I am a ed up person because I choose to be one but that doesn't mean I am happy of what I have become. I have to live everyday with the fact that I am were I am now because of my own doing. I am not a happy person but I long to be happy. I want to be happy. I am fighting to be happy. I don't know what the future has in store for me. I don't know if i'll ever find peace and happiness. All I know is that every day is a struggle, a fight, a chance, a blessing and a curse. I feel that I am alive but I am barely living.