Indecisive

Getting acceptance letters from universities right now, why do I still feel bitter or unhappy?

Why do I have some sort of self-pity and depressed feeling still stuck deep down in my heart?

I don't know if choosing it was the right decision. Is it really what I want to have? What I want to grow, experience, and explore in? 

I really don't know if it's what I want. Despite feeling joy of receiving acceptance letters, why does it feel like I didn't get accepted?

Did I make a mistake in my decision? Why does it seem like there's a large block of gray wall stuck right in front of me? How do I know if I really want to major in that course?

Why is it that no matter what choice, what decision, what major I chose, it seems like I don't get consent or agreement of it? Why do I have to stick to the ideal life already defined about me without me even knowing? But then, what if I can't do much or might become unemployed after graduating?

I don't want to be the person who gets pointed at continuously like, "oh, she's that rich kid who lives off her parents like a parasite" or "she's such a useless kid, who's not even concerned about her decisions". 

To be very honest, I am very much concerned. In fact, I've been concerned, worried, trembling, and un-confident almost all the time. I want to become someone successful, but in a major/field/career that I work and love to do. But why does it feel like everything is falling apart?

It makes me doubt a lot if what I chose is really the right choice. I feel like no matter where I go or what I do, I'll only be judged of disapproval in my final decision.

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aznawzmao #1
T-T You and me friend. -sigh- hopefully we'll survive
PolaroidsofKpop #2
Hey. College will never be the end of the road, the be-all end-all.
My mum, as she washed the dishes and I read books at the kitchen counter, she'd tell me in Korean, 'Carpe diem!'
Yes, you must seize the day, but you must also make it yours. You can't let other people rain on your parade.
And to be honest (and this may sound harsh or whatever but it's true), most of those people will simply not care about your life as you blend in with the masses of people, the faces they flicker over with little interest unless there is something about that will make people care.
Paranoia. We've all been born with it.
So what if you slip up every now and then? Today, I met someone who went to university with a very high ATAR score and the plan to study medicine. Two years later, she found herself having quit a medicine and Laws course to take up volunteer work in Uganda, petitioning the local government to give the kids of the village she worked in proper school uniforms.
I have been credited, and insulted, with the fact that I do not give people the advice they want to hear, but the advice they need to hear.
Step 0: Do not make money or success, or even happiness, a goal. The more you think about it, the further away it is. Instead, focus on living. Make no regrets your goal.
Step 1: Lose the paranoia.
Step 2: You're going to be okay.
Step 3: Do the first thing that comes to mind, accept the first letter that springs to your favour.
Step 4: Go and try.
Step 5: Lose the paranoia again.
Step 6: It's up to you if you like what you're doing or if you can think of something else that will make you happy.

But for goodness' sake, lose the paranoia.

Okay, serious time over ^^
Have a nice day~ <3
DinithiJ #3
I Think I know how it feels. But you know sometimes doubts kill us the most. If you can't seem to find what you like then do what your doing in your own way without imitating others. Did you get what I'm saying? And my teacher once said that successful people aren't the ones who did things that they can't do, but the ones who did what they could do. I don't know whether it helped you. sorry. But this is all I can say. Anyways, whatever happens don't be the one who didn't try.
Heme-san #4
I know that feeling. instead I felt what your feeling after my first year of college.
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