“You sure you’ll be okay?” Sungyeol asked with worry filled in his whole body. “Hyung, I swear, he’s not a baby.” Sungyeol’s brother, Sungjong, groaned out. “Yes, I’m fine. Sungjong’s here.” I added. “I don’t trust him, though.” Sungyeol whined. Sungjong scoffed.

“I’m your brother!” He screeched. “Hyung, get out! Go to work already, you’ll be late! Don’t leave your students waiting!” I heard shuffling, Sungyeol’s protests and a door opening and closing. I laughed at their behavior, I bet it would’ve been funny to watch.

“So, Myung hyung, what do you want to do? Hungry? Want to listen to music?” Sungjong asked and I heard the chair beside me being pulled out. “I just usually, sit here. I guess.” I shrugged. “Do you want to sleep?” I shook my head then stood up slowly reaching out for support. Sungjong quickly grabbed my arms and held me in place. “I want to see my camera.” “I’ll get it, just sit.” Sungjong pushed me back down and I heard his footsteps disappear then reappear. “Ah, here.” Sungjong set it on the table.

I grabbed out for it and it met my hands. “I missed this feeling.” I laughed to myself. “I miss taking pictures.” I continued. Sungjong sighed beside me. “I miss being able to see.”

“Hyung, what’s wrong?” Sungjong gasped. I was confused but then I felt it. A single tear falling down my cheek like in the dramas. Another tear followed and I laughed at this. I was crying. “I-I’m fine Sungjong. I just…I just want to see. I want to see you and Sungyeol. I want to see my camera and everything.” I wiped my tears but more filled their place.

I set my camera down covered my face. “What is this?” I laughed once more. The tears wouldn’t stop. “Hyung, stop, please.” Sungjong’s voice cracked and I could tell he was sad also. I felt his arms wrap around me and before I never realized how cold I felt. “Don’t hold it in. hyung.” Sungjong whispers.

“Hold what?” I responded but my voice cracked on both words. I guess I was caught. “I’m sorry, I just can’t believe it.” I sighed as more tears fell and Sungjong’s shoulder grew wet. “Your shirt.” I said and pulled away. “I-I’ll get you a new one.” I said rising up but in that moment I forgot. I heard Sungjong shout a single ‘wait’ but I didn’t know.

As I stood, I hit my foot on the table leg and fell into the chair which fell over. My sunglasses flew off I felt out for them with my eyes closed shut. “Hyung, are you okay?” Sungjong fell to the floor and tried to pick me up. “I’m fine! I just need my glasses.” I stressed as I crawled for my glasses. “I just need…I just. The ing glasses.” I cried out and I felt my face being drenched in tears. I cried out for Sungjong to see and reclined back on my knees.

“Hyung! Please get up!” Sungjong begged as he pulled me up. “Don’t cry, please.” He whispered as he wiped at my tears. “I can’t stop.” I hiccupped and helped wipe my tears. “It’s okay, I’m fine.”

“Stop saying that!” Sungjong practically screamed. “You literally a crying mess on the floor. I’m afraid you’ll drown in your own tears. Don’t tell me bull like that. You’re not okay. Now please, get up!”

I was shocked but I rose up with from Sungjong he set me back in the chair. Soon, a napkin was pressed to my face and I took it gratefully as my fingers were wet and they couldn’t do much anymore. I was starting to calm down and I was thankful to Sungjong. “Thank you.” I whispered as I hiccupped again.

I woke up and he wasn’t there, not that it wasn’t any different. It just felt wrong and I wasn’t happy. My ring was still on my finger and I spun it around. A sigh flew out of my mouth and I laid back down. Today, work just didn’t feel right and I was resisting the urge to call in sick. It wouldn’t be a lie though, I felt sick to my stomach.

In the end, I got up anyway and headed towards to the bathroom grabbing my towel along the way. I the water and stripped as it warmed up. I pulled the curtain back and the first step in left my body drenched in warm water. I felt my body drastically warm up as I cupped my hands and splashed water onto my face. The shampoo was soon falling onto my hand in a perfect swirl and I rubbed my hands together and ran them through my hair as I massaged and scrubbed.

Once I was done, I rinsed my hair and grabbed the soap. I slathered my whole body in the fragrant substance and rinsed off. I turned off the water and climbed out. Four minutes and 56 seconds. I was making progress.

I took out my gray slacks and white dress shirt with a black tie and put it all on. My jacket popped so I just grabbed a sweater and headed out. Again, his car wasn’t in the drive way but it still felt wrong. His whole nonexistent presence hurt. I slipped my sweater on and walked towards bus stop.

The scene played out as Deja-vu as I rushed to the bus and found a seat. I adjusted my tie and tucked in my shirt as I tried to find a comforting position to not have bottom pain. I was unsuccessful.

I rode the whole way as close as I could get to my work building and climbed off to start my final trek before I would be late. My steps quickened as I kept a close eye at my watch and soon broke out into a sprint as I rushed to the door. I burst through the door and stopped to catch my breath as my coworkers stared with widened eyes.

“Are you okay? You still had five minutes, you didn’t have to run.” My office neighbor told me as I shuffled to my office. “Oh, and Howon wanted me to ask you again about the retreat. You in or out?”

I paused, remembering about Sunggyu again and took my time to answer. “I’m in. We both are, I mean.”

“Eh, yeah okay. Those documents for tomorrow’s meeting? You got it, kay?” He said with a wink and an index finger and thumb pointed my way. And of course, I had no idea what he meant. “Documents? What documents?”

He held a hand to his heart and pretend fainted but then revived himself. “The ones about the new project? You need a PowerPoint showing the pros and cons and the stocks and our business ranking? The paper talking about how we can make this the best of the best? Do you care at all about a rise in stocks?” He ranted with animated actions.

“I don’t know!” I stressed as I ran my hands through my hair. “Oh, no! There goes my job and yours! , ! I like this job, Woohyun! For once, I like a job!” “Ugh.” I groaned obviously tired and annoyed. “Kibum, I get it. I’ll have it just give me some time.” I sighed and opened my office door as my coworker still had a mental breakdown outside. I rubbed my temples to soothe the now growing migraine.

I my computer and took of my sweater while the screen loaded. It finished and I typed in the password and the screen popped up. I laughed. The desktop background was a picture of me and Sunggyu on our honeymoon. It’s funny how the company let us do that but they were chill, so I did.

I had my arms wrapped around his neck from the back and he crossed his arms over mine and his head turned slightly to give me the biggest smile, eyes disappearing. I looked back at him with a blinding smile of my own.

“Ah, we were so happy.” I breathed. I can’t say that about us anymore. I wish I could but I can’t.  I wish I didn’t have to wonder if he still wanted to be with me like he did. Or, if he cheated. I don’t know if I want to know that, I’m better off not knowing. I wished we could smile like that again without it being forced. I thought it all.

I stared at the papers I still had left to grade but I wasn’t actually reading anything. I still held my pen in my hand, ready to mark at any grammar or punctuation mistakes but I couldn’t concentrate. Every time my eyes focused again, they just wondered out to space and I found myself thinking of Myungsoo once more.

I felt so bad that I couldn’t think straight. I put up such a façade in front of Myungsoo that I almost believed myself but that question came flying again back into my head. I knew it was all me, my brain wouldn’t let me un know that but I knew it so well that it was driving me crazy and my chest always hurt so I had to close my eyes and take deep breaths…

“Mr. Lee?” I heard and I popped back into reality. I shot my head up and saw my student standing in front of me. “Are you okay, Mr. Lee?” She asked and I gave a smile and a light nod. “I’m fine, why do you ask?” She looked confused. “I was saying your name for five minutes.” I paused and saw the whole class was looking at me. “Oh, um well…” The bell cut me off. “Oh, um, class dismissed.”

The students starting to pack their things and I look at the clock to see it was only lunch period now and I still had three more classes. I sighed into my hands and brought out my lunch. I opened up the container and stared. I took a good long stare at my ‘lunch’ and let out a good long laugh. What the hell was I thinking?

My lunch was rice and an eggroll on the side. That’s it. Myungsoo would always make my lunch before he went to class because I didn’t know how to cook decent things and so I took it upon myself to make my own lunch. I guess I was too tired last night to really process what I was doing because this lunch was just downright pitiful.

My laugh was interrupted by a knock on the door that was already open. I looked up. “Ah, Dongwoo. Hey.” I waved an eggroll before taking a bite of it.  “Mm, yeah. I heard about the accident.” I choked on my eggroll.

“You know the retreat my husband is holding this weekend? You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.” He looked down and messed with his fingers. “I don’t want to force it on you.” I force swallowed my eggroll and stood up shaking my hand furiously.

“No, no, no. It’s okay, we are going. I talked to Myungsoo last night and he said he still wanted to go. He didn’t want to disappoint you.” I answered quickly because Dongwoo’s pout was growing by the second and I never knew a lower lip could poke out that far.

“Really?” I nodded. “Yes, really. Saturday at 5am right?”

“Yep, you got it! But really if it’s too much, call me and I’ll tell Howon, okay?” He smiled brightly. “And also.” He began. “What is that?” He asked as he pointed towards my sorry excuse for a meal. “I cooked it.” I simply explained. “Oh.” Dongwoo’s mouth forming to an O as he knows of my amazingly terrible cooking skills. Ramen is my best bet.

“Well, be safe from now on, Sungyeol. Tell Myungsoo I miss and love him.” Dongwoo sang. “I won’t.” I joked with my best smile. “Yah, Lee Sungyeol.” He raised his voice and his face turned serious. He stepped close to me with his arm raised. “I’m sorry, really.” I said as I cried as I held up my arms for defense but he just shook my shoulders. “Are you still sick? You rascal.” He said as he finally walked out.

Even though I could think about sleeping right now or finishing my marathon Grey’s Anatomy when I get home, my mind raced back to Woohyun. Yes, I loved him a lot but I just felt our relationship wasn’t good. I know that sounds weird, that I love and he loves me and our relationship doesn’t work but really. Maybe, our personalities don’t match? When I first met Woohyun, I thought he was a douche that couldn’t keep it in his pants and I didn’t want anything to do with him. But, I actually talked to him one day.

I proposed to him, and I was happy then. But now, I’m not happy. I’m not happy with where we stand with our relationship. It’s like people and skinny jeans. It won’t fit but they keep forcing it and they finally get them on but then the button rips or the jeans tear when you bed down. Now you have to buy new pants. Or sew the button back on. I want to start sewing but I don’t have a kit. You get it?

I shook my head and gave it a few good hits to focus my eyes and mind back on the road and I gripped the steering wheel and sped up.

I stopped at a stop light and again, Woohyun came to mind. I felt like I was being the douche now. A total . I don’t know how or why I did that to Woohyun. Why I took off my ring and left it there. Why I always left him alone in the mornings and never thanked him for everything. I banged my head on the steering wheel and several honks from irritated drivers informed me that the light had turned green.

I started to drive again but soon gave up and pulled over. I took out my phone and dialed Woohyun’s number. It went straight to voicemail and I cursed. He should be home by now and wondered if he was ignoring me or if his phone was dead. I just hoped the second was true.

I pulled back into the street and drove down the street to where I pulled into a hotel parking lot and climbed. I checked in before work this morning and it felt weird to only ask for one key, I would always get two for Woohyun and myself.

I took out the key from my wallet and unlocked the door. I took off my shoes and threw my bag onto the orange couch with the hard cushions. The bed was much more comforting.

I loosened my tie and threw it to the floor as I fell face first to the bed and took out my phone again. I sent a text and stared at my phone as my legs unknowingly started to swing back forth. I felt like a teenage girl waiting for my crush to text back. How embarrassing.

I quickly threw phone away from me and walked back to the main room and sat on the couch. I pushed my bag off for more room and the TV. I clicked On Demand and found Grey’s Anatomy. The episode began and I was getting into it. For five minutes. I then went back to my phone and sent another text. 

In an attempt to distract myself once more, I took a hot pocket and put it in the microwave. I tapped my fingers impatiently and stared at the timer for a while until I went cross eyed and it finally went off. I took it out and took a bite.

“Ah, hot! !” I practically screamed at the cheese and ham volcano explosion that erupted in my mouth.  I grabbed a glass of water and choked it as the hotness subsided and my minor mouth burns were healing. I grabbed my phone again and typed in another text.

‘I almost died. Hot pockets are dangerous.’

I shook my head and sighed. I felt helpless now. I erased the text.

 When I texted Woohyun, he always answered ten minutes or less but now its thirty five minutes and counting. I sent a text.

‘Woohyun, please answer me.’

I left my phone on the counter and walked back to the bedroom. I covered myself with the blanket and laid like a ragdoll underneath the comforter until I felt heat consume me. I felt like I was dying but I would only be reborn again. I laid back down.

“Myungsoo.” My voice echoed off the walls as I entered the house and Sungjong ran up to shush me. “He’s sleeping, don’t bother him.” He scolded and took my bag from me.

“Sungjong, is he okay? Anything happen?” I wondered as I made a glass of water and cleared my throat. I sat down in a chair but it wobbled, the glass fell and so did I. “What the…Sungjong? The happened to the chair?”

“Oh, hyung! I’m sorry!” He exclaimed as he helped me up and picked up the chair. One of the legs were cracked. “Sorry.” He mumbled. “I-I fell. I had tripped on the chair and it cracked. I’ll buy you a new.” He offered but I shook my head. “No, it’s fine. Be careful next time.” Sungjong nodded.

“Oh, and do you know how to cook?” I asked as I picked up the now broken glass cup. “Uh, yeah. I can cook fairly well. Why?” He asked as he rocked back and forth on his feet. “I don’t trust myself around the stove and I don’t want to accidentally cause a fire. Can you make a few things I can just reheat and feed to Myungsoo, my cooking is good.” I sighed and threw away the last off the glass. A grabbed paper towels to wipe up the mess.

“Hyung, that’s sad. How did you never learn to cook? You’ll kill Myungsoo with that.”

I paused and stood up. Kill? Why would I kill Myungsoo?

“What? Is that a joke?” I said as Sungjong’s expression slowly changed. “Huh? No, I didn’t m-mean it that way.” He stuttered as h shook his head. “Don’t ing joke like that. You should know better.” I seethed and bent back down to finish cleaning. “I love Myungsoo. I won’t kill him.”

“I’m sorry.” Sungjong whispered but I heard it.

“Look, I’m sorry. I’ve been in a terrible mood ever since you know what. I just can’t believe this happened. I just can’t believe I did this, I mean, it could’ve been me. If I didn’t just-“

“Stop! You and Myungsoo need to put that in the past and I know it’s hard but please. You both are tearing yourselves apart from it. So stop.”

“Both? What do you mean both?” I abandoned the spill that was starting to dry on it’s on.

“I didn’t want to say this but Myungsoo had a meltdown today and he kept saying he was fine but he was literally drowning in his own tears. Don’t you know that? Has he not said anything?” I shook my head dumbly. Sungjong rubbed his head. “Idiot…”

I dropped the paper towel and headed towards the bedroom. I opened the door slowly and Myungsoo was laid cooped up under the blanket. I went and knelt down beside Myungsoo and looked at him. He did look peaceful and always thought he really was but, he seems to be hurting as much as me.

It’s funny how I was mad at first that he didn’t tell me, but I didn’t tell him I was beating myself up over it. This pain is pain we probably both share, pain that is slowly eating us alive. “Myungsoo…” I sighed and it was my time to feel darkness surround me. Did I take away Myungsoo’s color?

I felt his hand ghost over my head and I looked up. “Sungyeol, why are you on the floor? Come on the bed.” He said I shook my head. I couldn’t see his features but I could tell he was frowning. “Why didn’t you tell me?” It was my line now.

“Tell you what? I tell you everything.” He said.

“No, Myungsoo. But, I feel I can’t get mad over this. I didn’t tell you either.” I said.

“What Sungyeol? What?” He started to sound worried. “Myungsoo, that you were hurt. That you feel pain. Why?” I held back tears. “I don’t want to feel that alone. I want you to tell me. So I’ll tell you. Ii know it’s my fault for the accident. I know I did this to you and you forgive me. Myungsoo, I’m so sorry.” My eyes stung and my throat hurt.

“Sungyeol.” Myungsoo finally said and I could tell he already started crying. “You didn’t do this. Please don’t think you did. Please, that hurts me more than what I could be feeling right now.”

“Myungsoo.”

“Come on up, now.” He said as he pulled at my arms and I nodded my head this time. I climbed on and positioned myself next to him. He pulled my shirt and I slid closer to him. “I’m sorry.” We both said in unison. I laughed and reached out to wipe his tears.

“Don’t be sad, Sungyeol.” Myungsoo told me.

I woke up with puffy eyes and a raging headache. Not a great way to wake up on a Friday. I felt my shirt soaked in a strange liquid and I didn’t think I could make it to work today. I scratched my head and yawned but stopped midway as my headache pierced my skull. I fell over in pain as I held my head.

Five minutes later and I fell out of my position. My legs were sprawled on the bed and my arms flailed over my head. I glanced at the clock and surprisingly I wasn’t late. Yet. Three…two…one. Now I was. I picked up my cellphone and dialed the company number and waited patiently as the dialing tone ended and the rings began.

My boss’s voice answered and he sounded more annoyed than pissed. “What? Sunggyu? Are you coming in or not?” He sighed.

“Not, sorry. I’m not feeling well.” I groaned for extra effect. “Okay, get better.” And the dial tone started. He threw the phone and breathed into my hands. My fingers started to work at rubbing my head and soon gave that up for ibuprofen.

A gulp and ten minutes later, I was done showering on putting on some clothes. Once I finished, I grabbed my car keys and my phone. I was opening the hotel door when my phone chimed and I closed the door fully before I looked at it.

‘Woohyun (3) Message.’

 ‘Sunggyu.’

‘I’ve been thinking about things and I don’t know where I stand in your heart. Remember our honeymoon? I still have the picture. And I still love you but I can’t tell if it’s the same for you.’

‘So what I mean to say is…do you still love me.’

I dropped my keys as I covered my mouth with my free hand and my heart shattered into tiny pieces I didn’t know how to pick up. I didn’t understand, I told Woohyun I loved him. And I still do love him. Even though we aren’t right, I still showed it right? Or at least I tried to.

No, that was me being the I am. Remember, I’m the douche.

I picked up my keys and stuffed my phone into my pocket. I pressed the elevator button but it was taking too long so I just ran towards the emergency exit stairs and sprinted down the stairs. I flew out of the door and ran into the lobby probably looking crazy as my hair was flying everywhere.

I opened up my car door and turned it on in a split second. The car started up with a hum and I backed out, then slammed the gear lever to drive as I sped out of the parking lot and into the road. Every time I was caught at a stop light, I would to my fingers impatiently and bite my lips to the point of scabs and blisters.

I drove down the street towards our house but then realized it was Friday. He had work. I stopped midway and turned in reverse towards the bus stop hoping to see him sitting there. As I pulled up, the bus was just pulling away. I stepped harder on the gas and trailed right behind the bus as I followed it to every stop until Woohyun finally got out. I saw him step off and fix his suit jacket as he started to walk towards his building.

 I drove over to the curb and parked as I hopped out still leaving the keys in the ignition in such a rush. I ran towards him breathing heavily and as he heard my footsteps he turned around. I caught him in a hug that threw his body back as he dropped his things.

“I still love you! I was just being an idiot and not showing how much I appreciated you. Woohyun.” I pulled back and I could see he was in shock. His eyes were threatening tears. “I love you so much.”

He slowly raised his arms to hug me back and my shoulder grew wet.

“Thank you, Sunggyu.” He said with hiccups.

Is that too rushed? I mean I meant for it to be only three parts and I still have the mountain retreat to write but yeah. And I was planning on making an after story for both couples after the fact. So yeah, there is a chapter left to write but don’t worry. I’m working on a Myungyeol fluff right now and that will be posted once this one is over. So thank you! And enjoy further updates!