Just. I'm in Need of Some Opinions.

Hello.

(First of all, just to let you know, I just want your opinions about this. Please don't be prejudice regarding it, its something I wanted to let out. And yes, this is quite long)


I'm writing this with a lot of things in my mind. Not necessarily that big but I couldn't stop thinking of it so I need to sort things out. And i wish you would like to share some thoughts in your mind, if you may?

So basically, I have a close friend or best friend (whatever you wanna put it as). wait, I'm not so sure if we're still that best friends tho. But let it be that I still think of her as a close friend.( I'm not sure if this is some delusional thought but never mind, I still think she is a very close friend of mine)

So yes, back to my point, this friend of mine is indeed someone I deeply cared about. But I'm not so sure, when did things started to go wrong, perhaps its the commitments towards our respective lives made us be like this. Or perhaps she didn't care as much as she did before. Or perhaps something or someone better caught her attention. Well, I'm not that sure, myself..

I tried to give in, she has her own life, her own responsibilities, somewhere that doesn't belong to me. (just so you know, we lived quite far apart.) I tried to be more understanding, trying to give her as much as a space she wants. She's tired of her commitments, never would I want her to be tired of me.

But somehow, there's this feeling, hiding somewhere at deepest darkest part of my own heart.

That I hated how things turned out to be like this.

That I hated it when it feels like the blame is on me for us to be like this.

And that I hated it the most when I felt so selfish.

I'm being selfish that I felt that she kind of neglected me for her job (HAHAHAHAHA). I know its her job, she got paid for it for goodness' sake. But. I mean I'm quite tired you know.

I mean, they say if you love someone, you would make time for them isn't it?

Yeah, she did send me some good nights text, just simple talk. But I don't know.

Okay, she made time for me, but I wanted a talk yknow? Like a real one. Not just that "Oh good.", "Okay good night." or simply just saying hello and then nothing. I want some reactions, like as if she really do enjoy talking to me.

But yeah, thats why I said I'm selfish.


A simple talk should be enough, but we weren't the same as we used to. Yeah, I perfectly get it that things change when time flies, as well as people do. But I don't know anymore. Yeah, I honestly don't know anymore.

I didn't mean to make it sound weird (if any of you find it so), but this friend had become like a sister to me. A friend whom also a sister to the heart. But right, I'm just not sure anymore.


I felt so... Lost.


I don't know what to do anymore.

What should I do? What should I say? How should I react? If I did it differently, would things be different then?


So yeah, I'm not sure of what to ask you guys honestly, but if you read this until now. Please know that I am grateful and delighted to know someone actually wanted to spend their time for this crappy talk of mine.

What will you do? And what do you think of all this things? What should I do?

I don't really want her to know about this, thats why the problem hasn't settled yet and here I am. I know I should just go talk to her, tell her everything I feel but... I don't know. (Lol, I started to think that I wrote idk words way too much now.) I just.. Lol, I don't know anymore.


So yeah, opinions are needed now.
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@500sunny500 definitely not the 'ing sh*tty friend*, thats way too absurd :'3

I get your point perfectly, and yes I want to get this things straight. If its end, then end it is. If its not then thats fine.

Thank you so much~
500sunny500 6 years ago
@Rubellites No problem! I just felt the need to state my/possibly your friend's point of view from this because I'm often misunderstood to "not care" or that I'm a "ing sh*tty friend" (as used by my friend when she first confronted the situation; highly suggest that you do not use this approach cause even though it gets to the point, it just does a whole lot of other damage to your pending friendship). Like, we DO care and we DO value the friendship, but we just value it in a different way than the majority.
I wish you good luck and hope things work out with your friends. Regardless the road you take, your friendship with your friend is definitely going to change. Good luck!
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
So, after thinking and considering the opinions that others had generously added here.

I really think I should go and talk to her, even though its quite scary of how the upcoming result would end. At least it brings me somewhere, at least I know where I stand in front of her eyes.

Thank you everyone, for being thoughtful and read this, I appreciate every words and thoughts that appear in your mind.

Have a nice day wherever you are~

Love,
Rubellites
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@Jun_Nkytc Thank you for this words of yours, I appreciated them deeply :)
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@goldteacup Its good to read this honestly.

Indeed, I should have known that things and people do change as time flies, and can't deny more that a relationship could be at the stake.

I will sort things out with her sooner than later, thank you for coming by and send me a comment :)
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@500sunny500 Thank you, its quite refreshing to hear this from someone else's point of view.

I hope for the former nevertheless, but then again, you're right. So I thank you a lot for sharing this with me
Jun_Nkytc 6 years ago
I've been in your position before. Happened to me and my best friend. I don't live in the same country as her, it's like a long distance friendship. As we grow up, we had our up and down. I am more of the childish and selfish one actually. And when I were feeling very neglected, I tried to act like it's okay, which it isn't. And it is honestly wasn't the best time of my life. Because of the lack of communication, I...we drifted apart. I ignored her replies and sometimes even disappear from her reach for days. It's draining and feel when the person who i spazz with a lot and the one who take my stupidity a lot aren't able to talk to. So that one day, I just confront her. Told her what really bothered me. And thankfully, she's lot more mature and understand how I feel. At that point we've come to some mutual understanding(?). I can understand more that she's busy with her studies and she understand that sometimes I just like being an antisocial and live in my cave for days. Of course I make sure to let her know, or else she'll be worry. But the point is regardless what kind of relationship you have with anyone. If there's so much lack of communication, then it won't work. Friendship need to have a mutual understanding. If it only have a one side understanding, then it will either hurt you or her. All I can say just try to talk. It's scary because you won't know the outcome, but if both of you really value your friendship then I believe that you can overcome whatever crisis you're having right now.
goldteacup 6 years ago
I'm just like you. I value my friends deeply, to call someone a true friend is comething super special to me. I love my friends!

But not everyone is like that. In this day, a lot of people see romantic relationships and family as the only things that truly matter, while friends are just people who are there to pass the time when you're bored, help you with some favor, but that's it. Not to mention, they see friends as situational. So if you studied together for example, and that's over, they move on (we all do this, but when you truly valued that person and you thought your friendship was deep, it hurts so much.)

Since she's someone so important to you, if I were you I'd talk to her, tell her the truth just like you did on here. Tell her you know she has responsibilities, but that you haven't talked in X amount of time. If she gets mad, and refuses to see any problem, I'm really sorry but... Let her go. Don't talk to her unless she talks to you first, and if she doesn't, just let her. And I'm not saying you should hate her or anything, if she appears again in your life great, but for now, it's not worth it to feel rejected like this.
500sunny500 6 years ago
I had the same argument with my friend for the exact same reason, but in this case, I was your friend and my friend was in your case.

See, for me, I am able to not talk to people for months or years and if the time comes where they want to chat, I can chat. If I chat too often with someone, I run out of conversations with that person and I quickly realize that we're basically say the same thing over and over again—I hear the same stories and I get tired out because I have to pretend that I don't know the story. I have nothing to say and they have nothing to say, either. What my friend considers as a "small chat" isn't very small for me. A small conversation of text satisfies my social needs, but it doesn't quite for her. So I try to keep up by chatting with her on the phone for roughly an hour or more, but I end up getting really tired out from that and it makes it seem like I'm trying to pull myself away from her when I'm actually trying to keep up with her.

Like, honestly, I would still consider someone my best friend if we called, like, once a year. My friend, on the other hand, wouldn't really consider that as a slightest ounce of friendship. I count memories I made with people, so if I ever think about my friend, I just remember the old days and I'm happy. For my friend, she counts numbers of days, so if she notices that we haven't texted for like 5 days, then she says, "Hey, we haven't chatted a while. Can I call you?" and etc.

Relationships are complicated, and you just have to find out whatever works best between you two. I would say try to talk it out, and you guys will probably end up arguing, but hey, that argument can lead you to somewhere. Maybe it'll fix things, or maybe it'll make things worse.
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@damnationSUruck I believe that small things could lead to something big, thats why those little talks and words from the comments sections are all very much appreciated :)

I shouldn't be, but doubts are still inside me. I'm not really sure of what I'm doubting on honestly lol. Yes, thank you~
damnationSUruck 6 years ago
@Rubellites Please don't be afraid. You will be so surprised what making the first move can do to your wellbeing! Your health and your feelings are also important, so please, I can't stress enough how important it is for you to talk things out with your friend.
And of course! I'm just glad I could help, even in some small way. All the best.
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@damnationSUruck I know :')

I did consider on talking to her even before I posted this. Perhaps all I need is a little push (?)

I never expected anyone would bother to read and send their opinions about this crappy talk of mine, so when they did I was like T^T (honoured and touched) that some people would want to share their experiences with me, so that I could prevent this from getting worse.

Its good to know you sorted everything out with your friend, even though it did come to an end.

Thank you so much for this anyway :') your words are highly appreciated.
damnationSUruck 6 years ago
I would be as honest as possible. I suggest you try to muster as much courage as you can and put your feelings out there, or else she'll never know, and you'll constantly be dealing with this dilemma. And trust me, what you wrote of the situation isn't a healthy thing to be going through.
I was once in a similar position, only that a friend of mine was upset for me not responding to her messages. We were long distance, internet friends, of course. I had imagined I sent her a reason why I would be inactive for a few days/indefinite time, but according to her, I hadn't. It may have been a genuine mistake on my part, I'll never know to this day. But after dealing with her silent (but clearly upset) treatment, I had taken the initiative to send her an e-mail explaining myself and also letting her know that I was tired of being on the receiving end of the situation. We typed things out, came to some disagreements, but most importantly, we eventually wished each other all the best in life and went our separate ways.
We can't have everything, sadly. Sometimes even the people you don't want to let go sort of have to leave at some point. But think of your feelings too. Consider your personal opinions and perceptions, and don't be afraid to discuss it.

I hope you two find peace.
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@hamzyd T^T WHY IS THIS HITING ME SO HARD. EVERYONE'S OPINIONS ARE HITING ME LIKE A TRUCK JUST RAN THROUGH ME


Thank you for your words nevertheless. I'll think of it~ T^T
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@i-heartMarkTuan The thing is, since we're both living far from each other its quite hard to meet up face to face.

The next thing is, I have no idea when she's free. And this kind of bothering too honestly, its like she got a day off, but she isn't there. I just got to know that she got a day off when I asked her about it.

I know, I do know it, its just I did try. Perhaps it isn't good enough I guess.

Perhaps we never get that much of time to sit and talk, just between the both of us.
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@chocolatefitbar Oh, first, just so you know, it didn't feel that way at all.

I deeply understand it so well. Perhaps you're right, I will take this into consideration. Its good that you talked to him, perhaps I should do too.

Hmm, in the meantime, I'm kind of in my holidays, before furthering my studies. Which, somehow, I think it means less things to talk about. I would be super busy to do everything in just a year, so I genuinely wish to at least go there with ease, knowing that she's still there if I need her (or something like that).

I'm afraid she would so busy with her job and me with my studies. The clashes of break time could happen and I'm not sure anymore.

I don't really express my concern that much to her anymore (or yet), she seems so busy so I hardly can catch up with whats going on with her life.

I wish I know whats in her mind though.

Lol, :P
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@Armyster I'm not sure about this, but perhaps its the last thing I would want to consider about. But thank you for willingly wanting to share your opinion with me :)
Avelyn_luvies 6 years ago
@Amekel T^T oh gosh, i'm sorry to remind you of this.

Thank you for the words you shared with me, do know it means something to my heart. I will take this into consideration since you're willingly to tell me about it :')

Thank you, and the same goes to you..
[deactivated] 6 years ago
hm more addition after I re-read your rant:
if you express your concern to her, and she doesn't respond to you well, it kinda say something about her relationship with you. or probably she had other problems also bottled up inside her.
as I've said before, you can also find new things in your life. Find the most interesting thing, and make her jealous of it :P
hamzyd 6 years ago
this hits close to home for me. :( sorry you're going through this. i lost one of my best friends in a similar way. tbh if she's not putting in effort to be with you, then you need to talk to her about it. it's scary and hard but if you really want to salvage the friendship, you gotta do it. if she doesn't make time to talk, you might have to reconsider your friendship. work/school/etc shouldn't be an excuse if you really care about someone.
i-heartMarkTuan 6 years ago
I think you should just tell her the truth. Find a day when both of you guys are free and meet in real life and have a serious talk. Ask her how she truly feel about you and you do the same. If you just wait for her and never try back then sooner or later that small conversation will turn to nothing. so make the first move sometimes, you guys are friends right.
[deactivated] 6 years ago
I think you should talk to her and tell her about how you feel. At least you're not carrying it alone anymore. If you say she neglected you because of her job, probably she doesn't even realize about it because of her busy schedules now.
You won't go anywhere or know anything just by worrying and overthinking. I hope she could understand you and you can understand her as well, since she now has new responsibility to hold.

the situation is kinda same with me and my boyfriend. when we get to our new workplace (it's different place btw), we both get so busy we almost have no time to communicate in work hours. When the work hours is over, I felt clingy to him but he's also tired since he has to commute for a quite distance by train. I want him to call me often, but his situation at his house is not really suitable to do so. In this situation, I couldn't really do much. It's not fair if I keep demanding him to fulfill my needs and expectation when I'm also mentally and physically exhausted from work to fulfill his expectation.
I told him about my concern (how I sometimes don't feel the affection, how little time we have just for the two of us, and so on). he doesn't always agree with me, but at least we both acknowledge that there's is something we both should work out. We would try better, and at the same time I would lower my expectation that the happy and joyful moments at the beginning of our relationship don't last forever.

I really don't want to look like I was teaching you, please don't feel like that >.< i just want to share my experience.

in the mean time, why don't you find other activities to do? if she can find new things (her job right now), why don't you find yours? so you two can have more things to talk about.
-hyphen- 6 years ago
I think you should let go. That happened to me, too. If she really cares about that much, she'd make time for you. People grow and people change.
Amekel 6 years ago
Okay, this is really weird, because this is the exact thing that happened to me recently. She was my childhood friend and we were like sisters, but as years came, she got a job, a car, a boyfriend, and went to school. (I was going through my own things too) I get exactly how you feel about 'giving her space,' but you blaming yourself about your friendship falling apart is not okay... Because that's exactly what I did, and things turned for the worst, to the point where I acted so fake around her, to please her because I felt like I wasn't good enough for her anymore.

But my mistake was, was that I wasn't vocal. I let it go on for way too long thinking that she just needed time and space, but then it got to a point where she wouldn't return my calls or texts, and I never talked to her that often. Maybe like once a month...

Our friendship just became toxic, and neither of us saw eye to eye.

And you're right. If you love someone, you WOULD make time for them. If you are a true friend, caring maybe an inconvenience, but it's what you do when you love someone. You care about them, and you understand their feelings, not neglect them...

So my suggestion is to just openly talk to her about it, and welcome her to her feelings as well, and see what you can do to fix it and make your friendship stronger. Because if you wait too long... The anger will bottle up, and turn into resent, where neither of you could handle each other...

I wish you the best...