A/N: If you are encountering a problem with the shop's lay-out, can you please give me a screencapture of what it looks line in your browser, and then I'll see what I can do. I seriously can't figure out what's wrong because I've tried it out in multiple browsers in my laptop and my phone as well, and nothing came out wrong, so please provide a screencap and enlighten me. Thank you.
I'm sorry, but I would like to cancel my entry. "Enemies Are Closer", I don't have time to write a new story with all the brainstorming and stuff.
:( I'll join next time when I have my free time again.
Chapter 171: Cham - it was my choice not writing more about her, because I wanted to focus on Kai's and Sehun's relationship and it would alter the flow of the story. Also, Kai couldn't understand her so how could he explain to the reader what she was thinking? One of my favorite parts was to try guess from what Kai tells us what she may be thinking. And that is why there are not a lot of scenes with them, but you are kinda of right - they did get engaged pretty fast. Part of it, I think, is because they are at war and when confronted with death some people do things faster than they otherwise would (people used to marry on the day they met during world war II) because of the fear of death. But I understand that this wasn't clear since it may not have shown it on the fic. I will take in consideration for the future. Also, I'm glad you noticed the irony that if Kai abandoned Cham, when he came back to Korea he would have to marry a girl that was picked for him and would not be with Sehun.
Lack of internal conflict - It was also kind of my choice. Kai was a dreamer (Sehun says it to the reader many times) who prefered to think of the positivesthan the negatives. He understod it would be difficult for Cham in another culture, for example, but he choose not to focus on it and even got angry at Sehun when he pointed it out. So his internal conflict is rather low - he is impulsive and a dreamer. That is why, I think, he decided to leave Sehun behind.
Sehun - I;m glad you like him, because he is also one of my favorites (my all time favorite is actually Cham). He is, as you said it, safely in the middle. Not good, not bad - just real (in all his anger and disapointment too). But I may agree with you - it would have been better for him to show more love towards Kai (althouth if he had Kai would have rebuked him and the story would end way sooner LOL).
I'm glad that you liked it and for your review! Sorry for writing so much too, but like any mother I love to talk about my baby!
Chapter 171: - Description and Foreword - First I'm glad you liked it, second I'm not really sure what you mean when you said they are redundant. You mean that because all of them are about war the reader gets tired of the same subject? Also, thanks for the reviewed version, but I will have to think about if I will use it or not. Some things I agree with, others like the uses of dashes and some of the things you said are just my style of writing. If I took that out, it wouldn't be me writing it, and really, the worst thing for an author is for his piece to lose his soul. But tenses are hard for me since I'm not and english native speaker.
- Unity of characters - I'm glad you could understand where the characters were coming from and their actions. I was a bit surprised when you said you couldn't understand why Kai would be at the war when I mentioned it directly: "For me – who have always dreamed in seeing the world (one of the reasons I enlisted in the army, even before it became mandatory for all men to come and fight in Vietnam) – it is amazing that someone could be so content in a tiny piece of land in the middle of nowhere.". So yeah, he enlisted because he wanted to see he world (he was young and enthusiastic and did not understand what was really going on), but even if he didn't it would later become mandatory that all men fight, so he woud have gone either way.
For Sehun not going through with the development of their relationship - I can see what you mean, but Sehun didn't want to take the choice away from Kai, so that is why he always waited for when Kai wanted to cuddle and what not. Just notice that Kai wanted to cuddle because he was feeling guilty and not because he loved Sehun, but the later felt that they were building something more between them. He just loved him to much to sprung the thought at him, Sehun wanted to build their love slowly. But with your comments in mind in my next fic I will strive to make these thoughts more clear.
Chapter 171: Okay - first, sorry it took me some time before coming here to thank you for your review and the fact that you put my fic on the hall of fame - it made me really glad ^^!
From your review, I would like to make some comments (and they may be lng so bare with me):
- Title: I followed your advice and took the capitalization off of the article in the middle of it. I'm glad you like the symbolism behind the title and you are only the second person to comment about it, so I was starting to think that maybe it wasn't so clear so it made me happy that somebody noticed.
- Poster and Background - I actually love this poster lol. It did portray what I was going for, the poetic, but sad air. I understand that it didn't portray war as much, but although was is one of the themes of the story, is not the main one or the one I chose to focus on (but more on that later). About them not looking like soldiers or the way Cham is very composed, it's somewhat true, but I wanted a true vietnamese girl to play Cham and it's impossible to find pictures of EXO as realistic soldiers and a vietnamese girl, so all in all I think the poster is the best it could be. But I loved that you noticed how Kai is looking at Cham! It is my favorite part.
About the background, I may have to disagree with you (and that is personal, no critics intended - ^^). As an author I hate background for the simple fact that in my opinion they distract the reader from the story and they diminish it, making it seem like a kid's book (you know, like the story is not good enough on itself and it needs a background to call people in?), so it's a personal choice to not use one, or different fonts or stuff like that. I fell the story should be enough to catch attention without these "tricks" (and here no negative intonation is intended).
More to come
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