. Who was complaining about not getting any just yesterday again? What happened, you chickened out? I bet you didn't last even a minute. Must've been embarrassing." Baekhyun's always pleasant voice (not) sounded even cockier on the phone, if such a thing was possible. But best friends are best friends, and you've got to work with what you've got.

"I think you just made me cry a little. And no, I didn't chicken out, you little annoying bastard. It just wasn't quite what I was expecting. And I don't know how to deal with it. Help me out here?"

"I think that for someone that calls me for advice when his shoelaces untie, you don't listen to what I say enough. I already told you, stupid. Talk to him. The worst thing you could do, really, is freak out and disappear for a week like you usually do when facing a problem. And yes, this is a threat." There goes Chanyeol's #1 plan. Running away for a while was a habit from his childhood, from when he messed up and ran before his parents found out. He would always get in more trouble later on, but he liked having the time to think and accept the mistake he'd just done. Sometimes our actions move faster than our minds, and we need to stop and process just what exactly is happening. "Also, I think you're missing the biggest thing here: does it really matter? I mean, it wasn't what you expected. Do you want to break up with him because of it?"

"Okay. No. Yeah. You're right. Thanks! Hope you get lucky after the big date tomorrow!"

"How'd you know about that??" Baekhyun asked, scandalized.

"Suho texted me. Bye! Good luck!"

"To you, too." He sensed they both could use it. Maybe visiting the shrine for a good luck charm wasn't such a bad idea.

They met on a diner near the campus, much to Minseok's surprise. It was a nice place, where they often had lunch. The waitress seemed to have a crush on Chanyeol and always gave them a discount. The red leather booths were familiar, and Minseok hoped they would stay that way; comforting and cozy, just like Chanyeol. After they ordered a pizza, he started talking.

"I know it wasn't exactly what you were expecting, and I apologize." He started. " I understand if you don't want to be with me anymore. You wouldn't be the first, really. That was why it took so long for us to do it, I knew what was going to happen and was afraid of hurting you. But I guess you don't have to worry about that anymore, since I'll be gone."

"Wha-? What do you mean 'gone', Minseok?" Chanyeol asked on a shaky voice.

"Well, I'll do my best for us not to cross paths. You don't have to worry about us being a nuisance to each other. I'll go my way, you will go yours, and we'll end up fading to a memory on the other's past" A bitter one, he added mentally. He had actually let himself hope this time. So much for being a fool. "It will be better like this."

"Well, what if I don't think so, Minseok?" Chanyeol had a reluctant expression clouding his face. "I like what we have. I love it. And do you really want it to end? I mean, you weren't what I was expecting, but now it's not news anymore. We can have a second time, a third time, and many more after that. We can learn together." He no longer looked like a puppy that had been kicked out of his house, but more like a determined labrador swearing loyalty to his companion.

That was a first. Minseok definitely wasn't expecting that. Who'd say there could be a life after the first night? No one had made him believe before, but this time, he wanted to give in, again and again, until all he could see every morning would be Chanyeol's dumb face sleeping.

"But... I can't guarantee you it'll get better. I might never improve. Why'd you want me if you can have someone treating you better, making you feel whole instead of tearing you apart?" His eyes were beginning to sting, and the tears were starting to flow. "I don't deserve to be with you, if we are going to break eventually."

"Don't you understand?" Chanyeol got up, taking Minseok's hand and heading outside. "The risk is worth it. I prefer to be broken with you than to be whole with someone else. I can't perceive anyone making me feel the way you do, and that's a good thing." They were facing each other, while people passed by, looking curiously. Everybody's hungry for a love story. "Because I don't want anyone else. I want you."

Chanyeol reached out, wiping Minseok's tears. They looked at each other, with a promise in their eyes. He knew it would take great amounts of cooperation and dialogue; after all, it was a relationship. And he also knew he was willing to bend over backwards to make this work. Love, he believed, could overcome all obstacles. All it took was two hearts beating and the confirmation:

"I want you, too. I love you, Chanyeol."

They kissed.

***

"So I hear somebody's having trouble walking lately?" Minseok was on the phone with Baekhyun. He missed absolutely no opportunities when it came to making fun of the youngest, especially when they included the said man's life. "And you go around saying you top. As if anyone believes that kind of crap. Just because Soo is cute, doesn't mean you can lie shamelessly around campus about being dominant for the first time on your life."

"Haven't you made fun of me enough already?" Baekhyun moaned miserably. "What do you want from me? You can take my stats homework, I don't even care anymore."

"That would be a tempting offer if I actually took statistics. English major, remember? Plans to starve to death? Anyway, we're going out tonight, and I'm inviting you, though I'm really not sure why. Maybe you can pay the check later."

"Har har har. I'll talk to Kyungsoo, we're going. Is it a special occasion?"

"Yeah, Yixing's birthday. We're going to a club, get drunk, throw up on each other, all that jazz. A magical evening." The usual, Minseok thought. They were college students, after all.

"Sounds very accurate. I can still find glitter on my hair from Tao's birthday. I don't think it was a good idea to go to a strip club."

"It was your idea. You practically jammed us in to that taxi."

"Oh. Right. I don't really remember much from that night. Anyway, you and Chanyeol have your 1 year anniversary coming up, right? Chanyeol won't shut up about it."

"Yeah." One year. Time really had flown by. When looking back, all Minseok could see was a blur of Chanyeol's smell, his hair (dyed in a surprising 4 colors in that period), the freckles on his back, the way he smiled when he saw something stupid on television, and the eyes that looked at Minseok as if he was the most precious thing in the entire world. Just... Chanyeol. All of him."Thank you, by the way. For setting us up."

"No problem, you know I'm the matchmaker of the century. I even managed to save my own pathetic love life. Just gotta learn how to make him stay." Baekhyun really was serious about Kyungsoo. For the first time, Minseok saw him actually blush when talking to someone. He knew, also, from his connections, that Kyungsoo liked Baek enough to give him a chance, despite the constant blabbering and teasing. When the two went to karaoke along with their group of friends, though, everybody stopped talking and took in the moment. Their duets were magical, as if meant to be.

"I'm about to give you some really good advice, so listen up and soak in the wisdom, my friend." He said on a cocky voice. He had, after all, learned some things on the past year. Good things, bad things; experiences. "Keep it simple."