in case anyone is reading this after the year 2020/21, this school year i spent/will spend totally online due to the covid19 pandemic. that being said, obviously things are different when you can't go to school in person and instead have to sit in your room 24/7 staring out the window at the neighbor's lawn like a creep.

to preface this, i will say that i do learn much better in person, and the fall semester has been Rough, trademark copyright registered. i ended last year with a gpa of 3.22 (i think) and after this semester, i am a wholeass 2.94. yes, i got a D in calc and two Cs in my physics classes. my only A was in writing class (go figures) and my other two classes were pass/fail (they were set up that way in the first place). that being said, obviously my experience will not mirror other ppl's experiences, and i can only speak for my own useless self.

how to learn online

that's a hard question for me to answer, first off, because i don't do well learning online. second, i don't feel like i learned anything period, so i don't even think i can answer this question at all. 

but, to answer the question, you have to find your own studying style.

that's a hella copout but it's true. freshman year is mostly where you're supposed to figure that stuff out. unfortunately, i still haven't really (Former Gifted Kid TM who never learned how to study) and i was sort of relying on my own brain to get me through.

and we all know how that turned out. i sure passed, but barely, and i was practically dragging myself through the entire semester. obviously, that got worse as the semester went on, and finals turned out to be a tragedy. 

tl;dr: find your own style and do it quick.

imposter syndrome vs self-sabotage

i've figured out that my main problem is self-sabotage. obviously that doesn't help now that i know, but i guess i just want to talk a little bit about what i've noticed to be the difference/similarities of the two since for the longest time i was like haha yeah imposter syndrome!

anyway.

imposter syndrome is when you feel like an imposter at whatever place you're at, because you're not good enough to be here and you don't know what you're doing and everyone else seems to. self-sabotage is... self-explanatory, but i think it happens more unconsciously. because you think you're not good enough or whatever, you innately believe that you can't do so well anyway so you unconsciously sort of give up and prevent yourself from being your best.

i am obviously not an expert but for me, self-sabotage stems from imposter syndrome and inferiority complex and stuff. the other ppl in my department are so amazing (or so they come off) and seem to know what they're doing, so i feel terrible about myself and then i guess in my mind i thought 'well it's better to fail now then later' so i don't do as well as i could.

so now that we know what it is, how do we stop feeling like this?

good. question.

idk.

sorry this is so half-assed, i'm suddenly very tired and idk why lol.

in summary

in summary, sophomore year is a lot harder than freshman year (i'm a stem major so idk about humanities ppl) and you do have to manage your time a lot better. also, professors don't care if you're online or what, they're still going to give what's supposed to be given. 

maybe i'll update this if i feel better later lol.