Hello.

(First of all, just to let you know, I just want your opinions about this. Please don't be prejudice regarding it, its something I wanted to let out. And yes, this is quite long)


I'm writing this with a lot of things in my mind. Not necessarily that big but I couldn't stop thinking of it so I need to sort things out. And i wish you would like to share some thoughts in your mind, if you may?

So basically, I have a close friend or best friend (whatever you wanna put it as). wait, I'm not so sure if we're still that best friends tho. But let it be that I still think of her as a close friend.( I'm not sure if this is some delusional thought but never mind, I still think she is a very close friend of mine)

So yes, back to my point, this friend of mine is indeed someone I deeply cared about. But I'm not so sure, when did things started to go wrong, perhaps its the commitments towards our respective lives made us be like this. Or perhaps she didn't care as much as she did before. Or perhaps something or someone better caught her attention. Well, I'm not that sure, myself..

I tried to give in, she has her own life, her own responsibilities, somewhere that doesn't belong to me. (just so you know, we lived quite far apart.) I tried to be more understanding, trying to give her as much as a space she wants. She's tired of her commitments, never would I want her to be tired of me.

But somehow, there's this feeling, hiding somewhere at deepest darkest part of my own heart.

That I hated how things turned out to be like this.

That I hated it when it feels like the blame is on me for us to be like this.

And that I hated it the most when I felt so selfish.

I'm being selfish that I felt that she kind of neglected me for her job (HAHAHAHAHA). I know its her job, she got paid for it for goodness' sake. But. I mean I'm quite tired you know.

I mean, they say if you love someone, you would make time for them isn't it?

Yeah, she did send me some good nights text, just simple talk. But I don't know.

Okay, she made time for me, but I wanted a talk yknow? Like a real one. Not just that "Oh good.", "Okay good night." or simply just saying hello and then nothing. I want some reactions, like as if she really do enjoy talking to me.

But yeah, thats why I said I'm selfish.


A simple talk should be enough, but we weren't the same as we used to. Yeah, I perfectly get it that things change when time flies, as well as people do. But I don't know anymore. Yeah, I honestly don't know anymore.

I didn't mean to make it sound weird (if any of you find it so), but this friend had become like a sister to me. A friend whom also a sister to the heart. But right, I'm just not sure anymore.


I felt so... Lost.


I don't know what to do anymore.

What should I do? What should I say? How should I react? If I did it differently, would things be different then?


So yeah, I'm not sure of what to ask you guys honestly, but if you read this until now. Please know that I am grateful and delighted to know someone actually wanted to spend their time for this crappy talk of mine.

What will you do? And what do you think of all this things? What should I do?

I don't really want her to know about this, thats why the problem hasn't settled yet and here I am. I know I should just go talk to her, tell her everything I feel but... I don't know. (Lol, I started to think that I wrote idk words way too much now.) I just.. Lol, I don't know anymore.


So yeah, opinions are needed now.