You thought you'd give being an idol a try thinking it'd be fun.  You were soooo wrong.  If going back in time was possible you would do anything to get that opportunity.  An opportunity to fix all the mishaps you've created. The words 'I should've never been born' felt right when said by you.  You only brought bad omen to people you care the most.  Sometimes you feel like succide is the only way to go but somehow that thought always escaped from your mind.